My husband teaches at a high school. He loves posting photos on Facebook, particularly photos of our two kids. Since he posts so much stuff on FB, I don't really pay attention to who is liking his stuff. Anyway, one day I accidentally saw his FB chatbox (whatever it is called) when he was logged into FB. Apparently he kept in contact with this girl who graduated two years ago and they tend to message each other around once a month or a bit longer than that. It appears that she sometimes likes his stuff on Facebook too, but she never likes his family photos. Should I be worried that my husband is interested in her? I think it is pretty obvious that this girl has some feelings for my husband - most high school graduates couldn't care less about their former teachers.
It used to be more frequent. Right after she graduated, it was almost once or twice a day. It then became once a week, once every two weeks, and now once every month or even less frequent.
I graduated just over half a decade a go, and while you're correct that /most/ kids don't give a shit, kids who had a good friendship with their teachers and decided to stay in contact weren't unheard of.
Keeping in contact once a month or so is also not really a frequency of communication you maintain if you're pursuing a relationship - if she's two years out of high school she's probably just under/over 20, girls that age aren't subtle.
From those perspectives, it doesn't really seem like there's any reason to be concerned.
How do you feel looking at it in that light?
Some students bond with their favorite teachers and get better for it and ger inspiration
Our social classes teacher even hosted a party back when I was in high school. He was an awesome animated teacher that obviously loved his subject and we all loved him for it. And some kept contact with him for a couple of years afterwards
It's just a bit odd. I mean, people say that a girl and a guy keeping in touch can never be just "friends". I think my husband also kept in touch with another student. That student is a guy though.
Male teacher here. I've done this with ex-students but it's always been out of a sense of obligation. I don't go out of my way to send messages but I'll always respond to a student. I don't know your husband but it sounds innocent enough to me.
you are not looking at this from your husbands perspective. It would disrespectful if he said "i can't talk to you anymore, my wife think i want to fuck you". His students are probably messaging him and he feels obliged to respond.
My experience is to the contrary of that, I've got multiple female friends and I'm not interested in pursuing either a romantic or a sexual relationship with them.
You've also just set a precedent for the same thing happening with an even lower chance of any romantic/sexual interest.
Let's not forget, your husband's day job is to deal with pubescent girls. Presuming he's a reasonably attractive man, and remembering earlier that I said girls (or kids generally) that age aren't subtle about it, he's probably entirely used to brushing off the awkward, naive flirtations of hormonal children.
If that's something that concerns you, how would you feel about talking with him about it?
>His students are probably messaging him
And why would that girl do that unless if she has a crush on him?
My husband isn't that hot. He showed me photos of the staff at school and desu there are hotter teachers working there.
Should I talk to him about it?
It absolutely is, because I've done it and I've seen other people do it.
At this point, you're starting to really lock yourself into the position of "she's the student and he's the teacher".
In reality, while most students have the typical shitty attitude towards their teachers, there are kids who genuinely respect their teachers, and value their friendship (albeit professional in nature) and advice.
I've kept in contact with several of my old HS teachers...male and female alike. No sexual feelings for any of them. They were simply great people and I wanted to keep in touch. Let it go.
I'm pretty sure she had or still has a crush on him, especially since you said it used to be once a day/week when it started. He's being polite and replying to her so I bet he's not being shitty on his end. It's just her.
There were like 4-6 girls in my high school who had major crushes on our weird, Christian AP bio teacher. Dude didn't even believe one evolution. But he headed the Christian club and girls got obsessed with him to the point of friending him on Facebook (he should not have allowed this before the graduated) and printing out pictures of his wife to pass around and make fun of. It was even more fucked up because she had just given birth to their first kid. But these girls were infatuated.
Tl;dr highschool girls can be ducking crazy but it seems like your husband is trustworthy if he not messaging her creepy hit back. He's simply replying due to social obligation.
That sounds normal.
Some kids dont have friend of family support and a teacher is there for them. I don't use facebook but when I went on to grad school I still liked to email my old advisor maybe three times a year. That went down to once to zero.
Sounds like she was a bit lonely and needed someone until she got on her feet.
As for not liking the family photos I am positive there is some strange youth logic to that ("i dont want my prof to think im a stalker" or something like that(
I think he added her as a friend after she graduated. How can I check this on FB?
And that is what I am wary of. But since the girl still messages him, surely she still has a crush on him?
I hate when people make fun of someone's spouse and to be passing around photos of someone who just gave birth and being dick...
It is so hard to go from
Being a glowing pregnant woman to people wanting you to have lost ALL your preggo weight and then some within 2 weeks. People say the shittiest things and I am sure those little "Christian" girls had no love in their hearts.
Also what is up with all these profs friending studetns?!?
Put your dang FB on private
>>16899215 look on google. I know there's a way to see from when the friendship started but I dint remember.
I think you have to look on his timeline the publication that says anon started a friendship with anonete. But I'm not sure.
Teacher from earlier in the thread here. Literally every educator I've ever met has formed long term friendships with one or two past students into adulthood. This is not unusual or uncommon in the least.
You know what is odd? The fact it took you some 10 years to realize your husband has some interests, a working life, and keep in touch with people without the need to update you on every shitty message he receives.
Your feelings are primarily information about how you feel, and not about how facts are.
Admit it. Would you be outraged or relieved to discover he cheats on you? In a sense, it seems implied you want him to be a cheater, somehow. Maybe you feel.guilty about something or maybe you don't disdain the idea he might still be popular with 20 y.o. lasses.
Or maybe you feel something is not workint so it must be cheating. I'm not saying you're the only responsible. Maybe your feels are legit, but it is just the way you represent the danger that is mistaken.
>My husband isn't that hot. He showed me photos of the staff at school and desu there are hotter teachers working there.
>Should I talk to him about it?
Maybe he is just helping her with references to enter a good college and this is just follow up and feedback.
For fucks sake, when I support someone's application for college I'd rather keep on touch with them.
Yeah, this message signals she is either stupid or a troll.
For.me this thread is over.
Just another Anglo bitch who thinks through stereotypes.
>I didn't give a fuck about my teachers
>So why should other students give a fuck about my husband, who is a teacher.
Please let your paranoia destroy his life, your life, and that of your kid. We really need another broken family just because somebody didn't learn how to manage stress, rely on supporting evidence, trust her partner, and avoid confirmation bias. Please go on and make a mess.
Talking to him about your fears would be the best way to create a new bond and fuel trust.
But please disregard this last suggestion because it is clear you have already decided what the facts are in your mind, and are already shielding yourself from reasonable alternatives.
Conversation will make things worse only if you entrench yourself and approach dialogue by being ready for triggering when things don't want as you expect.
Please disregard the fact communication is vital for a couple. Please keep fuelling your self-defeating doubts and please do not try to politely confront him while you cuddle and do not try to face reality.
And even so?
Does this mean your hubby is cheating?
You are mixing the two concept.
Do you know his barista is so much into him that she would bang him on the table in front of other customers?
He is aware of that, but does not go beyond it.
>she has a crush on him
>she writes him
>he answers politely but keeps it casual
>OMG this is his fault
>I think he added her as a friend after she graduated. How can I check this on FB?
That's infringement of privacy.
The end doesn't justify the means.
How comes you feel entitled to investigate?
Will you also read your son's text messages to make sure their girlfriends are not cheating on them?
>Why though? It just seems so fishy. I am sure that the girl fancies my husband.
Okay but we shifted problem here.
>maybe he's cheating on me
>maybe she fancies him
So what? Are you gonna write her or take action? Are you his secretary who needs to keep the books in order?
Same here and I graduated in 2003, I had some amazing teachers that I've kept in touch with over the years. Hell after the birth of my oldest child I took him to my high school so those teachers could meet him.
From all I've read the conversations are not sexual in nature so don't worry about. If you can't get over it just bring it up nonchalantly like "I saw you were messaging so and so, how is she?" And gauge his reaction. From what I can tell you've looked pretty far back into his messages with her and if you didn't find anything incriminating , you're just insecure AF.
You keep repeating that you think she has a crush on him or that he's interested in cheating despite considerable advice to the contrary. If you are not going to listen, or at least elaborate and delve deeper into why you feel this way, why keep posting?
I am 29. I graduated high school 12 years ago, and some of my old teachers I STILL talk to and go visit, 3 in particular. They are inspirational to me still, and I can trust them for advice. It was especially nice in early college when life wasn't so clear to me and I knew I had mentors I could trust that weren't my parents. Most kids that age don't have a ton of adult relationships they can trust, teachers are often it.
That's not even mentioning my middle school teacher that I'm still super close friends with. He asked me to speak at his funeral when that comes around eventually, but he certainly doesn't have ulterior motives.