How do I stop feeling like shit? My boyfriend of 3 years has a low libido, and my sex drive is constantly through the roof. I didn't think this would be a problem, but I feel like utter shit every time I get rejected. At first it was manageable, but after so many months of "I'm too tired" or "I don't feel like it", it brings you down. He says it isn't appearance or physique or anything, and that he wouldn't want to put in the effort for any girl. Hearing that makes me feel like there isn't anything that we can do, and that this will never change. Is there anything I can do?
Yeah, you can throw down the gauntlet and tell him if he doesn't go get help for whatever his mental issue is, you're going to leave. Bottom line. You're a fool for staying in a relationship like that. I don't care how nice he is or how compatible you are or whatever else you'll try to rationalize. He's a guy. There are billions of others. Millions of those guys will be just as compatible and cool as he is. You're settling for a shit relationship, and cheating yourself out of a great one with someone else, who will be both emotionally and physically satisfying.
So if he won't go get help (he probably has depression or some other stress issue), you're gone. Bottom line.
I seriously think he just has a really low sex drive. He's my best friend, and we've talked about marriage. My parents and his parents are expecting grandchildren. I'm going to be the stone cold bitch for leaving because of sex. What's worst is that the relationship isn't shit. It's literally the only problem we have. I get that I'm trying to rationalize. Thanks for the reply.
Primary causes of low libido in men are depression/tiredness (what does he do?) and low testosterone levels.
Is there anything else up with his behaviour besides sex?
Its important for a relationship but I feel like no-one here has ever been in a serious one given how quickly they drop them instead of resolving issues.
Oi. Been there, done that. End it. End it now and walk away with some shred of dignity. If you don't leave, you'll drive yourself mad trying to change yourself in order to make him want you again.
Honestly, he's probably cheating or not wanting to be in a relationship with you anymore but it too much of a coward to end it and this is his way of making you end it yourself.
If you want, go sleep with someone with a semi-treatable STD and fuck him one last time. Make it a good one and then leave his ass without a word. The girl he is fucking or the girl he is thinking about fucking and that he ends up fucking two weeks after you two end things will be in for a surprise. Revenge. <3
He's an electrician. Perhaps tiredness, I don't know. It is a common excuse. Nothing else is odd about his behaviour other than being a bit lazy every once in a while, but we all are at some point. He has the energy to go camping and hiking with me when it's summer...
>I'm going to be the stone cold bitch for leaving because of sex.
Who gives a shit? You think your parents are going to think you're a bitch for trying to be happy? Then your parents are shit, and you should not give a fuck what they think.
>It's literally the only problem we have.
That would be fine if you disagreed on your favorite wall colors, or what to name your kid. It's not negotiable when it comes to a sex life. You're either fulfilled, or you're not. And eventually, you'll get so depressed and feel so unattractive and worthless, that you either cheat on him or leave him anyway. Sorry chick. Grow the fuck up and stop making excuses for why you need to stay with this person. Have some self respect and look out for YOU. Not what other people think/want.
That's horrible. I would never want to do that to anyone, let alone my best friend. His parents treat me like their own...
Was the sex the only reason why you left? Was it kind of a similar situation? I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Eh. Let me explain. I dated a guy for 5 years and ended up having the same problem around the second year of dating. All the same shit...he was my best friend, his family was my family, we lived together, he was my first, yada, yada.
Point is, you're not happy and he is not going to change. There is a reason he does not want to have sex with you and if he isn't telling you the honest reason then that should be red flag number one. Also, the fact that he says "putting in effort with another girl would be too much work" should be hella insulting to you and a huge red flag. He is basically saying he is staying with you because he is too lazy, or like I said a coward, to break up with you and be matter of fact about what is going on.
Honestly chicka, I would go get an STD done on yourself. Because I am willing to bet my left boobie that he is cheating on you. Sorry.
One more thing, posting on sites like this isn't going to help you. If I know anything from experience, you're not going to leave him. You're going to stay with him and become a miserable person and ruin any family and friend relationships you may have as you spiral down the drain of madness. These kind of men ruin girls like you. But when you rise up from the ashes kiddo, if you make the right decisions, you'll become a strong woman and be glad you learned a hard lesson.
He's lying, he'd put in the effort for another girl.
It's in our nature to lust for women, but that doesn't mean we'd cheat.
The problem at the root of it is that he doesn't think you're sexy. If he did he'd make love to you no problem, hes not saying it to be polite.
Christ I hate my life. Honestly, I don't think he'll be changing at all.
He said it putting in the effort to have sex was too much work, not getting another girl. Actually I should've mentioned, he seems to care a lot about me. To the point of being doted on...for everything except for sex. I don't believe he's cheating on me, and I know 100% that he finds me attractive, but you're right on the money about me becoming miserable. I think breaking up is my only option at this point...
Normally when an individual is hiding something from a partner they tend to over do another area in the relationship. Not having sex with girlfriend, so I will distract her by making sure she is happy every other way possible.
Look, I wont keep giving you advice. In the end you will most likely end up staying with him until things get much, much worse.
In the end, he's got you wrapped around his little finger and I feel bad for you. I hope you make a decision that leads to your happiness sooner rather than later. Goodluck.
Do it. You will hurt but you will feel better, and free.
It's such a relief when you aren't miserable every day, bashing your head against a wall futilely trying to make a relationship work all by yourself. Even though you're on your own again, it feels better.
I went through it recently. Trust me. Be strong.
I was in this exact same situation, but I was the dude. My ex-fiance whom I was with for 3 years would constantly throw herself at me but I was never in the mood.
The lack of sex was the only crutch in our otherwise perfect relationship. I saw how much pain I caused her each time I turned her down, but I couldn't help that I just wasn't in the mood.
She ended up leaving me, and honestly I don't blame her one bit. I understood and accepted it.
I'm just now coming to the realization that I'm asexual months later. I'm not saying this is the case for your man. Maybe he is cheating, I wouldn't know. But either way, leave him. You'll be better off without him, like she is without me.
I've actually been relatively interested in what can cause things like this from the moment I got PIED during my first intercourse.
Shit really freaked me out so did some research on the matter and stumbled on to few scientific things that can cause stuff like this.
I however recommend that you do some of your own research for this as I am no scientist and the brain science still has ways to go.
Maybe your relationship is simply lacking Oxytocin the love hormone, this is hormone that gets produced in the brain whenever we show affection towards another person.
This can be done verbally by simply being thankful and complimenting the person in question, but for couples the most powerful ways to produce this is through things like hugs, kisses and holding hands and of course sex.
It's a powerful hormone that increases the partners attractiveness and strengthens monogamy.
Or Maybe he has a porn addiction.
Frequent masturbation to porn can really mess up a mans brains reward system with all the (feel good hormone) Dopamine it produces, brain counters this over stimulation from the super normal stimulus by desentizing itself to the stimulus but an addict will only move on to something more novel and stimulating every time this happens. Normal women can't simply compete to the to the endless sea of more and more novel porn that internet provides today and unlike in real sex you can just switch the video to something different the moment "it stops doing it for you". I was lucky to realize this when I got PIED during my first intercourse. This doesn't mean he is bored of you or doesn't love you but the fact that his suffering and addiction.
There's nothing wrong with a low libido but he should make an effort to fuck you regularly.
Often if I don't want to have sex with my gf it's because I'm constipated, my balls smell and I know it, I'm tired or stressed, it's cold in the room, and I know for her to really get anything out of it I have to go down on her. Meaning it's going to require quite a bit of effort for me.
She might also be wearing a pair of old pajamas and her breath smells like onions and she has dabs of toilet paper on her vagina.
So assuming he's not a piece of shit that really said 'I wouldn't make an effort for any girl', I would say make sure that you are making a good environment to have sex and there's nothing holding him back.
i was in a similar circumstance, but on the other side. we're still kicking it together after 3 yrs. You know your bf better than anyone in this thread so if ya truly suspect cheating it might be... as you said though think it's just be lower sexdrive. When my gf confronted me about it we decided to spice things up but doing more romantic shit like going on dinner dates and going to the park. Quality time boosted my sex drive. We typically have sex 2-3 a week now. Tja'ts the unconscious compromise we made. She still is more horny than I am, but thats okay. Just don't degrade him for not having the a strong libido that hurts. Everybody's got a different algorithm for their body and that's fine, just like their is nothing wrong with being a lady with a high sexdrive. Go ask him about it. You seem dedicated to the relationship, just don't do it in an attacking manner. if he responds in a callus manner then shit gets rough.
Lose some weight you fat bitch.
He isn't physically attracted to.you because you aren't physically attractive. Do something with your hair for once. Start doing your make up the RIGHT way, not YOUR way. Learn how to actually suck a dick instead of just moving your head back and forth like a disinterested robot. Start acting more feminine, and most importantly lose some weight already!
I promise he's still jerking off. He stil wants to ejaculate, but moving his whole body for 5-10 minutes while having to look at you and trying to ejaculate just isn't worth it.