I have a question /adv/
Is it normal that my boyfriend only wants to have sex once, maybe twice a week but masturbates for the rest of the days?
My ex was insatiable and so this whole -only once a week sex- thing is confusing me...
I make an effort for him, I look after myself and smell nice, yet nothing... He doesn't seem interested in sex with me but I know he watches porn on the other days, so why not have sex with me too?
Do you think he finds me repulsive? I did jokingly ask him if he thinks I should improve myself in any sort of way, but he told me I was ridiculous and the hottest girl he's been with.
Are all guys like this? Is this normal? I feel like a horny slut wanting sex all the time and he doesn't.
Maybe he's more attracted to another type of girl , porn usually seems to be a change rather then just jacking off to something you could be doing yourself he might be watching feet/deep throat/ gay or some other shit you aren't giving him , be more open and have more conversations about it and he might just get more interested if he knows you're open to try something he wants to do
I did talk to him about it and we even had a few fights because I got distant. I thought he didn't want to be with me anymore, so I pulled away and when I told him why, it got a bit heated.
Well anyway, he told me it was normal to masturbate more than have sex and I can't help but think maybe that's a little bit untrue. He has a high sex drive.
From what I gather, most guys prefer sex over masturbation, right? And masturbating more than having sex with a willing girlfriend is a bit weird, right?
That's weird. Unless I don't see her for a week or more, I usually don't jerk to porn at all during a relationship. Ask him to include you the next time he watches porn. It'll be weird to him, but when he starts watching, you start sucking. As he gets more aroused, climb on him and block his view of the porn with your tits.
Hopefully doing that a few times will get him to think "I want to fuck my girlfriend" rather than "I want to jerk off!"
My girlfriend would be highly offended if she knew I watched porn and I only do it when its her time of them month, if he's willing enough to have sex twice a week I cant see any reason other then him being attracted to something different to why he wouldn't want to have sex
I did ask him many times. I had a look at his history and it's mostly girls using dildos with a similar body type to mine. Nothing really out of the ordinary from what I saw. I can be kinky, I told him this too and he said he doesn't have any fetish or kink. He likes to have sex in only missionary, which I don't mind because I have a technique where I can move my hips under him and do more of the work.
He doesn't like anything that is not natural, so RP is out. He likes dirty talk, even though he doesn't do much talking or noises, I do it anyway because it's hot. That's another thing, I get the occasional grunt from him and heavy breathing but it's mostly mute with him. I told him I like dirty talk but it seems to go over his head. I don't get this either, he used to have phone sex with his long distance ex girlfriend, so why can't he dirty talk with me?
If he prefers masturbation to actual sex, he probably has a problem. Many men these days have a dependency on porn without even knowing it. Do some research on porn addiction.
I wish he could go a week without it but he doesn't.
I wanted to watch porn with him because I think it's fun but he said no because it was weird having me there. I did put it on once while I was performing oral and he seemed to like it but then refused it after that.
Yeah I can't see any other reason other than him not being attracted to me either. But he denies it. I don't care if I am not his type or w.e, he should be with someone who he thinks is gorgeous! Not someone he forces himself to have sex with, that would be awful.
I did tell him everything I have hidden inside. I have been the most open and communicative towards him but he is like a closed book when it comes to him.
what >>16891353 said, he might have a light porn addiction. like my boyfriend watches porn once in a while but he prefers me over that.
Hmmm that is a good question Anon.
I do take care of him. If he hasn't eaten but too tired to cook, I will cook or have something delivered to his house.
I will be honest and say that he does lack the basic skills for everyday life (cleanliness, cooking etc) He struggles with balancing work and home, so I try to help where/when I can. I wish he would eat less junk and cook more.
Pic related, it's the majority of his diet.
I'm not sure if you're implying he's been like this from the beginning but for me I would only masturbate to porn when gf is on period. But I've also masturbated more than sex when I get bored. Either he's losing his interest in you sexually or maybe he is starting to get addicted to porn. If so he eventually won't be able to get hard.
If he does then I think I would like to end it. It's not something I am capable of handling. Can that even happen? A break up where you love them but can't deal with a problem like a sex addiction?
Now that you mention this, he did tell me he used to watch a lot more porn than he does now.
I think I might have an answer for you then. My girlfriend is the same way, she tries to mother me and yells at me when I don't do stuff but does it for me anyway. I too, prefer porn/masturbation to sex with her. It feels like I'm having sex with my mom, not another person. So my advice would be stop mothering him, and don't always be there for him. Guys like to chase. At first he might be annoyed or lethargic and say whatever, but soon his testosterone and instinct will catch up and he'll be all over you, because he'll see you as a woman, not his mother.
Yes he has always been like this with me from the beginning. It's not like we have sexually exhausted each other or anything like that. One time, we didn't have sex for 2 months until I picked a fight about it.
what is your sex like?
Is he the one doing all the work? Masturbating is easy, it requires almost no physical effort. Having good sex is hard, at least for me, every girl I have been with is starfish.
Why dont you get on top and ride him and let him do no work for a while, see if he is more willing to have sex if he gets the easy mode
I can do this. I have been feeling like I need my space from him lately anyway. Thanks anon. I probably ... Perhaps... maybe just a tiny bit.. smother people I love. Not overbearingly so, but if they are struggling, I like to be there from them.
I guess I don't know how to play the chase game. I am pretty straight up about things.
What do I say if he asks why I am not there for him?
It's fairly common. Sex and masturbation are not necessarily interchangeable. Sure there are some guys who only see their lovers as human fleshlights, but do you really think that of your boyfriend? Masturbation is for sating his sex drive and maybe even self-medicating against stress. Having sex with you is about the intimacy and emotional cravings. It might just take him a little longer for that second battery to charge back up.
Here's one thing that I bet will help: cuddle more. Dedicate some extra time every day to physical contact. Don't just be in the room smelling nice or looking good. Make an actual ritual around snuggling together for half an hour, having him lay on your lap, resting your head against his chest, etc. Have affectionate--not sexual--contact. It covers all the considerations I brought up earlier:
- invites him to direct his sex drive toward you if he needs release
- helps soothe any stress he's feeling
- sets an intimate mood
- encourages an emotional connection
Plus he's probably not going to sit there watching porn while cuddling unless he has an addiction. It'll help break him away from that for a few minutes.
Well in that case he's likely got a problem. It won't be easy to tell until he talks to someone about it and that is only going to happen if he chooses to.
I feel kinda bad for you because when I was with my ex she was non stop. I was so busy it was hard to keep up. I'm that kinda guy who only likes sex a couple times a week. So don't rule out the possibility that your sex drives don't match up
it's something you need to confront him about, honestly. look into it before you do though. research it and talk to him after you think you have enough reason to believe that he does have an addiction. there's therapy for it, etc. only if he's unwilling to fix it/doesn't think he has a problem, then consider breaking up.
I do that already. I give him back, tummy rubs and lots of kisses. I compliment him and ask him about work etc All of our physical contact is mostly not leading to sex anyway.
Tell him you have responsibilities and that you love being there for him and helping him, but your other obligations are being neglected, and you need to balance it all out. Eventually he'll either start doing those things himself, or he'll blame you for being too distant (he'll do this anyway at first, it's only a real issue of it doesn't change after a reasonable amount of time, ~6 months to a year)
But don't make it sound like its his fault, tell him something like "I love being there for you and helping to lighten your load, but I need to put it on pause long enough to get my own responsibilities back on track."
Also, be sexy, flirt and tease, but only initiate every other time, and after a while of doing that, initiate every two times, and eventually he'll start feeling like he has to chase you, and it'll make him feel good about himself and motivated. Be an independent slit and let him be an independent player.
Basically, treat him like you're both single and just started seeing each other without commitment.
Hmm this seems overly complicated and weird to do to my own boyfriend. I know it would probably work but I really don't want to do these kind of things just to get his attention, you know?
I much prefer letting the relationship go. He should be with someone who doesn't have to do this and I should be with someone who loves me entirely. None of these games and dancing around things works for me. It feels so insincere to do.
I appreciate your advice so much and I do need space from him because this thing is getting to me lately, but I will be honest and tell him I don't think we are compatible.
Well, as someone on the opposite side of the same issue, what would you suggest I do?
I've tried telling my girlfriend not to be as clingy and motherly, but she just doesn't seem to get it (or thinks it's too complicated, as you do).
I definitely wouldn't consider myself clingy or anything, I need more space than he does but I do sometimes do things for him. I think that is relatively normal for a girlfriend.
I think you and your girlfriend are not compatible or she doesn't think you are capable. I think that clingy behavior comes from insecurity (if there are no mental issues present) and so there is a core cause for her overbearing behavior.
Good luck Anon!
3-4 would be nice.
In so many words, I have!
I'm not a major fan of sex. Twice a week? Yeah I can deal and perform well. But after that, nah. It's just work and I'm not doing it for myself.
but I think I also feel like I can't perform (for her) at that point and wouldn't be happy, thius not enjoy it.
Some guys just have low sex drives.
You want sex though? Good for you. Don't feel ashamed about that. Lots of girls are crazy about it. If they're not, there's a good chance they will be when they find someone they like and do have sex with.
If your not quite compatible with sex then... Just need to think of how important it is to you. Like him in all the other ways? Sex not at the top of the list? Well, you'll just have to masturbate and deal with yourself.
Actually that being said, he needs to cool off on the masterbating. If he only wants sex twice at most.. But then madturbates 24/7 then he's screwing himself over, and that's why he isn't feeling it.
I'm tad older so don't feel the urge as much, but if I don't masturbate.. Yeah I'll be ready for her.
He likes you, he likes having sex with you, he just prefers jerking off. No, not all guys are like that, but some are. It's a thing that exists. (Had to learn about it in school, even - I'm heading for a specialization in sex psychology.) It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you at all.