my girlfriend always gets mad at me for some little shit. im 20 and have been with this girl for 2 1/2 years. im usually not on my phone a lot, and at times I could take upwards of 30 minutes to reply, but the second I realize she texted me I keep my phone on me
But sometimes I'll walk out of my room, or put my phone in my pocket and honestly not see that she texted me.
She wants me to just tell her when I'm busy, and when I remember I do. But sometimes I honest to god just do not see that she texted me. I mean I always tell her when I'm driving or hanging with someone, going to school etc. but how do I get it through her head I'm not trying to hurt her?
We've had this fight dozens of times and every time she gets all sad and into a "I can't do this anymore anon you don't respect my feelings" type thing. And today she didn't tell me when she went somewhere and was busy because if I won't respect her feelings and let her know when I'm busy she won't, but I honestly don't give a fuck about her movements/being busy like she does with me.
sorry for the long shit, anyone have advice or words of wisdom? I'm just frustrated and this is the only place I know to go. When she gets upset like this it always destroys my mood
don't let her control you or influence you by any cost. you'll think this is the right path, by giving her what she wants, but it is not. she will see you as a baby or a tool and you will eventually be replaced.
most are manipulative and possessive, don't let them and you'll be fine.
she sounds really controlling, holy shit. you don't need to text her every minute of the day. next time she tells you that she can't take it anymore, call her on it. unless she has some trauma that makes her freak out about it, then there's no reason for her to be manipulative like that.
this is good advice, i'll not call her on it and see what she says, this has happened so much that it makes me consider this relationship. i mean i took 40 minutes to reply earlier today and she's been really sad since, even though I apologized and explained myself.
definitely gonna call her on this next time it happens. i know her and I are young but this seems extreme on her part.
she really hasn't had any trauma, but she never had a serious boyfriend before me. i think she just feels really intensely, but thank you for saying that. I've felt this way but didn't know if I was over thinking it or being a pussy about this.
just random every day stuff. she was telling me her school schedule this week so we could hang and i took 40 minutes to reply, and she's really upset.
this issue happens a lot because i don't feel the need to be on my cell phone often. she just send me a text explaining that she cares too much and doesn't ask for a lot, which makes me frustrated that i keep doing he same shit over and over
This sounds like something that will require separation. There's really no fix to someone who requires your attention the second they decide they require it. While a partner may be a first priority, there are other priorities in life as well. Sometimes, those other things have to be dealt with at the time. She doesn't accept this.
Beyond that, there are times when a phone's chime isn't heard. she doesn't understand this. This is pretty blatant egocentrism. Beyond all this, she emotionally manipulates you with threats of ending the relationship when you don't totally give in (and she still doesn't understand mistakes are mistakes).
Unless she can wholesale change this aspect of herself, I would end the relationship.
Best of luck.
Jeez, dude! This sounds awful. Maybe she needs to mature a little bit. She's turning your relationship in to something really childish.
My SO and I text maybe once a day, and maybe shoot some back and forth if something happens. Have you all considered calling one another instead, and doing so only when there's actually something to talk about.
Maybe she just needs a hobby?
I can't imagine what relationships would be like for young people, nowadays.
Here... OP, just put her on the line. Let me talk to her...
Naw, it's fine, just-
Hello? HEY, MY BOY ANON'S GOT SHIT TO DO. He cares about you or whatever, but shit! You need to chill out!
I mean shit, y'all been together this long, why you acting thirsty for attention? Don't nobody care about your fuckin' schedule. That's for reference later, nigga.
Oh, what'chu think you gonna leave his ass? Let me tell you something! The way you ackin' now, bitch... He might be better off!
Now put anon back on-
Yo, nigga I'm sorry she's doin' this to you.
The three keys to any relationship are trust, communication, and consideration. Together, you define what those things mean between the two of you. I highly recommend you have an honest face-to-face conversation where you discuss this reasonably. And if she tries to say you're not providing what she needs. Leave her. I know you've been together, but this isn't how relationships work in the real world. And I think you know that, Anon.
you cant force her to accept it.
this was my life with my ex:
>she texts me "hey"
>i respond "hey"
>im doing video editing
>two hours later check phone
>she texted back
>all seh said was 'sup'
>i say 'nothing much'
>she immediately responds with 'OH NOW YOU'RE TEXTING ME?'
its cell phones. we have lives. its not our job to answer them right away. thats what in person hanging out is for,
Thanks for the words man. This really is a fresh perspective for me and I got a lot to talk to her about. She's pretty much done this stuff since day 1 and she's my first serious girlfriend so I always thought it to be normal.
I call her a couple times a week and I find that works best, I like talking on the phone better, it makes more sense honestly. She actually does not have a hobby whereas I have several. I practice music, play video games and exercise every now and then. She knits sometimes but beyond that, she has nothing to do. I've tried getting her into stuff but she's just not interested in anything beyond watching Netflix and hanging out with me.
LOL thanks for the laugh man! I'm definitely gonna have a face to face about this next time I see her. Usually I try to avoid those because she's a big crier, but being a coward about things leads to unhappiness eh?? I guess I'm already experiencing that, hah. She's my first real relationship so I thought stuff like this was normal, but it's clear to me now that it's not.
Would she be really upset when this happens? One time I went 7 hours without texting my girlfriend because I was with my friends and she dumped me
lmfao she didnt really dump you if you are still together. but yeah mine threw a hissy fit. seriously though if she cant understand that you have a life outside of her, she needs to be dumped. you are sitll your own people
>I've tried getting her into stuff but she's just not interested in anything beyond watching Netflix and hanging out with me.
Tell me about it, Anon! The only issue I have with my girlfriend: All she does is sit on her phone and Netflix. And then she whines sometimes that "we don't do anything". Every day after work, I go for walks, play games with our friends, go out to local events. It means that I do get a lot of time to myself though, and I like that.
But it feels like modern women don't appreciate hobbies the way that past generations may have. Why is that?
yeah she pretty much begged me back a week later, but I decided to give her a 2nd chance. she still thinks she did the right thing tho, even when I tried to explain to her it was kind of immature.
I feel bad for her man, truth be told. I always have stuff to do but she does nothing! I don't know how you could live today without hobbies, I mean even video games would be better than just watching Netflix all day.
Update: she said she wanted to stop talking to me and I said "if you don't want to talk, that's fine" and she called me crying, saying I don't care about this relationship. I said this was a childish and immature fight that she's above, and she said I made her feel stupid for saying that.
Basically she kept saying I don't care, and I was standing up for myself and saying I don't have to text her all the time and I'm not a person that needs constant texting, and she couldn't really handle that. So things are pretty much worse but I feel good I was true to myself, I guess.
I know how your feeling right now anon, i got a weakness for crying, but dont let her attitude change your thoughts, just think of it like shes a toddler is crying because you wont let her have a cookie, its just a tantrum because she doesnt want to change her ways, but its alright if you do
>OP has several hobbies
>GF has none
So here is how it is. OP you are going through your day and you have shit to do, so you put your phone down and then go do laundry, or put it on silent when you are practicing your music, or whatever. Meanwhile she is just sitting on her couch on that phone the ENTIRE TIME.
She is thirst for attention because she is bored and you are nothing but entertainment to her. If you're not entertaining her, then you don't give a shit.
This is the kind of woman who will be on someone else's dick if you ever have to leave town for 48 hours or get a super demanding job.
Tell her flat out she has to adjust her expectations, get some hobbies, or bounce.