Talk to me. Please. I know it sucks and I know you're hurting, but I can't do anything until you ask me. I hate seeing you suffer like this. You are such a wonderful person and nobody wants to see you like this. Why don't you just talk to me?
You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You're kind, caring, very smart, and really beautiful. You're the most important person in the world to me but I know you don't feel the same. I suppose we never could be together anyways because if things were different, I don't think we would be such good friends.
I'm sorry. I really am. I never wanted this, and I really did think we would have had a perfect life together. I guess it wasn't meant to be, or you would be here instead of a thousand miles away. I never wanted to upset you. I hope you're doing well and that you've moved on so at least one of us would be happy.
miss you dearly
thought i saw you last night
she looked exactly like you, it was crazy
thought i had imagined it til i talked to her
i miss you
i'm so sorry for everything i did
you left me, and i don't blame you
left my life, left my heart
haven't been happy since
it's been... what, 89 days?
89 days since we last spoke
i hope you're doing good, i really do, but i can't ask or know
N, I'm sorry your boyfriend is such a twat, but it's your fault you haven't left him. You deserve so much better, and he's so fucking annoying and needy, and clearly doesn't support you since every single semester he pulls that same "wahhhh why are you so stressed, no one should be so stressed over college" like okay thanks, history grad. Try being in CS like we are and still having time to go to the goddamn beach every day. All that asshole does is chill and talk on the phone. He doesn't have to worry about anything because his dad has so much fucking money. N, I know your parents think money is more important than almost anything else in a partner, but you need to dump this guy on his ass. Like you said, you'll be the first woman in your family to have her own career. Why do you continue to be in a relationship with this asshat who isn't supporting you trying to achieve your goal? It's so ridiculous. I'm going to try to plan to have you over for dinner in a couple weeks so that you can to talk to my mom about, pretty much for the sole purpose of her kicking your ass and explaining to you why it's important to not chose a lazy shithead as your fiancee.
I like to lurk in these threads and pretend that the people writing are writing to me.
Then I remember that I don't matter enough to anyone for them to think about me.
Someone will love me some day, right? That's what I keep telling myself. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up, though.
I know you are bad at texting. No you are really bad at texting. Just like when I asked you out, you said you would tell me tomorrow, nope it took you a whole week to remember to text me "yes". I mean common.
But now you want to talk to me about something important. Even if that something is good or bad, you still haven't texted me anything. It's been three days. I'm respect your wishes by not getting to curious about it and just let you tell me. But three days? It's driving me insane! I'm nervous like a mother fucker.
E, the thought of you alone is enough to make me feverish and weak, equally burning and fading. You probably have no idea that I like you and I have no idea how it came to this. I barely know you, yet I feel as if I do. I will never tell you this or make it apparent unless you make it clear that you want me first. I might seem uninterested or blasé, but believe me when I say that I'm not. I want you.
Thank you for being my friend, thank you for letting me take care of you, thank you for trusting me this much
I don't care if we will never be a couple, I don't care if we will never be together again. I love you dearly, I always will, and I care about you more than I can explain.
You psychologically and sexually tortured me for years. And blamed me for YOUR behavior and actions. Even though you apologized after I broke up with you I think it's bullshit. With your history of manipulation you probably hoped I would come back to you, but I realized you are pathetic. You treated me like a sex toy and backup plan, and kept coming back to me because nobody wanted to fuck your sorry ass. You destroyed my bonds between family and friends for years to the point where it has noticeably stunted my social skills. I have PTSD because of you. You will never know the true impact that you had on me because I don't want to engage you and potentially get manipulated again. I regret telling you I forgave you while I was doped up on mood stabilizers. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for the things you did. When someone screams at you to stop during sex YOU STOP. And you don't fucking guilt trip them and make them cry just because you didn't have an orgasm. You don't scream in someone's face and make them feel worthless because you're insecure and want to drag someone down to your level. I think the world would be better off if you were wiped from existence.
I'm sorry for scaring you off by getting too close too fast. It's just that I was finally able to get close to someone after what happened last time, and that someone happened to be you. It's It's not my fault I got too close to you to quickly. I swear it isn't. If I could redo it I wouldn't even introduce myself to you. Wouldn't that be nice? A world where we never even met? I'm sure you would love that.
We have been friends now for one and a half years. I've been in love with you now for 3 months and it's starting to really get to me. I have to tell you soon, but I'm scared this will ruin our friendship even if there's a chance that you feel the same and never told me.
I think we would work really well together, since I, in contrast to most other guys, can defend myself argument - wise in our discussions, and you don't get offended by my sometimes spergy and insensitive behaviour.
I normally have a plan for everything, but this situation leaves me too scared of losing you altogether to do anything.
I have to stop thinking and do it.
Looking forward to meeting you when you get back from vacation,
I fucking miss you bro. You just left this morning and I cant stop thinking about you. I had no idea how much you meant to me. We had a great year as together. I dont think I've ever been happier as I have in the last year. Thank you for making that happen.
I fucking miss you bro. I dont know what do to with myself. I know it sounds pathetic, but seeing you is all I looked forward to while at work. I'm scared that without you, I'll become worthless like I was in college.
I fucking miss you bro and I wish you the best.
You really let me down. Perhaps it wasn't fair for me to put you in that position where you meant so much to me, but then again it's not like I had a choice.
I thought you actually gave a damn. I thought you would make an effort and I thought you might feel like you ought to do something to make sure things would be okay between us. But you didn't. When actions speak louder than words, you may as well have laughed in my face, pushed me to one side and not have looked back.
I did everything I could. That's the caption to our friendship. All I did was give and all you had to do was accept it. The moment I tested that relationship, it's like a blinding light revealed that something I thought to be all I wanted was barely a shadow of it.
Of course, this is the cynicism that I've adopted to get over you speaking. A part of me still cares about you the way I did wholly. It's the part that says 'you actually are one of her closest friends. She's just distant.' And I honestly thinks that's sad.
But I don't want to pity you. That's what makes me angry. I have a gut feeling that you're better than that. You're made of stronger stuff and have a potential I thought you'd realised, a potential I now think I could have helped you achieve if you'd let me. But you didn't and that pisses me off. I know it wouldn't have been easy to take that chance, but I know that because of the difficulty I endured to GIVE you that chance. And you turned away from it without a second thought, as far as I can tell. You don't talk to me about that. You don't talk to anyone about that, so you say.
I find it hard to believe that I'm one of your closest friends because you haven't treated me like I would have treated a close friend. I know I shouldn't expect that of people, everyone's different. But you weren't there for me when you must have known I was really hurting and hurting because of you. YOU could have helped me so much if you'd tried. All it would've have taken is a 'How are you dealing with it?' But that would've been difficult, and I'm getting the impression that that's where your strength of character really fails. Is it getting close to people? Is it cowardice? Is it just inexperience with that depth of friendship? I find myself caring less and less, and that's because it's the only option I have to prepare myself the next time you unintentionally do something hurtful.
What sucks is that it doesn't have to be this way. Maybe you think everything's fine, that pretending as though nothing's happened has actually worked. You don't seem to care enough to find out. If you did, we could have properly squared things off, remained close (by your standards) and I wouldn't have to deal with conflicting anger towards someone I cared so much for. I could tell you all this, but I'm afraid I'd just be giving you another opportunity to squander at the expense of my dwindling faith in you. If things are to be set right, it would have to come from you for a change. What crushes me is that I don't realistically see that happening.
I hope this isn't how things will stay between us, H, but it's ultimately up to you.
I'll miss what we had, even if that was delusion on my part. I don't know if I can hope for something better.
Hey, Kevin, I know you installed a keylogger on your ex-girlfriend's computer. Now she does, too. You're a bigger piece of shit than I thought you were.
To T I'm sorry for everything, I was a little bitch and thought the situation was worse than it was . Now I don't know what to do , I want to go back like it was but everyone went through all that time and effort and money . I'll bear this regret for the rest of my life. From T Jr
That's what you get for being an emotionally retarded faggot with pedophile hair and no personality.
Don't worry about it. I wasn't the one R was doing anything with, not my problem. I only heard about it from your own friends.
Maybe you should try not being a creepy dipshit who can't handle situations like a normal adult. Much less realize that what you did and telling others about it isn't what normal, well-adjusted people do. Your own friends think you're creepy.
I'm sorry i'm not like your other boyfriends
i don't have loads of tattoo's, i don't have a great social life, and i'm sorry i crave affection
but finally having someone to show me love and compassion after 3 years of living in practical solitude, is like suddenly having sight for the first time
i want to see everything i possibly can... i want to feel everything that i possbly can
you've experienced so much more with so many other guys, i just feel very insignificant
you're not going to read this because i feel if you did, you would suddenly realise i'm a pathetic cunt and i dwell on the past
but you have so much past and i have so little, it's just a horrible feeling knowing you've done everything we've ever done with several other people before
i just don't want to lose you
You're only nice to me when you drink. You're the only person I've known that returned the love I gave to you, now it's fading. You're becoming just like all the rest, and sooner or later, I'll leave.
I'm so tired.
Is it enough yet? Please tell me I've made it, I need to know I dont need to carry it all anymore. I need to know your proud of the man I've become. I'm tired, but until I hear these words, I'll carry on.
I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking of you.
We don't know each other that well, but every time we talked, I had this feeling that you were the only girl I will ever meet that will make me happy.
I see these pictures of you on Facebook talking about this app "Bumble"? You don't need an app to help you find someone. You are so unbelievably perfect, that if you asked me to go to Columbus to see you, I would drop what I'm doing, and see you. I don't have enough money for a plane ticket, and I don't have a car, but I don't care. I would hitchhike, I would ride my bike, I would fucking walk there. Don't ever think that you won't be good enough for someone. Please just give me a chance and let me show you the real anon.
I am so sorry about that shit last summer.
G and I were just fucking around. He just wanted to say that shit because he knew I was friends with you, and he thought it would be funny. I don't know if you're pissed because of what he initially said, or if it was when I tried to justify it, but either way, I think you just need to calm down. It isn't that big of a deal. No one else knows. Ab-sol-utely no one. I just wish we could go back to what we had.
We had so much fun in that class. Everyday you walked through the door, it just lit up my entire day.
Please just forget it ever happened..
You're a little too comfortable going long periods without talking to me. The whole hot/cold vibe is one of the biggest red flags I've learned to look out for. I used to be really optimistic about the idea of a relationship with you; now I feel like it'd have a lot of the same fundamental problems my last one did.
You're a fucked up, sad, pathetic little woman and I shouldn't show you the attention I do. When you started begging me to take you back, I should've kept things at arm's length for much longer, or perhaps indefinitely. Instead we're somehow back together as if nothing happened, you got off more or less scot-free, I'm feeling miserable, and the shit you pulled while we were apart is probably on its way back to haunt you.
You are addicted to League and you've been bronze for 5 years. Get a hobby.
Emilia - Shouldn't've volunteered in Tanzania if you weren't prepared to deal with bigger cunts than you.
Not sure if falling a couple hundred yards jostled your brains or if you shat some of them out when you had dysentery. As soon as you went from lamenting that one of your friends was a feminist to buying into that pseudo-tripe, knew shit done and over with.
You're an abrasive, reactionary, emotionally-unstable person. And not the mature person I thought you were.
Get ready to die, you shit-sipping dip-ass. You fucking ruined this whole last year by fucking my knee up. In the meantime, I've been lifting upper body everyday and you're still that skinny mother fucker who thinks his rich dad can get him out of anything. Well fuck you.
I hope you don't think I I'm going to OSU because you've been here. They actually have the program that works for me, and so far it's been really great. I'm not going here to stalk you or anything. But I do really like you.
Fucking get over it and start answering my texts. It's not like anything actually happened to you. I fucking complemented you, and you took it way out of context. Get your head outta your ass.
Where the fuck do you get off man? What the fuck makes you think you can do that shit to me?
Dear M: My biggest regret throughout my whole life was never opening my feelings to you. I realize I awkwardly kind of did that over Skype once and that you knew I was into you for a really long time, but I've spent the rest of my life since the moment we stopped talking thinking about how much I wish we still close. You're a legitimately wonderful person who liked me for me without having to put on some sort of face or persona, and I wish I could've at least dated you. As creepy as it may sound I know you would've said yes if I ever asked you out and I just want nothing more in my life then to turn back time so I could do precisely that. I've had dreams about you ever since I moved and while I thought they had gone away for a while they started coming back to me and they do nothing but remind me of how much I wanted confess to you and how I wish you could at least give me an answer, I want to be with you more then anything else in my life and there will always be a pit in my heart that no other person I've met could fill.
there's no one important in my life to write a letter to right now, and if there was, i've already told them what i need to.
god, i'm so fucking lonely.
you're the only ex-boyfriend that i'd voluntarily ride your fat cock again. the only thing that stops me is that you may get feelings for me again and right now i'm not interested in a 2nd try right now.
So many different people I've asked have described you with the nearly the exact same words -- "There's something OFF there."
That's funny, isn't it? Because if someone asked me I'd say the same thing.
Still in all, you were stupid to antagonize me, because I can do things you can't. And I know things you don't.
You might want to think about this before you pull your little act next time you see me. You might want to think about some things you said to me that you should not have said.
No, it just resounded a bit with me. My moral compass isn't exactly pointing north and I internalize random shit I read on an anonymous image board.
I haven't been in any real social situation for more than a year. So, was curious.
I worry for you.
I know it's best that you learn to deal with these things on your own, but I worry that you can't--and I think you worry that as well. I really wish I knew the answer. Nothing breaks my heart more than to hear your struggle and be able to do even less about it; worse still to hear that nobody seems to understand your personality or quirks. I will never not regret how things have turned out, and would give so much to just redo everything. I'm sorry. I always will be. That's probably not much solace but all I can do is be there when you need it.
It's not about me. It's about you. I genuinely do wish to see you be happy again, regardless of how that happens. For better or worse you still are the most important person in the world to me, and that will bring with it whatever formless anguish it can.
Please, please, take care of yourself.
Not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought of you.
I'm so, so sorry for saying such venomous, cruel things to you.
Sometimes I wonder if you post here.
I miss slow dancing in front of the kitchen sink with you.
Still have all the notes and letters you sent me. Still have the little black book.
Missing you has aged me. Seeing your name still makes my stomach sink.
I don't know what kind of person I am now. The thought of there even being a chance in hell that you posted here is making me shake as I type this.
It's been more than three years. I haven't stopped loving you. Never did.
I'm sorry for how I treated you, for the kind of person I was, and the things I did.
Plumeria wasn't the smartest gift idea in the world. It felt weird giving you what was essentially a branch with the promise of a flower.
I hope to meet someone like you again someday. Don't know if that'll ever happen, still not entirely sure if that's what I really want. They won't be you.
Hope you're still making art.
Its approaching two years that I've been quietly in love with a girl that basically just banged me and left. I'm in the friendzone as they call it. Fucked up and caught feelings for this creature and they won't disappear no matter what I try. Im not even mad about being in the friendzone because it grants me some kind of sick satisfaction to be of any help to her. She's even in a similar situation with some other guy and when she comes to me for help I basically just give her tips based on how I cope with my feelings toward her that she doesnt know about. Its harder to me when she talks about the abusive ex she still has feelings for, i don't even compare.
I just fixed her (expensive) phone for free because she couldn't afford it. I couldn't either, I pulled out a loan without telling her. I'm not even keeping score on how many times I do things like this.
Here's a message she'll never read once I glue the back cover on.
But one it will always be close to her.
can someone tell me what kind of meds I should be on?
Not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought of your fat ass.
I'm so so sorry for being such a fucking pussy faggot.
I miss fucking you up the ass.
I hope to meet another bitch as stupid as you were to spend any kind of time with me.
Hope you're still making that shitty art that no one will ever want to buy or even look at if they weren't a pathetic beta fuck.
Dear random guy who sits in front of me in anatomy (yeah you the pasty kid with glasses and the salmon shorts),
I hate you irrationally. I'm sorry I just do and there's not much that can change that. You're so fucking smug, and you don't do anything but browse Reddit from the start of class until the end of class. I know you caught me scowling at you the other day, again sorry but I hope you're failing both classes because fuck you for not giving a shit / being so blatantly disrespectful to the people around you and the instructor.
Realistically I know it's not a big deal, and that the reason I dislike you so much is because I didn't do well on the first test for either class despite studying my ass off, and it's all misplaced anger because I have a million other issues on top of that while I slowly lose my mind / begin to suspect I have schizophrenia. But better you than my dog, or my sisters, or my parents, or my girlfriend.
Where do you think you are? There are a bunch of malcontent, lonely people posting a lot of similar things. You're on the same board with a bunch of other people complaining about the same stuff. Think for yourself, friendo. You don't have to say such incendiary stuff. :^)
I am so sorry for the way I behave. Please pray for me. I am not well. the burden of my sadness is no ones responsibility but my own. Thanks for the fun times and the lessons. I will always be there if you really need me. You know that .
Would you go on a date with me? Would you maybe get some coffee with me? Maybe it'll be alright, maybe we'll connect. I hope so, you're the most stunning girl I know. I can't shake you from my mind, you occupy a part of my heart, just perched at the edge of the hole, playfully distracting me from the fact that the hole is there. I don't think we'd be great friends, but I just hope we do. Maybe it's better to have you there on my shoulder as a fun distraction. I don't know, but all I know is that if I ask you to come to a show with me or grab some coffee, you'll probably say no. And that'd be a shame, so I guess you stay ever present, ever fabricated at the back of my mind for the next while.
It's kinda fun that way.
I've been driving in the rain tonight, it's kind of terrifying for me, we don't get much rain.
The past few days I've been telling myself not to bother you, because mostly I think I do.
But just now, as my car began to hydroplane, all I wanted to do was talk to you.
I don't know what scares me more.
Losing control of my car or losing you.
whenever you're bored or sad or even just lonely in bed, I'll be here.
If you're H (>>16880729 >>16880776), you ought to step up. I know things are hard right now, but you've got no excuse for hiding like you do. If you think you need me, come get me. I'm not coming to you anymore.
Nope, not H. Although I ought to step it up, anyway.
I'm just falling apart at the moment. I was coping on my own for a while, but I've slipped back into depressive ways and am struggling to cope.
I really think that I need support from my partner, or from a friend, but I'm not getting it.
My partner either can't or won't support me.
I don't know how to ask my friend for help, or even if I should do so.
So for now I'm just stewing in my own juices and waiting to see what happens next - despite being aware that this is unhelpful.
I wish I could get you out of my head. I really, really do. I want to not feel my heart flutter when I see you. It's madness. It's poison. I think about your smile right before I fall asleep. Mulling over conversations we had at work. Thinking of what books/films/music I could recommend to you next.
I indulge myself in stupid fantasies of kissing you, touching you... Imagining you whispering my name. Baking together. Going on road trips. Curling up in bed together, and letting me spoon you even though you're much taller than me. Wondering what you're like when you're in love. Thinking of all the ways I could earn it and make you so very happy. It makes me feel so guilty.
but god, I could fall in love with you so hard. You make it so easy. I'm so comfortable around you that it feels like I've known you forever. I want you but you're not mine to have. I have to wake myself up from this. I wish I could just reach in my head and pluck my feelings out so I could just be friends with you.
I'm sorry I unloaded on you. I don't know if this will help, but I've been there before. In my experience, the only thing that really helps is opening up to a good friend, getting it all out when I get too wrapped up in my head. It might be hard to begin talking about it, but if they understand that you need it and that you're talking about it in an attempt to do something about it, I'm sure they'll listen and try to help. Just make sure they're someone who listens and someone whose opinion you trust. Best of luck, anon.
I suddenly remembered why I loved you. I remember your wit and intelligence and how we laughed so much. I remember how gently and carefully you kissed me, and the way you held me like he never does. You called me beautiful, he calls me stupid.
It's easy to contrast these things and look back at the past, thinking, "Grass was greener." It's easy to forget that you took that soft underbelly I showed you and gored it. It's easy to gloss over all the vicious things you said to me, how you'd torture me and have me cowtow to you.
He's still never loved me the way you did, as fucked up as it might have been. I'll always be an annoyance to him, a roommate at best, that punching bag he keeps around to bounce cruel jokes off of. But we're engaged now, so I guess that's the fuck of it, huh?
I bet you and your new love are doing well. I hope you've gotten help. I really miss you sometimes, sometimes I even want you back in my life, your friendship. You made me smile when you weren't making me want to leap in front of a bus.
Then again, so does he, on both ends.
Did I really make it out so much better?
I guess this is probably just how the cycle of things goes. Maybe I should just resign myself to a life of unhappy relationships and accept that it's likely what I deserve. I'm not exactly a grand person, despite what some people might say about me. (I'm good at pretending to be, though. Oh boy, I had you fooled before you smelled my bullshit.)
Anyway, I guess I'm rambling. I'm probably going to kill myself before I reach 30. Not telling you that to make you feel guilty, it isn't entirely your fault. I just want to let you know that you'll be able to live in a world without me one day, and maybe that will give you some peace.
See you never, my albatross.
I do have a good friend like that, but I've lent on her heavily in the past and she's got her own shit going on right now.
I want to be her friend, not her burden or problem to fix all the time. So, trying to avoid unloading on her at the moment.
I hope you're fine since those 5 months. I still love you. You are everything to me. Even if I'm about to get with another girl, you're still the only one I think of. I really want to hang out with you before this happens, but don't know how you'll feel if I text you, and I don't want to annoy you another time. You've always accepted me and always looked glad to see me, but I just feel like I've been really annoying all this time. You were so kind with me, I feel I've a debt. If only we could meet on our way home, I could take you home and ask you if we just could take a coffee a week end. You are amazing, A, I love you and will never forget you.
When exactly was it that you stopped loving me? Was it when you "won" me from my ex and decided that now that you had the toy, it wasn't good enough any more? Was it when I got too sad for you to deal with, even though you have depression, too, and I've always been there for you? Was it, maybe, when I spoke up too much, or acted a little too much like myself, or laughed at too many things you thought were stupid? When was it, and why are you still dragging me behind you like a piece of dead weight?
I have so much love for you in my heart, but all I ever get for it is you throwing it in my face. You talk about marriage, kids, a life together, but you don't even seem to want to be around me in the now. Why are you keeping me here? Complacency? Need someone to kick around? Please just tell me, and if it's something other than "I love you and I just have a funny way of showing it", please just cut me out already so I can finally put myself out of my misery.
Fuck your smug "never-go-to-class" "I just sleep all day" bullshit.
Fuck your narcissistic attitude where you have to tell everyone how much of a lazy shit you are.
Fuck your complacency in where you are in life, and your lack of drive to truly improve yourself.
Fuck your laziness that will inevitably harm your patients, assuming you ever get to med school.
Fuck how content you are with your mediocrity.
You are the personification of sloth, and everything I despise. You are my antithesis, and you will never reach me. I would sooner call someone who puts in all their effort and fails, my friend than I would you, who lazes about all day and goes through the god damn motions with B's and the occasional low A. I have absolutely zero respect for a degenerate such as yourself. Go to hell.
>You dont stduy
>You fail too
>Why you no fail
>I hate you
>You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You're kind, caring, very smart, and really beautiful. You're the most important person in the world to me but I know you don't feel the same. I suppose we never could be together anyways because if things were different, I don't think we would be such good friends.
How are you liking the space I'm giving you? How are you liking your alcoholic escapism from a relationship we could have saved? I wonder how many months we'll go without hearing from each other. Maybe you'll hear a congratulations from me when you graduate, or a happy birthday in July. But I don't expect to hear from you about anything. You really started to treat me like shit, and I think you know that. So understand that I don't really care anymore that I couldn't fix things. You know how hard I tried. Everyone does. And when the regrets start to hit you like a train, I hope you look at the old notes and gifts I gave you, and remember February for the rest of your life.
i know im weird, and i know we talked about how things wouldnt work. but i just cant let you go, you were the only person i'd ever felt something for in my autistic mess of a life and i dont know what i'd do if i didnt think there was a glimmer of a chance i could be with you.
im sorry that the way i feel makes things awkward.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I love you, yes, sure, but I just want to be your friend. How can I keep on making such a car-crash out of everything.
I was reading through some of our old text messages today, from last year before things got weird. I miss you so much. Not having that back and forth with you - it feels like I'm only half a person now.
Are we distant because you realized I had developed a crush on you and so you've pulled away? Or did you just get fed up of the constant stream of crap that I was feeding you? Or... or have we just drifted back apart again and that's the way it was always going to be? Or am I completely misreading the situation? No, no. It's clear that you don't acknowledge my emails and don't really engage with me any more by text. Something has changed.
You're such a great person, any perfect future that I could dream had you in it. I guess I didn't account for my own nature and behaviour.
So, what do I do or say now? It feels like every action or inaction drives a wedge between us. I can't win for losing. You're disgusted with my suggestions to go grab lunch together, even though you said that we would talk after I got back from that week away.
I am selfish to miss you like this, to expect anything from you. It's your time and presence that I crave, and your attention too, to a certain extent. I don't have any right to make these demands on you, of course.
I'm hoping that this is just a temporary thing, that it's nothing to do with how needy I am, that you're not turning away from me. But in the pit of my stomach I know that this is unlikely.
So, here I am. Gradually unravelling. Afraid that I'm losing the best friend that I've ever had. But still digging the hole, still doing and saying and thinking the things that will push you away - that will make me an unforgivable mess to be avoided at all costs. Guess I'll just keep on keeping on, because I can't see a different path to follow.
I think I found a place and really want to feel my love cum with me, I just don't know how to tell him without worrying hell be afraid it's too soon (we're very much in love). I'm trying to relax about the situation and not get caught up in the what ifs, when we've got am amazing relationship starting up
I think that what I'm most afraid of is that T will finally have had enough of my shit and tell me to just leave her alone and stop making unreasonable demands on her time and emotional wellbeing.
That, and that by unburdening myself I end up bringing her down and making it harder for her to deal with her own current situations... situations that I am failing spectacularly to support her through. I've kinda dropped the ball as far as being a good friend goes, lately.
The problem is that she is too damn caring, not just for me but for other people. To her detriment. I'd rather suffer alone than be a burden for her to carry, so I'm not reaching out. Not yet, anyway.
good song. I was unsteady once, then I found that part of me that I thought I had lost. didn't lose it, it was just waiting for me back on the path I had wandered from. the ground is sure beneath my feet. new, but sure.
may you find the weight to your steps and make the ground you move on sure again, anon.
btw, listening to that song doesn't help. smile, listen to upbeat stuff, and your feet will follow.
You chose drinking over me ... again. You did coke even after you told me you would quit ... again. We planned this day out for weeks and you completely ruined it because you just had to get fucked and go overboard the night before. It made me feel unwanted. You say my reaction is excessive but you know what, fuck you, you don't get to decide how I feel.
I really, really enjoyed our time together when you were doing dry January and I'm really proud of you-- but secretly, I think you are a borderline alcoholist.
I want to keep trying though, as right now you are the only reason that makes me want to stay in this country. But even I have my patience and it is really being tried.
(I have told P everything but the part where I think he has a drinking problem-- I'm going to try bring it up tomorrow when I see P)
I loved you and I was so blinded by love that I didn't see your lies, your betrayal, your deciet and selfishness and utter disregard for anyone but yourself. I tried to be your family where you had none to speak of and you gave me jack shit in return.
Enjoy being a sad washed up old loner who tells bullshit lies and stories to any depressed teenage girl on the internet who will listen to him. Please continue to do so until you finally decide to put a bullet in your mouth. Happy birthday, you should have stayed dead at birth, you drooling retard. I hope you get shot twice in each testicle. You deserve to have your psychopath uncle's first name.
It's been almost 7 years, and I still think of you every day. I still love you. I still miss you.
Happy Mother's Day, Mum.
Dear Erc, MY FIRST TRUE LOVE
Ultimately, all I wanted to do was be free with you, to exchange love. You have changed and you have lost sight of your spirit. I have put so much energy into you, who was not even there to receive it, who was stringing me along because your conceited self felt good to have someone need you. After a narcissist knows that you love them, they have no use for you.
You have been cold to me, and you have neglected me and show no hint of empathy. I am disappointed and bitter that you turned your back on me this way, I am resentful that you have changed. I am so resentful of that.
There is a part of me that really did want you to just love me, and that you would realize that I am a special individual and that you wrecked the relationship, or even a beautiful friendship, that we could have had. I want you to look back at all the good times and realize the value in that love that we shared. If not with me, I so hope it goes towards another for you. It would be a disappointment if you kept on the mentality you have right now.
I am hurt and can not fully let go of hope for you to wake the fuck up and realize my worth.
You fuckin narcissistic, close minded, lazy, political boy. Not a man.
YOU CAN DO IT! Leave, whoever you are, it will happen at some point it seems.
Hope is keeping you holding on, and your true love for this person.
It will hurt, it will hurt bad, but you are just going to have to ride it out. We are all here for you, I honestly am in the same boat if seems, we just broke up, he doesn't love me and he is so fucking conceited, I officially ended things last night and I am hurting very deeply and am very uncomfortable but in the end, I got the final say to never see him again.
You will be okay, it's just a big bump in the road.
What the fuck is going on anymore, don't get me wrong I miss you more than anything. When we stopped talking I was in pure bliss until one night I passed out and dreamt of you and wake up in the morning and you wanted to talk things out. But seeing as how that never happened and instead the only talking we do is when you score me some drugs and it's like we're both pretending nothing's wrong. I get I fucked up the first time, this time it was all you and that night it was like you were trying your damned hardest to wreck me and honestly you did. But it's not my fault they lied to you about what they were doing that night because no one wanted to be around you three. Especially when you were literally looking to pick a fight with me because of your damn insecurities, like jesus shit, yeah whatever you don't want to be together fine. Don't get pissed when I was talking to your sister after she at least offered to try and help me out with my own issues instead of you getting mad and walking off because apparently I can only talk to you. btw stop implying you don't have a drinking problem because you and I both drink way too much for the same reasons but at least I can fucking admit I have a problem instead of getting drunk and acting like a damn child and blame everyone else for your own problems. But whatever, maybe we actually will talk shit out and figure this crap out, in the mean time I still love you you bipolar angel
Thank you, I needed this right now. Its hard around this time of night when I'm alone to stay positive.
We will both make it through this and be stronger people. Neither of us deserves to be hurt.
I'm sorry I never followed up on the offer, it's just I don't know if I can or want to be with you given the things I've learnt. I know we've never properly given it a try but the baggage you carry genuinely frightens me and I don't want that in my life nor can I be blissfully ignorant to it. If I wanted to be brutally honest I'd say I deserve better but I'd hate to see you hurt again.
I really love you, and I miss that brief time when you told me you felt the same way. Since then we had a huge falling out, and then I did everythin possible to fix things, it was such a draining experience and I'm still exhausted from it. But we fixed things, and when we did you told me you loved me again, but I know you don't, you seem like you're really confused about your feelings, and I guess I am too, but it doesn't have to be confusing. I'm going through a lot with my sister's illness, exams, etc and I know last time we hung out I wasn't myself. I'm gonna try to make this time more fun, cause I do feel bad. Lol, I value you a lot as my friend, you are a great guy, i just wanna keep things this way and keep having fun, I'm sure once my exams end I'll be a lot more like my usual self. But, we do eventually need to talk things out, but maybe not for a long time.
I know I put up a strong front, but I still feel the same way about you, and I know you don't feel that way about me. But you're amazing - and I want to be your friend. I just can't do it if you keep talking about guys you're 'maybe' interested in, and how your ex-boyfriend is still on your mind when you let it drift. All we talk about is how our days are now - and it's just trivial small-talk, laced with some deeper stuff from time to time. The distance doesn't help either, nor your packed out schedule. Don't get me wrong, I think your personality is amazing, and that's what I love about you. But you're not ready for a relationship - anybody can see that. So now I need to come to terms with my feelings on my own. And move on.
Sorry, but I have to be selfish this time. You'd probably benefit a lot from having me in your life, but you're not ready for that right now, and I'm not ready to drop everything and give myself to you yet. There's so much more I still need to do.
So. I suspect it was you or one of your flunkies that jacked me.
Now you're trying to make me feel bad about myself, like I'm not good enough to be around or that I'm not wanted because of what I am.
I'm waiting for the bucket of blood to be dumped over my head next time on stage.
Go on ahead, be that evil person someone told you you were. Be a fucking witch and try and fuck with me. Yeah, go on and try to destroy me with your little voodooism. But God almighty is who I believe in and God Almighty is who I really trust in and He is standing by.
How's that for Rasta?
I only hung out with you on Wednesday because I wanted to score. Then I saw your face and holy shit, I regret my taking my time out of my day after 9 hours of work to drive to your side of town. You also smelled like those gross red tamale candies and your teeth had a red tint on them and that was the grossest shit I've seen in a while. The only thing I take solace in is the fact that despite how gross your face has gotten, at least your ass still felt pretty okay. You've been doing a good job so far but just throwing it out there, do NOT speak to me again or you will be told everything in this letter, you boring, ugly, smelly lady.
If you're going to use me for sex, the very least you could you do is stop lying to me.
It's almost like everything you say is a lie. You must think I'm a real fucking idiot, but I'm not.
It's not that difficult to not treat me like shit. I would like to think the time we were together was worth that. But obviously not.
Did you ever apologize to your sister, you child-rapist fuck? I know you were like 8 or whatever, but you seriously need to hash that shit out, cause I'm afraid you might be a sociopath or some shit.
Normal people feel remorse when they do bad things.
Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice.
Stop binge drinking.
Pick up a part time job.
Take some classes.
Work you way back into the real world.
Shit's gonna be alright.
Your a lazy half assed shitter who got into a UC through his dads mob connections and got his first job cause you were friends with a jew. You can't program worth a shit and everytime you open your mouth I want to punch you in the face.
Are you a dude? Cause I'm totally okay with that. Your the first girl I thought was hot cause I actually liked you instead of just having a nice body/face.
Damn girl, you know you could be fine if you put a little swagger in your hips.
I don't understand you. Are you really the typical mean girl? I loved you for years, even though we weren't together, and you treated me like trash. We talked on and off, and you always led me on, dropping hints of a future together. I loved you with all of my heart, and it only inflated your ego. Now you want to talk to me again, after months. I'd go back to being your bitch, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm happy with R. You're a conceited girl. You didn't want to dispell any thoughts of your evil, you wanted to draw me back in, when you know that I have a new girl that I love, and loves me. Fuck you, you had your chance. Have a good one with your constantly cheating boyfriend, and screw off, please. You aren't good for my mental health.
You have helped me repair the damage wrought by A. What did I do to deserve such a beautiful girl like you? You're better than me in every way, yet you stick with me.
I know I'm awkward now, but just let me love you, and you love me, and it'll melt away. I know I didn't kiss you last time, but I was too nervous. How funny, me trying to take it slow when you'll be off to college and forgetting about all of this in September. You'll never see this here, but I love you. I love you so much R, and I honestly want to make this a time of your life you wont ever forget. I love you :) -V
Dear Mistress Scarlett
That hour long pegging session was the most intensely romantic thing I have ever experienced in my life. It was crazy fucking hot, especially when you pulled that knife out that i'm pretty sure was a klaive and used to to cut open your stocking and give me the best foot job of my life.
I know you are probably a Black Spiral Dancer but if you tortured me and turned me into some sort of sleeper agent I sure as hell don't remember it.
All I remember is that I had the best sex of my life, and if I didn't have creepy intrusive Oedipusal like thoughts that plague my subconscious constantly I'd do it again in a heart beat.
My only concern was that you were addicted to smack/coke or that you actually were my mother in disguise.
Also 300 bucks is a little steep.
My brother Scott got a blowjob from a girl named Holly who was a fucking fox. I was real little and pretended to be asleep in the back of the car.
You said her dad had literally written your name on a bullet and would shoot you if he ever saw you again.
I don't blame her, Scott, you tweaker meth-headed freak. Why the fuck did you drag me in the shower with you, you sick fuck?
Like my life wasn't going to be enough of a challenge with my smackhead parents?
Why'd you have to piss my life down the drain with yours?
Dear BB and BRY,
I'm sorry I screwed up so bad, I want to come back and show you both that not only have I changed, but that though I had no fucking clue what I was doing my intentions were for the better.
I tried, I really did. I wanted to be honest with you two, I am fucking afraid of being happy. Sounds stupid doesn't it? I know it does, and I know BB will just scoff it off and get upset, and BRY will try to fix it.
I kind of miss it, not the being paranoid and pushing you both away, but the dynamic we had.
It made me happy.
Bry, how's your sister? I hope she gets all the chocolate in the world. BB, how are you holding up I know a lots been going on.
I... You two would be disappointed in me, I am developing an addiction to pain killers, and I am sober even less of the time then before.
Haha, it's funny isn't it? I started to drink and smoke so I can cope with the issues you two could've fixed, and now I do it to cope with the issues I've left you two.
I'm so sorry.
I used two people.
And I don't deserve to be happy.
Why'd you lie about me raping you, you fucking cunt? You and I both know me, patrick and you had a 3 way and it sure as fuck wasn't my idea.
I regret going down on you and resent the fact that you asked me to fuck you bareback, i couldn't keep it up cause you were so fucking fat you moon faced pig of a woman.
Fuck you, you ruined my reputation and spread all kinds of ridiculous lies about me, you and fucking carrie.
And Carrie you're a god damn bitch, a stupid ugly fucking cunt that should probably be kept in a god damn stable cause thats all your really good for, a breeding heffer or a milk cow.
I tried being nice to you bitches, I really did, but you fucking pieces of filth were like vicious god damn animals, you teased me mercilessly and talked endless shit behind my back.
I hope you get married to abusive alcholic who uses your face for a punching bag, you stupid ugly twat. And aaron, i hope you bleed out from some fat nigger cock tearing your anal tissue lining and have to go to the hospital and get stiches in your ass.
I'm sorry I'm a boring fuck, I wish I could show you that I genuinely care about you and I wish you actually cared about me.
Please talk to me sometime, this disconnection is killing me.
Remember where we met? After school. I Still remember you, and I fell for you so fast, If I wasnt so shy back then I could pick up the courage and tell you that I love you. I think since you left the country with your parents to Portugal 10 years ago you would forget about me. I know you do. Just remember A. You never left my mind, I hope you are well.
The longer we knew eachother you just kept getting cuter and sexier and it was so hard because when we'd be just talking and I'd look in your eyes I would get overwhelmed from how much it made me want you. I would fantasize about you while you were right there.
Wish I could have told him all my feelings before I told him I did not want to see him ever again.
When I told him that I would not like to be friends, ever, he frowned but accepted. I swear it was the most surreal experience I have ever had. My body immediately went almost completely numb, for example I could not feel like my arm was even there on my body, it was like my soul took that incredibly deep pain and all I could feel physically was the hurt that my soul was radiating.
I was fixed on his face, could not move, could not look away, conveyed my sorrow to him.
P, you told me to call you by your first name. Other people do. But that doesn't feel right at all. It almost sounds disrespectful to address you without a title. Is it because I put you on a pedestal? I don't think I have. I often think I deserve someone better than you, and think about all the things you're wrong about. But it still hurts when you don't acknowledge me like you used to. R thinks you caught feelings are you're trying to avoid me on purpose. I wish I could know if that was true. I want to spend time with you. I want to talk to you again like we used to. Is there something about me that's holding you back? Do I embarrass you? Am I not smart enough? Do I say the wrong things or do you think I'm pandering to you? I'm not. This is just how I am, around everyone. I feel genuinely sorry if anything I've done has made you uncomfortable.
I hate how you make me feel.
Hey man, how are the Carolinas treating you? I hope well, as always. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever be able to talk again. I sincerely hope so. Thank you for all of the late night talks and friendship. You are a great friend, all the other shit aside. We just clicked, personality wise I guess.
If you're ever feeling up for talking or need someone, you know where to find me. Same place as where we first met.
As always, I'm sorry for the things I said to you and for not saying goodbye. Please know that I still care a ton. It was just a frustrating time. I hope you don't hate me, I still think of you often...even a year later.
Until next time,
I wish I could have some closure. I still think about why we stopped talking. I don't want to be with you, but I can't help but wish it didn't end that way. I still wonder if I really did take your v card.
Quit being a fucking ADHD ridden freak you fucking weirdo. What are you on? Speed? Every time I see you, you're just so fucking jittery. You don't exactly help with my papers, and neither does the snorting faggot in front of you. I wish I could change seats to get the fuck away from you two and hang with that hot purple-haired chick.
Signed, some guy.
Hey Baby Girl
You are an amazing person. You made some bad decisions, and I cannot approve the kid you are seeing after he threatened me. That kid will likely go to jail or OD on the drugs he is taking. You are better than this. Your mom and dad shouldn't have called you a whore after the rape and I am furious at them for treating you so poorly. I see where you are coming from, but come the fuck on. You came to me and I did everything I could to help you. You chose him over me, and I know you regretted it.
Now you have to learn the lessons the hard way. I hope you realize some day what I sacrificed for you. Your mom cares about you and misses the old you. I do as well.
Please come back.
Dear everyone on this thread:
This thread is called etters they'll never read for a reason. Literally no one will come here and read them. Those who ask for initials are on a desparate path to find out a mystery they were never a part of and were intended to stay mysterious in the first place. That's right, the one you expect to come? She/he won't come. Neither is the recipient to your initials request YOUR other person's initial.
Basically, this is a wall of scribbles made just for venting. You will never find your crush here, nor will you find your buddy from work (Looking at you, Steve), nor will you find any local singles in your area.
Goodbye. Signed, anon.
Is it too much to buy you something for your birthday? I miss you so much and you helped me during a very difficult part of my life. The only problem is our last conversation has made me insecure about reaching out to you. I just want to give you the gifts, say hi, maybe have a cigarette and leave. But the thing is, do you? I would send you the gifts but unfortunately you said you moved and I don't know where. It's been almost two years since I seen you, and we haven't talked since the end of November, but I still think about you lots and how you helped me a lot and basically saved my life. It's only now that I realize that my whining and general depressive bullshit was overwhelming you. You also got me through prison. I appreciate you answering my calls and talking to me, even though some days I know you didn't want to. You were my savior during those two dark moments in my life, and you even helped me get over you. You could have just told me to fuck off and not talk to me anymore but you stayed and helped me and when I called you crying you talked with me until I was calmed down. Going to rehab and learning to live without your support was hard, but I did it. Now I'm kind of happy, I have a job, and I think positively. Anyways, I hope you're doing good and not dying.
i havent talk to you in awhile and it sucks i really miss you ,you meant alot to me i know that things change and i have to accepted that you moved on and i havent and knowing you moved on hurts but i know its for the better all i want to do is see you one last time but you dont talk to me and probably have a bf but ill always love you and always keep you in my heart you were my first love first kiss and i base all my relationships after you witch sucks but its what i have to do i wish we could try again but i know its never gonna happen and knowing that hurts but i have to move on even if i dont want too its just human nature to hold on for long as possible i just want too see your smile one last time ill always remember you
I hope that your complete lack of any kind of response to anything I've sent you recently indicates that you are busy, or fed up with me, rather than that something bad has happened to you.
I also hope (somewhat unrelatedly) that you are somewhere right now where you can watch the sunset, because it is beautiful tonight.
I check here everyday and have done so for five years to see if maybe you remembered I post on this board.. Maybe you saw this thread and posted about me just once?
I know you're happy in your life and I'm deeply unhappy in mine so that's why I need to keep gone.
Please please please push me away if I try to talk to you again, I can't take you just "not minding' me
I'm nothing to you and you've probably forgotten about me
I just want to feel okay again
I'm so sorry for who I am
I love your company. My eyes light up when I talk to you. But a voice in my head says "You're nothing special to him." to bring me down back to reality. I know you don't give me another thought once you leave work. It hurts but that's just how it is.
I can't believe it's only been a week and a half, but I miss you terribly. I know you've been hurt and you can't trust anybody right now, but if you could go inside my head, you could see how much you can trust me. I care about you terribly and this teather on my heart is pulling hard from the distance. I wish I could be there for you, I hope you're taking care of yourself. Please seek professional help for what happened to you, it's invaluable.
Hope you're fine and well.
I want to thank you for saying that what my group made was good (although I'm always second guessing myself and you probably said it out of politeness).
And thank you again for asking that question about my job. I know I was unhappy and always try to hide it under the carpet. You reminded me of my fake happiness and replace it with a sense of purpose and for this I couldn't thank you enough than what I'm trying to write here.
I wanted to talk to you about a lot of things, but I guess that will have to wait until we meet again, someday.
I am happy that you made it to the postgraduate school. Godspeed.
Aw damn I'm so guilty of doing this with my crush. So tempted just to kiss him randomly whenever we're alone at work, almost not caring what his reaction would be or how it would affect our relationship as coworkers.
i miss how you would say good morning and good night
i miss your drawing
i miss your voice
i miss everything we used to do. i would invite you somewhere, you would say no
A lot of the time when you reminesce or whatever about an ex you think only about good things
So i try to also think about the bad things that happened and balance it out and remind myself of why it's over
But with you what bad things are there to think about? I can only think of one, and it's not that bad or even anybody's fault
We talked less frequently when school began
God you were sweet
I'm sorry for everything I've done
I can only hope I meet someone like you someday soon
I want to have somebody to love and
I wish you one day realize being vindictive and dating him just to try and make me angry didn't work. In the process, you did nothing but shatter all of your convictions and standards; things that I admired and insisted you keep not because they benefited me, but because they are rare in this world and genuinely made you a better person. Without them you will become the sort of person you hate, and if that happens then it is neither my fault nor the fault of the man you are seeing. It's your own.
I hope one day that miasma that clouds your perception of what's really happening will clear up, and you'll realize your revenge scheme was pointless. Or maybe I'm getting the wrong message entirely, and you really were just sick of me, hate me and believe I deserve to suffer. Whatever you choose to do I sincerely hope you are happy doing it, and believe it or not I would be happy too if you figured out a way to be happy without me.
It doesn't matter why she did.
There's literally no point in trying to understand why women do any of the stupid shit they do.
Best thing for him to do is forget about her and move on.
Half the fucking post is whining about how her revenge scheme isn't working, how she's a fool, how she's making a mistake. One sentence of fucking clarity recognizing that people change and so do their feelings and even that one is tinged by narcissism because he thinks she wants him to suffer.
How fucking self centered can you get. She left you for somebody else.
Chances are, anon was a fuck up and she was tired of his retarded, irresponsible shit.
In all likelihood, they were never in a relationship or even dating to begin with and he's mad that she chose the guy with the balls to make a move instead of him.
I deeply regret not doing it when I had the chance because that job just ended. Mid twenties and kissless here. I worked up the courage to ask my last crush out at a previous job (after having other coworkers assure me that he also liked me) only to be completely rejected. I just couldn't work up the nerve to make the first move this time, in fact I was trying not to develop a crush on anyone at this job, but he was so friendly, funny and nice to me before I knew it I had butterflies whenever we talked, even if we weren't stationed next to each other or on different shifts just catching a glimpse of him brightened my day. I think I just enjoy the feeling of being infatuated a bit too much, it gives my life a bit of meaning for awhile, I take better care of myself and am in a better mood so I'm nicer to everyone and a harder worker. I feel like a much better person overall and actually attract more potential mates in the process, but by that point I already have the blinders on for that one person and can't find anyone else remotely attractive (even if they are objectively are), then it all comes crashing down in rejection or separation and I'm drinking alone in my room at night posting about it on 4chan.
And life goes on.
I do this too with my work crush... I feel guilty for doing it. For letting my mind wander off and wanting to kiss him (and other dirty nonsense) when he's right there talking to me. It doesn't help that my feelings intensify just a little bit each time when I find something new to like about him.
I lied about the specific semantics but the details were the same. Not sure why. Could've talked to me about it instead of giving up/cutting off, though. One of you flaked anyway. Oh well. Nice a life have.
I've never had a crush before. I am in a long term relationship and never felt this way about my partner, not even at the beginning.
I have one hell of a crush now - and I'm completely infatuated.
I am SO angry at myself for thinking this way about 'her'... but I love feeling in love, so I am sabotaging all my own efforts to be sensible.
Why, why, why, why, why.
So I wrote this letter to my ex since tomorrow would've been our 5th anniversary had she not dumped me two months ago. Should I sent it to her at all and get a chance to show her my feelings or just post here and be done with it? (or both)
Your smile makes me feel like everything will be okay. You make me happy, and you make me want to be a better man. It's been hard sleeping at night without you in my arms. And I miss you badly. And I think I'm slowly falling for you. These last few days have dragged on and it seems like a month since you left. I'll tell you all this when I see you again after you get back from your trip. I just needed to get this off my chest because it's been driving me crazy but I can't contact you while you're out there for reasons we both know.
I was a complete, utter idiot. I guess I still am, since I'm writing this on a anonymous website, where you will probably never see it or know it's me. But maybe that's for the best, regarding what happened. I was clouded with jealousy and inadequacy. Instead of talking to you upfront, and being honest, I just ignored you, and pretended you didn't exist. I cut off our relationship, not because of anything you did, but because I felt angry, I felt my actions were justified. I wish I could turn back time, as cliche as that sounds, and just correct everything I did wrong. You may have forgetten me, but I still think about you every night, your precious voice tormenting my dreams. I can barely face you during the day, trying to forget, trying to ignore. But every time I see you, my heart just slightly cracks a bit. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe this is for the best, and we weren't meant for each other. And if that is the case, which it probably is, then I will move on. I made horrific mistakes, completely blinded with my poor judgement and insecurities. You deserve someone better, not someone like me. Please, do not live your life asking what you did wrong. Everything that happened was entirely my fault, due to my own weaknesses. And I will never forgive myself that you are the one who payed for my idiocy. Wherever you are now, please, just forget me. Even a wretch like me sees your beauty. You will find someone someday who not only sees your beauty, but will appreciate you not just as a pretty face, but as a precious and irreplaceable personality. I need to move on my from own insecurities, from my own fucked mental issues. I'm sure God did this to protect you, so I wouldn't make our relationship even worse in the long run. Whatever happens, just know I always loved you, that I always wanted the best for you, even if it meant leaving you forever.
I know what I'm about to do will only end in tragedy (for me, I'll be devastated, and you? I don't know. Maybe you'll feel some loss of a friend who fucked up).
But fuck it. Bridges were built to be burned, not traversed.
Hugs and kisses,
You're a fucking cunt. I wasted two years on you and three years after we part I'm finally over your skank ass. Never should have left M for you, she was kind and sweet and intelligent, and honestly much better looking. I burnt all of the shit you left at my house and pissed on the ashes. Hope your new man gets you pregnant and your body goes to shit.
You make me want to be a better person. If only to find someone like you one day. We don't even know each other outside of work matters but you didn't have to take a chance to do what you did for me and that gave me a glimpse of who you are. If only it was my place to see more of that. You are so unbelievably intriguing and look damn good in pinstripe. Alas, maybe in another life. I wish nothing but the best for you. And thank you. You've given me more than you could ever know -M
I have a rule: If I want to say something, be it harsh or rude or overly desperate sounding, I wait 3 days. If I stil want to say it, after waiting 3 days, I say it. But, I've done this 100s of times and I've never said the thing once. After a day or two, once you've thought things through, slept, and found something else to focus on, stupid worries tend to go away.
You did your best.
You didn't stand much of a chance.
I know you feel pathetic, even more so in the writing of this.
Maybe you are, but at least you gave it a shot.
Always remember that: you tried.
Don't ever feel guilty for what you do, you almost always have the best intentions; though you may get beaten down and grinded to base form, you always wanted to see the best in life.
I'll always love you, even if no one else can or will.
Sleep tight and dream of a better world you special being.
I am sorry that I could not be someone who you could call an ally or friend. You hastily walked away from me once and that was a terrifying realization for me. I felt extremely mislabeled and misunderstood.
Didn't expect that to happen, I just thought you were going down to the cornerstore for a drink. I'll always remember the good times we had together. I'll always remember you man (: You were a good friend, if not my best. Oh, and by the way, I'm going to be the best Draven player in the world. It was, after all, the last thing you ever said to me. Hope you're in a better place now. Before I go, just wanted to say one thing I never got a chance to say to you before you left.
Still thinking of you. Wish I could just see your face for a second, I'm not ready to forget it yet. I wish we could have had more, though I know it's my fault we ended up on such bad terms. I'm sorry.
M, please stop trying to help me and being so kind to me. It makes it a thousand times harder to see you each day, knowing you view me like someone views a child or some wounded animal. I don't want anyone to see me like this, least of all you. And the fact you view me like this makes me feel sick because I think this pity party is what changed your feelings for me from romantic to friendly. You only wanted me when you thought I was on your level. Now, in your eyes, somehow my struggles have infantilized me or some shit. I don't want to be your little sister, asshole. I've dealt with more personal shit in 25 years than most people deal with in a lifetime. Don't ride it off as "not as bad as some other things" you've heard. How many family members have you had to bury? That's what I fuckin thought.
I hope you don't feel too bad about raping me or anything like that when I was younger.
To be honest, I thought it was a little gross but I was pretty amped to be experiencing "dinosaur kissing."
I don't think you know that I exist. If that is the case, I hope things stay that way as it's really for the better. Hopefully one day I'll at least see you though. Not sure if S.L. is your real name, and if it is I've no idea how to spell it. Anywho, I'm immensely curious about you.
This sounds familiar. sorry if it's not you.
Maybe when I ask how are you doing? I need you to ask me how I am doing back. Maybe I need you more than you need me . Maybe I can't open up about shit... like have I ever. Have you ever bothered to ask? I don't know how to treat you I just want back in the friend zone but we both now that's the highway to the danger zone !
I'm K and you know what, he never asks me how I'm doing. He asks very specific questions that don't lend themselves to small talk.
I'll ask him how he's doing when I see him next and we can focus on his fucking problems instead of mine.
He would use an Archer macro though. Weird.
I like to think that I could have gone home with you last night. But I wanted you to come up and initiate conversation. No way would I do that with you because I honestly just can't look into your face up close. The last time I saw your face up close it was filled with hate.
I'm just so confused. I seem fine on the outside, I know, but you have no idea what's going on in my head. I'm in a steady relationship with the man I've loved for years- but for months, I can't stop lusting after you. I obviously will not act on this, but I sometimes feel like you should know this.
Tonight it is raining. I was reminded briefly of the time we walked together and shared an umbrella.
That was such a good day, because I spent it with you. Probably the last time that I was actually happy.
Now I am sad, because I miss you so much.
It's been a long few months.
F (if that's still your name),
You going to outdoor school? I just want to see you after the year or so we spent just completely not talking to each other. Thanks for texting me out of the blue like that. It's nice to see how you still have my number, and having a conversation with you, even if just through text, made me realize how I could get over you.
Start transition yet?
Thank you for being such a good friend for me this year. I've been going through a lot of stuff emotionally, and you've been really supportive in your own way. I'm glad to have met you, and I wish I could talk to you, or anybody, more about my problems without choking up and shutting down.
Did you pick a week yet?
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you or even seen you since we left that car. I have trouble figuring out how to comfort people when they're having a heart to heart with me, and that was pretty big. I'm sorry again if it felt like I forced you to talk about what was wrong. I'm extremely sorry that I couldn't tell you what was wrong to me. It just felt so minor after you told me about your life at home, and I wish it could've made me get over it. It did help, a little. I'm sorry that I've been a pretty bad friend, and I wish I had done several things differently in the conversation in the car. It took me a while to realize that people are REAL. They have people that they interact with without me knowing, and problems that don't show up on their faces. I wish I knew how to comfort you, if I need to, if you even want me to. I just feel so stupid about how all my problems are so petty. I feel so bad about being jealous of you, how your life seems like a perfect one for me, how you have so many people in the world who know you, who worry and care about you, while I have several "acquaintances," many of whom being your friends, who know almost nothing about me except for my name.[insert name/story joke] I don't want that to happen with you. I like you. I don't want to lose you.
why wont you fucking talk to me? days ago you were obsessed with me, now you barely pay me any attention when I talk to you.
I miss Julian, even though he friend-zoned me, at least he didn't keep me hanging and in the dark.
You gave me memories. Good ones and bad ones. But after almost a year of knowing each other you decide to treat me less than a human. You do not want to be my friend. You wanted to have rebound sex until you got over whatever feelings you had for me, if you even had any to begin with.
How can one person be so emotionally detached? You say I meant a lot to you, is this how you treat someone who meant a lot to you? Do you discard them like they're trash? You gave me shitty excuses for why we couldn't be friends, hell you didn't even want to be friends. You just wanted exclusive safe sex until you met someone else. I feel cheated. Like all those memories you gave me were lies. The day we went horse back riding, the day I planned a surprise birthday for you with your family, all the quality times we spent when we drove each other, and the days we spent at your cottage.
These are painful memories. But I guess it shows your true character, after seeing how quick you were to unfriend me on facebook the night we broke up, and after seeing how you expected me to jump back into your arms two weeks later when you messaged me, now fully realising that you were disappointed when I decided to call you out for messaging me pointlessly, seeing how I was doing, pretending like you gave a damn.
After learning that you did all of the things you did when you were with me because you had to and you thought you were expected to. The whole thing was artificial from the start and I don't even know why you got with me to begin with. How dare you say I'm mentally unattractive only after casually saying I am physically attractive. How dare you spend so much time with me only to decide that you can't love me. I find it hard to believe that there are people like you, cold hearted peopled like you out there... But I seem to be seeing nothing but cold hearted people the more I look. And it leaves me wondering if I am an oddity.
Fuck you Brooke. You permanently fucked me up. I cared for you!
YEAH YOU PSYCHO CUNT!
Thanks for the sex homie. Im glad i moved. Everything reminded me of us. Until you snapped. Stop snapping at shit. Get thick skin
I don't know if I should've said it.
I know I waited until the last possible second to tell you, and I know you said it a dozen times last night, but I still don't know if I should've too.
I didn't think I'd want to hear it from you, but part of me still liked it when you said it anyway.
I miss you so fucking much I can't handle it anymore. I'm being sentimental as hell it's been like 3 weeks and last three times we talked I finally felt we were going back to how we were at the start of fall before thints just went to shit in a single night with my stupid ass not knowing how to communicate how I feel through text. I go to work every single day hoping that for just a few minutes I'll be able to see your smile, talk to you and give a peace sign as we say later. This was gonna be 2 lines max what the fuck. I won't be there tomorrow for more doctor bullshit bur I'll be there Thursday and friday.
Though its only been two weeks and I miss how things once were. I feel blessed you and I can continue being friends, but nothing is truly the same. I regret what I said, what I did. It tears me up that I was suppose to see you next Friday but I fucked it all up. I just hope maybe one day things can go back to where they once were. I still love you, I just hope you stil have some love for me.
I hope I'm just being paranoid and that you don't actually have a crush on me. I don't think I deserve to be loved. I'm not pretty or cool enough for it. But if you are, tell me. Ease the paranoia that is in my mind. Sending vague tweets about how you're in love while staring at me for prolongued periods of time or accidentally touching my hand or staying too close to me might actually mean nothing, but guys have never done any of that to me (in fact, they tend to avoid being too close to me) and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm really hoping it's just paranoia, though, because if it isn't, I won't know how to react. It's not that I dislike you, I actually think you're a great guy. It's just that well, I'm much older than you, I'm not used to have guys like me that way and I actually have the same name as your older sister, so, it's a lot of awkward in only one place.
Since you hate people do freaking much, why don't you become a hermit? The world would be a better place if people like you just isolated yourselves and never had any contact with society again. It's not a question of having trouble socializing, because I have those too, but you actively avoid people and only care about using them for personal gain, treating them like garbage otherwise. No, I'm not being salty. And I'm definitely not the only one who thinks this way about you. Maybe if you were less of a sociopath, you'd care about it, but we just want you away from us. Think about it. It's a win-win situation. We don't get to see you and you don't get to see us.
This is difficult even though you will never read it... Unknown to you, I fell in love with you at age 12, we became “best friends” not long after. Since then I did everything I could to make you happy, I put you first over everyone, including myself. I gave up hobbies in which I had great potential, I let my school work become sloppy and half arsed, all so I could spend extra time with you. However, as I got a little older and time passed, trying not to let you rule my life I attempted to date other people, boy was that a mistake. Mid teen relationships hardly ever last in the first place but I purposely threw good relationships away just because they weren’t you. I was seen as an asshole and somebody that just uses people, all because I tried and failed to get over you, more times than I can count. Whenever I found myself escaping the grip you had on me, there you were, a kiss that meant nothing to you, sent me right back to the beginning. I watched you date guys for what felt like an eternity and I faked a smile every time I saw you just to try not to give my feelings away. I have even driven you to boyfriends’ houses just so I could spend 10 minutes with you, because those 10 minutes were the best part of the day. I told you every time you started seeing someone new that they weren’t good for you, that you deserve better, selfish as it was, in my mind better was sat right in front of you. But you couldn’t know that. Even your mother was confused as to why we weren’t together. But alas, we were just “best friends”. At least that’s what I thought. 10 years I was in love with you, 10 years I did everything for you and received nothing in return, whenever you called, I answered, even at 4.30 in the morning and I came to help you without ever complaining...
Then we drifted apart, I guess in a way I stopped being blind to the way you treated me. 3 years on and although we haven’t spoke for over a year, occasionally I think about you, but not like I used to. Now all I think about is how stupid I was and how much I missed out on. So thank you for that. You were never my friend, at least not in the later years, you used me and I let you, like an idiot. I guess all I’m trying to say now is thank you for distancing yourself from me. It has led to me finally being happy.
I'll see you tomorrow? I hope?
There's a lot of bad shit going on for me right now, but for some reason "not talking with you for a while" seems to be the only thing that really bothers me.
I miss you. And your super powers.
I know your gone and all but I just want to let you know college is going great! I really am finding out my true self.
I really miss you and I know its been 3 months but I still miss you so fucking much. I promised you I'd re-read that book and make you proud. By the way, I PR'd by a lot in the 60 and the 200 dash. I am really doing great in track. Wish you could come see me run.
I... I wish there was more time. More time to have told you how much of an influence you had on me.
We will have that beer someday.
From the Living world,
I love you. I want to wake up to your smiling face, and giggle about our mutual morning breath while we lazily take advantage of your morning-wood.
But I'm not going to put that kind of pressure on you. I'm going to keep panting after you like some pathetic animal because I'm too much of a coward to leave my asinine SO.
I just figured I'd get it off of my chest.
M.... You didn't say goodbye to me today but said it with additional positive sentiments to C even though you knew we were leaving at the same time... Also to T..... Why?
I don't think you're capable of playing those passive aggressive mind games, but I suppose I could be wrong. That was really weird, especially because we were making plans earlier, which I hope are still on for next week. I'd really like to see you then, so hopefully nothing comes up on your end. Anyway, maybe you were just distracted when C and I left. But that doesn't sound right.
And now I'm confused. Great. Or wait fuck I should have said goodbye to show I care? Or something? Is that what I'm supposed to do? That's retarded though in like a "marking my territory" kind of way. Fuck I suck at this! Please don't turn out to be high maintenance.
PS, you looked really good today. What a difference it makes when you (you know). And green is a fantastic color on you.
See you tomorrow,
I like you a lot and honestly I think I have a crush on you. You're not as ugly as you think. I'm sorry your family life is so shitty but always remember I love you.
Dear C. C.
I fucking love you. Please Skype me again. life's been sucky without you. Remember when you told me you loved me?? I want to go back to that night where we were crying wishing we could hug in real life and you told me that you would always love me and be there for me. I'm always thinking about you. Please pay attention to what I say, why don't u care about what I think anymore? You have so many other friends and I just don't know if you even value me anymore.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You always criticize yourself so hard, but you're perfect. I don't know if you'll ever get a bf bc you're so shy but I really really wish u would let me date you. I don't think you're gay but honestly you're the cutest thing I've ever seen.
Dear J. L.
Fucking whore. I hope you're happy with your wetback boyfriend that will just take your virginity and move unto the next pretty girl.
It was so nice getting to play Tera with you today. Though on our call I felt like you were treating me different, I guess I deserve it afterall. I realy want to see you, look at you again.I just want to be with you, Even after what I said, I want you to know my feelings for you have never changed. I still love you as much as I did before. I hope this friendship can blossom into something bigger again.
I'm smarter than I let on. I knew that if I didn't look surprised when I got the diagnosis that you'd probe more into my depression and I couldn't afford that risk. I've wanted to kill myself nearly every day since Christmas. I know I can't because it would be disrespectful and frankly a waste of your money. When I say I want to hold off on certain things until I have fewer things on my plate, I'm not talking about school. I know that in the context of school saying that makes no sense, and it's really hard for me to cover that up, but I really can't run the risk of you finding out because it would be too much for you.
I didn't get a rash from taking my medication. I opportunistically took advantage of some red mark I found because I didn't want to take medication on principle. In hindsight, I know this wasn't a smart maneuver. I feel guilty for wasting your and Anita's time by not seeking help, but hey, I'm here, so what I'm dealing with can't be that bad, right?
I love you so so so very much, and under the pretenses of the divorce it might seem like I don't, but that isn't the case. I don't spite you. The reason we aren't as close as we were when I was a kid is because, y'know, I want to take my own life. I'm hot fucking garbage at a lot of things, particularly showing you that I appreciate what you do for me, but endurance is one of my strong suits. The reason I'm writing this letter with the knowledge that you'll never read it is because I know you'll never need to. It's going to FUCKING suck, but I know I can wait for this part of my life to blow over.
Actually, fuck the rules, I'm saving this for future use.
Please stop talking shit on my boyfriend. I love him very much and after three years of dating I thought you'd get over the fact that you don't like him. He's working so hard to give me everything. You can't even see that he's treating me better than any guy ever has. Just stop.
You're a Terrible mother, I hope your lies unravel and you see how toxic your thinking is and the people you surround yourself with and how you're harming what you created. You're so stupid for actually meeting people online in person and falling back into drugs. Also the fact you're a huge slut
Please stop antagonizing me and my little sister. I know I failed college, you don't have to bring it up everytime you get mad at me. stop yelling at my little ister yo make yourself feel better just because i won't take your shit anymore. stop asking questions and starting conversations you know will make me angry. You have been doing this to me for so long i now terrible anger issues. If you set me off i might kill you, and anyone else who sets me off. Thanks for ruining my peace of mind. fuck you, stop lying to dad about me.