To guys mostly: would you be friends with a girl who is kinda hot and cold?
I have bouts of depression and sometimes get very weary and tired of people and often break up friendships and then beg people to take me back. I'm know I'm crazy, and I'm trying to work on that but idk. I just have the same issue, like I told this guy to go to hell but now I want him back in my life but dunno what can I do about it tbqh. I already apologised and sort of explained that it's because of my mental shit but what more can I do?
I'm so fucked eh
really, no. i wouldnt even be friends with a guy like this.
if i was interested in banging the girl, maybe put up with it for awhile to see where it goes. but honestly if it takes more than two weeks to get into someones pants, not really worth the effort imo cuz they want something more serious.
so no. i wouldnt. i tend to be stress free in my relationships. if you cause stress, we aint friends. and saying 'i have mental issues' doesnt really excuse or fix what you did. it just means that later you'll do it again.
Eh, I kind of do this too. Never had depression, but I don't like to hang out constantly with friends, sometimes I'll come up with an errand or something I have to do if I'm not feeling chummy.
I treat people like human beings but I can't help how I feel sometimes. Dunno if it's connected with being mature/grown up, maybe so. I wish I could be better person but desu now I need some suggestions what can I do to renew these friendships
I don't see why not. The problem is that you're a girl, and so guys are going to think of non-platonic things around you. They will read into your behavior and it might put them off because they're reading into it.
If someone is a friend, I don't care what they do because they're just a friend. Beyond that it gets dicey.
I'm not bipolar, but I have mild depression triggered by either
>poor state of health
Recently I've been swamped with university related things, got sick, it's always wet and muddy and rainy where I live during February and March. All that made me resent contact with other people, friends included.
I have max 2 such episodes per year, usually during autumn or winter but some years I don't have them at all, some years they are very mild.
>break friendships up
>then want them back
Yeah, that's kind of bipolar tendency. When people go through emotional states during their moody periods, they don't tell people to fuck off and go to hell for little reason, and then come crawling back shortly after.
Most people who are moody get a little touchy, and let people know they want to be left alone.
So these things cause you to flip out that badly? Yeah, you might need to sort out your mental state before you start trying to hold lasting friendships.
The one guy was being realistic, give it a little while and move on. It's sad but true. I know friends until the end sound good but if the stress of knowing you outweighs any benefits, forget it, you have to have such good times it outweighs your shit. I feel bad because you deserve friends too.
Yeah, I can see that my mental state makes being friends with me problematic but I have seen so much more shitty/flaky/dramatic people who still manage to have friendships and what not. I don;t know what to do dude. I can't help feeling shitty sometimes
I'd try my best. but eventually you'd probably drive me crazy. He probably thinks he's better off staying out of it for his mental health. But if he is your a real friend he'll come around. depends on the situation.
honestly it's all about communication and you really need to get to a state with yourself where you can recognize that you are going into one of those moods, and just tell people that you're feeling depressed in a way that you're going to need some space for a bit. I mean you are asking so that is a sign that you are acknowledging that it is a problem, and that it is your problem. Relationships, even friendships, are hard work and even on the days where you don't feel like you can muster up the fucks to give, you need to teach yourself to always ask how others feel and how they are doing. Sometimes having someone open up about their own problems will take your mind off your own, and if they open up to your venting, remind yourself to keep it short and not go into too much detail. I struggle a lot with strange mood swings and episodes where I really devalue and demonize even my best friends, I think of it as emotional hallucinations, it's really hard to deal with so I understand how you can lash out and say things you don't mean. Being aware of those dark clouds closing in and finding an honest, gentle way of ducking out of the social sphere until the genuine feelings of friendship and love return, is how you learn to live with it.
that's a good advice, thanks anon. I'll try to talk with my friends and explain them what's the deal with my mood swings and weird antics
uh, that's a pretty big jump. I love him, don't think it's a romantic love, but he's (was?) rather close & important person to me. I don't think I do it because I'm in love with him. I do the same thing with my other friends, but with them its always much less dramatic.
>I do the same thing with my other friends, but with them its always much less dramatic.
He's probably a dramatic guy. It sounds like you want him back in your life though, what have you tried?
I apologised (said I was sorry bout the whole thing and my weird actions coming from being crazy person) but he didn't respond to that at all, just read the message.
I suppose it's over because he won't open my snapchats either, just answers politely when I ask him about work related things (we work for the same company)
Idk what to do now. I suppose nothing because what more can I do? I show him I want to talk with him & be friends again even though I told him to get the hell out of my life some time ago.
No. I would put up with the shenanigans once or twice, assuming you have a decent and reasonable excuse and also assuming you were OK to chill with. But after a few times getting flaked on or having to hold your hair while you puke, I'm out. Not worth the trouble.
Casual friends maybe. I'm actually going through this right now.
She acts like a bitch, I ignore, suddenly I'm a good guy again and she wants to be my friend
More than anything I feel sorry for her because not a lot of people like her, but I keep my distance.
Get your shit together
Personally, I would prefer to be around a depressed/mental chick who had the humility, self awareness and honesty to actually admit that stuff up front. Then I know what to expect.
>be me, describing two different women I've met.
>first was alcoholic, depressed, had an unrequited love.
>not ashamed to admit these things and tell me she can get aggressive and loud when drunk.
>gets drunk, starts hitting me (not hard, but it was rude)
>I tell her afterwards that I didn't like it and can she please be mindful of it next time.
>she doesn't do it again. The little things we tell each other through the openness makes both our lives and behaviour better.
>second was proud and always looked on the brighter side of things. Not an alcoholic. Never saw her get drunk.
>mentioned her depression briefly and that she needs alone time and doesn't like to talk when depressed.
>tells me about some weird stuff she's into but doesn't actually elaborate as far as how it affects her psyche goes.
>try to be honest with her about small trivial things.
>denies any need for help and shoves it back in my face.
>after a couple of years I found out she was totally two faced, and was actually a substance abusing whore who had tried to seduce my friends when she saw one of them had a wad of cash in his wallet.
>was behaviour that she had never shown around me. I fucking hate her.
we are not romantically into each other, there's no setting for a blowjob mate
interesting... Why won't you give her a second chance?
yeah, I told him everything I could, I don't want to go all teary eyed and cry how I sometimes feel like not talking to people or whatever. He knows I have some mental issues, and I admit that but he still doesn't give a fuck. Can't blame the guy desu but he acted nuts towards me too, so I thought he would forgive me but it seems I was wrong.
I'm the a one above who posted this >>16876988
When shit went down with the second girl I gave her multiple chances to show that she was getting better. I wanted to have confidence in her and believe in her and know that she was well. She didn't do this.
The first girl did actually message me around New Years all angry saying she didn't want to be friends anymore and needed to cut people from her life. I said okay, but that I'll be around for her anyway. She messaged me back a few weeks later about the progress she's made and how she is feeling better. We meet up sometimes and shes in love with some guy she met online. I'm really happy for her :)
With your friend.. Perhaps he also needs to see how you are doing better. So he will want to spend time with that better person.
I know it's not an easy answer, but your whole story really has to be about making yourself better, not about being on better terms with your friend. It's difficult to be around someone who doesn't at least sometimes inspire hope and show us how to live and behave.
We love you anon, and we know there is a good nature inside you that deserves to come out more. Nurture this side of you for us and and your friend, and everyone will admire you, and you will feel love for yourself :)
All the best.
I'm in the middle of this exact thing, it felt good for a while, especially when I could keep her happy and was the world to her, now she has become very distant and I'm breaking up with her soon because of all that has happened
well, if you suddenly cut all sort of communication, but then come back on your own when you are feeling better, i honestly wouldn't mind. but if you expect people to magically know when you are feeling better then nope
>Would I be friends with a BPD girl
Yeah. I'd try to anyway. Not sure it will work out but if you're open about it I could probably ignore you when you're abusive. Maybe. I don't know but I'd try.
It's really tough as a guy. A girl expects you and you expect yourself to have some control, some influence over her well-being. If your gf's mood is completely independent of your efforts it makes you feel like total shit. But I'm insecure, and not every guy is.
Frankly, I suspect you'll need to settle for a less impressive guy that makes up for it by being emotionally steady and independent. He won't be dependent upon you (which is a plus for many) but you won't have to worry about him as much.
Thank you anon, I know I need to change myself for better. I'm actually better now, which is why I wish to get in touch with him and all.
To all anons lurking here, do you think I should keep trying to get in touch with him or not do anything and give him space?