During college I met a girl. Well not met, more like admired from a distance. Intrigued by her from the start, fell hard.
Months later, out of curiosity, I google her in hopes of learning more about her. Accidentally discover she's transgender.
Absolutely floored, but after a little while I realize it hasn't changed the way I feel about her. I do some research and watch some videos, and see that transgender women tend to be very cautious/afraid due to the stigmas some men have, which greatly lends to their insanely high murder rate.
The first time I approached her, it seemed like she was uncomfortable x1000 and wanted to eject out of her seat and through the ceiling (and no, I'm not a creepy basement dweller, neckbeard, obese or anything like that). Nor was I saying anything weird, I said hi, introduced myself, asked her a few questions pertinent the class we were in (yes my game is awful).
Since then though I've caught her looking at me a few times, but I don't know if that's, "I like that guy but I'm afraid he'll out me and/or kill me," or, "I think that guy might clock me if he hasn't already, better keep an eye on him." (clock means to deduce that someone is transgendered)
I just want to spend time with her so she can get to know me well enough to know I'm not that kind of person... you know, if she's interested at all. I want to talk to her, but the first round of her looking uncomfortable made me feel like a creepy piece of shit.
I guess what I'm looking for here is input, /adv/ice, similar stories, etc, just to help mentally prepare me for what might be a repeat of last time.
Maybe you could try to approach her by showing some vulnerability of your own. That's a bit of a vague suggestion I suppose, and might not be easy to put into practice. Perhaps you could start by expressing some difficulty over the class you share, and (not pushily) ask for her help or advice. Then maybe you could segue into outright saying "I'm really sorry to bother you" or "I'm really sorry, I can see I'm making you uncomfortable" and see if she responds in any particular way - I.e. contradicts you, maybe. Sorry, I've not got much of my own experience or successes to draw on, but I can't stand to see an unanswered thread.
>"I'm really sorry to bother you" or "I'm really sorry, I can see I'm making you uncomfortable"
definitely don't do this, it's not polite it's like fishing for compliments only instead of compliments, ego validation, and no one really likes cringing whiners who apologize for everything
Yeah my thoughts too. Thanks for the suggestion but in my experience it's better to roll on than apologize, or at least that's what girls prefer (i.e if they are uncomfortable, they'd rather be left alone than have to deal with apologies for it); and if they're not uncomfortable it can be interpreted as insecure, but that's not a 100% thing. I don't mean to ask for women advice then talk like I'm the women master, but apologies should be saved when they're needed.
She has like a whole other group of friends that she hangs out with though. I will talk to her again, but the only way I could see us hanging out is if she's will to break away and spend time with me sometimes (awesome) or if I get myself into the fold.
Dating a transgender isn't gay bruh. I don't have feelings for men. I know you'll try debating semantics with me about what transgenderism is, but it's easier if you just google a Q&A about it.
>I don't have feelings for men
>"she" has a dick
Yeah pretty sure you're dating a man bro. And no, I'm not going to google a biased Q&A about why I should accept a mental disorder as "normal"
Gender identity isn't emergent, it's hardwired, just like sexual orientation. Transgendered people will all tell you they've always felt that way, but weren't able to figure out what it was until they were older. So it's not a 'mental disorder'.
I see her as who she is, not the body she was born into.
>"I'm not going to google a biased Q&A about why I should accept a mental disorder as "normal""
It's hilarious you call information you've never even read, "biased". Why are you on adv trying to dole out advice if you're not even willing to educate yourself about the topic at hand?
The /pol/ echo chamber is that way.
You really should get comfortable with your own sexuality, therefore you don't have to shit your strange views into threads like this. Did you get molested by your dad or why are you so eger to put the right label onto male/mtf intercourse?
Very brief, I started dating a trans girl, who like OP's girl was kinda shy and lacked confidence. I really liked her tho and hoped we could make it. With time it turned out she had depression, bipolar disorder, self-identity issues which led to self-harm, some old mental baggage (was molested as a child by a family member), was madly jealous and clingy to a point when she called my around 30 times a day crying and begging me to quit and come to her right away.
I also couldn't get over the fact that she's not a real girl (despite the fact that I tried really hard, cause before she revealed her crazy I was smitten with her) but sex was awkward and from time to time ai would notice guy things in her looks or behaviour and it was a huge turn off.
We were together only 3 months but man, she dragged me hard. I was a wreck when I got out of this relationship and later on realised two things:
>it wasn't worth it
>the person I was dating really was, not even in a meme sense, destroyed beyond repair and her being trans was one of the indicators of that fact
We broke up last June, this January our muttual friend told me that she attempted suicide and currently is in a psych ward.
Funny thing, before dating her I had similar opinion to OP, was very accepting and understanding towards trans people. It took half of my sanity and loads of talks with people who experienced similar shit while dating a transgirl till I realised that most trans people are literally mad, and transgirls are madder than normal bitches.
Beeing lonely and angry is easier than constantly having all those pictures of your dad making you suck his cock in your head, so I'm actually the sorry one
>Maybe the problems lie closer to home instead of with everyone else.
I guess this counts for you aswell
>Gender identity isn't emergent, it's hardwired, just like sexual orientation. Transgendered people will all tell you they've always felt that way, but weren't able to figure out what it was until they were older. So it's not a 'mental disorder'.
but a lot of people turn gay
just because you said "oh but I just didn't DISCOVER I was gay yet" doesn't mean you were always gay
Cool to see you can see past the transgender part and appreciate a person for who they are instead of what they are bro. Just keep up, talk to her, and try to see if you can find mutual hobbies. Like if you both like gaming, go sit down and play a few matches of Smash Bros or something. I don't know. On another note, friendzone doesnt exist. So theres nothing wrong with becoming friends first.
No one 'turns' gay. It's easier for closeted people to fit into traditional gender roles (i.e dating and fucking women) than it is to act on their natural impulses, usually because of how they were raised, local culture, how their family might react, etc.
You guys are really fixated huh. I've taken a lot of time to critically evaluate my sexuality before now, and the conclusion is that I'm straight. You can be attracted to trans people and get over other things if they haven't or don't plan on getting render reassignment surgery.
I care about her as a person, not something I can impregnate.
not OP but honestly, from what he has said we don't know if she's pre-op or post-op. even then if she was pre-op, she'd be taking hormones. i'm surprised you all care that much. if OP doesn't mind and he's still attracted, you're just being counter-productive.
>accidentally discover she's transgender.
Lol you are either gay or gay you faggot. Thats a sick man.
I don't think it's gay. It can be gay, if the person going through a transition is aiming to date the sex they're transitioning to.
Straight people being attracted to and dating trans people is pretty common, though 99% of the time it's probably just attraction while being unaware (e.g cute girl you pass on the street).
>you do support the whole "I was born a female" thing but not the literal fact that some men are born with more female hormones causing them to get tits
holy fuck this is insane
>the one trans person i know doesn't take hormones
>so all of them don't
anyway, i said it more as a "it's common" statement rather than "i'm the authority on everything trans"
Sorry man, I thought you were another trollt. I actually didn't know that. The overall appearance (e.g distribution of body fat) makes me think it's HRT, but ultimately that's a guess.
Keanu fucks traps
>implying you wouldn't
>the 0 trans people I know, but some I've heard on the internet say they take hormones so everyone does
the guy stated that
>even then if she was pre-op, she'd be taking hormones.
don't try to flip this on me when I say that not every tranny takes hormones by saying I stated that none of them do
well I am a troll, but still, you can't just spout random incorrect bullshit
how the fuck did you find out zhimba is a tranny anyway? did you find zhimba's tumblr page or some shit?
Usually if you google a person's name, it's hard to find ANYTHING related, let alone that they're transgender
He shreds boypussy after a long day of shooting
living the life
I will never understand why some men choose to go after a tranny instead of finding a normal, fully functional girl... Like, being a transgender is a red flag, because noone in their right mind would chop their dick off and turn it into a fake vagina, not to mention that mtf people can't have children so they can't fulfill primary role a woman has.
I think it must have something to do with homo tendencies or maybe it's a weird fetish thing but still its fucking weird
>not to mention that mtf people can't have children
well, having children and being pregnant are very different
you can still adopt
even if you say, "that's not HAVING a child though" you can still find some carry mother and put your seed in there, hell, you can mix the seed of two guys and pretend it's YOUR child
IIRC, female on female children are also possible already, so I doubt man on man children are far away
>I've had several cisgendered girlfriends
come the fuck on anon, you can't honestly think you can be taken seriously when you post shit like this
Dude, maybe that's women in USA. I live in a relatively small european country and we sure get cunts like pic related but most girls are actually pretty chill and not slutty at all. Traps on the other hand are just mentally ill guys enabled by tumblr and jewwywood and guys with weird fetishes who, unable to find a decent girl, turn to anything resembling a girl and useful for fucking. It makes me depressed that I gotta live in times shit like that takes place desu.
Haha I actually avoided mentioning cis at all because I knew it would piss people off. I don't consider myself a feminist or anything, more like a let-everyone-do-what-they-want-and-don't-give-a-shit-ist.
hey she was a dude once so she understands how it is.
If a guy was approached by girl that he has crush on he would be uncomfortable too.
Apprach her but dont be so serious just tell some jokes or anything to have a laugh then ask her out.This will help