Is it shallow to leave my boyfriend over a bad sex life?
>together 2 years, lived together for 1
>took his virginity
>was ok at first, then had anxiety/erection issues
>worked through it, then had troubles lasting
>more erection issues
>has trouble finishing too quickly still
>has basically no control over his dick, forget me even trying to cum vaginally
Sex is something I'm both in desperate need of and something I despise. A minute into sex he finishes and I just mentally shut down, am pissed, oh he fucking came early again, I just get so turned off and don't even want to cum anymore because 2 years of this shit weighs heavily on a person. Sex is basically me turning him on, stroking him, teasing his nipples and balls and giving him oral/handjobs, I get oral maybe, and then we either have sex and he cums in a minute or he loses his erection and gets upset about it so we can't continue.
I don't know what to do at this point. I've told him to get a physical, I've had many many many talks with him about lasting longer/strategies, but honestly I'm not sure if my resentment has built up too much to salvage this. Does anyone have any advice here? I've made threads like this before and always end up doing nothing, I probably won't again this time, I'm just sick of being so unsatisfied. Either I walk on eggshells around him and baby him or I tell him frankly he needs to improve things but I get the same result, bad sex
Honestly it seems like every guy I've been with has had this problem. I'm starting to think that decent sex is just a myth.
If you can find a guy that lasts during sex don't ever let him go.
You probably should leave him, and really hope you can find a decent guy.
My gf dumped me because I couldn't get hard due to medical problems. I now resent her for life.
Go ahead if you want to be a dick OP. You can break up for whatever reason you want. However, you'll be losing all the positive things and won't even guarantee a new bf whos good at sex.
Sex is a really important aspect of a relationship.
However, there's only a few relevant questions. How old are you, how old is he, and who makes the money/most money?
If he's not older or doesn't make more money than you, he's not fulfilling his part of the relationship agreement, so you should find someone you're more compatible with in those regards.
This is more shallow than OP.
OP, sexual incompatibility is a completely legit reason to break up with someone. People have needs, and if he's not meeting yours then you are gonna have a problem, sooner or later.
On a somewhat related note, how would your boyfriend feel about being cucked?
OP here. That feel when I found cuck porn on my bf's computer.. :( Never entertaining that shit though obviously
I think that a lot of this incompatibility stems from how he's basically too submissive. He's always resting his head on my shoulder, making me take the lead in everything, basically loves me with all his heart and would do anything for me to a fault. This is what causes me so much pain, because he truly loves me and we have some great times together but this sex issue just leaves a big part of me unfulfilled. We've experimented with anal for him (he didn't like), toys, different lubes and cock rings, nothing really makes a difference in the quality. On Valentine's Day I was in full brand new lingerie and of course he couldn't get hard and basically cried the entire night and ruined everything I had planned. I just want to have carefree and fun sex, maybe even spur of the moment sometimes, but it's always some big affair where I have to fluff him up usually without a good ending so it just bothers me. The worst part is that he has a big dick and it feels great but he just can't do it.
Yeah, he needs to see a doctor to see what the fuck is going on. It seems like it's more mental than anything, but I don't see why that wouldn't go away after a few times unless there was either 1. a deep underlying mental issue or 2. some physiological reason as to why he can't stay hard.
At the very least, could he try to get the little blue pill?
But yeah, I'm sure if you've been dealing with this for as long as you have then you've probably tried most of the shit you can try. The rest is up to him - if it needs to come in the form of an ultimatum, maybe that is how it must transpire. If he really loves you like you seem to think he does, then a gentle but explicit "this shit is not okay" might be the kick in the pants he needs to see his doctor.
I think it might be a medical or psychological issue. I'm not sure how often you talk to him about this, but maybe you've addressed it so many times that he's gotten anxiety over it.
Does he want to change for you though? It seems like you're the only one putting in effort in your sex life, but then again he just might feel too insecure to do so as well. I don't think you should break up over this, you've been together for two years so there must be a vast number of reasons why you're still with him after all this time.
So just go take him to a doctor asap. Or a therapist. As for you, just go get some toys for now. Maybe even let him use it on you or something.
Reading that gave me a case of the feels...dang
Anyway, if sex is really important to you (nothing wrong with that), and he's not willing to take more drastic measures to fix it, then it's not wrong to break up with him. He sounds like a nice guy, but is it really worth it if you're sacrificing your happiness for his?
This is not shallow. Your desires are important.
What it comes down to: how much you value sex, and whether or not your'e willing to put time & effort into the relationship you're in/attempting to help the person you're with.
I don't think it's shallow at all. You really should once again encourage him to go to the doctor AND emphasize to him that this is having an effect on you. It's also not really fair that he doesn't get you off each time. Do you think maybe you would be less resentful if he at least gave you oral each time before getting into sex?
The constant pressure to perform well and bad experience constantly leading the way aren't helping him get any better at sex either. No wonder he always has issues - he's solely focused on trying to get hard and stay hard and that KILLS boners, it's not sexy or exciting at all to be always thinking about maintaining a rock hard erection.
It's as much in his head as it is anything else, and it's difficult to work around if both of you are sad and angry and resentful over his performance issues.
If he was a decent guy he would care that you're not cumming and would make a conscious effort to focus on you to get you off even if he didn't do it via penetration.
Sex is a NEED and if you two can't make it work then yeah, I'd say it's good reason to leave him.
Maybe make it clear to him you're feeling about why you wanna leave first and give him one more chance to try.
He's taking you for granted and he'll probably realize that you aren't going to stay with him if he's not gonna try.
Anon tell him then put him on a really rough training schedule were he masturbate at least 6 times a day. Being a very experienced masturbator this was the rate where I eventually couldn't stimulate myself well enough to come even within 4 hours. Sure, sex is probably more enjoyable (I wouldn't know) but I'm sure he's gonna feel the fatigue and eventually go for a couple minutes at least.
Almost forgot. The point is for him to hold himself back while doing this. It will help to just keep him fatigued but that's not very productive. I also suggest him to start off with softcore of some kind which he doesn't particularly enjoy. Work himself up to you and then heavy fetish porn if he has some.
I'm confident he will be much better within a week.
This is a little extreme, but he's right. Batting practice does help when the time comes, (literally.) But it's about quality practice. He needs to take his time and try to hold erections between stimulation.
Get him to see either a sex therapist or a therapist who does psychoanalysis. There's a reason for his impotence, but he has to figure that out. You might want to make it known that you're thinking of leaving him because of it.
Get him a fleshlight for his birthday. Shamelessly, I promote its effectiveness in changing me from a similar putz of a lay into a sex tiger. It costs around $80 plus ten for (water-based) lube.
While this is true it's not really the inability to hold that gets you far. It's having a different relation to the activity. In the start your mind is almost entirely on your dick. But more and more you're more in the situation than the dick. It's that distance that's needed to go for a long time. Personally I find it extremely hard to make any real movements while holding back. It requires a lot of focus still. And I don't think that's sufficient for a healthy sexlife. Of course it's more quality training when you do hold back, it's the most intense moment. But it's not all about that. I'd imagine if he's a 1 minute guy the speed at which things escalate is rather enormous. No easy task to control that. Perhaps you can just focus on 'quality' and your failures will eventually get you there. I haven't tried.
If you truly love him you'll work on it. Try getting him to have a few drinks. I can last for days even with a small buzz. Get some toys and get yourself almost there before you even let him penetrate you. Let him get off then get back to foreplay until he can get it up again, He should last longer the second time. If he cant get it up try pills. Also practice makes perfect. Have sex as much as possible. I can tell you as a guy with a decent amount of sexual experience if it's been a long time, even I have trouble lasting but if I'm getting it on the regular it's no problem.
If your not willing to work on it then dump him and hopefully he'll find someone who loves him enough to work on his issues later