True or false: Everyone's boyfriends hit them once or twice. You can do something bad enough that your boyfriend is justified in hurting you. If a man feeds, houses and protects a woman, it makes sense that he would occasionally control her physically. If a woman is threatening something her boyfriend owns, he has a right to hurt her to make her stop.
False. A girlfriend isn't your wife or property. Hitting her to keep her in line with your needs or to pay you back for his you feel about her is uncalled for and wrong, just as it is to act that way toward any friends or family. If she were to hit or endanger you in someway, then that's a different story.
>Everyone's boyfriends hit them once or twice.
False. That's a sweeping statement. While it can happen, there are some exceptions. Just like how it's false that everyone's girlfriend hits them once or twice.
>You can do something bad enough that your boyfriend is justified in hurting you.
Legally, no. If your boyfriend decides to physically hurt you, then he's immature for doing so, and you're immature for making him want to. Same goes for a girlfriend. it's never justified for your girlfriend to hurt you physically no matter what you did, but it's just as immature for making your girlfriend want to.
>If a man feeds, houses and protects a woman, it makes sense that he would occasionally control her physically.
That's okay, controlling them physically (without hurting them) is okay. Like if she wants to go out late, and it isn't safe, the man can block the door and say no. Same if it was a woman who cares for the man. Anything else is NOT okay.
>If a woman is threatening something her boyfriend owns, he has a right to hurt her to make her stop.
No one has a RIGHT to hurt ANYONE. That's just stupid and childish. If a woman is threatening something her boyfriend owns, the the boyfriend can protect it, but should never be physical about it. Same if a boyfriend is threatening something his girlfriend owns, the girlfriend can protect it, but should never be physical about it.
Most of this is false. Your girlfriend/wife is their own person and you don't own them. Your boyfriend/husband is their own person and you don't own them. Sex, gender, whatever the fuck libtards come up with these days; none of that matters when it comes to hurting the other in a relationship. If one resorts to violence, that's childish, immature, and just outright stupid and illegal. There's almost always a better way to solve a problem.
This. There were a few times when my ex got really carried away in a fight, and I had to pretty much hold her arms and bear-hug her until she calmed down and stopped trying to hit me. But I'd never intentionally hurt her, I'd never use more force than was absolutely necessary to defend myself.
Everyone's entitled to self-defense, so if she's actually trying to hurt you and you're not strong enough to just restrain her, then do what you have to do. But I don't believe in "corrective" violence, especially not against someone weaker than yourself
You know what I feel like I should make this EXTRA CLEAR.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD ONE RESORT TO VIOLENCE, ESPECIALLY SO WHEN IT'S AGAINST YOUR PARTNER.
>When is it okay to physically hurt your boyfriend?
>When is it okay to physically hurt your girlfriend?
>When is it okay to physically hurt your husband?
>When is it okay to physically hurt your wife?
Now replace the word "physically" with "emotionally", and go back and read it again. Then replace with "psychologically", and go back and read it again.
That being said, if you make them mad enough to want to physically hurt you (it's okay to want to, as long as you don't actually do it), then you're a cunt, or they have anger issues, or both. Try not to make people that mad, and maybe they won't want to hurt you physically.
>I was kicking and fucking up his car. He came over and choked me.
You're a cunt, he has every right to be mad, even if he did something to make you want to do that. Talk out your feelings with him.
>>No one has a RIGHT to hurt ANYONE.
>>I still believe what they taught me in the 3rd grade!
NO has a right to hurt ANYONE. One has a right to physically hurt someone if they are or someone else is in danger. That, however, is self defense. Which is legally justified. So if someone is charging at you or your friend or whatever with scissors, it's okay to kick them until they back off. However if your boyfriend cheated on you, and you decide to fuck up his stuff, he STILL doesn't have the right to hurt you. NOR do you have the right to hurt him for cheating. Violence almost never solves anything, just makes matters worse. Being civilized when you're in a civilized place is always better in the long run.
Ignore this if you're not living somewhere civilized like India or Saudi Arabia or Brazil or something.
>everyones boyfriend hit them once or twice
i have literally never hit a boyfriend. a boyfriend has literally never hit me.
>you can do something bad enough that your boyfriend is justifiedi n hurting you
sure. generally, hurting him first. but since i dont do that they have no reason to hurt me.
>it would make sense that he would control her physically
nope, no logic there. if thats not something you explicitly state going into the relationship, than ur pulling it out of ur ass.
>threatening something her boyfriend owns
sure maybe, but if shes threatening your stuff and ur hitting her, thast a breakup moment. nto a bump in the road.
You're in a toxic relationship. You were both wrong. You both did shitty things. Neither action was justified by the other. He wasn't justified in choking you, and you weren't justified in fucking with his car. You sound like you're just one of those "hell couples," everyone has known people like this. You feed off each other's negative energy. You make each other into worse people, just by being together
He took my phone from me for taking it out while we were arguing, because I was ignoring him. We parked. He started to leave with my phone after me begging him and him saying it was his now. I just paid for both our lines today. I told him I would hurt his car if he didn't give it back, he started to leave, I kicked the window wiper thing off, dented the door and broke the antenna. He ran back and choked me until I said "you're killing me". I can't swallow
Go to the fucking hospital, idiot.
And get out of that relationship. It's a horrible relationship. It's turning you into a horrible person, it sounds like he was already a horrible person, it's just bad news altogether.
And for what it's worth, I've been fucking pissed at my fiancee before, I'm talking DEFCON 1, fantasizing-about-a-meteor-striking-her-house levels of pissed, and I've never, ever taken or damaged her personal property, and I've certainly never physically hurt her. Nor would I ever. Nor would I expect her to trust me ever again if I did so. I suspect if I took a quick poll of all my male friends they'd unanimously agree.
Perhaps that'll provide the kick in the pants to get out of this relationship.
Agreed with most of the anons in this thread.
You shouldn't ever hit your partner.
That said, I don't think there should be a complete moratorium on physical contact if someone is assaulting you, which is really the way the law goes. My parents used to fight a lot when I was a kid, and they got divorced (remarried when I was 17, oddly). My mom used to tell me that my dad was a woman beater, and I really hated him for it, because of the "it's never okay to hit a woman" thing, but it took me being in my teens to actually see what she was referring to and that she was actually crazy. She would be spitting in my dad's face, screaming about something stupid like not paying a credit card bill three weeks early, hitting him in the face, threatening to call his job and tell the, he was doing drugs and hitting his wife and kid, that kind of shit. He physically restrained her, she told people he hit her. One time she ran at him and he went to move, so she tripped over him, and she claimed he flung her to the ground.
Hell, I got into a fight with her once and in anger I flipped a stool on its side, and she told my aunt and grandmother that I flung a stool at her from across the room and threatened to kill her.
They thought I was an awful person until I finally got a video of her having one of these breakdowns and smashing a glass table on me.
(Sorry for the personal blog, got out of hand, but times like that a guy shouldn't be in trouble or ostracized for defending himself.)
Fuck. I just submitted that post but I'm still reeling a little. He fucking choked you? Not even just a slap? How did you not tell him "go die in a fucking fire, psycho" and storm off, never to see him again?
Are you a troll? If not, what kind of home life did you have as a child? How could you ever possibly think that was normal?
Break the fuck up. What's it gonna take? You realize that if he choked you hard enough to fuck up your voice, he EASILY could've killed you without 100% meaning to. It's not that hard to break someone's windpipe. You could've died last night. Do you seriously fucking care if he was "justified?" Do you really want to be with someone who'd choke you out to protect the paint job on his fucking car?
>He took my phone from me for taking it out while we were arguing, because I was ignoring him.
Immature of you to ignore him, immature for him to take your phone. You're both wrong. I suggest to stop yelling, stop attacking each other, and speak in a clam voice (no passive aggressiveness allowed) with the other person's feelings in mind.
>He started to leave with my phone after me begging him and him saying it was his now
Immature of him to do so. It isn't his, that's theft. Obviously one can confiscate something to help another in a relationship, but in this case that's not okay.
>I told him I would hurt his car if he didn't give it back, he started to leave,
That's immature of you. You shouldn't have done that. That's also immature of him, he shouldn't have done that.
> I kicked the window wiper thing off, dented the door and broke the antenna.
That's really immature of you, and stupid, too. You shouldn't have done that. It's never okay to break personal property. You are at fault for breaking the car.
>He ran back and choked me until I said "you're killing me".
That's unsafe, illegal, and immature and stupid. He really shouldn't have done that. Choking you is his fault.
>I can't swallow
Go see a doctor, that's pretty serious.
You're in a toxic environment, and you both act like you're 12. Get counseling, take a break in the relationship.
If you're 20 and you act like that, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Definitely take a pause. If he's 31 and still acts like that, you should REALLY get out of the relationship. You're a cunt, and so is he. Fix yourself, and if you care about him, tell him to fix himself as well.
There aren't circumstances when it is okay to hurt someone. Hurting someone and self defense are two different things.
Stop being a cunt, grow up, and ditch him. I'm sure you're a nice woman, but you sure act like a 12 year old cunt.
I don't have a problem with chatting one-on-one, but I don't give out my phone number on here, just as a general policy, for all the obvious reasons. I'd be happy to give you an email address, though, if that works for you.
I'm anon that called you a cunt and a nice woman in the same post, ie these:
Post a throwaway email, I'd like to help you.
You began destroying his car and you don't understand how he could've choked you?
You're not a special "no retaliation zone" because you have a vagina. Do you think he wouldn't have fucked up a dude that was fucking up his car?
He choked you because he didn't want to knock you the fuck out. Regardless, you two are toxic. He pushed you (apparently) to destroying his property by taking your phone (shit reaction, but whatever). You pushed him to violence by destroying his property.
It's happened a thousand times and it'll keep happening. He'll say "she's a bitch but I love her". You'll say "he's an asshole but I love him". You are enabling each others' shitty behavior and you're toxic. Sounds like you both need to grow up. Away from each other.
>everyone's bf hit them once or twice
>you can do something bad enough that your bf can justifiably hit you
only if you are actively trying to kill him
>man is the breadwinner, must physically control the wife
>woman threatening possessions, justified
false, unless actively trying to kill someone
Do you have any concept of using appropriate force to resolve a situation? Do you not understand how easy it is to "accidentally" kill someone grabbing them by the throat and squeezing until they can't breathe? Do you not think he could've stopped her from damaging the car by grabbing her arms and holding her back?
He choked her because he went rage-blind like an ape, and he wanted to "punish" her for kicking his car. Not just to stop her.
The two of you are an other data point, proving
you have to grow older, but growing up is optional.
You don't know how to communicate, can't solve an argument without people and propriety getting damaged (get that throat checked, you idiot), you have no place in a relationship.
Please double up on birth control, or just go spay yourself, don't let children be born to such a shitshow.
That's how a lot of people feel.
They're retarded, and should learn to leave bad relationships behind.
It's hard, you're older, there might be kids, getting into a new relationship will be a lot of effort - all excuses to justify keeping at the bad one.
Modern sensibility says you just fuck off and move on. No need to harm anybody, you just don't stay in a relationship where you aren't welcome.
No doubt, man. It's horrible that happened to you, and everyone is entitled to self-defense regardless of gender or whatever. But you must understand that it's kind of inappropriate to post a non-sequitur defense of morally sound self-defense violence against women, in a thread started by a woman whose boyfriend choked her to the point of vocal damage for scuffing the pain on his car.
>Like if she wants to go out late, and it isn't safe, the man can block the door and say no
Never got an email from you, OP.
Hope everything's all right. In case you're just taking your time, I'll check back tomorrow morning.
If you don't get in touch with me, your takeaway points from this thread should be: what happened was not normal, it was not acceptable, and your relationship needs to end. I know this board tends to be pretty quick to drop the "you need to break up!" hammer on people, but in your case it's merited.
Sorry about the copious insults hurled your way in this thread, don't take them personally. No, you didn't exactly behave well, but that doesn't mean you deserved what happened, and it doesn't make it OK.
FALSE! if he loved you he wouldnt hit you.
i have had my sister damn near killed by one of these idiots. no he wont change nor does he want to. leave his ass as soon as you can
That's fucking bullshit. My sister's never been hit by a significant other, and she's had like 8 boyfriends.
Outside of something that is demonstrably self-defense, your boyfriend is never justified in hitting you.
If a woman is threatening something her boyfriend owns, he has no fucking right to hurt her just to make her stop that shit.
While I acknowledge violence as something which happens I've always believed it to be the last resort of those who are without any other option.
I can't see a 'normal' relationship as having no other option and thus requiring violence. I wouldn't lower myself to be the person who declared I had no options and lacked self control and discipline. It doesn't seem very adult.
Trying to justify it is just the inane self justifying delusions of someone who has made poor choices and will likely continue to make poor choices until they can reflect upon their mistakes.
I mean, even with children or animals you just remove contact past a certain point. You don't get physical with them.
Fear or admiration as a basis for loyalty. Which would you rather use?
Violence is a last resort and should only be used if one's life is threatened. To intimidate, manipulate and control using violence is wrong, especially in a relationship. Children use violence, adults use words.
>I'd never use more force than was absolutely necessary to defend myself.
this. Even if you defend yourself you'd better be prepared to defend why your use of force would be the same amount another rational person in your situation would use.