So my gf's father tried to kill himself again and got himself into a coma.
My girlfriend went to see him, which is like 3 hours away, and is staying with her family. She tried to bring me over but I refused as I don't know him, the rest of the family and got work to do. Now the doctors told her he will die in the next few days and naturally she plans on staying there until he goes, and a couple of days more for the funeral. The thing is now she keeps pressuring me to go be with her, her family also thinks so apparently, and I don't think this is reasonable.
Her father was highly negligent with her as a kid which resulted in some severe insecurities and abandonment issues on her part. And since we started dating (3 years) evey couple of months he either tries to kill himself or does something violent and gets himself arrested, and everytime I take the blunt of a stressed emotional gf, at least one sleepless night, my relationship with family and work suffers, etc.
Suffice to say I got no love for the guy. And now I'm supposed to, what, put my life on hold for an entire week to go to a city 3 hours away to wait for him to die and attend his funeral? To top it off I'm a student, got no car and am pretty much broke. Is it unreasonable for me to not want to go, or to only go there at least once he actually dies for the actual funeral?
Come on guys. I need some external perspective in here pls.
You're not doing it for him. You're doing it for your girlfriend. It's not up to you to determine the worth of her dad to her. I say suck it up and be there for your girlfriend when she needs you the most. Which is right now.
Whether he was abusive or mentally ill or you hate him or whatever, if your GF still got emotional over him, is staying by his deathbed and is going to his funeral, it's obvious she still has feelings about him (mixed or otherwise). Your GF is asking you to stay by her side in what has to be a traumatic time for her.
If you refuse to go, you risk causing great upset, and ultimately resentment over it. She's not going to think "Anon hated my dad, that's why he didn't come"; more like "I really needed Anon when my dad died, and he wasn't there for me". DESU you run the risk of making her abandonment insecurities worse with that one, famboise.
tl;dr: Get over it and support your GF. Once he's dead you don't have to worry about this shit again anyway.
>girlfriend wants me to support her when she's upset because her father is dying
>I'm not going to because I don't know her
That's not how this works. If I were her, even the fact that I have to try and convince you would make me reconsider this relationship.
just do what they want you to do.
Make sure the family actually wants you to be there though.
When my boyfriend's dad died, I actually knew the guy and the family very well but they didn't want me there. I was allowed to go to the funeral but they didn't want me in the hospital room.
The "right" thing to do is to do whatever your gf wants in this sad time for her
I think we would get along well, at least I can totally understand your disgust for the faggot.
On the other hand she's your gf for 3 years, and if your planning to continue this relationship it would be nice just to be there for her. Make sure to mention your aversion of beeing there, so she will remember. I guess although her dad is (hopefully soon was) a fag these are hard times for her, and she wants you to be there as support.
Personally I would go there, but consider it as an act of love for your gf, and just to make sure that the old guy is burried for sure. So I guess you need to shift your perspective. But like I said I totally understand your demotivation. But on the other hand we're men and we choose to do things that we don't wanna do because we provide
I think most of you didn't quite understand my point. I'm fully aware that going is for my gf, not the father. The problem is that going implies travel costs which will completely fuck up my budget for the month and also missing days of work for my thesis, which is already well behind schedule.
It pisses me off that not being there on a few specific days she needs me overrides all the other million times when she needed me and I was there. Meanwhile her family never gives a shit about her, and yet surely will become saints after showing face during these days.
I feel like I'm only needed for the bad times and a single 'slip up' in 'being there', even when I'm in way over my head, means I'm the biggest douche ever. Meanwhile with her friends and family a lone good deed done only when it's convenient proves they're such amazing people.
But whatever, I'm going. If she even picks up the phone that is.
People might think youre a dick but I think you're a lot like me and are being pragmatic about things. You do what you have to do. If youre going to marry this girl, go to her
If youre not, finish your thesis and do great things. Dont fuck around with bullshit if you dont wanna fuck around
Buck up you big baby. If she's not picking up then let me guess, you've whined about it already and pissed her off?
If it's budget problems, talk them over with her, she may be able to help. Thesis-wise? Talk to your god damn tutors, they might be able to give you an extension because of this "family emergency".
If you resent going that much then don't go, and just accept the consequences of the lack of trust you'll get from it or whatever.
It's the first time i go into 4chan. I don't understand anything what's going on here and i don't know how to use that shit but i just wanna say to you, the people, to the world that .. I FORGOT LOL ^^
You wouldn't be going for him, you'd be going for your girlfriend. Even if the guy was a piece of shit, he was her father, and this is kind of a tough thing for her to process. Nobody's asking you to get up and give a eulogy for the guy, just sit with her and be there for her in a tough time. Damn man. Do you really not get this? Funerals aren't actually about the dead people, it's a way for the living people to get a sense of closure.