>disclaimer: senior in uni, 6'1, /fit/ handsome, but a little awkward at times otherwise i wouldn't be on fucking 4chan
Met a girl from university last spring (2015) off of tinder (bonus points she was from my hometown, also in my year), went on 3 dates, made her dinner at my house, had sex. Saw her for 2 months where we'd hang out regularly, have sex, meet all her friends and all that good stuff. To me she was giving off date-y vibes and I was down with it. Then at the end of the semester she started being oddly crass and sarcastic, shooting down offers to go out to lunch in kind of rude ways via text. Then she agreed to getting dinner with me at a nearby bar... like 20 minutes before it was time she mentioned that she was full cause she got dinner instead with her gay friends. i just got pissed off and just deleted her from facebook and went no contact on her after that. my rational was assuming all sorts of shit like either she was using me as a rebound, just wanted to fuck and was feigning interest or whatever. regardless i felt upset and used after my emotional investment.
two weeks later she texts me for a booty call. i thought maybe i was being too hasty with the >delete from facebook meme, so i agreed to meeting up. it ended up not working out due to logistics, but i sent her a friend request after that.
"i don't understand, did you delete me?"
"yeah, you were being cold"
Didn't hear from her again for a good 6 months. During that period I felt like complete shit. I made a childish move and single handedly fucked up something I thought had potential. I saw other girls during that time but none compared cause of my oneitis.
Last october i thought i'd try to reconnect with her and take her out to lunch. I texted her saying hello and apologized for being an immature dick. She was wary of my intentions "what triggered this all of a sudden?". Agreed to go to lunch and then canceled/flaked at the last minute. Then she said she was 'busy' and couldn't hang out with me. Got the message, didn't talk to her for a while.
A couple weeks ago, my friend gave me two tickets to a local opera super last minute. I didn't have a date so I messaged every girl I hooked up with recently to go with me. This girl was included (I ended up going alone). Her: "sounds awesome, i can't though xyz busy".
Rejected again, oh well.
either way it's a big enough issue for me to write this all at 7 in the morning so yeah, /adv/ pls and thanks
>ignore that last line
Then later that week, she tried to booty call me at midnight. I didn't see her that night, but I ended up taking her to dinner again, hanging out with her another day, and then getting booty called successfully a couple days after that.
I'm starting to think she only wants/wanted to fuck now, but she's playing the 'maybe someday when i'm not so busy, ugh i have all this stuff to do' card when I tried to hit her up recently. we exchanged some light hearted banter by texting back and forth, but now i'm just sick of chasing and am gonna let her initiate a meet up (which surprise surprise, hasn't fucking happened yet).
I've been seeing other people through this whole ordeal, but my oneitis is bad for this girl I'd cancel any date if she wanted to see me.
I also can't fucking read her. Did me defriending her just turn her off permanently? I feel that's what set this whole episode in motion.
Did she just want to hook up the whole time and nothing else? Why the fuck did she sleep with me again after flaking and showing no interest before?
I tried to talk to her about this whole situation and apologized for cutting her off earlier and explained why, and she literally gave me a 'i'm so stressed with work i can't talk about this right now' reply and nothing else.
Women always bitch about men 'using them for sex' yet i feel the reverse is happening here and it feels fucking awful. Part of me feels that it's my fault for cutting her off and that's why she acted that way, but also a part of me thinks she's being immature and unreasonable.
either way its a big enough issue for me to post this at 7 so yeah /adv/ please and thanks
Hard to say exactly what's going on as I don't know the in's and out's, but I'll give you my gut feel -
Chances are, she doesn't exactly know what she wants and is just having fun.
Most girls enjoy the date-y things, cause, in general, they just love attention.
The problem is - you caught feelings.
You are a booty call because you do a good job, and, unlike how guys can just jerk off, girls really need dick to satisfy that urge.
The bottom-line is this, if you were after something serious (which is the vibe I'm getting from your story), she would make time for you and talk through your 'kind of childish' behaviour in the past if she really wanted something serious too.
I'm sorry for your situation bro, but there's good girls out there :). But I'm 26 now and I'll tell you, in my experience, most girls in university are just fooling around. By and large, and this is full /pol/-tier logic, I think not having their careers/life sorted out and many options kind of fucks with their head and their desire to find something serious.
Also - deleting from facebook was kind of childish, but it was only a 'weak-move' when you apologised for it. There's nothing wrong with cutting contact with people who aren't productive/beneficial to your life.
When looking at such things you have to think about it from her perspective as well.
Now, assume, she's seeing maybe a couple other guys as well - just like how you hit it off initially. After all, you did meet off tinder - she can get other dates guaranteed.
Every now and then, perhaps things aren't going so well with these new guys or whatever and she messages you for some attention. You, most likely, snap-respond and voila dinner + booty call etc etc.
The harsh reality is that women are kind of playing the field/game like young men cause of things like tinder. Don't worry I know that feel - I was hit up on Valentine's Day and, yep, I snap-responded and answered the call straight away - but it is what it is and I don't have feelings for her.
>like 20 minutes before it was time she mentioned that she was full cause she got dinner instead with her gay friends.
This is a girl that doesn't give a shit about you, and considers you a backup option. It doesn't matter if she puts out, sluts will put out and not think twice about it. Meanwhile, because she's putting out you feel as if it somehow means something. It doesn't. Chances are you're not the only guy she's doing this with. Chances are when she flakes, she just cant be bothered or found someone more fresh/new who she's interested in.
By apologizing, you've also put yourself completely in the "I can treat him like a rag doll and he'll apologize for it" camp, aka no respect.
Just tell her you're tired of her flaky crazy behaviour and not to contact you again. You've already said you can hit it up with other girls.