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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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I broke up with gf 3 weeks ago from an almost 7 months relationship.

It's been difficult to me, went to teraphy and shit.

She's now dating other dude (one that she used to date sometimes when we were together)

It justs seems so fast to me, and I want to move on as fast as her, I don't like to be sad and that shit. Any advice besides hanging out with friends and that stuff?

i think what you meant to say was

>any magic advice

nope. none here. go try hanging with ur friends again.

that beign said, in case this didnt fall under 'and that stuff'

you can try removing her from your short term memory. the reason we miss people is cuz our brain tells us they are supposed to be there. they are in our short term memory and it shocks us when they are absent.

to fix this you need to create new memories isntead of building on old onse. start watching a new show, play a new game, go to a different bar, and for the love of god, rearrange your furniture. this is by far the easiest way to do it. it forces you to build new memoriesi nyour mind to get used to the new furniture. moving the memories of you in your gf in that room to the long term, more distant memories.

but the more you actually do stuff that is memorable (like hang iwth friends and that stuff) the more you actually make new memories.

as opposed to sitting around dwellign so much that you post about it
Thanks, all of my friends are too freaking busy thanks to college (me too). So it gets kinda hard to make new memories as much as I would like.

I'll try the "new game/show" thing, i'm pretty sure it sould help. Now I just have to move on, I guess she didn't loved me as much as she said (she even said that she thought about marriage with me). Yeah, shit happens.

Have a nice day!
The best advice I ever got on something like this?

She moved on before you even broke up, and that's why it seems she's moved on faster than you. I imagine there were issues, and you said it yourself - she already knew and dated this guy. She had a backup, she wasn't as emotionally vested, and she was already prepared. She moved on because she was already further along than you anyway.

Everyone handles these things differently, and three weeks isn't any time at all. It often takes months to get over a lengthy relationship.

Just throw yourself into something else to take up the time. If you feel up for it, go for something useful like your career, school work, or the gym, but anything will do as long as it isn't self destructive.

Allow yourself to grieve, and then allow yourself to move on. One day, you won't wake up and think about her.
Wow, thank you.

The thing that hurts the most is that even when we broke up she cried and sweared that she loved me. 1-2 weeks ago she was telling to all of my friends that she really loved me and that I marked her life.

I didn't fell to that game, because I found ilogic that she wanted me when she lost me.

But getting over someone in 3 weeks (well, actually 2 or less) Wow, that's a record, at least for me.

I get mad with that to be honest, all the times she promised me that she loved me and that she wanted to be with me. Even when she said "I don't really have time or space for a boyfriend anymore".

Things change so fast. I'm going to a gym asap. And I guess this is the last time I give all my heart to someone.

Some people do things like that. A lot of times, one or both people get hurt at the end of a relationship.

I dated a girl for a year (exactly one year) and even though it was loveless on my side for a few months (and honestly really fucked up), it still took me two years to move on enough that I could date again. On the other hand, she claimed she loved me for about a month, while and before bad mouthing me to everyone she could; she began dating again three months later.

Just because someone says something, doesn't mean they mean it. It isn't always women who do that though (although women are more prone to it); a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend over the summer and just now is dating again, although he started two weeks later (after saying he was asexual and didn't want to date anyone). Some people are just shit.

Improve yourself, fill up your time with other things, and heal. Eventually, someone will come into your life and you'll want to date again, and if you do, don't be afraid to love again. Just be careful, and give things time. If it works out, you have your entire life with them.

Also, never date someone who dates someone else while dating you, unless it starts out very casual and only later becomes serious. While I suppose nothing is a universal red flag, that's a pretty close contender. She didn't really probably value you, and always wanted a backup.

Eventually, though, I'm sure you'll find someone like I said.
Psychologist told me that I should have a new gf in 2 months max. But I think that will be very difficult.

This case was a little bit different, at first I felt guilty, but I never did anything wrong. Even her parents are on my side and they support me. Just imagine how she was that even her parents doesn't support her on that specific thing.

I'm not a jealous type of guy to be honest, and I always gave her freedom, always trusted her. I guess that much freedom made her think that it was OK to hug that guy in front of me when we were still together, and even show lots of affect to her "best friend but exboyfriend", in front of me. Basically she made whatever the fuck she wanted. Everything was OK for her, but she could get jealous about a very random friend of mine that I rarely talk with. Lots of red flags, feelings made me blind

I don't want this to happen anymore in my life. I will be super careful with who I open my heart. And specially who I trust.

I never thought she would end like that, never imagined this, but I will surely learn from this.

Nice to hear you could move on, it was a lot of time but you can begin useful and good things like "autoknowledge" and all thar stuff that makes you improve.
Your therapist is an asshole - period. Although it's not bad to move on quickly, that isn't how everyone (or even most people) works. It's perfectly fine to be upset for longer than that, as long as you don't quagmire yourself for years.

If someone's parents turn against them, you know they're in the wrong. Stuff like that happens, and you run into the wrong people, but not everyone is like that. Just be honest with her flaws - you'll get over her fast, but be careful to not then wallow in hate. Use those redflags to avoid the same type in the future.

While a lot of women have male friends, and some do remain friends with their ex-boyfriends, if she seems closer to him than you, that's a redflag. If she's physically intimate with him all the time, spends a lot of alone time with him, etc. that's a clear redflag as well.

Don't worry about raising issues with people. If they love you, they'll discuss it or get over the fight.

Moving on takes time, especially if it's your first love or traumatic. Any long relationship takes time though.
Whoa whoa whoa wait a second. She was dating another guy while she was dating you? And furthermore, you didn't see this shit coming from a mile away?
Yeah, I don't think that was right. Maybe I need a little bit more time for that.

I don't hate her, after all we could share happiness for a while, we were able to complement each other when she wanted to and being with her made me a better person. Sadly things couldn't continue, but after all no one deserves to be depressed. I want to mainly keep good memories, and the most important bad ones, to learn and don't let this happen again.

There was a lot of redflags, like talking shit about some other sick possesive ex that treated her very bad (seems she couldn't get over it, even after 2 years because she still hates him), not taking care of herself, all the stuff about her friends being way more important, etc...

A lot of people tells me that I was being too tolerant while she was just thinking about herself, without considering me, let alone having me as a priority. No respect and all that kind of stuff. I guess I should avoid her, she seems a little bit toxic. She wants to recover friendship with me, but everytime I tried she just says something like
>Oh, are you going to love me now?
>What a miracle, you wanted to talk with me
>Do you really care about how I am?

Yeah, I don't really like that. I have to forgive, forget and stay with the good things, but she can say whatever she wants because she is stressed or she just treats me that way without knowing why, literally she said some time ago that her behaviour with me was "unconcious" and she "forgot almost all the things she said"

This is my first long term relationship (and even hers), I guess that's why it hurts. I don't share the idea of disposable relationships, and I easily take 5-6 months to know I like someone, some months more to try and confirm I want a relationship. She never showed this part of her, sad to know she was faking/hiding all the time.
>She's now dating other dude

Let's make one thing clear. For the rest of your life, if you break up with a female, expect them to be seeing another guy within a week, if at least just for sex. If you don't realize this now, every relationship you have is going to end up with you being butthurt/upset at the fact that a girls moved on to another man. They can get men at the snap of a finger. No, it's not fair. Men have to take time finding a girl that is attracted to them, build up interest and so on, but life isn't fair and dating is ridiculously skewed towards females. But the sooner you realize this, the better for yourself for future relationships.
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Hi OP. Just had my gf of one year break up with me. Right before our birthday. (same day. lol) She said she wanted to be friends and as hard as it was, I told her, no. It's hard man. I am in it with you. WE ARE GOING TO MAKE IT TOGETHER OP! WE CAN DO IT.
plus dude. (im the same guy from the star dust pic) shes going to break up with that guy. its a REBOUND relationship look it up. She will come running the fuck back to you again bro.
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