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scholarship essay help

what sounds better advice:

>Like my mother, I believe nothing should go to waste; however I also strongly believe that it is better to act than to speak. I am confident I will achieve my goals by putting my words into action and by taking a hands-on approach to my life.


OR

>Like my mom, I believe nothing should go to waste. And to believe strongly in this, I must also believe that it is better to act than to speak. I am confident I will achieve my goals by putting my words into action and by taking a hands-on approach to my life.


THANKS SO MUCH

pic unrelated
>>
>>16863666

> i believe nothing should go to waste; however i also strongly believe that it is better to act than to speak.

thats nonsense. the two different beliefs have nothing to do with each other and dont contradict each other in anyway. 'however' usually is usually followed with a contradiction, an exception to the rule, a loophole etc. you jsut stated two different things. also the semi colon is a waste. the 'however' connects those two sentences.

a semi colon should be used in
'i belive nothing should go to waste; i strongly believe that wasting anything is the absolute worst thing fucking ever amirite?'

but when you have a 'however' or an 'and' or a 'but' you dont really need a semi colon.

all in all i think what you mean to say is something clsoer to

>My mother believed that nothing should ever go to waste, and that is an idea I've modeled my life after. I have found that opportunities are just as much a resource as any, prone to waste like any other. As such, I believe it is better to act on an opportunity, than it is to waste it simply by speaking.

though i still think the two are really unrelated mate.
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>>16863721
thanks

well im trying to say that in addition to having adopted my mother's belief, i am adding my own to shape my life etc

how to say that
>>
>>16863736

any way but the way you are saying. cuz right now you are sounding like your second belief is derived from your first belief and no matter which way you word that, its not working. try something along the lines of (but a more refined version of)

>my mother believed that nothign should ever go to waste. My father believed it was always better to act than it is to speak. Thanks to their combined wisdom, I've learned that its never a good idea to waste an opportunity; to get anywhere in life, you always have to act upon whats offered to you.

something like that.
>>
>>16863748
k hold on let me see
>>
>>16863748
and this

>Like my mom, I believe nothing should go to waste. And to believe strongly in this, I must also believe that it is better to act than to speak. I am confident I will achieve my goals by putting my words into action and by taking a hands-on approach to my life.

doestn work at all?
>>
>>16863783

not quite. cuz the act than to speak doesnt relate to the first. the two are unrelated. put in a

>but waste doesn't stop at resources. they extend to opportunities, and as such you have act on actions rather than speak on them.
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