Ok, so I met this girl two months ago. She's 17, I'm 19. We went out on a date a little over a week later. We became official almost a month after we began talking. I lost my virginity to this girl and she's my first GF.
Anyways, she caught the feels for me hard. At first, I just wanted a casual relationship with her. I didn't expect to catch the feels for her because of her past and because I thought she wasn't GF material. As I started to get to know her more and more ( we talk on FaceTime 3-6 hours a day, meet 2-4 times a week ). She even got into a relationship with me knowing I was leaving for the Navy this year and still wants to commit to me.
She always tells me how great I am, how I'm the nicest guy she's ever met, how much I care for her etc etc. This weekend, she wrote me a massive text opening up her feelings to me. She opened up a little bit just a week after our first date and that kind of scared me a little because I didn't want anything serious with her but I started falling for her two weeks ago after she cried on my shoulder in the shower because one of her friends told her we wouldn't last, she can't an overseas relationship etc etc.
I really like this chick and I feel like I'm starting to fall in love with this chick. I just need some input and someone to talk to this. I want this relationship to work. She wants it to work as well. A LOT more than me from what I can tell. She even admitted she has stronger feels for me than I do for her.
My friends are all idiots who tell me shit like to cheat on her, use her etc etc so I can't really talk to them.
Woah woah how are showering together? Where are your parents? Sorry that was bugging me... Anyway, you just need to ask yourself if you can see her in your future. If you can, just let the feels flow.
>I NEED SERIOUS SOUL ADVICE
>lol should i keep dating her?
pick one and only one. that being said, date her til you leave? its not like you are going to find someone else who is waifu material, so much so that you'd literally wife her before leaving right? and keeping just a gf while in the navy is hard (its the reason military peeps tend to marry young. only way you get to see em is if ur married)
if you wanna be honest go for it. just tell her you do love her, and its been great, and you want to enjoy every minute until you go, but you're going off navy style, shes going off to college, and shes still extremely young. her first love wont be her last. but you promise to make it as enjoyable as possible.
then you go bang overseas sluts.
I just find it really weird that she's so into you. She seems like she's just trying to pull some fake damsel in distress bullshit when she is crying on your shoulder over such a little thing.
Long distance is tough. I don't know why someone would want to start a long distance relationship after having been in a relationship for such a short period of time.
How much relationship experience does this girl have?
I don't want to bang random girls man.
I thought of dating her until I leave but I want us to workout all the way.
I haven't fallen in love with her yet but she's definitely fallen in love with me. Rather quickly too. She even said this herself. I told myself that I would never marry anyone while in the military until I live with them and they can survive a deployment without me.
We haven't had anything resembling a serious discussion about the future, only minor quirky stuff. She has said however she would be willing to move to my permanent station when I can live off base which is either San Diego or Norfolk.
I told her I won't be able to talk to her much for at least one year and there will be points where I won't be able to talk to her for weeks at a time. Not even including deployments. She always confidently says that's she just going to have to deal with and there's nothing she can do but I don't think she understands the seriousness and reality of it. I will have a serious talk with her about this when I get contracted in a couple months with a set ship date.
>i dont think she understand the seriousness and reality of it
shes 17 mate, why would she?
>i thought of dating her until i leave but i want us to workout all the way
what? by your own admission you dont love her yet. why do you want to workout 'all the way' with someone you dont love? that makes no sense. you are committing yourself to a child (when ur barely an adult yourself) that you dont love, because you dont like the idea of just enjoying it while it lasts?
I'm in your position, age wise, but I've been with my girl since I was 16.
Don't break the girl's heart. If you're not 100% serious, tell her the truth. The truth hurts, but hiding the truth from her hurts more, because if she finds out that you lied to her (they always find out), then she'll get hurt a lot. Think. How will she know that that was the only lie you told her? How will she know that every single time you told her something that was important to her, was the truth, and not you lying? You guys lost the V card already, and while in this day and age sleeping around is the norm, she's young, and you might fuck her up.
As for the Navy... Tell her everything honestly. That it'll be hard.
Don't fuck up her life, it's easier for men to get back on their feet, but for women (from my personal experience and from what I've seen) it's much harder, and you might turn her into a dick craving whore.
If you have feelings for her, tell her. If not, then tell her "Hey, I don't want to lead you on, I really like you, I wasn't expecting us to be this serious, but I'm willing to see where this takes us."
Don't be a dick
Also if you want to talk, post a throwaway email, and I'll get back to you with another throwaway email. Email host will be cock.li
I found it weird too. She even said she found it weird as well. She told me she's never fallen for someone this quickly before. Ever. She wasn't crying big she was just tearing up and had a feels moment I guess because she clearly loves me. And I don't know man, she clearly thinks I'm worth it. She says I'm the best guy she's ever met, I treat her with respect, I care about her, I look out for her and that I'm basically her prince charming. She even said she made a list of everything she wanted in a man a while back and I'm everything on that list.
She's had 2 serious boyfriends before but her longest relationship was 10 months. She doesn't like any of her ex's at all. As for me, I've never had a GF until her. I have dating experience that's it. I was never out there because I was home schooled during High School so I couldn't really meet anyone until I started going to college, driving and working.
Yeah, I can tell she has a cutesy idea of being a military wife. She watches those videos of soldiers coming home to their significant other unexpectedly and stuff. Her stepmom use to be a military wife. I told her it's going to be very tough for her but she's confident she can handle it. I haven't had a serious talk with her about it. Speaking of stepmom, her family seems great. Religious and very caring. They love me too.
Bro, I told her the truth. I tell her absolutely everything about how I feel and what my intentions are. I see communication as crucial in a relationship. She does the same. That's another thing she likes about me. I don't bullshit anything.
I've told her before that I planned to break up with her before I left until I got to know her as a person and wanted it to workout because she's very special to me. She knows very well about the Navy. I told her that I don't love her yet but I have very strong feelings for and that I'm falling for her. She's very special to me but love is a very meaningful word and I don't want to tell her unless I'm absolutely sure. I've told her that too and she understood. She told me a couple weeks back that she doesn't want me to tell her I love her unless I mean it. She said that was understandable and she admires my honesty.
I'm honest about everything to her man
That's good, keep being honest.
As for other advice..
Give her some space BEFORE you leave for the navy. Just so she can see what that's like. Alone time to process and digest is very important. Then after the haitus, ask her how she found it, etc.
Also, be prepared that some other guy might come along. Or that when you go back she'll be a different person, but someone you don't like anymore.
I don't think she'll like that man. For the reason that it won't be the same. It's one of those things that you can't replicate because it's just not the same. You know what I mean? If anything, she'll want to see me everyday the last week or two before I ship out.
And that's my absolute biggest worry. I trust her but the though is always in the back of my head especially because my friends always talk about their girls cheating or when you read about it online.
She told me before she likes attention. Who doesn't like attention from their significant other? I told her I won't be able to give her any attention or very little and she's going to be very lonely. She just said "Oh well, I'm just going to have to deal with it. I have a strong family and friends as well". Man, that's something I love about this chick. How confident she is in this and how much she WANTS to be with me. How much she wants this to work.
How do I go on about making this more serious? Like making the seriousness of me not being there for her for a couple months?
The email didn't work for me so I just made a throwaway gmail.
She might not like it, yeah, I agree. What I mean is, have some time away from each other, before you go off. Then obviously for the last few days, spend as much time as you folks can.
Don't worry about her cheating, if she does, then so be it. You'll find someone else. I'm pretty sure she won't, so don't worry, really. She WILL get confused and have other guys pine after her, but long as you have a way to keep her committed to you without having to be there, you'll be okay.
Again, have a period where you guys have no contact. Stay off of FB, don't answer calls from her, no texts, no whatever apps, nothing. Don't see her, etc. That she will dislike, but that will make her realize the seriousness of it. No idea about how the navy works, so let's say
>You leave June 1st
> Try the entirety of April, even April Fool's day, with no contact whatsoever between the two of you.
No asking her friends to check up on her or talking to her friends about her. Same goes for her.
>Come May 1
Discuss how that went. Then emphasize that it'll be like that for an entire year.
Also this isn't even meant to be mean or degrading, but a lot of women love attention, if she thinks positively of the people giving her said attention. Not all, not most, but a lot. If I were misogynistic I'd say all women are attention whores (but I'm not, so I don't think that).
Sit back and look at the situation. You're only 19 dude do you really think you're going to marry this chick?
The way I look at relationships is if I'm no trying to get married then I'm simply not putting in that much work. Also, you should really only put in as little work as possible. In most cases you get a lot more than you're giving and that's sometimes where the feels come in because you start to feel bad that you kind of lead that person on but again if you're not trying to get married then fuck it.
If I was in this situation I would suggest more bro time and go hit on chicks to get my mind off of this one. I also make a lot of time for myself because I come first ultimately.
tl;dr stop being a pussy and drop this chick because she isn't worth all the work