Somehow, I managed to fuck up a pretty sweet deal about a month and a half ago.
Here's the context for my failure:
>20 year old kissless virgin
>have a thing for my best friend's younger sister, jess
>know best friend mark since kindergarten
>still really close, even today
>jess is 17
>chubby and cute af
>became pretty good friends over the last few years
>totally my type
>see her when i'm home from college, because me and my friends always drink at mark's house
>always very flirty with each other
>very obvious to everyone around us
>a while ago i was drunk and i tell mark that i'm into his sister
>he's totally into the idea and says he'd rather i date her than anyone else
>me and his dad are bros too, and he feels the same way
>kinda weird, but it feels good
>thanksgiving this year
>mark and i are drinking with jess and some her friends at their house
>jess leaves the room to go to the bathroom, and her friends start giggling
>"Come on, anon. Just say something!"
>didn't want to make shit weird in front of everyone, but this made me so goddamn happy
>wanted to get her alone to talk to her
>3AM, so i've gotta bounce
>long hug good-bye from jess
>about to go to sleep, but i get a text from jess
>"i'm gonna miss you when you're back at school :("
>i ask her if i can take her on a date when i'm back home for my winter break
>she says yes
>winter break is over
>lots of texts and snapchats between asking jess out and going on our date, so there's no way that it was a drunken misunderstanding or something
>have to wait like 2 weeks to go out because she and mark are on vacation with their family
>finally, tonight is the night
>picked her up from her house to go to a thai restaurant nearby
>the drive over is a little awkward
>kind of quiet, because it's weird to be together alone this way
>once the conversation starts, everything feels good
>no uncomfortable silence
>she tells me about the schools she's looking at
>i get to hear about some of the stuff going on in her life that i don't normally talk about her with
>she's laughing at all my jokes
>seems genuinely interested in what i have to say
>feels like everything is working out as planned
>i pay the bill without questions from her, so i know that this date was a date
>when i drop her off at her house, i freeze up because i'm a nervous idiot
>no kiss, no hug
>"i had a lot of fun, anon"
>i feel really stupid about not making a move, but at least i had a great time
>makes me feel like she must have had a great time with me too, because i'm usually very self-conscious about how people perceive me
>feel so good about everything in spite of my grievous error
>there's always next time
>my foolish optimism
>next couple of days, jess blows off my texts and snapchats
>i ask her about getting together again a few times
>messages are always really curt and impersonal
>"sorry i'm busy all weekend with mid-terms"
>i get pretty nervous after her second response, because this doesn't seem like the way things are supposed to go after a successful first date
>figured there'd be lots of contact between us going forward since we were already good friends going in
>i must've fucked up
>run through everything in my head a few times while i'm at work
>still can't figure out what went wrong
>run the whole situation by mark and a few of my other close friends
>they say that it's probably all in my head
>nothing to get nervous about
>don't want to make an ass out of myself by continuing to text her, but they convince me that it's fine
>send third or so text
>i know you're super busy, but i'm going back to school soon, so i'd really like to see you again before then
>she flat-out ignores me
>i finally take the hint
>hang out with mark the saturday before i go back to college
>jess is at their house with her friend
>"Oh, hi, anon"
>she won't even look me in the eye
>i try to talk to her while she's out in the backyard with her dad, but she and her friend leave immediately as i approach the three of them
>"She's just not ready for this kind of thing with you, anon. I don't know what to tell you."
>haven't talked to her since that night
It's very obvious, even to me, that she's not interested in going out with me. I'm only bothered by the fact that, now when I go back to Jess and Mark's house to hang out with Mark, things are probably going to be very uncomfortable because of how our date was left off. I'd also really like to know why she feels the way she does. I had every green light imaginable, and we were close before the date, and yet I failed.
Would it be super retarded to try talking to her about all of this? It's been bothering me all this time, because I KNOW that i'm going to see her again, and I KNOW that this is going to come up eventually. I'd rather smooth things over sooner rather than later, and I really want to know what the fuck I did to screw things over. I was so excited that things were all falling perfectly into place, but then I fucked up royally, and I need some closure or something.
>Would it be super retarded to try talking to her about all of this?
That would be the most logical thing to think, but women would "rather just not, like, deal with it, like" so no, you can't talk it out with her, she can't handle talking it out.
You'll have to just leave her alone. Be polite with her in public and otherwise don't speak to her or contact her. To your best friend, act like it doesn't phase you/ if she's not into you, then w/e OK.
Okay, so the move is hers to make indefinitely?
And yeah, I tried not to make a big deal out of it with my friend. We talked about it right after it happened, because we were hanging out, and then on one other occasion over text. I'm trying not to brood over the situation, but obviously that hasn't been working. If I wasn't totally inexperienced, this probably wouldn't phase me so much, but it was really disappointing to get rejected for the first time this way.
It's not like you made some huge mistake. She's 17 man, she doesn't know what she's doing yet either, who knows what she's thinking?
It sucks and it's confusing, but at this point the best thing you can do is just let it be. If she wants to talk to you, she will. Maybe it'll be too late and you've moved on, maybe not and it'll work out. Who knows?
But it's clear she doesn't want to talk right now, truthfully it sounds like she's being a bit immature about it, but you're not going to get much by pushing for "closure" at this point. You've already tried.
It's not really your fault though. It sounds like you did everything fine. There's no rule that says you HAVE to kiss her at a specific time. Maybe she thinks there is, but you're good
Sounds like you weren't aggressive enough. You should've made it know that you wanted her. She's 17 so don't overthink her ignoring you, she's immature and thinks if you ignore a problem it'll solve it. My advice would be to completely ignore her. Let her come to you. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal.
Yeah exactly. I'm trying to avoid looking pathetic here, but at the same time, I do want my answers. I figured that there wasn't really a way to accommodate both, and it sounds like nobody on /adv/ thinks so either, so I'm just gonna have to wait things out
just drop it, dude
you blew it
make it clear you want to have sex from the start
you're not giving her attention out of sympathy or to be friends
give her attention cause you want sex. if she gives you attention back, she wants you to go for it
otherwise, drop it, and don't waste your time and energy
and in this case she wanted it, but you blew it so she doesn't want it anymore
so just drop it
Okay, but going forward, how can I ACTIVELY communicate that I want a sexual relationship with a girl?
I get that coming across as extremely available can PRECLUDE the possibility of sex sometimes, but what should I be doing when I'm with a girl to show her that that's what I want?
People always talk about making physical contact and stuff like that, but most of the time, that seems like it's kind of gropey and desperate, which isn't the way I want to come across. Am I wrong, or is this actually a good way to show a girl that you're into her in a romantic way?