48 year old guy
Married about 24 years
6 children, oldest graduated college and married, 2nd graduated college
I've failed enough to know a lot of what not to do.
Monitoring day at work, offering advice.
Replies may be delayed by life.
Is it a decision that will affect my entire family or me for a long period of time? Then I weigh the various options and even use concepts like the Doctrine of Double Effect.
If it isn't that serious, I make my decision and move on.
The Doctrine is easily found on the internet.
Here is an example from my own life
>Married, 3 kids, haven't finished by degree yet
>Going to school full time and working nights because I need the degree to go further in my career; any 4 year degree will do
>Decide to major in Theology - my job had to do with ethics but the ethics major would take an extra semester. Business might be better, could even do engineering
>My in-laws are furious, want me to do business. My father thinks business is best
>Decide it is best, live with it
>In the long years since have been told some variation of 'at least you aren't just another business major' when I got hired
>Have lost opportunities because it isn't a "real" degree
So, it is a wash.I can live with it, so I do
I failed my third year of a bachelor degree (it's a 4 year bachelor) because of personal issue's and asshole mentor (i think i was not adult enough yet, performance anxiety, mentor pressuring me etc)
I got counseled by some student counseler into a medical technical bachelor study, it's verry interesting, but i'm failing on the math subjects. Allthough i excell on all the other courses
Now that the chance of not making it in this study seems verry likely i'm looking back at my previous study, suddenly i remember the possitive things again and want to try again, My first 2 years went great. And the job prospects are also quite allright compared to other bachelors Hopefully i could start in the third year, getting it done in 2 years and than have my bachelors. But how can i know that i'm not going to fail again? How do i know if i can actually overcome my issue's next time? Because although failing school and internships i gave my all. How do i know if i'm not suffering from ''greener grass on the other side'' syndrome now that this study i'm doing now, turns out te be hard.
There is never a certainty about not failing.
The first time I tried to make my own company I failed and was about 4 days away from losing my house when I finally got a paycheck.
The second time I tried I made a successful business, sold it, and paid off the house.
The third time failed. The fourth failed, the fifth I broke even.
I will try again.
Failing at something doesn't mean you are bad, or even a failure. Try it, and if it doesn't work do something else.
How should i know if it's time to do something else? I failed 2 internships after each other, both due to performance anxiety at the core, i'm older and wiser now, besides accademicly my life is a lot better and i feel better about myself, would it be risky to continue my previous study, or would it be bether to start over with something completely different again?
Not on purpose. For example, when I was in the army there would be porn movies on at bachelor parties or on a second TV when a football game was on.And you can't get away from porn online. But I don't go looking for it.
I've never really understood the point. It is like my friends who love to go to strip joints. Why? It just hits me as a waste of time and energy.
You have to figure this out for yourself. Here is what I tell me kids
1) What is your long term goal?
2) OK, break that into the big steps that you need to get to the goal
3) OK, break the first big step into small steps
4) Start the first small step
A) Write all of this down
5) Every week sit down and review what you did that week and see if you are on track
6) Every month sit down, review, and change what you need to change now that you have learned more
7) Every three month review *everything*: all the steps, all the goals, AND the long-term goal. Change what you need to change
This gives you a plan, a feeling of certainty, and the ability to change as you change
Oh cool that's really good to know, in my head I just assumed that the majority of men watched porn. That's attitude I really want to adopt. I'm getting married soon ~1.5 years, so I really want to kick this habit. Any advice on breaking addictions?
Build new, good, habits to break old ones. I was a smoker (3-4 packs a day) for 5 years and struggled to quit until I realized I was replacing something (smoking) with nothing. So I set up a system where I would take 10 minutes of every hour to write a book (and I had a lot of sugar free mints). After 2 weeks I switched to 15 minutes every two hours, after 4 more weeks to 30 minutes twice and day, then an hour a night after another 2 months.
No smoking, 5 books. 2 published
>I made $500 total, but I quit smoking
Try going for a walk, or lifting, or something
For figuring this out, would it be wise to talk to some people from the work field? Or shall i get back into contact with former teachers who got my back when i was still doing well? And have a talk with
Build up a habit of success.
Start with small, new habits. Stuff like 'taking a walk around the block every day'. Do that every day for 7 weeks and boom! new habit.
After 2-3 of those learn new skills; take a cooking class, or a few instrument lessons. With your new skill at building habits you'll stick with it and learn new stuff of value.
Now you have mental habits of finishing what you start and the feeling of accomplishment.
Keep 'ramping up' by adding more good habits and more success and things look easier and easier.
Feeling stagnant mentally and socially after a 7 year relationship in which I mentally told myself 'EVERYTHING IS FINE' throughout the whole time.
Finally got out, feel like I need to find some hobby or interest to make myself appear interesting.
What are some hobbies or interests that can help me be a better person? Don't ask me "What are things you are interested in?", because if I knew, I'd act on them.
Give me some suggestions of things that would make great conversation or teach me a useful skill.
Waste of time and selfdefeasting
Why do you want a side GF/ Probably because you are unhappy or unfulfilled.
If you are unhappy, move on. If you are unfulfilled either deal with the GF and fix it or move on.
Cheating/a side girl is adding complexity and drama without fixing anything. It is like your care needs an oil change so, instead of getting an oil change, you get another car that needs brakes.
A friend of mine in a similar situation started making wine at home, like home brewing beer. It takes more time, a little more attention, but it also seems a bit more impressive and he eventually turned it into a side career as a sommelier.
Another friend, also feeling just -stagnant-, took masonry/bricklaying classes. Physical, engages the mind enough, and resulted in a useful skill that can be artistic.
My story, above, about writing books was a lot the same.
How has your marriage lasted this long? Was it the children that tied you together? Because I feel like i shouldn't get married to my girlfriend unless we have kids in the short term future afterwards.
When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...
actually isn't too far off the truth.
Find someone you have an interest in' build a mutual affection and attraction; get laid.
there are things about marriage that can make it last a long time
1) No one is a telepath. Don't think you know what she is thinking or what she means - ask. Don't expect her to know what you are thinking or feeling - tell.
2) Don't use extreme language like 'always', 'never', 'perfect', 'worst', etc.
3) Happiness, stability, and such come from marriage so your mutual goal is to stay married.
4) Be as kind to them as you want them to be to you. Ever have a terrible day where you lose your temper over bullshit because your boss is a jerk, you spilled coffee, and you had a headache and need a nap and then sex? Yeah. So does everyone else. treat them that way, especially your spouse.
5) spend time together just being together. And having sex.
I'm not good at showing any emotion, I think I've met someone whom is interested ,however, I really just don't show emotion.
I'm not used to people being interested, wanting to hug, and general displays like that..
Good evening mr married man, I have a few questions:
-The Hell do I find love? I had a serious relationship and I loved my partner, and she broke up with me about a year ago. She didn't loved me, so yeah I'm better alone than in bad company.
Right now I'm just enjoying life, I'm 23 after all. But it's kind of bothering me the fact that after all this time I haven't bumped into someone that made me feel I wanted to share life with them. I guess that's actually kind of good, means I got over and learn to live alone, that I'm a little more selective instead of those people that date the first girl that gives them attention... Yet, I don't know, i'm not saying I don't feel complete because I'm alone now, it just that after all this time, not feeling in love with someone feels weird. A year has passed and I haven't met any girl that made me feel interested in her, that made me feel I wanted to live things besides her
-The hell do I find myself? Both in general and career wise. I just wanna find that thing I'm good at, and do it like no one can do it. Do something I love, and be the best at it. I guess the answer would be as easy as "just do shit, find shit you love to do, and do it a lot" but for some reason I'm feeling so lost right now. I'm just finishing a grade in something I sort of liked, but almost all the jobs related to it suck a lot.
You ever had a bad/dissapointing sexual encounter in your life?
All my sexual encounters (not many, but still) have been very passionate, with girls whom wich I had a lot of chemistry. They were also really spontaneous, like be in a friend's party, cross eyes with a girl and the rest was sparks and sex and shit
But yesterday I had sex with a girl I wasn't particularly into it, and I felt kind of dissapointed afterwards. I didn't even wanted to stay there, just leave. Girl was cute, I just wasn't attracted to her for some reason
And all of this coming from someone who loves sex, I feel weird right now, as if it were my fault I didn't enjoy it.
I'm looking for a place to do my internship. My teacher helps me with it, but so far her recommendations have been kind of shitty. So I made some research and I found a couple of places I liked. My teacher usually handles this tasks but in this case she told me "Write them asking them if they're accepting people for internships. If there's a positive answer, I'll handle the rest"
How should I do it, OP? I'm guessing it's not as easy as just writing this companies just asking if they're accepting interns. I should write the letters in a way I could present myself as a very good candidate, right?
failed student guy here, i just got grades back, i'm not in a bad position at all, and at the moment am not failing the study i'm on schedule.
Still doubting about going back into my previous study.. but atleast my position is bether now, now it will not look like i only go back because i couldn't hack it in this current study
I'm 23 and my life is finally starting to shape up. I graduated college with a good degree, I'm engaged to a great woman, I'm about to buy a car for the first time and I'm paying down my student loans. However, I got my first professional job and it's killing me.
I work IT at a hospital and I hate it. It's basically like going back to high school. Of the team, I'm the only one with a technical background. The work is honestly mindnumbing to the point I feel exhausted when I get home. I wake up earlier than I've ever had to, I have to wear slacks and work with shitty equipment around dumb people. I don't get more than four hours off work before I have to go to bed just to do it again, and most of that is cooking, cleaning, etc.
What are some ways to deal with this? How can I not let my job make me miserable?
There was this girl....
I had known her for years. Tall, slim but busty. Pale. Black hair. Blue eyes. Radiant smile. Cheerleader, swim team, gymnastics. Funny. Not super smart, but no dummy.
Long story short, I had a chance and took it.
She was a limp noodle. terrible kisser and in bed just laid on her back, staring up.
And yeah - there was no emotional connection. I really regret that.
Nope: this is a time to be very direct. something liek,
"Hello, I am working with [teacher] of [school]. Can you please give me the details of the open internships you have and what you are looking for in a candidate. thanks"
This is fishing for info, not the position.
Welcome to "work - the early years'. This is the paying of dues that leads to more fulfilling, more compensated work.
Focus on the rest of your life; maintain hobbies, keep learning new things. Learn how to make friends and network with dumb people - that is a key life skill, trust me. Make sure that you inject exercise and time away from the apartment on a day off to keep mentally alert, eat well, and repeat
"This will end after 2-3 years and look good on a resume"
over and over
Because it is true.
I feel I'm right now living a very weird moment of my life, OP
About a year ago my first girlfriend broke up with me. A few months later I stopped going out with this one good friend that was hurting me more than anything (he was a very toxic friend)
So far right now I'm not doing that bad. I've been meeting new people, but it's weird. At one side, in comparison with a year ago, I have learned to live by my own, to be alone. At the other side I'm meeting new and different people, but in most cases they're all kind of acquaintances and not real friends.
I really have like 2 friends
I feel kind of lost right now, in life. And everything surrounding me (My friends, the lack of love life and the fact for once I'm alright with that, that stupid grade I have yet to finish before starting something I would like to do) feels so weird
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel, OP? Does it get better? I've been asking myself that a lot OP. Right now I feel things used to make sense but now they don't
How do you meet new people, when most of the time I keep feeling uninvited? From time to time I get invited by friends to their parties with their friends, and things always feels so hermetic, like it's the birthday party of someone I don't know. I keep feeling like an alien when i'm surrounded by people sometimes. Is it me, or is it people that usually are really close to themselves?
Soon to be unmarried oldfag here. I'm getting the house.
Here's the crux of the matter. I'm desperate for some real affection again. I'm thinking about inviting a college-age strip club dancer to move in so she can continue her studies with reduced living costs. Hell, I may even pay her tuition. She's pretty much indicated that she'd like a physical relationship. Did I mention she's hot as hell and almost looks like a swimsuit model ? (sorry no pics to share at the moment)
Any thoughts ?
Hi Oldfag. If you're still here, I'd love a spot of advice....
I am interested in a man who will be turning 50 in a few weeks. I sent him a text, to which he said it was fine, but never received a reply. It didn't bother me at first, but it's kind of bumming me out now; I know I'll hopefully see him tomorrow, but I think he may not be interested because of my age. ( >31 ) - I theorize one of his children is around my age.
Would this stop you - if you were single - from dating a woman if she shared the ages of your children?
Things get better. They might get worse first, but they get better. Especially when you are transitioning (careers, education, etc.) you feel out of place because you are. But you will settle down.
When I wasn't that comfortable meeting new people I started going to book club meetings at a book store and just - sitting there, listening to people. After just a few meetings I was much more comfortable around people who weren't close friends. Something like that might help.
Thank you for the wisdom oldfag, especially as a young guy in the height of infidelity and hook-up culture I just want something that'll last. Shes a great friend/spouse material but the atmosphere around relationships is just so fucking toxic.
Your life is a pretty good outcome for me, just less kids.
>she wants 4
>I want 3