i know its a lame question to ask
but how long does it really take for you to get over someone?
It always took me a lot of time to get over my ex girlfriend (inb4 dont contact them, i stopped all contacts), even if i was the one to break up. and even when i "get over" it, i still can remember all the things i felt, just like i feel them now too. Like i still love them but in a different way.
Im a 26 year old man, had a certain amount of women, had three long relationships, loved deeply each one of them. With the last one i broke up in august last year and i still feel the same for her, even though im not in contact with her and live thousands of miles from her now. I also changed the city i live in, found a good job, im living alone and all that. But still, its kinda starting to tear me apart. Dating and approaching girls has been a problem for me. Shit, even getting full erections is a problem now.
I just know i had something special with someone, and well, it ended. I feel like i connect deeply with people around me, friends, family, lovers, and every single one of them is unique for me. And when some of them gets out of my life, its quite difficult for me to deal with it. No one i know or love has a "substitute" for me, so finding new girls never made me forget about the old ones.
I know im writing too much now, and all that. But is there anyone here in a similar situation? How to deal with this?
You know, saying, 'just move on' is not really nice, but it's the only solution. And the best one. Really, I'd say 'just solider on, and don't let your past poison your future," which is probably easier to take, anyhow.
I've been in your shoes, anon- dated the same girl from 13-23, wasted a couple of years moping, after it was over. I'm married with kids, now. I'd probably have suck started a pistol if I ended up with my ex. She was nothing but practice, in the end, and, in the end, that is all that failed relationships are, practice. That doesn't mean that they don't have value, they do. They teach you how to be more than you are now, how to do better next time, too.
So, no, it's not a lame question. You don't forget, and you shouln't. Time WILL take the sting out of the failures in your past, but the lessons, good and bad, need to stay with you. Once you meet the right woman, too, whether it happens at 27, 37 or 47, this will all make more sense, and you'll see that you needed this time to become the person that the other needed and wanted.
While you're working on that, focus more on building the life you want to have between now and the grave. You'll attract people of better quality as you become a better person while working on your goals. That helps, too.
damn, anon, thank you
its something i would probably say to someone if i wasnt this deep in my own shit now.
>You'll attract people of better quality as you become a better person while working on your goals.
the only real goal i have is to be truly happy and peaceful. everything else is just a bonus to that.
That's a nice goal, but being warm and not having to worry about paying bills are also very noble goals, too. It's a lot easier to have a good time when you can afford to pursue your desires, rather than dreaming of pursuing them. Aestheticism is a fine thing, but there's nothing wrong with plain old hard work and enjoying the fruits of your labors when you choose labors that are especially fruitful.
> there's nothing wrong with plain old hard work and enjoying the fruits of your labors when you choose labors that are especially fruitful
i know i know, i dont plan on being a weirdo in the streets or out in the woods just lying around and meditating
i like what im doing, im on a good way on becoming actually good at something. and i enjoy it.
but point is, even i was a weird hobo, i just want to be happy with anything thats around me. doesnt mean ill be one.