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>Freshman year of college, off to bigger...
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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>Freshman year of college, off to bigger and better things
>Four months into first semester, meet a girl
>After a few months of friendship, she becomes available
>Putt around for a few weeks so as not to come off as a rebound attempt
>Ask her for exclusivity.
>A year and some go by
>We moved cities together, she began university, I'm finishing out community college. I moved with her despite my families desires because I didn't want to lose her
>She moves in with her mother because the housing situation is all but costless
>I rent an apartment some five miles from where she lives, in proximity to my new college
>She visits every day between classes and spends a few hours over here after she's out for the day
>Incredibly close relationship, almost no sign of trouble in nearly two years
>I will someday marry this girl, and she knows it
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>A couple of months ago
>Start to feel lonely, no roommates, she goes home every night as per mothers request
>She's twenty one, and despite her age or position in life, her mothers mentality is "If you live under my roof, you abide by my rules."
>General 7:00 PM Curfew on Weekdays
>1:00 AM on Weekends
>reminder: she's twenty-fucking-one years old.
>Discuss moving in almost a year ago
>Monetary situation has kept her from making the leap
>Her father (separated) pays for her schooling, her mother is of the wholehearted "You shouldn't move together until you're married," mentality
>Totally devoid of logic from my standpoint
>Her mother does not treat her well. Emotionally abusive, physically when she drinks, (Often, not frequent.)
>Has threatened to cut off contact with her daughter entirely if she were to go against her wishes
>She wants out, I want her with me, Father will be reluctantly supportive, mother will likely disown her child
>One of girlfriends three worldly desires is to rebuild a broken relationship with her mother
>She's torn between moving in with me and forsaking her mother, or continuing to tolerate her living situation despite her own happiness.

(2/3 I don't know how to space posts)
Evidently Adblock was keeping me from posting. Fun.

I have a few choices here adv

>Marry her prematurely and risk a separation
We've been together almost two years and I know I'll marry this girl someday, but for the time being, neither of us are in a position to do so without it seeming forced or with ulterior motive. I don't want to risk losing her over something like that

>Convince her mother to see otherwise
Given her mentally and emotionally abusive tendencies, coupled with her adamantly stubborn nature, it's unlikely I'm going to be able to convince this should-be mental patient to listen to reason

>Convince her to forsake her mother for our mutual benefit
As I expressed, she'll do nearly anything to hold on to what terribly weak relationship she's been able to muster between the two so far, and I would never want to come between that for fear of regret and resentment in the future.

I'm in a hell of a pickle, /adv/. We both want to be together but there are outside forces keeping us from achieving that goal. Is there anything you can tell me that might aid me in my relatively minute troubles?

Thank you in advance.
If anybody needs more details to work with in order to get a more accurate picture, please don't hesitate to ask. There's a lot more to it than this, but this is the gist of it. The "need to know,"
Off to page 10 I go.
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Come on guys... Even one other persons input would do wonders right now.
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Just going to keep bumping with wallpapers until somebody hears my plea

Not like I have friends outside of the internet I can go to for this stuff.
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Why can't you just wait until she's saved up enough money to move out?
Dunno OP, sounds like a tough situation. I think you're right that winning her mother over is not a realistic near-term goal. People like that are hard to change.

You are a little young to get married, perhaps, but if that is what it takes to get her out of a bad situation, then it may be worth it.
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It has nothing to do with money at this point. I can support her on my own now. The issue with it before when she was living with her father was that she couldn't afford to. Plans changed, she now lives with her mother, and the only thing keeping her from leaving is the fear of losing the relationship.

Money is no longer an issue, I've been working enough these past 6 months that I can afford my rent/food/living costs and some for a year if need be.

Like I said, my biggest fear with going through with it and marrying her is the fact that we haven't lived together

The whole, "wait until you're married to move in," mentality makes no shred of sense to me. How do you know you two will still be compatible if you've never had to share a finite space for an extended period of time? The longest she's had to continuously put up with me in the course of two years was an eleven day trip to California, and that was vacation... I don't want to lock myself to her with any air of uncertainty, and I know she wants the same.
Hey OP,

There isnt really a way to accomplish what you want without hurting someone. If you marry her early, you will probably end up divorced. If you have her move in, her mother will disown her, hurting your gf and her mom. You really have to be careful in this scenario, because thats her child. She just wants whats best for her, even if she doesnt really know what is. I would just keep it steady, wait until college is over, and then have her move out. Once she is financially stable, she could buy or rent a cheap home, furnish it a bit, and just have her sleep at your place most of the time until you are married. This way you are not hurting anyone while still accomplishing your goal.
You... Provided me with a voice of reason. I'd thought about this possibility before but didn't want to accept that it would likely be a four year relationship before we'd even be able to sleep in the same bed together on a regular basis.

I know that inherently, my desires in this situation are selfish. I just want to be able to spend my days when I'm not in class or at work with her, but the curfew makes that incredibly difficult. The only time I even get the chance to sleep next to my girlfriend of two years now is when she lies to her mother, claiming to go stay the night with an old friend of hers from out of town.

It's a shitty situation, but you're right anon. I didn't want to face the facts, but this is likely the only way were going to get through this without anybody feeling betrayed or hurt

I just have to be patient.

Anything I can do for you in return?

Also; I am still open to input, despite having come to this conclusion myself, much to my own regret.
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