My boyfriend is a very sweet man, I love him very much and he supports me in whatever I do. He is the best human being on the planet, but his friends are really awful and I can't stand being around them. There is a couple that we sometimes double date with specifically, his friend, is large bearded guy who treats his girlfriend like shit, shes always cooking, always cleaning, he smacks her on the ass whenever she walks by, he'll pull her into his lap like shes a slave girl, and call her horrible pet names that are demeaning. She always looks like she enjoys it, and almost seems to get off on it, but I don't understand why. Is she just happy to be someone that shes willing to compromise so much of her identity or self esteem?
Another of my boyfriend's friends is this guy who literally has a new girlfriend every couple of weeks... often times dating one or two women at once. He uses them for sex quite blatantly then dumps them when he is bored, and women continue to fall over him. Hes a sleezy piece of shit who always makes fun of my boyfriend and his other taken friends, flaunting the backward lifestyle he leads.
And finally one who, desu, makes me cringe whenever I see him or am forced to interact with him. He is everything you expect to see out of a basement dweller. He is overweight, with a long beard and long hair, him and my boyfriend play a lot of video games together and he gets my boyfriend movies and video games incredibly cheap. My boyfriend invites him over and hes always so awkward and difficult to talk to... his girlfriend isn't quite as bad, though I feel she can do a lot better... shes a very independant, intelligent woman being held back by her greasy lump of a NEET boyfriend.
My boyfriend is socially far better than the people he hangs out with, and I feel like they are holding him back, hes come to the defense of all of them in the past and its caused problems in his life... what do I do?
Get over yourself. I already know you are a 6/10 and your boyfriend talks about other girls he wants to fuck all the time. This dude will dump you for his cool friends in a heartbeat. Go workout or something. You aren't "thick" you are a whiny lazy entitled bitch. I hope you and everyone like you fail at everything you do in life. Your problems are fucking nothing. You are gonna reincarnate as a rat if you dont shut the fuck up soon.
You should take your own advice. You know how you keep saying that these girls in your story could do better and therefore should? Same applies to you. If you can find a boyfriend with a better social circle, do so. You've got no excuse, same as those other girls.
You're the problem.
Stop labelling and being so fucking entitled.
If you can't do that, find a friendless, weak man you can walk over and bully. Try not to beat the shit out of him and kill him.
I've been there with my girl. I didn't want to hear any of it until she made me choose. Although her call was evidently correct as most of the friends I had prior to it were, softly put, of questionable traits, there's this little taste of soreness left on the back of my throat; I felt and still feel like she forced me into submitting to her will, and like I said, it still bothers me a bit.
Thread very, very carefully. Shit like this can and will disrupt your relationship permanently if you rush into it. Think about what you wanna tell your guy, be as calm as possible while telling him, and try to make him realize that you are (if you are) correct. If he chooses to disregard anything you say, then make your choice: to leave or to deal with it.
My boyfriend isn't the low one in the social group, they're all dragging HIM down.
I don't walk all over people or bully people.
I'm afraid he'll resent me if I get him to stop hanging with his friends. He already feels like he barely gets to see them.
Actually by being the only person who is hurt by the influence of others rather than their own independent decisions, your boyfriend might be the worst of them all. Not only are all of them influencing his life collectively, they're doing so because he's unable to assert himself.
Each of them as one disease. Your boyfriend is now catching several diseases at once AND doesn't have an immune system. How is that not the low one again? Also I guess that puts you in a worse spot than the other girls too. You're with the low point.
you cant come between a guys and his friends. because you will lose.
how do you know for a fact he likes YOUR friends? trust me: most guys dont as we like them like fire alarms: loud and annoying
they arent holding him back if wanted to find some new friends he would have made them by now
>what do you do? stop chastizing his friends
Well how do I make him rise above? He thinks they're so awesome, and fun to hang with its hard to get him to seek out other friendships. He doesn't even try to get along with my friends, even my male friends.
Before you do anything, you must watch a movie called things we lost in the fire.
Then, don't do anything Halle berry did because your bf isn't going to be as cool as Owen Wilson. Second, don't make him choose because there's only 2 outcomes: he choses them and you're hurt or he chooses you and he's hurt.
Instead if he invites them over, or asks you to go over their house or whatever the dynamic is because I couldn't be arsed to read, just tell him you don't like hanging around them and that you're going out while he hangs with them. Then tell him why you don't like them. Men need specifics. Whatever you do, if you like this guy, don't make him chose. Leave that ball in his court.
I always hear people say to watch who your partner chooses because it is a reflection of who he/she is.
Can you try to look at your bf in an unbiased way and truly say that he is not like his friends?
Or even better, ask one of your friends or family members if he is like any of his friends.
Sometimes you can be right about the situation and other time you can be so infatuated and in love that you might overlook his character.
I certainly made that mistake in the past and I hope it doesn't happen to you.
If you really don't like his friends, maybe the problem could be him?
And it would really suck to make him choose between his friends and you. I would only ask my bf to do so if I was married or engaged to him. I think the best course of action would be to either deal with his friends or leave. Good luck, OP!