any idea just how the fuck to get my gf to blossom? or should I move on?
>have qt gf for 2 yrs
>max potential is 8-9/10
>she naturally accepts 4/10 behavior
>she's ok with 2/10 outfits
I try to make her do extra shit so that her potential isnt wasted and she can get positive feedback from everyone but she doesnt do shit. It's fucking up our sex life because she doesn't do anything appealing.. I'm always the first to start it, and then she lays there like a fucking stump.
then she gets mad at me when I watch porn and fap because "the girls in the pics are nothing like her, so I must not want her." says she can't be like them because they're hot. tell her all she has to do is be hot, and she gets offended and an argument ensues.
I love her, and I want her, but she makes it really hard not to be attracted to other girls who actually go out of their way to seduce me. then expects me to not even look their way.
what the fuck do I do /adv/?
So much this.
Also, never go about relationships expecting to change the other person, or expecting them to change themselves at all. People can only change themselves, for themselves, by themselves.
idk man. my gut reaction is that you should think about ending the relationship. can you see yourself dealing with that for... idk... 10 years? no? I couldn't either. I mean it's been two, nothing has changed right? if it was gonna change, two years is long enough to change.
some people are gonna come in with "wah, you're an asshole" but after ten years, that shit sex life is gonna lead to all kinds of hell in that relationship. you've tried, she's not. maybe you're shallow for wanting her to be prettier, maybe she doesn't really give a shit and doesn't care to seduce you occasionally. idfk. but it doesn't sound great.
I'd leave. in fact a similar problem was one of the minor problems out of many that ended my last relationship.
yes, it's caused a lot of arguments cause she feels I don't appreciate her. every conversation about it she uses as fuel for the "you make me insecure" argument.
I tell her she's beautiful at least 50 times a week, in all different phrasings. I've never once said anything negative about her appearance other than when she's asked me what she should change about herself.
Even then, i told her to try to be more outgoing, express herself more, be more confident, and don't be afraid of being sexy. she then usually says something along the lines of "you view me so negatively.. it's as if you don't even like me"
there's mo constructive criticism I can give her that actually gets through without making things worse.. unless I'm just bad at it? I've tried at least 20 times anon. best response so far was a half assed selfie from the bathroom at her job.
Has she always been like this? Because if she has, then >>16853431 is right. You can't change someone, and you knew what she was like when you got into this relationship. You can't now whine that she's not what you want her to be, because she never was.
So far, it really does sound like you're trying to make her into something she's not, which then makes her feel bad and resent you, which then makes her unlikely to listen to you, which makes you resent /her/ etc. etc.
ik this anon, which is why when she asks what she should do to change, I usually say "nothing, theres no reason for you to change, unless you're not happy with yourself" then she says "I just want you to be happy with me" and I say "well, I want you to be happy with you" and she just frowns and says "but youre not happy with me" and problems persist.
I love her, and fell inlove with who she is, not who she has the potential to be. the first time we fucked, it went on for 12hrs straight (aside from the occasional 2 mins it takes to grab some water and take a piss)
this has been my concern, but I cant say she hasn't entirely made progress, and it feels really shitty to break off an otherwise great relationship because I don't find her seductive. like i said, i think she's beautiful, just shit at portraying that.
her efforts consist of buying lingerie that she see's that I like, and now she tells me when she's turned on.. but in the most dry, dull way I've ever heard anyone do so..
>just come here
so I go there
>kiss on cheek
>no kiss me
>kiss on lips
>-.- kisss meee (lifts chin so I can kiss neck)
>:( you tell me to try, I try and this is what you do, you dont really want me.
>ik this anon, which is why when she asks what she should do to change, I usually say "nothing, theres no reason for you to change, unless you're not happy with yourself" then she says "I just want you to be happy with me" and I say "well, I want you to be happy with you" and she just frowns and says "but youre not happy with me" and problems persist.
She's right: you're not happy with her. Otherwise this wouldn't both you. If you don't like her how she is, I'd advise you to break up, but I'm not going to pretend you wouldn't be an asshole for doing so.
This anon is right. If you're pressuring her to change herself to be like other girls to make you happy, then she knows she's not the girl who makes you happy, she's just imitating other girls for you. So in the end, she's not comfortable being herself around you anymore. "All she has to do is be hot" how did you think that was okay to say? You're asking her to perform for you and be all these things you want that she isn't naturally, and she just wants to be good enough for who she is already. Im pretty sure its your fault she's not confident with you.
I've considered that I was actually the main problem here, setting unrealistic standards, etc. but it doesn't seem to be the case
She wasn't always like this, when we first started talking there was a definite fire. she dressed to impress, we sexted, she would flirt and banter and even initiated the first sexual encounter we ever had. she was perfect.
nothing notable changed, but she blames me for her insecurities. says I'm the best bf she's had and she doesnt want to lose me, and that she never feels like she deserves me. no amount of telling her thats not true fixes the issue, and since this developed, she's been a dry boring stump.
Here's a pic of her at the beginning of our relationship. next post will be one relatively recently. Note the difference In effort. both are in efforts to get a dick pic. one within the first 2 months of our relationship, the other about a month ago.
I love her for literally every other aspect of who she is. reasons why moving on is a last resort kind of deal.. and if you still think it's the most well advised, then how do I do it? she's already moved in with me, we've made plans to move to a better area, into an actual house, and start life.
I'm supposed to say "that sounds nice and all, but you're still insecure af, and I've tried to help but its a waste of time so you should ask your parents if they'll let you move back in."?
I won't disagree with you..
In the back of my head though I know that I'm not asking her to be any different than she once was.. I've specifically said numerous times "I just want things to be as nice as they used to" but.. maybe you're right..
If that's the case, how do I make her confident with me again? honestly. As you can all tell, I'm piss poor at wordplay.. I really don't know how to express my thoughts with words, and when I try, people usually get the wrong Idea. This might be a much bigger Issue than I expected it to be. Because moving on won't fix it if I'm the problem, It'll just continue to fuck up my relationships from this point on
>posting nudes AND face of the person you supposedly love on 4chan
Nigger what are you doing
Yes, I have an idea.
Court her with classic Ice Cube films. If a steady, clear recitation of the Boyz n the Hood (1991) script by heart doesn't inspire her to be all she can be, nothing will.
Huh.. I'm sorry if there's some sort of confusion here.. but i AM actually trying to find a solution to this problem.
I wouldn't do that, I have her permission. she shares mine with friends, I share hers on 4chan/snapchat. only rule she has for me is to blank out her face like this. sometimes she likes to read peoples comments. I royally fucked up the first time around though.
Maybe that's our problem.. we need to recreate a foundation for our relationship on more 'formal' principles?
I was like 6. all I remember is nigga got capped in an alley and then plopped on a plastic couch and his mom was mad at his friend/brother for letting him get killed.
But if you're 100% serious, care to explain exactly how this would help me in my situation?
but anon, she wasnt always this way, and she herself has acknowledged this and would like to go back to how she used to be. if it really is my fault she's this way, dont you think it's fucked up to completely wrecked her personality and then say "well you're broken now, and I don't like it, so bye." ??
Cleavage and pouty lips, make-up (ok, the blush is horribly blended, but still). Not sure what's wrong with that, what's your point in comparing the 2 pics? That she doesn't send you nudes anymore?
>she wasnt always this way
So you and her need to figure out what happened. A lot of people experience this when they're at the first stages of depression. Or perhaps there was an specific event that triggered this behavior.
Try not to make it about yourself or just about her appearance, and have an honest talk. If not, get one of her friends to talk to her, and maybe she'll open up.
no.. just the effort it takes to express some sexuality has severely decreased. first pic was a camera set up, no hands, pose followed by a 3 part message about what she'd like to do with me and asking to see something. this was regular at that point in our relationship. at least a few times a week.
second pic was a front facing snapchat picture, the makeup is everyday, the effort she put into this was "find a good angle, facial expression, and say please" this is typical effort nowadays and even then only happens maybe once a month. both pics had the same purpose.
point of comparison I guess was to show how our sex life has changed. or at least her expressed interest in it.
thank you anon :) if you'll stick around I'd like to squeeze you for a little more of your philosophy here.
We've tried to pinpoint the cause of this before and she tends to put it on one of three events/issues.
1. her moving in. Her parents disagreed with the idea and have cut her off since, claiming that she's just a slut that found something convenient to fuck, and treating her as such.
2. I spent $800 on a new wardrobe for her one week, and I guess she got the idea that "I wasn't satisfied with how she looked in public" because the clothes that I got her werent entirely similar to what she already had.
3. My ex before my ex contacted me out of the blue and said she wanted to be friends. forgetting why I broke up with her "crazy bitch" and only remembering all the times shes proven to be a solid friend, I responded. asked gf if she was cool with it, she said she was kind of uncomfortable, but go ahead. we talked casually for maybe 3 days, then I stopped responding to her, and she got pissed off and messaged my gf on facebook with claims that I had sent her pics and telling her I'm a piece of shit. showed her 5+yr old pics and fucked with her head.
these events are in chronological order. which makes it difficult because the change was most noticeable between 1 and 2 but she strongly blames 3 for not feeling good enough.
how do I be a nice guy supportive boyfriend and help her fix her self esteem issues? cause being called beautiful and sexy doesn't really do anything for her. she can get 20 compliments a day at work (and does) but will still come home and tell me she feels hideous. telling her otherwise doesn't fix the problem, even if i beat her to it.
exercise with intent on perpetually increasing intensity
the rest is meaningless shit if you truely love her give her something tangibly objectifiably meaningful and beneficial.
do hill sprints with her
tnation or /fit/ google etc
I'm not a scholar senpai.. but what I'm gathering from this is that you believe talking her into working out with me will improve her self image, her general health, and our sex life while being an empowering source of quality time and a demonstration of partnership..
is this accurate or am I completely confused?
So she obviously can't handle the criticism. I think you could start it off on a more subtle note. Like ask her if she could wear a certain outfit for you - maybe something to wear next time to sleep together. And then just compliment her throughout.
You just have to tiptoe around this for the moment. Physical appearance is a pretty touchy subject for most women because a lot of women have lower self esteem because of a lot of unrealistic beauty standards that the media etc chucks at them
okay anon.. baby steps :) I really appreciate your input here. does that mean you think >>16853614 is a bad idea? cause I can see telling her she needs to work out to be a bad idea, regardless of my approach.
going to sleep. hopefully this is here when i wake up.. hopefully someone has introduced a more thorough logic on what I should do to fix the situation I'm in. Thank you to everyone so far though...