I went to a pageant with my girlfriend today for her Uni.
Her gay best friend tagged along as well. He's a great guy ( I've only met him twice ) and actually recommend me to her when we started dating. We probably wouldn't have been dating if the gay guy didn't put in good word for me. This is going to sound like I'm getting cucked by a gay guy but it's far from it. He's on the furthest from the straight point on the gay spectrum and openly talks about boyfriends and gay stuff. Like stereotypical gay.
Anyways, right from the start when I got to her place she was being 'off'. I didn't mind at first because her personality is naturally being a sassy smartass at times. Then as I walked toward her car, she said "no you're riding in the back seat you're not that special". I was dumbfounded and this is where it all went downhill for the day. She would be furious if I put her in my backseat.
She spent the entire 30min car ride talking to her gay best friend and barely talked to me. Also, she saw this guy almost every day this week. She hasn't seen me since Monday but we do Facetime for a couple hours and text everyday.
When we got to the pageant, I noticed she didn't stand close to me, she didn't initiate try talking to me or anything. She talked with her gay best friend the entire time pretty much. Barely with me. Almost every time I was talking to her, I initiated the conversation. Oh, and she sat next to him instead of me ( even when the seat next to me wasn't taken ). She even put her leg up on his leg.
Throughout the pageant she seemed more distant than normal.
Anyways, afterwards I was fucking pissed and we went to a Sushi place that she suggested. I just wanted to go home but went anyways. Again, a 20 minute car ride and she barely talked to me and was talking to the gay guy.
This is where she started seeing me being 'off' aka pissed. When we got to the Sushi place I made it visible that I was pissed off and she kept asking me what was wrong and everything. She was getting close and trying to talk to me since she saw something was off with me. She put her face in a position where clearly wanted me to kiss her lips but I pissed off so I didn't. I can see that she was starting to get worried something was wrong.
Throughout the car ride she was asking me what was wrong and I said I would tell her later. When we got home she started talking to me and I did. I had to leave because her dad doesn't want me staying the night at her house ( but her dads lets her gay best friend stay the night and share the same bed.. ).
She walked me to my car, we kissed and she kept asking me what was wrong.
I drove off and texted her something like this:
Your attitude. You treated me like shit and practically ignored me until the restaurant. It bothered me because you never act like that like that when it's just us two. etc etc
She quintuple texted me saying sorry for treating me like shit that's all I can really say. Then I'm sorry for ignoring you. In another message she said I don't really know what you want me to say, my attitude is always like that, I just don't usually do it towards you. Thank you for coming.
Some backstory by this, I lost my virginity to this girl, she didn't want to date me at first but then fell hard for me. She even opened up that she didn't want to lose and I was the best guy who she has ever been in a relationship with. She's opened up a couple other times saying how great I am, how I treat her with respect and is apologetic. She didn't get defense so she knows what she did wrong.
So what do I do now guys? I told myself I would break it off if it happens again. I'm not a pushover and don't want to put up with this bullshit.
I've known her two months. We've only been official for just one month ( our one month is in 2 days ).
We talk A LOT though. Like 3-8 hours on Facetime and we text all the time. We live like 25 miles apart so we don't see each other every day. 3-4 times a week normally.
Dump her. Sounds like she just wanted another gay friend that would fuck her but considering your no fag she doesn't want to give you the time of day.
idk what country your from anon, but if a woman gave up her right hand side (i.e. the passenger seat of the car) to a gay that'd be grounds to yank the faggot out of the car and if she protests you'd dump her and spread nasty rumors about her and her family. That'd get a family kicked out of the neighborhood. Or at least shunned.
Man I was fucking pissed at first. I thought she was kidding at first and took it as a joke but then when I got in the seat I thought to myself "Holy shit did this really just happen?".
I legitimately considered breaking it off today but I gave her one more chance. I hinted that too. Am I in the wrong?
I think it depends on whether you want to give her another shot at changing or if you just want out right away. If this is just how she is normally, if she wants to change for you then it won't be an overnight process and you have to be patient. But that's only if you think it will be worth it.
I think that one month of dating is too short to determine whether your relationship is doomed to fail, but from the sounds of it, her behaviour raises a flag imo.
Well two months isn't thatttt long. Maybe she really is just like that as a person? You said yourself that she's normally "sassy smart-ass", which is already a red flag for me, as that can easily cross into disrespectfulness, as we saw in the story.
I think it's important to remember to communicate well, even when you're angry (which you had all the right to be).
If you have these problems again, stay calm and try to use "I feel" statements instead of "you did" statements (ex. Your attitude. You treated me like shit) and hyperbolic statements (ex. You /never/ act like that).
I totally agree with you that you shouldn't put up with her if this continues to happen. Maybe she's learned and it won't.
You come off as very passive aggressive.
It sounds like she just had an off day because people aren't at 100% every single day. Ease off.
Mmm no, not OP, and I have my off days like anyone else, but I've never been downright disrespectful and borderline cruel to my boyfriend like that.
> "no you're riding in the back seat you're not that special"
Number1: Why the fuck did you even want to goto a pageant? That's your fault, you should never goto dumb shit like this with your girlfriend. Even if you "love" her and all that jazz.
Number2: What could you have possibly said that she would find interesting about the pageant?
This is like you and your buddy going hunting or star wars convention or some shit, and bringing your girlfriend. She's really not going to be able to tell you something interesting, she's probably not interested at all in what's going on.
But in her event, they are giddy and having a good time with each other and in their element. You should have just let them have this one thing and butted out or found your own fun out of it. There's no real reason to get upset at her, although she does seem a little cruel, she was probably just trying to play extra sassy with her friend.
The fact that she says "that's just how I am" is a huge red flag.
It's one thing to be a bitch. It's another thing to be a bitch and use your bitchiness as a hall pass for being a bitch.
I mean, it sounds like you're both kinda young so it's understandable. But it's still ridiculous. "Hurr sorey Im jus a asshole" wouldn't cut it for her as an excuse and it shouldn't for you.
I dunno, Anon. It seems silly to break it off over something like this, but I could completely understand if you broke it off over her acting like a bitch and saying that that's just how she is. It sounds like society hasn't gotten its hands on her to mold her into a decent human being.
That was only one sentence. We've been exchanging texts and she's been sending paragraphs constantly apologizing saying how truly sorry she and how she disrespected and that not being okay and how it will never happen again etc etc. Sounds like she is being very genuine to me.
Dr. Dre has some great advice on this topic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUfzMDryA94
Seriously, though, sounds to me like you need to get your shit together and man up. Instead of being passive aggressive and talking shit about her online, just meet up with her and lay it all down. Tell her exactly what it is that went wrong, and don't take any excuses. Let her know that you won't take her bullshit, and if she can't live with that, dump her.
You said you texted her after you drove off. That's nowhere near the same as telling it to her face. If you can't even look her in the eye and tell her everything that's on your mind, I don't think you're ready for a serious relationship.
She's exerting control on you, trying to walk the line to see where you draw it. Some people call it the shit test. Sounds like you failed.
>puts you in the back of a car
First problem. If she was 'being sassy', then she has no issue with you saying "fuck that, I called shotgun" and taking it anyway. So that's strike one.
>Go to a pageant (something done for her) AND then get cucked
This shit sucks. As a man, the only reason you're there is to make her happy. Either take control of the situation, draw her in and make her talk, or fuck off. If she was being absent and weird, just leave the fucking place. When asked why, say you weren't interested. Instead, you stood around like an idiot while she literally took the social reigns. She is pretty clearly testing how you handle this, again shit test. Strike two
>Buy her sushi and then act like a child looking for attention
Strike three. You failed the shit test. She crossed the line, and you appeared like a limp wristed idiot. ESPECIALLY when you refused to tell her immediately, and chose to text her afterwards. When something is fucked, you tell her. Face to face. No ifs, ands or buts. Anything else comes off as you being a pussbag.
Hopefully you can see where you went wrong. Learn from it, and move forward.
He's got a point, though. It's human nature to push against various limits and see just how far you can get away with it. That's why children start lying and misbehaving seemingly for no reason - they want to see how far their parents will let them go, because they need to know those boundaries. Same thing with relationships. Until you've got a stable, long-term foundation and you really know the other person, it's gonna inevitably come to this every now and then. How else are two people supposed to really get to know each other and decide if they're right?
>She's exerting control on you
This. You're being a loser OP.
In a dance its the man that takes the lead not the woman. You're being her bitch. You are the one that should be taking the lead. You take her out. You choose the restaurant. You tell her when you're going to meet.
Its perfectly ok for her to hang with her gay friend, but you dot need to be there. If you are there its your job to assert yourself. Put your arm over her, be the dominant male.
Be confident and she will gravitate towards you, be a pussy little bitch and she will go to her friend.