>Suffering from severe, clinical depression
>can't see my therapist anymore because healthcare hiked the price for each visit up to 70 fucking dollars
>don't trust anyone with this because they all expect me to be the funny guy
>given up on dating because I know no one could love me like this
>parents fed up with how I'm sinking further and further
>mom flat out screamed at me to move out because seeing me like this hurts her too much
If the person I am right now does nothing but cause pain to other people, isn't it better for me to die?
Lost all motivation to do things
Constantly feeling sluggish and tired
Forgetting to eat and going whole days without eating
All things that piss them off
And my parents don't really get how it works. I told them our healthcare meant that I couldn't see my therapist anymore and they laughed and said "well just get a girlfriend, she can be your therapist ;D" and advised me to go on a dating site
Better for everyone else? Maybe
Better for you? Probably not.
If I were you I'd just make a major change in my life.
I mean a huge fucking change. Like, sell everything I have, make a small farm in the middle of nowhere and live there, while cutting all ties with everybody I know.
I don't know what, exactly, you should do, but it's obvious a massive change needs to happen, it's up to you to figure out what that change may be. And if you do something like that and you're still this depressed and pathetic, then you can kill yourself with the knowledge that you at least tried.
I'm taking celexa, but according to my therapist the dosage might not be strong enough. Have to go to the doctor to get another prescription.
And I haven't really tried to find a new therapist. I know I should, but fuck man I've been seeing this guy for years. He knows me so well. It's hard to get on that level with one
It seems your parents aren't able or willing to understand you, so that's off the list. Your therapist doesn't seem very helpful either, years later and you're still where you are? I'd wager he's just another disinterested money grabber. Maybe putting your trust in him was a major mistake. Maybe that's what stands between you and freedom from depression.
Depression isn't something that just goes away, anon. It comes and goes in waves. It's part of me. You can do stuff to make it more manageable but accepting it as a burden I'll have to deal with over the course of my life was one of the first steps to bettering myself. Sometimes it's just a little bit. Sometimes it's really, really bad, like it is now.
I was away for about half a year on an internship and came home with a lot of pain to unpack. It's just...rough. It's a lot of weight to deal with. I've always been someone who cares about other people (usually too much) and I feel like sharing this pain with them would be like burdening them. My experiences with my parents only confirm it.
If the guy just wanted my money he wouldn't have given me his number to call in case of emergency
I think you've developed an attachment towards your therapist. Even if he isn't dishonest, you still have to admit he's pretty inefficient. But you're justifying it as "depression comes and goes" which seems to point towards the attachment. You've gotten comfortable in your misery, so you're reluctant to remove somebody you believe supports you. And you may continue in this vicious cycle.