Hey /adv/, femanon here. I don't understand shit of guys so please tell me what is going on and how do I gain the balls to tell him to stop. So there's this guy in one of my uni classes who is somewhat rude to me. Sometimes he lifts up my skirt, touches my ass, boobs or my hips, makes fun of me (particularly in front of his friends), seems to really like getting a rise out of me but I ignore him most of the time. However his groping has been getting on my nerves a lot and makes me feel like utter shit. I'm a really passive person so it's always difficult for me to speak up and stand up for myself. I just don't understand this kind of behavior. Last year we used to bicker a bit but then it calmed down...but now it seems like he takes every opportunity to pick on me and make me feel like shit.
What is going on?
first and foremost, send him an email saying
This is Anonnete. you have been touching me innapropriately. Stop. I am not kidding, this is not a joke, this is not teasing, this is not cute. you are violating me. if you do it again, i will defend myself'
next day in class ask him if he got your email. thats it. if he says yes say 'good'. then never talk to him again. if he tries anything, pepperspray.
Fucking tell him dumbass.
Then when he doesn't stop you tell the police/uni/whatever.
The guys flirting with you but you are a retard and he's bad at it. Keep saying nothing about him grabbing your ass and he'll keep assuming you like it.
God damn for some reason I just can't stand up for myself. Yeah I know I am one big ass piece of shit but in the rare occasions that I do stand up for myself no one takes me seriously and they just laugh at me so I've stopped it. I really want to but I've always been confused, if he's just trying to playfully mess with me or if he's taking advantage of me. His behavior just came out of the blue. Every time he makes fun of me and I ignore him or tell him to shut up he just comes close to me, starts petting me and in the most mocking tone ever tells me he's just playing with me.
That's basically the most blatant sexual assault can get before rape. First you need to tell him to stop flat out, no gray area. Second, if he doesn't stop or quite possibly even in conjunction with step one you should tell several relevant authority figures about these incidents. Keep in mind that if he's doing it to you he could be doing it to others and if he's that cartoonishly aggressive he could easily become a rapist at some point down the line (if he isn't already). None of this is ok and it's time to take a stand.
well he's not doing it anyone as far as i'm concerned. he seems like he's only this way with me, out of all the people i know. he actually does act with respect to other girls minus me lol.
You don't know that and it honestly doesn't make a difference either way, you've already said you don't like this and that's enough. Even if he's "just playing" (which is almost certainly a huge lie) it's still sexual assault. Even if really likes you and just doesn't know how to express himself it's still sexual assault. It's sexual assault and if you want it to stop you need to be strong enough to do something about it.
You just say to him with a straight face that him touching you is making you feel extremely uncomfortable, and if he touches you one more time, you're reporting him for sexual harassment. If he laughs, say that you're completely serious. If he's dumb enough to touch you, report him.
What's the fucking problem? Would you rather be molested daily than having this guy think you're a bitch? Also, don't be stupid enough to be alone with him.
How do you even put pants on in the morning?
Okay so in every fucking post you insult yourself.
Stop fucking thinking like that.
If you spoke to anyone else like that they'd think you were a cunt and wouldn't deal with you. Why do you treat yourself that way?
Treat yourself like you would a friend having this problem. You are allowed to be nervous, bothered, scared, shy, whatever.
You do need to deal with this though, however hard it is.
Everyone here is on your side, the situation is so extreme maybe they aren't being the nicest. It's obvious how passive you are, not sure if your feelings are valid. Your gut says it ain't right, and everyone here agrees. Maybe tell the teacher of your worried about causing a scene.
Because I'm almost 19 and I can't even stand up for myself, I can't even read basic language between a woman and a man, I always need my thoughts to be validated by other people. I care way too much about what others think of me and that is why I'm such a pushover, and i hate it.
I know everyone is right in this thread, i'm sorry for being such a pussy.
In my experience, don't confront him in person. Men love to pull that fucking "women being angry is hilarious shit". He'll laugh you off. Plus, you're clearly nervous.
Find him on Facebook or if you have his university e-mail, do that.
>"Hey, I don't know why you think it's so funny to touch me/grope me in class, but it's seriously inappropriate and if you don't stop I'll have to talk to (relevant authority about it).
You have two unrelated issues, actually. You should probably see a therapist or even just a university counselor to help with your self-esteem issues. A lot of people have had to deal with that to varying degrees, you aren't abnormal and it is something that you can overcome with time.
The other issues is the sexual predator that really needs a good hook to the jaw but a simple "I don't like that and if you don't stop I'm going to have to get the authorities involved" will suffice. Pick a line you like and practice it in your room if it helps, train your tongue to spit the words out so you don't freeze up in the moment. You can do it and you'll hopefully feel better when it's over with.
Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I'm having trouble standing up to him. He is definitely one of those guys to laugh everything off as a joke and he'd probably make fun of me..
But thank you for the suggestion, I might try that
I'm actually already seeing a therapist, although I've only started recently started seeing her. This isn't the first time I've had issues with men like this, like willingly being sexually abused by them just to get some validation. So I'm falling into the same pattern again.
But thank you a lot for your words of reassurance anon ;-;
Literally every time I've confronted a guy in person over doing this junior high shit it goes one of the following ways.
>laugh it off
>try to calmly say stop
>they raise their eyebrows at their friends, keeps happening
>try to say stop more firmly, bordering on aggressive
>they go "ohh!!!!!" to their friends, high five, keeps happening
Take the time out of your day to calmly and neutrally write them that you'll fuck up their college life for sexually harassing you and they'll take the fucking hint.
Stupid girl. What this guy is doing is a CRIME. Like stealing. Or attacking you on the street. You NEED to tell some sort of authorities. Not only for yourself (which is obviously very important) but for other women too (this guy is sure that what hes doing is okay and he won't get punished and probably will do this again in the future).
I promise you, there are places where he would go to jail for such behaviour. You will find many people supporting you if you find your courage to speak up. Noone deserves to be treated like this.
His intentions don't really matter here. He's completely crossed boundaries. As other people have said, this is sexual harassment.
Report him to uni and police, and call the police on the spot if he starts this up again.
It doesnt matter if those "friends" take you seriously. He's fucking groping you. Tell him to cut it out or you're talking to the administration, and if your friends laugh it off you need to cut contact and meet better people.
Like really, its quite obvious you have 0 self esteem. Talk to a therapist, you're not a bad person for having self doubts but it's not healthy either.