H i'm sorry, i know I'm just gonna fuck us up in the long term anyway so i dont know why you bother. i'm way too much of a mess cause of you, if you knew what was best for you you'd message me now saying 'we shouldnt be friends'. or maybe this is me sabotaging myself. i get moody for seemingly no reason, but its cause i care about you too much. too much for my own good. everything is my fault. i hope you dont feel bad
hey i miss you i wish you were here i wish i had waited i wish i had known it would have turned out the way it did i wish things could just go back and me and you could go back to being the way we were i haven't gone a day without thinking about you and i cry a lot i'm so lonely now i'm so fucking sorry i'm so fucking sorry przyjaciolka come back please its ok i know youre happier wherever love anon
I love you. I really, really do. But your being paranoid is pushing me away... and I fear that I am finally getting to a point where I'm going to tell you to fuck off. Tonight I set a boundary and mimicked your reply of:
>"I'll talk to you when you decide to tell me the truth."
To which, I replied,
>And I'll talk to you when you stop being so paranoid. :) Goodnight.
I want to get out of this... but I know that by morning I'll change my mind.
Yesterday marks a year from the first time you kissed me and I can remember it like it was yesterday even though it's been four months since I've seen your face. You broke my heart but I truly wish you the best -E
Dear you, I miss you a lot. I think about you a lot still, but I know that I shouldn't. I'll be the first to admit that I was never the victim of anything but my own stupidity. I'm sorry we met at a time in my life where things came crashing down around me and I handled it in an unhealthy manner. You never deserved any of my bullshit. I hope you're doing well. I hope that you've found someone that makes you happy. I never really was worthy of your time.
>>16829425 please read this, please read this and say you dont want anything to do with me already, i feel like such a shit person, I'm so fucking selfish because i want to be with you and i know i can't..
S, it's been three weeks since I saw you last. You probably didn't realize this, but what you said really stabbed me through the heart. I thought that was what I needed in order to move on, but for some reason my obsession has just gotten worse. I can't stop thinking about you. I'm a miserable wreck. I want to tear out my heart and throw it away so I can be a robot for a while.
I can't believe how weak you are, it disappoints me so much. You spend time at the stupid gym and still obsess over something that would have eventually deteriorated anyways, over something that only men like anyways. Retard, spend more time at there gym and realize how shallow and vapid your insecurities are. I am annoyed at you and that gym and I hope you finally wake up and move the fuck on to something new because I know you could get anything you wanted. I hate to tell you people only seriously invest themselves into their own race. It's just how it is and I hope you take my advice here and now because it didn't take me long to find out almost everything I needed to know about you. Fuck off back to the gym and cut your losses. You lazy sack of shit pining over feelings that no one gives a fuck about.
I can see the look in your eyes, constantly searching, feeling lost. Let's talk. I'll be honest and sincere about everything. I won't hold back any longer, you'll see. And if it's truly the end, then I missed out on something special.
B, I wish I could undo the things I did, but I can't. I know that things ended up the way you wanted them in your life, you're married and have a baby boy on the way, and I know that all you ever wanted was to be a mom. I'm sorry I wouldn't give that to you, but I'm happy you got it. If it makes a difference I never touched that woman until after I left, despite what you and your family beleive, and I'm sorry I told you I loved her because I never really did. I was a kid who didn't know what he wanted but felt he didn't have it yet. If I only knew huh? Thank you for being so good to me after I hurt you so terribly. I wish I still had you at least to talk to, as I am struggling with my thoughts you used to help me organize, and feel as though I am losing track of who I actually am. I guess I just want to say I'm sorry, and I miss my best friend.
Babe, whatever you're going to do, can you just do it already? I know we literally went over the same situation before, but I'm just tired of waiting. You make me feel so restless. Why put me through this? I'm not in love with you, but I really do love you, I do. I wish you could just make it clear that you want nothing to do with me for the rest of your life. That would make me feel so much better- then, at least, I would know I could move on with my life in terms of ladies and other things I want to do, however. what I wish for most is for you to understand how much I love you; how much I miss you; how much it hurts to watch days, months, years go by without you; and, how much I wish we could fall in to it. Could you stop already? I get it. I fucked up. It won't happen again.
say something to me, i want to hang out again. i could have seen you on friday, but apparently you vetoed for whatever reason. i enjoyed last weekend a lot, and it was the first time i felt sure that you liked me. you asked me what i was doing next weekend and i was pleased that you were already thinking about it.
fuck it i might just text you later because this is actually bothering me now
but i promised myself i wouldnt chase people that aren't interested
I'd probably never admit it to anyone but I'm so fucking jealous of your relationship with my ex boyfriend. I know I should be happy that you make him happy because he deserves all the happiness in the world but I can't help but feel shitty when I see how fucking amazing your life is with him.
The only reason we split up was distance and I'll be honest, I've never stopped loving him. And he kept telling me tha he'll never stop loving me.
Hey what's up? You seem to be a little down recently so I thought maybe I'll check up and see how you're doing. The 6am starts treating you well? I've had later shifts so we can't really catch up.
Anyway it turns out I've made quite a few friends since the last time we talked. People seem to have a lot in common with me now, especially regarding yourself and the position you're in with most of the people you've come across. Friends, family and our workmates are slowly opening up to me about the shit you've gotten away with. It's quite surprising what I've learned about you considering all the late night calls we used to have together, sharing secrets and all. Those were fun while they lasted.
You know, just while I'm thinking of it can I just say something real quick? I find it really, REALLY gross that you are fucking someone who is "like a brother" to you. I meant incest is pretty fucked up lol. Dunno why you would do that, its pretty disgusting imho.
Actually, I think things might not be getting much better for you from here. I mean a lot of these people I've talked with are pretty upset at the amount of lies and bullshit they've had to wade through concerning you. I mean you just snapped at Reggy for no reason a couple days back and idek what happened with you and Shay. People at work are whispering behind your back constantly. Personally I think you're running out of people you can trust. I did warn you that you are going to make more enemies than friends if you keep up this bullshit.
So I'll wrap this up by saying this. A good chunk of your friends and family despise you (Your Dad and I are getting on real well btw he's a GC idk what you were on about!). Everyone at work are starting to dig below that innocent frame of yours. We all know what type of person you REALLY are.
PS: Everyone has your nudes. You're "brother"/bf is a true piece of shit :) Good luck finding someone you can trust. You slag.
J I know I've been distant for a while now. Just because I don't talk to you anymore doesn't mean that I don't care about you. I don't really talk to anyone actually. Just know that there hasn't been a day that I don't think about you. You're the one I want, J. I need you, I live you and I breathe you so please don't leave me because I will suffocate without you by my side. I hope you'll forgive me and one day we can get back to the way things were. I miss the way things were. J
You probably think I hate you after the thing you've done or after we talked about us but you should know that I'm not mad at you anymore. Also you should realize, that no person is perfect and will have some flaw some way or another so give them a chance. But more importantly give yourself a chance and stop feeling inferior to others. I hope you realize someday that you're not the bad person you've convinced yourself to be. So look forward to the future and don't forget that I'm here for you if you need me.
>>16830768 All she has to do is talk to me, be herself, and not take so much advice on how to proceed in to relationships from other people, she should just learn to let things unfold in a natural sequence.
>>16830887 What is wrong with advice from other people? Everybody has their own opinion and others cannot talk someone into something that the person isnt ready for. Let her think and maybe use that time to think yourself. And with that I mean think about how to fix whatever happened or think of a solution for it not happening again. And even if it means the end of a relationship. Talk to ither people yourself and listen to their advices.
JM, You know, it takes a lot for me to ask anyone out. I don't open up well. I know it was just a casual date but you flaking out is insulting. My ex did that same shit and got dumped because of it. Not going through it again with you. We have a lot in common, so if you still want to try something hmu. Otherwise I'm just gonna let it drop. We can keep on avoiding eye contact with each other, it'll be great. -JR
I know you really like her dude And I know you've never felt like this about a girl before And I know you're a virgin so she seems so damn perfect But, I kind of sent her an inbox after we all went out the other night And She hit me back I love you dude so I wouldn't dog my best friend by flirting with her We've just been talking Talking about anything and everything And we've got things in common A lot of things in common Remember that Halloween party last year? There was something about her that night She has those eyes dude I get it She's gorgeous But there's something about her soul, her personality that I just can't seem to get over She's perfect She's gentle She's kind And I don't know why I want to stop talking to her I don't even want to talk to her But everytime I see that notification I just have to Look, I'be been single for long a time And I haven't felt this way about a girl in so long But you're my bro And I shouldn't be doing this to you Just promise you'll love her, and treat her right. I'm sorry for getting so close to her these last 2 days I'm a dick, I know I don't know how you'll feel if you find out I know you see me as a womanizer and you're the complete opposite But I actually got feelings for this girl The first time I've had feelings in so long Fuck Fuck I want to check that notification But I'm pretending I'm asleep For you If she hits me up tomorrow I'm gonna feel ill I already feel ill Fuck Why do I do this You've had such a long time with her, and you haven't even made her yours yet Why, dude? Fuck this Fuck I need love in my life I feel so unneeded And she feels so right I'm sorry dude Fuck I'll back off I've had my feelings destroyed before I'm strong enough to deal with this again The only thing that will kill me now is the guilt of you finding out we've been talking And I don't want to lose your friendship over something so little When I just decided to give up something so big
>>16829392 I just want you to know that I think I think I could be in love with you. I'm torn because I want to talk to you all the time but I don't want to cling to you. I think about you everyday and I would give everything to you.
Dear I, I am sorry. Very sorry. I wish I didnt start this relationship in the first place. Even after that, I wish I would have taken my chance to end it when it was easy. Now I want out. Its not that I dont love you. Its just that... you and I are diffrent. That diffrence is bound to hurt someone. Hell, Its already hurting both of us. The relationship we are having is really diffrent then my idea of an ideal relationship. You cling to me so hard, you get jelous really is easy and expect me to be You lean on me with all you emotional and psychological weight. The thing is Im no support pillar. I am trying to be one for you but if we continue like that, I will break down. And when that happens it wont be pretty. So I want out of this relationship. Sorry for being selfish. -A(for you)
Beautiful, sensible, normal person. I love you - in a sick, selfish, insane way. I hope that I don't cause you too much distress while I work through this melt down. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was broken and hurting, but climbed up out of that. You helped me up. You gave me support and attention. As I started to live again, started to feel happy for the first time in years, you were there. I think I've imprinted on you. In my brain and in my heart, the link between you and happiness is strong and inescapable. So, be patient with me if you can, please. I just need a little time to work through this and get a handle on myself. In time, I can love you like a friend. I can be a friend for you, rather than an obsessive fan-boy. Xx
I hate feeling this way. Everyday I tell myself I'm over you. I try not to think about you. I try to find reasons to hate you. I try so fucking hard to forget all about you but it's not possible. Everything reminds me of you. The more I try to forget the more I remember, the more I try to hate you the more I realise how much I loved you.
The more I live without you, the more I die on the inside day after day.
I thought that I could save you but I was the one who needed saving.
Thank you for being my friend (we got to 9 years!). Thank you for being a strong person I could look up to. Thank you for supporting me when I took the leap and moved into the city of my dreams.
I'm sorry you're not happy. I'm sorry your dreams seem hazy and far away, and you can't find a boy to love who would love you back. I'm sorry he tried to take you by force. I'm sorry you feel the need to use me as a scapegoat for all these feelings. I'm sorry. I can't take it anymore.
The constant nagging, hanging on to every statement I make, criticising me, criticising my relationship, my animations, criticising my future plans. I couldn't have one conversation with you without feeling like I have to fight, and you seem to enjoy talking to me like I'm an idiot- despite being the type of person who feels the need to use laughing emoticons as extra ammo when you really want to provoke someone. Maybe that's all you have anymore, your petty Internet fights.
But I was trying to tell you I'm your friend and I can't be spoken to like this. I'm human too, I love you, please treat me better. But you flipped and isolated me, blocked me on absolutely everything. In this big city, we might never meet again. I never want to. You are a bully; you denied me the possibility to defend myself and silenced me, removed me from your circle. And you can't see it now, but you are becoming that girl we both know bullied me in middle school, with the same tactics and pushy charm.
I hope you find peace, and succeed in life. But first, I hope you lie awake at night and die a thousand deaths trying to come to grips with how fucking terrible you can be and how you've lied to yourself to disguise it.
I know it likely won't happen. Your delusion is deeply rooted. But from the bottom of my heart I hope that one day, you'll realise it's OK to be wrong sometimes.
I'm moving on now. I'd rather be alone than have friends I can't stand.
I'm actually starting to think that you don't even want to cheer me up when I'm down. I do the same for you, how fucking hard is it to do the same thing for me? You're literally the only one I have left because you made me leave my friends. I'm not a rock, I can be down in the dumps too. Instead of getting pissed at me when I have some sort of problem, why not actually cheer me up about it, huh?
>>16830899 I just feel like her talking to other people is the main reason she wasn't herself whenever we would hang out. Maybe she should take advice from people and I should too. But why leave me in suspense? Why ignore me? I would feel so much better if I just knew for a fact that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. I'm tired of starting relationships just to end them months or a couple of years later. I would hate to end up finding a decent lady, only to have her text me just as I start seeing someone else. I'm so tired of giving myself up to people. It's not like me-- I truly hate it, I don't like being permiscuous. I just want someone who I can be with and understand what I mean by that. This is why it's so hard to let go, what if she tries to contact me? Does she expect I'll come back to her at that point, does she think I'll even want to talk to her? How is that fair?
S I wish you could live here. You're too far away from me. I promise we'll meet someday, I put so much trust in you, if you lied to me I'll never talk to you again. But I trust you. Please don't leave me alone, I have nobody that listen to my dreams. S
With adieu respect, I can not confirm my issues that have been forsaken by you. I know you are now married without an inclination to fondle any sort of attitude to withdraw your complaint on my actions. Therefore, fuck you. I am a civilized person.
>>16832303 And with further insistence, I must say your ignorance of my struggle is neither something anne frank has surveyed in her book, nor humanitarian like how the west invaded Hitler's Germany, but very much like Hitler, thought he did nothing wrong. Therefore, you did nothing wrong, because you did not accept anything about me in your life. My inexistence is the great reason civilization goes on. I hope your happy, because I am not alive to you.
>>16832321 The greater clarity that I can conclude from your own deviance in my favour, through words, and topics that I have choosen while specifically choosing to ignore my livelihood is a type of anger I can not conceive. Your continuous vexation and withholding of this sort of ingratitude to my sanity is truly inescapable, or so I believe, because it still has yet to amaze me. The talking points you could not forgive me for, my stupidity in choice words, are not truthful. I've been someone good to you. The SLANDER of OTHERS is not my choice and I did repeatedly defend you. If you thought I struggled, consider the desperation I went through to help, not your public self image for once.
>>16832339 The abhorrent material with which you discuss me, in the absence of me, without my given knowledge, lacking my privacy, in public, for the purpose of humiliation, to cruelly state that you are superior, though that you find me adorable is an insult. That you use the material of other souls to devestate my purpose, for you, to be one close to you, expressly that you see it vexingly otherwise, is mean. I am an individual, who cannot be discredited for his poor choices constantly. This ridiculous, though you express it as your own emotional capacity has gone longer than what should go, like I, idealogy to hate someone so expressly, through continuous labour and love and Loyalty, was even asked for in my continuous labour. It is cruel, unfathomed, and honestly, to put plain words simple, I fell in a vicious trapped love for you, which included my shyness and abuse simultaneously for years. I hope you received through life a different perspective and find that there is something wrong with what you did. For once. To shame yourself would not be ridiculous when only I am that to you and others. My respect for you was unbound and purely reflective as my attitude. I see you with no reason for this. Anyways, I didn't know you could drag my infatuation for you for a few years, though I may not say that since I've yet to see your face for the first time. I am the great dump in your city and the next. Find it your way that you should follow that advice, and I know it will be very easy for you.
Dear G, I know you didn't mean to tell me you loved me those two times, but I really liked hearing it, and I'm mad at myself for that. Fuck, I feel like an idiot, but I'm so attracted to that intense excited look you get, and your smile, and the way you are full of all this useless trivia. It feels like I can be happy around you… the way I was before everything fucked up happened to me. You treat me better than anyone else.I wish we could meet more often. I really hope I'm a better artist than your ex. -J
>>16831248 This is me all over. Except I found enough reasons to hate, and more than enough to leave.
But I never hated. I never left, not even once, while they left me so many times I've lost count.
Yet here I am, trying and failing to pick up the shattered pieces of my already broken heart.
I was never good enough for them. I tried so hard to be what they wanted and needed, and to be enough. But I was never enough. I'm worthless to them.
I was nothing but a burden and someone they could fuck when they got bored of everyone else. Even then, I'm sure they've already forgotten my naked body and the way I melted under their touch. I'm sure they've buried what it feels like to fall asleep to the sound of our matching heartbeats, and wake up entwined in each other.
I'm so sure none of it was real to them and none of it mattered to them, because I never mattered. I was irrelevant for the most part, and unimportant for all for it.
They never loved me. I'll probably go to my grave knowing that. And if, by some miracle, they did 'love' me, I know they stopped a long, long time ago.
They were my missing puzzle piece.
But everyone gets bored of puzzles, and throws them away eventually.
All I am to them are painful memories, and a couple of wasted years full of regret that were a living hell.
I'm crazy for you I want to eat you I wish you had new shoes A moth delivered a message That a beetle had already told Even though it was already known You keep on surviving You are the star of the show You know the important things and everything else.
Is this what love is? You tell me you'll never get sick of me, you tell me you can do long-distance. You got sick of me and told me we can't do this anymore. Is this what love is? You tell me that I can call you at any time and you'll be there for me and that you're sorry. You don't pick up the phone when I call and say talking to me hurts so much. Is this what love is? Tearing myself apart thinking maybe you'll reply But you don't, and I keep tearing myself apart I wish you could teach me how to move on
I wish you hadn't killed yourself. The wheelchair wasn't that expensive for me. Im so sorry I ever complained about it. I'm so sorry dad. Please forgive me. I know you felt so small but you were a tower of a man to me. I never knew it until I lost you.
Every time I see myself in the mirror I'm looking more like and it makes me wince with shame.
>>16832490 This isn't for me, I know, but it's relevant.
Dear L, I'm sorry for putting you through all I had put you through. I know exactly what you must have been going through for me. Thank you for all your strength though, and for protecting me from myself and other consequences.. for that, I will always love you, and I will be around to help you back if you ever did need it or trusted me again.
T., I will not fall for you, you are despicable! however, I would love you to worship me. you are smart, attractive and funny. I love your humor, but we are very different. I want your desire, not you. I'm a fucked up person. Sorry. I.
I love you. I don't know where you are right now or what you're doing but I'm waiting for you. When we went out to smoke a cig you told me that you'd message me once you put on your pajamas and stuff so I could let you in. That was two hours or so ago. I mean I get it, you're probably doing something important. And my anxious ass is just over reacting and being sad for no reason. But I miss you. I've missed you all day. And my mind can't help but just ponder over all of these irrational thoughts right now since you haven't responded and I don't know where you are. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried right now. I hope you're okay. I wish you would at least reply to me...
Anyway, I just want to say that I love you, J. More than anything else. You've done so much for me. I can't even express how much you mean to me. You are the reason I want to be a better person. You motivate me to do the right thing. Someday I want to live with you in the middle of nowhere. In a tiny house, with a dog, and no one to bother us. I want to go on long adventures with you where we aren't quite sure where we're going or what exactly we're doing but that's okay because we are with each other and that's all that really matters.
Fuck. I'm going crazy. Please just reply to me. I'm sorry I'm fucking nuts and need so much attention. I'm sorry that I'm so paranoid and anxious all the time and that I need your presence and attention to calm me down sometimes. I hate this part about me. I wish I was more independent. I wish that I didn't need your attention all the time. I wish that I was able to just be OKAY with things. I wish I was able to think rationally without worrying so much about bullshit things that will never happen. My imagination runs wild to dark places that it shouldn't and it eats me up. I'm so sorry.
E We've just met but please don't be a cunt like the others. I may have found someone special. You have just arrived, please stay! You don't want a relationship, neither do I, but I do need someone to talk to. Someone as weird as I am. L
JL-R, You're ignoring all my messages and I don't know why. I see all the shit you post on twitter, about how I basically fucking destroyed you. If you even bothered to talk a chance at talking to me then you wouldn't be acting like this.
Just fucking talk to me so we can clear some shit up.
I know you'll see this.
Just Facebook message me or something. It wouldn't be the end of the world.
I can tell you really love me a lot, A. But I worry you'll change for the worse because of the "gerbil" in the room. I'd love to be there for you, to do all things that would make you happy.. But I'm so incapable of making even myself happy. I don't deserve you. I want to do better fit myself, for us and my family but I just keep getting fucked in the ass by life and my own stupid decisions. Why can't I just be normal? For you I'd trade in my weird, addictive personality for that. For you I'd do anything.. Love, N
You wanting to 'clear some shit up' is probably you just getting angry/yelling at me again, telling me how much you hate me and regret wasting 2 years of your life 'with' me, telling me to go get the rest of my shit at yours (probably including the frame, deck and cards, if you haven't already thrown them out or burned them yet), and finally, telling me that you're done putting up with me and my pathetic shit and that we're done, forever.
I'm hurting, I'm angry, I'm broken. But you'll never understand and you don't give a fuck anyway.
You fucked me and then acted like I didn't exist for a week. I feel like a piece of shit pump and dump. So there's that.
Maybe I'm worried you're going to break my heart. Again.
there was so much i wanted to say to you for so long but i didn't know how and didn't think it mattered. i still have feelings for you, it hurts me that we're not as close as we used to be but i guess it couldn't really work as long as i still feel this way. i still hope and feel like you may still feel something for me, that you said and did what you did because you didn't know what else to do, thought it was for the best. but things are different now, i don't even know where we stand anymore. i just wish you would explain everything to me and tell me you how you really feel. but maybe there really isn't anything to it. you just lost interest and lost feelings for me. i guess i just have to accept that. it just seemed so profound and pure at the time, i don't understand how that could just disappear over night. i thought you felt the same as i did but i guess that just wasn't true. we barely even talk anymore, when we do you act like nothing has changed. i don't know why i still get like this after all this time, i think it's not knowing that's killing me. i just wish i could know what you're thinking and feeling, though maybe that would just be more painful
>>16831182 At this point it really doesn't matter. Just know that I'm sorry. I can't take back all the shit I've caused, and don't really deserve your time. You can try to contact me if you want, but I don't really expect anything.
Personally guys you may disagree with me and it is just a matter of opinion. Like I don't know perhaps your religion.
But in my believes, believe the devil is retarded and whines too much and carries on too much. And why do Goth kids like say he is the greatest being ever? Shit like he advises being lazy and you'll get rewarded for it? What the hell? That's stupid!
Can I not do this work today.
Because I feel as if I'll get rewarded if I don't.
I fucking hate you. If you were to suddenly pop back into my life, I seriously doubt I'd welcome you back with open arms. What I said was cringe-worthy, but for you to up and leave without as much as a GOODBYE or even talking it out with me... WE WERE FRIENDS FOR 5 YEARS GOING ON 6 WHEN YOU CUT ME OUT.
J He estado pensando en nuestra relación y no sé si debiésemos continuar. Estamos a más de 3000km, no tenemos dinero para vernos seguido, ni tampoco nos proyectamos en el mismo lugar.
Te he amado por 4 años, de los cuales he esperado por ti 2, amor, no sé si pueda un tercero, creo que, a veces, el amor no es suficiente. Debo dejarte ir, debes dejarme ir. Lo nuestro nunca podrá ser posible.
>>16833373 Shit. I'm L. And once upon a time there was a B in my story. These threads keep on killing me.
My B is long gone but if I could say anything this would be it: People play games with you because you too play games with them. Even if your line of work is your excuse it doesn't make it alright trying to control people. You played me. You gave me all those sentences to read between the lines. And you know I can't do it. I just don't work like that. What honesty do you want? You weren't being honest yourself and you know it. Your version of truth is the one that serves you. What truth is there to be found like this?! My heart keeps wanting to fight for you, this stupid thing. But what my mind wants to say is FUCK YOU. You already did hurt me far more than you'll ever know.
S, No matter how much you fucked with my head and how much everyone around me told me that it's okay and I'll find someone new, I could never find someone new. It's been two years since you decided to stop acknowledging my existence and every girl that has crossed my path has always had something about them that I couldn't stand, like how they didn't rest their head on my shoulder with a slight effort into trying to not place all of their head's weight onto my shoulder and make me uncomfortable, or how they always lost interest in the relationship because sex makes my skin crawl and they felt insulted that I would always have to top off a sex filled 2 hours with a 6 hour shower. I convinced that you were the one and I may be wrong but I don't care anymore about being in the right. I just want to at least be your friend again and go back to how things were before I knew how happy I could be. J
When you asked if we fizzled out, I knew then that you wanted out. I didnt fight it even though I really wanted to. You were going places and I was going to hold you back.
You said you felt guilty but I don't now, didnt then or ever will resent you. You deserved more than my closed off bullshit. I was hurting alot more than I let on from my grandpa's passing and my family cutting me out. But you were there, when no-one else was. You saved my life in ways you'll never know. You said I would die a lonely old man if I kept going the way I was going and at the time I shrugged it off. You were right. Now more than ever I see that dark road that awaits me if I don't get my shit together. I don't want to die a lonely old man. I am working on it.
As guilty as you may feel, I hope you don't worry about me. I often think about you but can't help but feel your doing just fine.
However, I said if we ever ended, I would be gone. Despite how sad you said that would make you feel. I can't look back and you shouldn't either. You have tried to reach out a few times but you wanted this and you should move forward. I am no good for you. You deserve better, much better. I hope you reach Australia and live the dream.
Don't worry about me, I will become a better person, all thanks to you.
I have this stupid hope that maybe you'll wake up one day soon and realise you treated me like shit for so long (through manipulation, gaslighting, emotional abuse etc), and that maybe, just maybe, you'll think that that's not fair, and you'll actually think I'm worth it and that I'm enough for you and deserve you.
And then everything would be okay because you wouldn't treat me like I'm nothing and I wouldn't feel like this ever again.
But I am nothing, I deserve nothing. You resent me and hate me and you've already made up your mind.
You will never want me and feel for me the way I want and feel for you.
I wouldn't even be surprised if you wish I had never been born, because then none of this would be happening and you'd live happily without ever having to put up with my worthless self.
I really miss you. As I am writing this I am realizing how I could write something really dramatic for a couple of persons in my life. You are one of them so here we go.
G, I remember when you told me you always think of me, every day. I do too. It's so funny how we ended with different people, I don't regret it, but I sometimes wonder what we could have become. I even told you I hated you, but you must know I could never hate you and I said that so you could stop hurting me. I love you but I am so angry at how you managed everything. Last time I saw you, there was you, in front of my house at 2 AM. We said we would be friends after all but we didn't remember in the morning. It's been almost a year.
We made a small sharpie grafitti in a sidewalk in front. I went to look for it last week but it was not there anymore. I guess that's what happened to us.
But then, you still talk to the people who is close to me. But you ignore me. You made fun of your current gf, but you are still with her. why?
I realized I had never really been in love before I met you. I know youre scared to let me get too close to you but you already have even if you don't like to admit it.
I know you love me even if you only said it once. You try to act so tough but we are both so vulnerable right now. I'm so afraid that you're going to od I don't even think about it happening to me anymore. I don't know what I would do if I lost you.
You're one of the strongest people I've ever met but you can't push people away forever. I know you feel the same way I do. I promise I would never abandon you or hurt you like that.
>>16834487 actually maybe I'm just being hopeful if i think my situation is like this. i feel like the dude i care most about actually fucking hates me right now, but who knows, he's really driven a wedge between us right now though, and I'm not sure if things can be the same. I'm not sure what his intentions are, but i feel like he might have finally decided he never wants to speak to me again.
Dear Jared, You may think I don't see things, but I do. Oh yes Jared, you cheeky cunt. 3- mother fuckin A.M. last Tuesday you came strolling down the street high off shrooms again, wearing nothing but an inner tube and mismatched socks. You fuck. You think I didn't see you take a shit in my mailbox? Fucker. What kind of behavior is that for a 37 year old man? Son of a bitch. Not to mention last year when you thought you could secretly sodomise my dog without me finding out. Glover hasn't walked straight since then, you sick fuck. Not to mention the weeks worth of frosted turds. What kind of sick fuck are you? Well to pay it back, motherfucker, I poked holes in all of your condoms, and got a herpes infested hooker to use your toothbrush on her snatch. Suck it! You fucking Jew!
Zeynep - You're disingenuous and insufferable. Fuck yourself.
Ryan - You're an arrogant, spindly cuntwipe. Now I know why you're parents don't like you, and you them. You aren't a good person.
Henry - You're a coward.
Brittani - Most Buddhists don't go around fucking random guys and pulling some kind of pseudo-intellectual justification for that out of their ass. They don't make fun of people for having mental illnesses either. It's a shame you have a kid. I hope she doesn't grow up to be like you. You're paper-thin.
Isabel - I'll never know if you had a miscarriage or went to Hanover to get an abortion when we weren't speaking. I'm glad the kid died. You're a venomous, mentally unstable person. You would have broken that child, you and your family. I'm glad you're in another country and in the past.
Me - Get the fuck over yourself and go outside. It's a nice day out, go for a walk, apply for a job, stay clean. Go be a part of the world again and stop spending your time here. Stop ruminating, stop punishing yourself. Grow up.
I wish you could just do things on your own. You're taking advice from the wrong people, trust me, you really are. You're being played- no one would ever give such advice. Like advising someone to insult another person or ignore them for long periods of time. Do you not see what's going on here? You're being used AGAIN!
Rashi: you are paranoid, and hide so much under that facade. The last time I talked to you, it was about a photo that I wished to click with you, but you didn't agree, the stupid arise reason for that was that it would be posted on Facebook and you could not have friends seeing it. It was farewell from school, so everyone from school was going everywhere else. So why didn't you just ... I don't care anymore, but that incident still hurts me because of your small arse mind about what would have happened. Grow the fuck up.
Nikita, Vini: no, you are not hot. You are just stupid, and wore short clothes when no one else did and hence everyone wanted to fuck you. Don't let it go to your head though. The first moment when a guy wants an intelligent conversation he will run away from you. Sad, I know. But that's what your were born with anyway.
Is that it? That's it? A week of you ignoring me, i send you a text with a fairly clear message, and you send me
"What da text aboot"
You cant even write in proper english to me? You left me, i get it, you dont want to be with me, i get it, i accept it, but you said you wanna be friends, you said you wanna keep in touch, but now you dont even talk to me or reply to me, you dont give a shit about me, im not even worth 30 seconds of your time out of a whole week.
How can i mean that little to you after how long we were together and all that we were.
She said she could never really leave me, or stop loving me She left me and isn't coming back She said she's still here for me, i can talk to her any time and she's here for me She doesn't reply to me for, well forever, she doesn't reply for a week, i have to send her another message, she gives some vague reply
It's all lies anon. They don't want you, its just shit they say to let you down easier. Or maybe they do feel at the time like they'll be there for you but as they move on they aren't interested anymore.
There's no such thing as true love, one who loved you more than anything can suddenly want nothing to do with you.
>>16835686 I don't want to face this reality. I'm still in denial thinking that after a few more weeks she'll text or call in tears saying she made a mistake. She said she knows no one else will ever love her like I do. She said she still can't stop thinking about our future. She said that after she graduates she thinks it might work better. Every time that we have talked on the phone since the breakup she's cried just as hard or harder than I have.
I want to believe in her words but I think you're right. By the time she graduates, I'll be nothing but good and bad memories. I'll be another name on the list of exes she tells her next boyfriend about if he even cares to ask. I might be the one that she mourns a little on the inside about even after a few years when she hears my name, but I know deep down she won't be back.
I wish I could take back every stupid fight and see if it still would have led here. There's so many things I want to ask her, but she says that every time I talk to her that it tears her apart even more. That right now she can't be the friend to confide in like we were before we fell in love like idiots. After a few years of her helping me through some of my toughest times, how the hell can I just pretend she doesn't exist?
Every time I remember we're not together, I fall apart, over and over again. Love is there and I'm not over it. I just wish we could have a chance, when as best friends, we were so happy together, even our big arguments never kept us apart, I can't be without you, just a few days without seeing your face leaves me lost and broken
I wish that I was your favorite dildo. I want you to reach for me whenever you need to fuck yourself. I want to feel your cunt lips wrapped around my whole body as you plunge me deep inside you and pull me back out with fire in your eyes.
You can stick me up your arse too if you like, I'd enjoy that. Use me.
>>16835719 It isn't going to happen. Mine said the same stuff. I did the no contact, and guess what, she enjoyed her freedom and got over me. Don't do it, don't listen to the internet, the only chance you have of getting her back is talking to her and building a relationship back up. No contact will lose her.
>>16835731 What kind of arguments are we talking about here? Because given that you say they were big, maybe they ended up hurting the other person more than you cared to notice, and chipped off of them little by little.
We got on so well, and argued usually if drunk, it seemed to be whenever we began to classify our relationship, the last time he asked what we had when I suggested some closure because it was hurting me and I wanted to know too I suppose but I was taken somewhat by surprise and was afraid to answer in case he didn't feel the same, and before that I didn't trust him when he said he loved me, that was my problem though, although we are both equally as fiery and argumentative as one another, and get along very well, and are also both extremely passive at times, I adore everything about them, all of them
>>16835832 Exactly 30 days. I fucked up. It was like this. She broke up, we spoke on and off, we had 1 week then of a lot of speaking, going quite well, she was weird and told me things she'd never told me before, thanked me for being patient and understanding. Then i listened to internet advice, and went 1 month, 30 days, without any contact. When i came back and asked her how she felt, she told me she's not coming back, she's happier, she's happy being on her own and not living to anyone elses requirements or demands, just being her. She said we can be friends and talk, i thought i might as well, in that first week she messaged me a bit, i messaged her. then it stopped, and for a week, until now, nothing, worst of all the last thing i said to her was a question, meaning she ignored something you should actually reply to. I messaged her today saying i hadn't heard from her and i was a bit worried. Well she said.. 8 hours later. "What da text aboot". Here >>16835613 What the fuck man...
>>16835832 >>16835863 So in other words don't wait for the pain to heal for her because that basically means she wants to talk to you once she doesnt want you. and once she doesnt wnat you she wont actually be interested in talking to you. You have to talk now, even if she says she doesnt want to, if you talk for hours, she isnt stopping herself. Just try to not talk about the relationship, talk about random shit, if you're compatible it should be easy.
I feel I said everything I wanted to say back then. I tried as hard as I could to express how much you meant to me and how difficult it was for me letting you go. I wanted the same from you. I don't know if you were afraid of saying anything or though that saying anything at all would turn things worse than they already were. Didn't you see the end coming? Didn't you care enough to say goodbye one last time? I guess at this point it doesn't really matter. But I fail to comprehend if you ever understood the reasons behind my departure. I felt like you wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong and everything was ok as usual. That really pissed me off. I guess it was also my fault since I don't believe I made that clear. But if me acting like an envious child wasn't a sign for you, you might have been delusional. Before everything went down, you were one of a kind for me. You made me vulnerable and I was afraid of moving ahead but you always said the right things that encouraged me and honestly got the best out of me. You give me the hope, that maybe, I could find someone out there that would actually allow me to love them and would love me back. But after everything broke out, first of all, you didn't say anything. And every time you tried, you sounded forced and said just the wrong things. I was rapidly building ill feelings against you and I realized that if I stayed around I would start doing stupid things to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you and being close to you hurt me deeply. That's why I decided to end it harshly. Not the most subtle way nor the easiest. But since you weren't getting the best out of me I decided that you might as well get nothing. I didn't do it to hurt you. I'm sorry I did. I don't know if you understood this or will ever realize it. I just hope you get to live a fulfilling and happy life. I also hope that if you ever think of me you do it with a smile on your pretty face and not with anger in your heart..
Goddamn it I should have got your number. You seemed like a really interesting person and you were a qt. If only my appointment was at the same time as yours, I could have given you a ride back since you seemed like you'd take it, and that the bus service sucks. Fuck I'm just so disappointed in myself for not even trying, when a clear opportunity presented itself. Thanks for not being creeped out by me I guess, its not often that striking up conversations with random people actully works. I never even got your name.
>>16835880 Well that's that mystery solved then. I figured it was pretty unlikely that you'd be my T. Just to be clear: I don't want YOU to use me as a dildo to fuck yourself. That offer is for one T and and one T only.
I've missed you, i'm so glad you're around. Everything is better now. You're everything I needed. I don't want to be clingy and create a pressure in responsibility, or push you away or be cool as to seem disinterested, i'm just going to keep being me. I want you to know how much I really love and care for you as you are, a beautiful soul, like no other
It sounds like you wanted to end it to move on and meet someone else. I didn't want it to end, so maybe that was the difference. I let you go out of love, not choice and desperately hoped you would return. Like right now!
>>16829392 You are LITERALLY the *WORST* boss I ever had.
You are LITERALLY the main reason I will be quitting to go work for someone else.
How can you possibly live with yourself by being such a colossal fuck-up that somehow fell into a leadership position that your very presence brings down the entire organization you work for? Are you even aware of your own incompetence? Are you at least not clued in by the snide remarks your subordinates and superiors alike give you?
You realize you're at retirement age, right? And you have a wife and kids. What the fuck is keeping you from never having to work at a job you're not very good at? Is this fucking place (which you helped destroy) literally the one and only thing you exist for?
>>16835863 >>16835870 I was planning on going maybe a week and a half or two weeks, I feel like 30 days does end up being too long. Last week we basically had the week of being decent and speaking but it almost always ended up being about the relationship after 25-45 minutes. Every time it wasn't, things were okay. She joked around with me and was pretty invested in the conversation. And when things ended up working our way to talking about us, she would try to act dignified, but always ended up crying her eyes out.
I think she really wants to be together but our fighting and stress isn't worth it to her right now. And she keeps specifically saying "right now". "I can't talk to you right now", "But right now, I need to be alone", "So please don't right now". Not just "now" or "for now". We talked anywhere between 45 minutes and 2 hours for a few days. I know she gives a shit or she wouldn't have given me that much of her time because she's busy with school. I just wonder if she's too stubborn or afraid to really try again. Last time we texted she said she didn't want to have to block me and I haven't said anything. I would feel the same if the shoe was on the other foot.
Did she always text on-and-off with shitty grammar? That is really odd. I can't even imagine how that feels. Part of me might rather be ignored, or at least told straight up that she didn't want to talk, not even as friends anymore.
>>16835960 You need to try and keep the emotional investment she has in you going without being too pressuring but without backing off too, both of those will lose her.
And no she never spoke to me like that, it sucks. It's not even how you would treat a friend, you don't ignore a friend for days on end, you reply within a few hours. She just cant be bothered with me whatsoever now. It sucks because shes all i want. Its been 3 months split now and i just cant get over her, ive tried, i cant. I love her, i'll always love her. I'll be her betacuck friendzoned faggot if i have to, i'll sacrifice myself like that if i have to.
I texted you today since it was tour birthday. I finally got the courage to do it from my own number and not an anonymous one. Then you called me, but I never really could tell you how I felt. I know it has been years since we've seen each other but I can't help but feel that stinging nostalgia. You're in a new city I hear, that's so great for you. I'm going to have to guess, though I'll never see you again or the way you smile that hooked me in the first place. I miss you and regret with all I can not chasing after you. Continue to be happy, and I hope you surround yourself with wonderful people. I hope i can find again, that life you once breathes into me.
>>16835978 >without being too pressuring but without backing off too
That's why I feel like a week or two is perfect. She probably assumed that I was going to reply to her last text too. I start a new job next week and I think that will be the perfect bridge to lead to a conversation. I just don't know how to avoid bringing us up. And that's where I think I'll fuck up yet again. Because I don't want her to feel pressured but I don't want it to go without being addressed.
Jeez man, that's shit but I really hope one day soon you move on. You heard her say she's moved on, you've heard her say she's happier. And even if you just want to be her friend, she probably knows how much you love her and (depending on the question you asked) she might realize that your feelings aren't going away and that they'll be prevelant every time she talks to you as a friend. I think it'll be the same for my situation if that's how it ends up, because I know for damn sure that if I were just her friend again, I would still get tempted to call her baby and reminisce. So I don't even know if I could do it, or if she could. Judging by what you're saying, it seems like you feel the same. We both know sacrificing ourselves like that is emotional torture. And you'll never really move on that way.
>>16836019 I'll take it, I'll suffer. I love her, I just wish she'd talk to me a bit more. Im a lover, i have so much love to give, its what i do, its what fulfils me, without that im nothing, so even if i dont get it back, if i can give it, il be happy.
But she might not WANT your love is what I'm saying. She might not want a friend that's constantly fawning over her every move. And if you can't get over that then there's no way that you can even be her friendzoned faggot. It sucks but if you want to be her friend, you have to control that. Otherwise she will likely go hours without answering your questions.
>>16836101 I'm not gonna act like it, i'll keep it secret. She is on tv now, she's a presenter, i watch her show, its surreal to me, it makes me feel shit and amazing all at the same time. There she is, my girl, not my girl, my old girl, on tv, and shes fucking brilliant. I wonder if i flicker across her mind for even a second. I can tell shes nervous, only i can tell, no one else can, but i can tell her body language.
Can you just beat him, dad? He lies and he thinks its fine. He thinks he's perfect and other people aren't people. If a girl turned him down he would rape her. You should have beat him a long time ago, but you didn't. Now he's out of control. We used to joke about the neighbor kids being drug-addled shits but you're giving him exactly what those kids got.
>brother is a druggie sociopathic lier and parents are just letting him do it time and again
>>16835948 Back in a place where we used to work together. She was new. She started sitting in "my" seat. She annoyed a lot of people with her self confidence and drive, but you know, I think that maybe, even then, I liked her. Right from the beginning. I made her stupid things and left them anonymously. For entertainment. It all seems like such a long time ago. And I suppose that it was... it must be six years, maybe? Maybe longer.
But enough about that. I want to know more about the D that isn't me who could've been sending a message to the T that isn't my T (but wasn't). Who is this D!?
N - You're too good for your shitty older boyfriend. I can't believe your parents were okay with their teenage daughter dating a dude who was almost thirty. Just because you're now 21 and have been a legal adult for a while doesn't mean you're mature enough to be getting engaged to this prick, especially a loser like him who tells you you're not as hot as his previous girlfriends and derides you for getting stressed over studying hard. Get your shit together. You have so much potential. He's going to resent you once you go to med school. Whether or not I'm in a relationship is immaterial to the validity of my opinion. Everyone else is able to see he's a massive douche. You don't need relationship experience to see that. Also, seriously, am I your only female friend besides your sister, who lives halfway around the world? Do you realize how unhealthy it is that your douche boyfriend is the only person you talk to besides me? No wonder you're so insecure. Get more friends! You're fucking funny and need a better support system! I'm out of town too much to be there for you as much as you need and deserve. He's gaslighting you.
A - The fuck is your problem? No wonder people warned me you suck. What the hell caused that massive chip on your shoulder? Do you genuinely think being such an unhelpful, sarcastic smartass is somehow funny, or some sort of sick lesson to others to not rely on assistance from others? You're obviously a smart guy but holy fuck your personality is absolute shit. I have no idea how you and S are friends. I'm pretty sure he's the only guy in the entire department who likes you, and that's just because he respects your seniority and you can take the bald jokes he throws at you.
S, Now N is convinced you're flirting with me. At least now I know I'm not crazy, but this is inappropriate and making it so much harder to deal with. I'm kind of suspicious that you haven't found someone yet, because you're basically everything I'm looking for and there's no way no other woman who has crossed your path hasn't thought, "Hey, wow, this guy is really great. I'd like to be in a serious relationship with him." Or maybe you are in a relationship but flirt with me regardless. There's no wedding ring and it would be flat out rude for me to ask you about your relationship status, but I really need to know if you're taken. If you are, I can cut off these feelings in a split second. I won't be upset, I'll just be glad to be rid of this embarrassing crush. I'm sure your would-be girlfriend is ten times smarter and more stable than I could ever be and that's fine. I mean shit, all your friends have PhDs and work in crazy amazinb jobs. But since I don't know the answer, and I need to get over you, I'm just going to assume you like having someone young and attractive laugh at your jokes and think you're smart and funny, and that's why you treat me special. That's what all guys want, isn't it? For a decently attractive girl to treat you like you're fucking awesome? You probably don't actually give a shit about me and won't miss me when I leave in May, even though I'll be back in a few months. It would be unethical for us to get to pursue anything more than being friendly towards each other anyway, but I have it really bad for you. And I hate that. I wish you were a 9-10/10 so I could blame these feelings on you just being insanely attractive, and that these feelings are ridiculous lies I made up in my head because I'm horny. That would be easier for me to accept. But you are definitely the least physically attractive person I have ever wanted in my entire life, like a 2/10, but I've never been so drawn to someone before on this mental level. FUCK. - K
It's just a tad stupid of you to go out of your way to annoy someone who has not looked your way at all for months. You spend a whole year flaunting how much you love someone, and then you're left alone because of how you acted, and you acknowledged that. Now this month comes about and you go out of your way to get as many reactions as you can, mostly through negative actions. Yet you wonder why I want nothing to do with you? If you can only attempt to get a negative reaction, why would I want anything to do with you at all? If you piss someone off enough, they aren't suddenly gonna want to interact with you, they aren't going to want you around.
This should have been very transparent from months ago, it should have become really evident recently. You and your actions, you and your disgusting personality and need to make yourself the star of the show whenever someone looks elsewhere. I don't want anything to do with you, and not once have I gone out of my way to even attempt contact with you since cutting contact. Don't ever refer to "second chances" again when you had one and your shitty actions is what led to this. You are willing to throw people under the bus whenever it suits you for the attention of a female you love, so stick to that.
And no, things "won't be different" because you have proven that you're the exact same person I walked away from. You didn't change, and even with a birthday passing you act as immature as ever. I don't want you in my life in any way. This also means me not going out of my way to avoid you. Whenever I see you around, you're just another passerby. Leave it at that and live your own life with the choices you made.
B., I still love you, I miss you and daydream about us together in the future.
However, I'm moving on. Not for the reasons you thought... but because I realized I deserve someone better than you.
Someone who doesn't throw away a relationship just because of some external problem. Who's aware people will dun goofed because people are people. Who doesn't use "pride" as an excuse for making her own life a hell. Who doesn't think to have the right to decide what's "just" for other people.
Yeah, yeah, I fucked up with the fight and I am sorry. But ironically, I consider myself lucky for that.
A shame I can't say the same about you, you don't know the man you lost even before the fight.
Best luck for you anyway.
P.S: I'm almost sure the scars in your arms weren't caused by your mother, but by yourself. If this is true... damn, I'm even luckier to get away from a liar.
I'm doing the wrong thing still talking to you but I can't fucking stop. Our conversations have strayed so far from "just checking in to make sure you're still doing alright". That conversation about porn the other night has really got me wondering what your fantasies are. I hope when I tell you stories you're imagining you're there. That it's you between my legs. You said the other day that you wouldn't trust yourself not to get drunk around me because you'd only have one thing on your mind. That if it was me you were drunk around then you wouldn't be able to think. I almost want to find an excuse now, to be in town and at whatever bar you're going to. I imagine you seeing me across the room, hesitating, then pulling me aside. I imagine doing it in the car, not waiting to get home first when it's been well over 3 years since the last time you touched me this way. I hate car sex, but I love the implication that you've gotten better at it since the last time. That you've got some new tricks. I wonder what you'd think of mine.
Am I still the epitome in your mind? I wonder if you'd still take me, knowing that I'm never going to be yours again. I wonder if you still feel cursed by me.
>>16836506 Me, too. First, I pick a person who is totally unavailable emotionally or otherwise. Usually they treat me like shit and don't want to be with me. I love that. Sometimes they fuck me before they dump me and sometimes not. If for some reason the person is into me, I will push them away again and again.
Get out while you can. Remember the trip with your brother? Remember the feeling of being able to reinvent yourself into the person you always knew you could be if you were just given a chance?
That sensation is still out there, you just have to take the first steps. The rest get easier as you go.
You grew up your whole life playing games. One day you'll realize that you're also gazing upon a game from the moment you wake up, till the close your eyes to sleep. Just don't forget the joy of playing games.
It's not all about winning.
There are short cuts and secrets hidden in every level.
Ask your friends for help if you're stuck, and remember that playing with other people is always more fun.
>>16836561 Can you expand a bit on having BPD? My best mate is marrying a girl who has it. And everything about it just seems like a fucking disaster. Not that I'm saying that you can never get married or anything, but what's he in for?
You know what? You're a nigger. I ain't being nice. You think you're fucking perfect. You can't work. You don't consider other people human. You take criticism personally. You think you're being persecuted for having an attitude about every fucking thing. And somehow you think you're going to get millions of dollars by doing drugs and being a testosterone-feuled meathead. Everything I hate about niggers you copied down just fucking perfectly, guess appropriation IS real
>>16836636 Trying, man. Every aspect of his relationship looks like a fucking disaster >both were virgins in their mid twenties >never had a real relationship prior >she still lived at home >has as much life experience as a 10 year old >had a suicidal period when they were dating >he coddles her and does everything for her >decided to get married 3 months into their relationship
Like, holy fuck. I couldn't make it worse if I tried.
To be fair, she's not so bad when she's calm, but god damn, it's like if someone designed the worst possible relationship.
I'm going to have to say a speech at their wedding and I feel like the guy smashing the bottle of the hull of the Titanic
>>16836628 I've been married for almost 10 years been with the same man for 12 and he was the one who diagnosed me while we were still dating! Didn't keep him from marrying me and having 2 beautiful children with me. We were in love and together every day and night for 7 years. We were "that" couple. My husband is the smartest, handsomest man I ever dated and a great lover, which is very important to me. Best sex I ever had was with my husband, bar none.
However, my second baby kind of ended it. My husband always took care of me and was very controlling and as long as I kept the house perfect and gave him gourmet meals he was fine. He was also very proud I didn't gain any weight during my pregnancies. (my husband likes thin women) The sex was very hot for a little while and then stress took over and he started rejecting me, which hurt so much. He'd reject me as punishment for not keeping the house perfect as I used to do before the second baby. I wouldn't trade that little doll for anything, but honestly he just checked out after that. And now we're getting divorced. After being rejected like that I got suicidally depressed. Then I started to go out. Yeah, I had lovers. It was easy for me to not get involved, of course. But still I felt guilty.
BPD is the worst thing in the world next to being a fucking sociopath and believe me there are plenty those around. I'm exquisitely empathetic. But I am impossible to be around. Still, I did have a good relationship for about 8 years.
>>16836658 We were very happy. We were never jealous of each other and I'm a very jealous person and so is he. But we also had money (children are expensive) and so life was great. He loved me. Our kids are great. He's a good father and that is very important to me because I didn't. I could have easily married a man like my father but I broke the cycle and I'm proud of that.
Right now it's very painful to remember the good times. Very painful because it's all over.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
I hate you. How could you do this to me? You practically begged me to stay with you that one night. And I wanted nothing more than to be with you, despite everything that had gone down. I told you, I just needed some time to think. Just a one or two days. You said okay. But deep down you didn't even want to do me that kindness, huh? You fucking coward. And then you blocked me on everything. You didn't even text me back until 2 weeks later. How could you tell me you love me, and the next day just discard me like I'm rotton? I hope you die in a car fire and then get run over by a steamroller and have all your shit and guts squeezed out of your mouth until your head pops off. Fuck you. I sincerely hope you go to hell.
I feel like my depression and anxiety is causing us to drift. Or rather, causing me to drift further away even as you swim after me. I am worried I am making you swim so fsr for so long that you'll grow tired, weak, and weary. I miss you and I love you.
shoot i think you're really beautiful. Honestly i haven't felt this way about another person before because you are really beautiful and i think you're nice too. You're nice and beautiful. I want to somehow convey this message to you in a subliminal way without you thinking i'm some kind of weirdo. well, i am a weirdo. Everyone's a weirdo anyways. I love you and your afro and I'm sorry I feel kind of creepy typing this all out ( i am i guess. ) but I think I'm really into you and I want to be with you I guess. I think you are the most ideal human and I like you.
I'm worried that you're getting the impression that I'm playing you, making you wait in between messages. The truth is, I'm in a bad place right now and I don't want to complain, but I can't seem to come up with anything clever or entertaining either. Forgive me for failing you.
S, Austin being close isn't the only reason I want to go to college there. I have had strong feelings for you for months, but been too big a pussy to say or message you anything about it. You don't need to drink to numb yourself, I wish you would see that. You talk yourself down so much that you forgot you're beautiful and funny. Thanks for being there when I needed you, and I want to be there when you need me.
I have seen you a couple of times when I buy a snack in the cafeteria. You caught my attention while I was idling in between my classes waiting for the next one to start. I swear I caught you glancing at me like you were interested but you have a group of guys clinging to you. You seem like someone I would like to talk to and see if there is a connection between us. But one of the guys might be your boyfriend or a really clingy guy whose in the friendzone.
Either way I am to meek to say anything and those guys will probably say negative things about me since I am the new guy and they see me as competition (my ex had a guy friend who detested us dating making inane rumors about me. I found out later he wanted to see her) I don't want to deal with a similar fiasco again so we'll probably say nothing to each other.
Dear Vice-Chancellor of the University of Bologna,
When students busted a poorly-attended conference by the war-apologist journalist Panebianco, who is also a tenured Professor, you commented by saying that such rally was a breach of democratic values.
Now, that's very interesting, because it never occurred to me you made an effort to democratize or increase equal opportunities in an oligarchic system the laymen know under the label of "Italian University". Most of your tenured staff was hired through means that not only are now changed, but even at the time could have been considered to be outright frauds.
Yet, I am unsurprised the occasional student stood up to shout against the rally: "Go away! I'm paying to study". Exactly the point. The student paid for a service, but in the text of the Constitution education is not regarded as a service, but as a right. I wish you she stood up to say: "Do not interrupt the enjoyment of my right". Instead, she said: "Do not interrupt what I paid for".
And even so, where shall we draw the line? Frankly there are people who paid to import deadly drugs into our country... yet we still believe those goods should be confiscated. And here we are, with a war apologist who is not only a published journalist (but the opinion type, not the investigative type) but also a tenured individual, who enjoys unprecedented means to spread his ideas in spite of truth and common sense. This asymmetry our society is made of gave him the means to speak louder than the rest of us. Moreover, it has given him (and the Vice-Chancellor) the power to claim democracy has been infringed if somebody tries to lower the volume of his social speakers (it's a metaphor).
So, okay, dear Vice-Chancellor. Please continue to ignore the claims of the people involved in the rally. Do not investigate their truth. Just be content newspapers like Repubblica gather around another hurt member of the establishment and write articles in support of him.
G, Starting to develop feelings for you. Incredibly bad timing since we're 4 years deep into our friendship and im moving in with someone else. Also i'm pretty sure youre asexual (and not into me even if you werent) and that we'd be a trainwreck of a couple. But i think youre cute and i like hanging out with you.
even if/when it all falls apart, know that you did your best to make it all work, to fix everything, to reach an understanding and to make your life better. you should be proud. know that the person in your life now won't always be in your life, and know that the time you share now should be cherished, but not prioritised over your work. please stay happy, and get more sleep at night. dont cry into your pillow again, that shit was sad.
I'd just like you to know that I actually thought you were a pretty cool person. You, your group of friends, your boyfriend- (even though he's a little bit of a dick sometimes, not just to me but to everyone, I understand why so it doesn't bother that much) I thought you all were pretty decent bunch of people. And, I just want you to know that you don't need to play bully. I'm not trying to defend myself or attack you, I just want you to call it truce. I'm sorry for what I did, and what you've heard of me. But, to you, have I deeply offended you that much? Have I not tried to help you in some ways? Yea maybe I can say some smart ass comments but it's just hard to keep all of this pent up inside while you and everyone else are trying to bring me down.
>>16837447 Didn't know it was a hater thread. Sorry if I'm not a native writer. >Triggered by how a foreigner writes in English Sorry mate, I learnt English from the books your people publish.
Maybe you'd be more comfy with the "put another shrimp on the barbie" kinda thing. So here we go: "Muh huh guh duh huh uh fuck huhuh pussy cunt huhwguegker" Does my English sound correct, now? I bet it does! Always at your service, anon.
>>16837447 ROTFL when I went to America I had the anon's same issue. I knew a lot of rare words but few ordinary phrases. But the worst part of it is how people were offended by this... they always thought I was up to something or was making an effort to show I was superior. Sorry guys, I'm just speaking with the words I know! I'm making an effort! Is it possible to be offended by a stranger using your own language? Only if you are a redneck who wants nobody to cross his land.
>>16837481 >University of Bologna should have been your first clue that they aren't a native english speaker. Some redneck Americans, Britbongs and Ausfags always have the tendency to assume everybody is part of their world.
it's an understatement to say you ruined me, You're a sexually abusive bastard who took advantage of me during a rough patch of my life. I am afraid to date, I can barely hold an erection, haven't came through sex, I am so invalid.and impotent I am ruined. You may of gotten sober but I am tired of this facade where we are friends I will be cordial just so nobody will ever know what you did. Fuck you
Damn it. I don't have the words to let you know exactly how I feel, or even if I could, you wouldn't comprehend how much I suffer or care about me, just like you could care about anybody else. DAMN IT.
My first impression was jealousy but that wasnt your goal so I am carving you out of my psyche. I know its hypocritical but i will not be a second choice. I am a superbowl champion at suppressing. This is also why i am a secondary choice.
I know Mom and Dad are hoping on you coming home to patch shit up and that you'll change and stop giving everyone a constant fucking headache, but I hope you stay gone.Which is probably bad, because I'm your brother and I'm supposed to love you and be there for you. But I just don't care anymore. You're a waste of fucking space. I'm sick and fucking tired of coming home at midnight after working all day and having to hear how once again how you came home drunk or high off your ass calling everyone dickheads and screaming about how you're treated so unfairly. Or waking up at fucking 9 in the god damn morning because you once again stole money from Mom. You care so fucking little about everyone around you that I'm surprised your girlfriend hasn't left you after that little meltdown you had. But then again, she cheated on you, didn't she? So she's already looking for someone else who has their shit together. I mean god damn you dropped out of that EMT class because you couldn't stop smoking. Speaking of looking for someone else, I'm sure your job is doing that after today when you don't show up since you won't have a ride. Anyway, enjoy hitting rock bottom after you run out of money for mcdonald's and weed, you fuck up. I'll make sure the doors are locked. J
Hey, I know it's weird since we're friends and all, but here it is. I like you. I think you're cute, funny, smart, and great to be around. It's all so illogical, and I know it's probably not love. But, how about we try it out and see where it can go?
I have such little understanding on how someone who fucks up at the rate that I fuck up can still have so much built up ego, It was destructive and for that, I'm sorry. but that hardly made me a monster or any of the harsh things you called me. I just thought that my actions would speak louder than words and that the fact that every day I was waking up at 4am to try and care for you would be enough to give me alittle time for work on myself, and look after myself, because I don't think you ever really cared that I'm not well either. I never cheated on you, regardless of what you thought, I never even looked at other girls. I wanted to be dedicated to helping you piece your life back together but I'm unwell too, I've always been unwell, and I'm unsure how I can get that across without just telling you. But I can understand if thats not good enough, I mean, I've slowly come to the realization that not much I do is good enough for you. You just want the man that you met in that first blissful month when that man just really isn't me, and you just kept coming up with excuses to demonize me because you really couldn't just admit that to yourself.
Well, I suppose it doesn't matter now, as I needed THREE DAYS to get my shit together and you took that as a sign to cut all contact from me, all I needed was THREE DAYS
I can't tell if I'm still madly deeply inlove with you or if I completely and utterly abhor you. and I despise that this letter is so utterly incomprehensible like how relationship always was.
I hadn't realised how great you look in a bikini, you actually have a really nice body. I had a dream on Sunday night after coming back from the pool that we were fucking, and the past 2 mornings I've jerked off thinking about you before getting out of bed.
Je suis un peureux. Je n'aurais pas du m'en aller, mais j'avais peur du regard des autres. J'aurais du aller à ta rencontre quand tu étais là, mais j'avais peur de te décevoir. J'aurais du tout t'avouer quand je t'ai reparlé, mais j'ai peur que tu trouves ça risible. Et je devrais t'avouer que je t'aime, mais j'ai encore peur de te faire mal, ça fait trop longtemps. À chaque fois que mon esprit est vide, je pense encore à toi, mais j'ai peur de te reparler. Je ne mérite pas ton pardon.
I do not deserve you by no means... You're so patient with me and I am not... Your theory on how everything will be okay is if we see each other once a month for 3 days like we used to... Or at least things will be a little less stressful. God, I hope so.. Please forgive me for saying we should go our separate ways; I am so confused that I honestly thought that it would make things work.. by us growing up and then meeting again at a later time.
Please forgive me, J. I don't know if my attitude is all mental, hormonal (thanks, Mirena) or what. But I am so appreciative that you are so patient with me.. Hence why I say that I do not deserve you.
N I dont know how much longer I can live off hope alone. I need something certain. If you dont want to give me that, im going to take it myself sooner or later, even if that means breaking both of our hearts. Id rather have a clear cut than let the fire just fade away more and more until theres nothing left anymore. I am sure about you, but im not sure about this situation and i dont wanna watch myself getting in deeper and deeper and slowly ding just for a "maybe" or "hopefully". Im sorry. I thought I can do this but I cant. This is breaking me. Maybe its just not the time for us right now but I do hope there will be one for us in the future. I love you
I........ masturbated thinking about you again. SORRY!! I can't stop. I feel shame. Shame, and a growing attraction to you brought about by months and months and months) of picturing your beautiful face at the moment of orgasm. On an almost daily basis. I hope that you can't sense it every time I do this, because that would be extremely distracting - and possibly embarrassing. I wasn't even that into you when I started doing this, you know. How stupid of me. Now I am basically your willing slave to command... if you ever figure that out, I'm in trouble. Yours and only yours! I have done this to myself! Oh well. <3
>>16831433 You might not be able to read this anymore, but if you want to break up then tell her that you are not sure yourself if you really want to stay together. I think that would make it a lot easier for both of you as it seems like you are both unsure about your realtionship. It could be a friendly break up if you both want it.
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