My boyfriend just started to take antidepressants. He suffers from depression and anger issues for years and years and years. We are together for one year. I am well aware that first weeks on antidepressants are pretty difficult (I am on meds myself). I just feel like I am breaking myself again with taking this constant care, treating someone so delicately that I can't basically talk straight forwardly. I go to therapy once a week. It helps. He plans to start his own next week.
How to stay strong? It's hard to see brighter things. What else can I do?
I book all the appointments, I cook, I listen and repeat the warm stuff. He sees I struggle mysef and he gives a lot as for his state but I don't want to burden him with my bullshit.
Ask yourself if you potentially want to take care of this person's ineptitude for the remainder of your existence. It doesn't matter if he is struggling, or if he's worse off than you.
You are not his personal Jesus Christ. You cannot cure him. You are a temporary relief to a myriad of his own problems, all at your expense.
Relationships are meant to be reciprocal, and if it's always you, all alone, who has to make every decision, all the tough calls, then it's not a healthy relationship. Two broken people can't make a whole. Loving someone because you care about their circumstances and well being is not the same as romantically loving them. Identify where you stand with this person, then reassess your goal. What do you want out of a romantic relationship. Are you getting it out of this one, now? Self sacrifice is admirable, in moderation. You need to remember yourself, your own wants and needs, too.
thank you, that's a valid point, but I was left when I needed my ex boyfriend and I don't think I would do something like this to anybody.
And I love him very much and I do want to share my life with him. I just want to know more how to deal with it.
this sounds like typical battered wife talk. Battered women can get bruised and cut and psycologically abused to the point where their life is literally threatened, but still refuse to leave "because he needs me"
You won't fix him, he won't let you fix him. the sooner you can realize this and acknowledge this, the better. You don't want to come to this realization years down the line when he's controlling your life by threatening to kill himself to stop you from doing what you want to do.
he's bad people, you may love him, but the relationship will only poison you.
yes, I do, and that's exactly how it starts. You put yourself in a shitty situation because you don't want others to feel the same way. And because of that, she found herself trying to take care of an unstable guy how suffers from anger and depression issues with either refusal or no way to fix it. And now she says " just feel like I am breaking myself again with taking this constant care, treating someone so delicately that I can't basically talk straight forward"
She's suffering for this guy but won't leave him because of how she felt in the past.
So yes, like a battered house wife. In a negative relationship, but refusing to leave.
Do you have reading comprehension?
He did start take meds. He is going to two therrapists. He does want to change. He doesn't drink or abuse any substances.
I know how it sounds but I see the will to change in him and it's not only my wishful thinking.
She just asked me if I am strong enough. Hard question.
If anybody has similar experience, I would be happy to read about it.
Questions you have to ask yourself.
Do you think you can both work through it and be happy in the end?
Do you feel worse because of his depression?
If you think you can work through it and be happy then do that. If he's making you feel worse then break up because it's better being alone than being in a relationship with someone you love and all it's doing is bringing you down.
This is what I did with my girlfriend and for as shit as I felt for leaving her with it. I honestly feel so much better, but maybe I'm a shitty person. Just my 2 cents
The obvious answer is to ritualisticly sacrifice your boyfriend to an elder pagan God of your choice. This way his death will have meaning since he's going to kill himself anyway from being so depressed. Make sure to sacrifice him over some sort of tub or container so after words you can drain his blood and masturbate to climax while bathing in his blood.
No, a battered housewife doesn't want to leave because she's codependent. OP doesn't want to leave because she's been on the short end of the stick and doesn't want to be a shitty person. One is dependence, the other is kindness. Completely different.
Thanks, I am genuinely glad and greatful for all your answers. If it comes to the sacrifice-your-boyfriend guy/girl - I live long enough on 4chan to be moved by any behaviour like this. Try harder, stop or get funnier.
I just need your stories and advice. You all cheer me up and give me energy to keep going. I wish I could help you all as well.
I don't know your time-zone but probably time to sleep, little boy.
I need advice for myself not for him. (I'm not even sure why I do answer you, but here you go, get some of my attention. :)
I thought this was funny but you really should have dropped it after that other guy got offended.
So you're saying this guy will just suffer and self-destruct his entire life and never have a happy and fulfilling relationship?
That's pretty brutal.