>>16823020 God damn it How I'm supposed to.make.my.thesis without doi g something.that is considered trash , I want to try something amazing but.I can't because I don't have the technology to make it, instead I have to do simulations , that is not engineering, it's fucking bullshit I hate all the.people who "took it easy" making simulations instead of making physical things and contributing setting to.science , it fucking depress me.
anyhow. for the past two years i've been consumed with the /r9k/ entitlement. reeee why no bf. then i realised, fuck. i'm still a work in progress. doesn't matter that i've changed for the better, because there is so much more to improve on. so there it is. for the first time since I was about 12, there is no boy in my life, and i can finally focus on myself. i can realise why everything falls through. i'm gonna cherish this rare moment, and then i'm gonna be the best motherfucker there ever was. not to impress anyone, but to achieve independence, and rely upon myself for my own damn hapiness. here comes the pretentious self-discovery journey, wish me luck.
I was hospitalized eight times in the last three years for panic attacks, you numb cunt.
You said you wanted to look at the big picture, right? The doctor I dealt with before you took me down from 1.5 mg of Klonopin to 1 mg.
I fight through this shit every day. It has intense enough now for it to cause dissociative symptoms.
I was up for 40 hours the day I saw you, I told you this. You took me off of the only thing I said had helped mitigate the onset of a panic attack and help me sleep at night. You told me I was being underprescribed and then just told me that I'm not taking it anymore at all because I'll get addicted to it.
You don't prescribe someone with diagnosed panic disorder and bipolar depression one fucking milligram of Abilify.
When someone breaks their back, or deals with chronic pain, a doctor doesn't go and say "I'm not prescribing you this medication because it's addictive." You saw me shaking in that office because I was so nervous about leaving my house for the first time in three weeks. I told you what had helped me and you made some bullshit, arbitrary, dismissive comment and took me off of the only thing that helped me be in public for more than 20 minutes without feeling like the world was closing in around me. I was prescribed 1 mg of Klonopin a day, you stupid fucking asshole. You called that baby dose, and you and I know for a fact that I couldn't get addicted to that, you stupid fucking asshole.
Looking at the big picture, right? Yeah, nah, there's a reason you went to school for nine years, got three degrees, and are working at a tiny shitbox office next to a foreclosed movie theater. Jack of all trades, master of none, you useless piece of shit. Thanks for the next month of anxiety and crippling bullshit I have to wade through for the next month to find a real doctor this time.
>>16823062 Im not who you replied to, but I think that adage is a bit disingenuous, because it still ends up being a way to pass blame onto something, anything but yourself. Im not trying to attack you or anything, its just food for thought.
Saying "Life is never fair" is essentially telling yourself that life and bad luck are to blame for where, who, and what you are. You cant get any better like that, take it from someone who knows. The longer you don't sit down and tell yourself "I fucked up, I did wrong, I caused my own nightmares, or I let it happen." The more you're digging yourself deeper, and the harder it'll be to climb out when the time comes.
Its not something you beat yourself up over, but you have to take responsibility for the whos, whats, and wheres of your life, or you end up incapable of progress because you cant see a way to solve a problem that you wont tell yourself you're a part of.
I still think in my highschool girlfriend. Been 3 years already since we broke up. I had anothere gf during this period, but i broke up with her simply because i didnt want a relationship. Im scared that i will never to be in a relatioship as meaningful as i had during my school years. I really miss her sometimes, sometimes not, what do i do guys??
Holy shit! I literally love you so much but I can't think of any conceivable reason why we should date.
Fuck, I think I'd be happy forever if you just existed, you know? If you do find another person, don't forget that I'm your most intense love, okay?
It really hurts though. Fate dangling you in front of me in the cruelest way possible.
We can still meet up in 3 years and have sex and move in together if you're single. Which, being the attractive person you are, the girls won't be able to resist you. You could literally choose anyone else. Hopefully your feelings don't wane.
It feels like I'm the only one in the world who understands unconditional romantic love, and I always end up being the one who gets hurt as a result. Why can't I ever have someone as committed to me as I am to them?
I'm a fucking loser. I'm fat and I won't even talk to her. I love her and she doesn't know who i am. She has plenty of people in her life and is fine without me. I have no one and she is the person in my life. She doesn't know and she never will.
>>16823020 I'm a piece of shit. I just can't understand why anyone likes me. I'm drunk and I feel like it's the only way I feel real. I am just such a fuck up. Why do I have to mess all social situations up? Why can't I talk to people? Kill me.
>>16823237 If people feel bad for you it means they care. Also if you feel bad for yourself others will pick up on it and feel it too. Sounds like you have people in your life so you must be social. Being barley funny your probably hilarious your just being modest. Your life sounds like a mess. Sounds pretty funny to me :)
>Why can't I talk to people? You're talking to me.
>>16823241 My friend killed herself the day before graduation by hanging herself in the dorms. I think it was a fuck-you to her mom. I've been trying not to kill myself now. Why graduate, if you don't mind me asking?
Why the flying fuck did they have to make English a mandatory fucking course to get into Canadian university's? At least here in Ontario. I've been getting low 90's in maths computer and science courses and that's pretty much what you study in university. When will I fucking utilize Hamlet or fucking Brave New World in post secondary. I'm going into fucking science not gender studies you fucking retarded education susyrm
>>16823275 You need English for communication faggot, it doesn't matter how good you are at maths sciences or computers if you can't work on a team and communicate information to them or to your bosses when you write proposals.
>>16823282 Then they should have another course for writing instead of learning bullshit like Hamlet and reading novels and applying fucking Marxism feminism, metaphors, juxtapositions etc bullshit like that
I want to tell you how much I like you but I know how many people have left me when I've told them my feelings. I still can't stop thinking about how I feel at the end of the day after I've seen you. I have so many things to say but my mouth stays shut... I'd rather have you as a friend than another void in my life.
I am so fucking tired of everything, I so badly want to be dead. It's all a fucking circus, clowns being judged by other clowns for a prize on what they think is best, never on how well things are done, everything is a god damned competition and I want out. Follow your dreams! they say ya then what, your on the fucking street digging throu trash cans. It's all too much and it's all so fucking stupid.
I really wish we could be together. But I think we must live in hell our love must be to heavenly. We had our moment, it was amazing! But it seems life is always throwing something in the way. Maybe in our next life we can get it right. Life is unfair. And I question God or maybe just blame him cause i'm a fuck up. None the less, I will pray for you. That's the best I can do. I'd tell you I love you but I doubt I truly understand what true love is. I'm not a good guy i'm just as fucking human as the rest and "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Just don't ever hate yourself because to me you are the Sun. The light of my life. When you smile the world gets a little better :)
S I can't call you by your first name and you should realize why that's a bad idea. I just want to be done with this and be done with these feelings. I honestly hope I can meet someone like you in the future when I'm ready and have my life together. I never thought someone like you even existed in the first place, so I'm hoping there might be another who has, well, lower standards and doesn't have the power differential we have in our relationship. I'm sorry if I seem cold sometimes, but it's because I've never felt this way about someone before and I hate what terrible timing it is. I'm in no place for a real relationship. I can hardly take care of myself right now. You have no idea what a huge impact you've had on my life, even before I started feeling this way towards you. Even though it's only been maybe half a year, I feel so much differently about what I'm doing and where I need to go during this part of my life. In some ways I'm more scared, but less nervous, and a huge chunk of anxiety has been slowly dissipating and I know I owe that to you and everything you've done for me, whether you intended to or not. Maybe in two years we can figure something out, even though that would really not be proper, and I truly don't think I'm good enough for you. No one deserves a partner with this kind of disability. But I like you so much, and hope that you'll remember the time you spend with me and the way I make you feel. I hope you genuinely feel as happy as you seem to be when I'm around. You seem to light up and it makes me feel useful that I can make someone feel bright like that. You deserve to be happy and successful. I know you already are both those things, but I know you have goals you're working towards and I really hope you can reach them, because they're tough ones. If we had been in a different situation, years different, I can seriously see myself introducing you to my family. I never seriously considered being married to someone until you.
Seeing all these posts in here really shows me that I'm not alone in situations like this. It makes me feel slightly better knowing that others might share my pain. Thank you anons for sharing and I hope you power through.
I just want to put my two cents in, that if the other person is willing to be there for you throughout your disability then accept that and keep going. Don't fuck it up by thinking they deserve better when they're happy with you.
>>16823503 Thanks, anon. The past month has been really hard for me, and somehow it makes me feel a bit better to know that putting my feelings out there for someone else to read might do something for another person. I hope good things come your way. Hopefully life gets a little easier for us all.
All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn, I take 'em to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me.
>>16823087 be strong, you can do this. ive been having major panic attacks since i was 12, for some time i couldnt step out of my house and went to school only when i needed to take an exam, and i always got bad grades cuz i got panic attacks during them. im 17 now and still have panic attacks, mostly when im in a tram going somewhere. you will get over this. well, at least be able to go out. what helped me a lot are my dance classes, it makes you only focus on physical activity and you dont have to think about having a panic attack, so the nausea and that feeling u feel around the heart stops. stop taking meds, cuz it wont help. youre the only one that can control that. i know theyre totally random and u cant fully control them, but you should look up on the internet for some advices. also, if you have a huge phobia of going somewhere far from your place (which i had, and still do. i never eat before i go out and nor do i eat outside because i always panic i will have an attack and throw up and embarrass myself outside) try staying at a friend's place for a day. it will sure be very hard at first, but it gets better, just as my case did, tho im still thinking if i should get help or just deal with it the whole life.
>>16823799 now that ive said this, i wanna get something off my chest too... after i broke up with my gf (we were like a month together, but she was kinda harsh with me and we live far away from each other so we rarely got to see each other) we were still pretty close and in fact "friends with benefits", tho we never did anything more than cuddling. anyway, a year ago on her bday when we were just friends i wanted to make her bday the best day ever so as she obsesses over some animes i got a mouse pad with some yaoi made especially for her. she was extremely happy and i was very proud. the whole time she talked about how my bday will be even better. the time my bday came we already broke up. so, i invited her along with some other friends to a coffee as a mini bday party. but you know what she did? she fucking ignored me. 3 hours before the meeting she said "im not coming", and i guess she felt like it was ok to do that since a lot of friends cancelled too bc they were all sick. when i asked her why she ignored me, all she said was "i need to prepare for graduation and i havent gotten anything for you". it was friday night in november, and the graduation preps in my country start in november. she was lying. my heart got crushed to pieces. so a few days ago when it was her birthday again she notified me. i told her im gonna send a bunch of messages in the morning, but i did nothing. i ignored her. and i feel very bad now. what she also did to me is call me on the new year's eve 5 mins before midnight. i dont have any idea why tf she called, she didnt even wish me a happy new year. she just told me shes at her ex gf place and that shes waiting for midnight to tell her she still loves her. so the whole time she was with me, she didnt even love me. and then she asked me if im ok. i hung up and cried like a bitch that night. i bet i was the only one crying then. i have mixed feelings for her. I know nobody will read this, but i feel a lot better now. im a femanon btw
on track for very very small profit in the first month, after starting business almost halfway through the month. HERE'S TO BEING IN THE BLACK IN 15 DAYS
SUCK IT, anyone who ever had doubt. still see that look in your face when I talk to you. turning into something else now though isn't it? I see that resentment, I don't understand it but I see it. tells me you think I'm gonna succeed and for whatever reason it makes you mad. look I'd rather you be happy for me but understand, I don't need to pay anything to you for me to be worthy of success, or whatever it is that is making you feel unhappy towards me for this. your acknowledgement that I'm on the right track, whatever your feelings about it, is enough I suppose.
I think maybe how quickly I'm moving is unnerving people. I mean in the space of.. one week, wow it feels like it's been longer, I've gone from nothing to being set to surpass setup legal fees and start doing bigger things by next month. got the website ready and a few other things to up exposure the second I'm ready for more work and I think people feel like (especially if I'm doing things they aren't even doing, like the website) I don't deserve it. fact is I spent a week before starting getting everything I needed together, been planning a business for at least 5 years, and this last week have spent all my time not at work getting everything else done. I've gotten 4-5 hours of sleep a night max and many nights less, for the last two weeks. I just slept 12 hours straight now that everything is in the mail. I'm working hard for this, no one has any right to feel like I don't deserve it. not my fault if I'm doing more than you. I don't mean that in a mean way, but its not like all this paperwork and legal and financial and marketing shit just came outta nowhere. I didn't just shit this out one day. I put in hours and hours and hours of work. its not like you couldn't do it too. just sayin.
I'm paranoid my boyfriend wants me to fail. I've turned him into my biggest enemy and I secretly resent him. I go around feeling angry inside all day. It's getting out of control I can't even look at him without flipping out. If this continues, despite being a weird problem and not his fault I'll have to end things.
i hate people. not in the normal way. ive stopped caring about race, sex, physical looks, whatever. and ive started to look into peoples souls, to see whats really there. and all i see is evil and hatred. and i look in myself and see the same thing, i want to go away from society, i want to never see another living human in my life, i want nobody to know what happened to me. i want to pack one final bag and head into the mountains forever and leave behind my current life as i know it. ive known this for years and i cant shake the feeling.
I'm camping with some dudes from church tomorrow, and honestly, I'm super excited. I haven't had a ton of close friends in my life and these guys seem legit, so it's like... I hope I don't fag it up with my autism or whatever.
They invited me, so it's like, I know they actually want me there, but my insecurities say they are just pitying me. But I have to tell myself that's not true. In fact, my therapist says that these negative thoughts have evidence against them, so I just have to focus on those bits of evidence.
I just hope it goes well. I'm really excited for it.
Also, I think that one of the guys in our group probably goes here, so, if you're reading this, leave your initials and I'll know it's you.
>>16824683 I'm serious. When you get it under control, those things actually happen. Okay, maybe not growing by 6 inches, but it actually made me more confident, I lost, like, 50 pounds, started going on dates, and made a ton of friends.
I'm not lying when I say that seeing a doctor about your depression will help you immensely. Could even save your life.
>>16824705 Well, here's the thing about that - depression that wasn't caused by traumatic events or actual external causes (bullying, sexual abuse, etc) is caused by chemicals in the brain that are unbalanced. The proper medication corrects that imbalance and normalizes you. It's not a sedative. It's a treatment.
I'm also a Type One diabetic. I take insulin for my diabetes. The insulin doesn't just make me feel better, but it's treating my condition. Antidepressants don't just make you feel better, but it's actually treating the chemical levels in your brain. From a purely chemical point of view, you are messed up. And seeing a doctor is not only gonna make you feel better, but you'll be treating something wrong with you.
If you DO have a past of problems or abuse, etc, sometimes all you need is to see a counselor. They might not even put you on medication.
This is coming from someone who has seen the ugliness of depression and anxiety. I only want what's best for you Anon, because I've been there.
"How long have you felt this way?" He asked. There was a long pause, a lot of breathing. "Not long," I sighed. "Perhaps a year. Perhaps my entire life. I never noticed until recently." He jotted notes in his notebook furiously, but I felt nothing about it. It was a familiar routine by this point. "Have you ever thought of why you feel this way?" I frowned. I had, quite often, but it seemed too intimate to share. Even with my boyfriend playing doctor. I folded my hands on my knees and leaned forward. "Fine. I'll tell you. I have. Death is quiet and doesn't ask anything of you. Something is waiting for me. I'm not afraid. I never have been. I am simply not ready to die, I only think of it often." "But what if you did die?" He asked quietly. "I suppose I would have no choice but to accept it." I rose out of my chair. "Your hour is finished."
I frequently have thoughts of "I wish this relationship were over" or "I can't wait for this relationship to be over" and I fantasize about being single. I feel like we were better friends than partners, and his lack of passion is killing the passion I did have for this relationship. We're so close I don't want to change it, though, because I'm afraid of losing him. This is so frustrating and I'm getting exhausted.
I am too wishy-washy. When I talk to girls at bars etc. I think of going for a relation, but when I should be thinking of dating I want a ons. I've had some success, but I want to live up my prime and go around like fucking is going out of style. But at the same time I want a relationship, at the very least so I can feel some sense of stability in my life (graduating and going on to do who knows what, who knows where.)
>>16823148 >le 'i have a vagina yet i think i cannot get the dick i want' are there really women this ugly in the world? have you thought of becoming a great homemaker and seducing him with delicious baked goods?
>>16823275 one of the reasons the world is going to shit is because faggots like you think the very basis of our civilization does not matter. you have no problem letting the jews newspeak you into NWO camps
>>16823871 gg lad earn those stacks and help make america great again
>>16823971 i also have a small benis and it's not so bad
>>16824662 yes they are pitying you, but as long as they hide it well you can rpetend you actually have freinds. it's what i have been doing
>>16825820 >get root canal three years ago >done by cut rate military dentist >bothering me off and on >monday starts hurting bad >tuesday have fever of 105 >wednesday see a real dentist >she pulls it out >also pulls out massive chunks of rotten gums >mfw she tells me i probably would have died that night if i didn't come in >not supposed to eat anything solid for the rest of the week
A week on a liquid diet isn't so bad! My sister had jaw surgery and had to have liquids for six weeks, I felt sooo badly for her. Add chia seeds to your smoothies so they are bulkier and make you feel more full!
Des fois j'me demande pourquoi je foire tout c'que j'entreprends. Putain je sais pas. Rien qu'il y a quelques jours j'avais LA chance pour enfin le faire avec cette meuf. Pourquoi j'ai rien fait? Pourquoi j'ai pas pris mon putain de courage à deux mains bordel de merde? Mais noooon. Au lieu de çà j'suis juste resté passif comme un connard. Et évidemment j'aurais pas la chance de me rattraper de si tôt. J'me hais des fois. Et je ne cesse d'y penser depuis des jours j'en ai complètement marre. MERDE QUOI. Pourquoi j'ai eu si peur de faire quelque chose? On était là, tous les deux, tout c'que j'avais à faire c'était engager le mouvement et tout se serait passé tout seul. MAIS NON. Au final j'ai rien fait. Et merde.
Des fois j'me dis que si j'suis pas heureux c'est tout simplement car je ne le mérite pas. M'enfin.
>>16825901 You need protein and fiber. All that thick shit that'll stick to your ribs. I recommend eating stuff like eggs or oatmeal, cook them so you don't have to chew them. Egg soup is delicious anyway!
I have a full blown anxiety attack right now. This month has been very very fucked up and not even 3 weeks passed.
What happened? > Definitely told my family I feel stressed and depressed if I stay more than 2 consecutive hours with them > Got carded by police in my town after 4 years. > Dated a girl I liked... Unfortunately now she's pregnant off her ex, considering abortion and snorting ketamine. She paid my beer at least and I'm dating her again. > Dated another girl I randomly met. Got cockblocked and kicked out of her house by her mother while I was about to fuck her, and I'm virgin. > Argued with the girl mentioned above. She's so dumb our mutual friend, a woman, told me I should ditch her because I lose my mental sanity and that I should either "pump and dump" or just ditch her. As a result no getting laid... Well, would you get laid with a girl that says "if you want to accept me you have to accept I'm fucking spoilt?" > Ran away from police during a political protest. Avoided tear gas and police sticks just in time > Got shitfaced drunk with random alcoholics from my native town. > Saw my grandparents after 1 and a half years > Had a dream inside a dream so vivid I was traumatized the entire morning. I was so unlucky at one point I was in a brothel (I'm straight) and was led to the gay room. > I randomly found out, from a girl I met outside a bar at 5 am, that some photographer took a picture of me 2 years ago. Not only did I not know about this, there's the exact date, the hour and even the fucking minute the picture was taken.
On Monday I've booked a ticket to stay one night in Belgium. No clue what I'm gonna do there, apart from getting real drunk. My hands hurt from the anxiety.
I want to expose you so much. Why is she better than me?? Why can you hang out with her and not treat her like shit but with me Im just not good enough. i know im not as cool as her but im a human being and i dont deserve this i wish you talked to me as much as her. i wish we could "hang out" without having your dick in my throat. If i could kill her & get away with it I would. Im not believing for a second that she isn't fucking you + your best friend with the way she acts towards you.
I dislike psychologists, though, because in my childhood I was forced to see two different ones. First one was not a real psychologist, just some American dude who happened to do a 3 month course (I lived in Holland back then). Second one said I was not collaborative and gave up on me.
The idea of voluntarily seeing one would stress me even more honestly.
maybe i dont get it and i am letting my own relationships cloud my thinking, because i am friends with a gril and we primarily hang out so she can suck my dick and spend time together. she says she loves going down on me but i would never date her seriously
are you jealous of her, or mad at him for the way he treats you?
>>16826084 does he treat you bad in a sexual manner? because it's up to you to stop that. ive done some nasty stuff with my girls but that was done seeking mutual or female enjoyment. do you feel that its not the case with you?
>frankly i thinks its bretty neat to show up to your freinds house, shittalk with her a bit before assfucking her hard and taking her to dinner with cum leaking from her ass
>>16826090 yes but not in the kind of way you're probably thinking of. He has tried to get his friends (guys) involved and got mad at me because i didnt wanna be recorded and i didnt wanna suck his friends dick. i called him once and he just talked mad shit. never apologized or anything
I don't know why the fuck it bothers me so much that this person I really get along with doesn't seem to care all that much about talking to me outside of work. I wish that it didn't. But this person is different. I never have to search for something to say and I feel so at ease. I want to be closer friends with them, but I don't know if I can. I wish I could tell them how much they affect me. There's only two other people that have made me feel so comfortable with myself, so this is a huge deal for me..
I hate being obsessed with his ex girlfriend. I hate stalking her on social media sites. It makes me angry to think that they lived together. It hurts to think that they did sexual things together. I'm trying to focus on the present. He says I am better than her and what we have is more special than anything he has ever felt. It just gets to me that he has done things in his past that I have been working towards and wish to do.
I hate her. I hate the thought of her riding his dick and sucking it. I hate the thought of them living together and making dinner. It burns me up inside to have seen photos of them smiling together. I hope this feeling will pass soon.
I'm starting to get sick of being that person everyone goes to so they can ask for advice or just rant. It's not that I hate hearing about it, it's just that whenever I want to talk about my problems, it's always replies coming ages later (and it's always half hearted) or they just change the subject completely and never acknowledge that I said anything about my mental breakdown the other week. Lately it's been "hey what's that, you spent everyday last week crying?? Let me talk to you about this date I went on with this guy that's obsessed with me!!" with my best friend and I feel like I have no one to turn to about my problems.
I just want someone to ask how I am and tell me that everything will be ok ;_;
>>16826544 I feel ya. I'm "that" person to my friends. They always want me to help shoulder their burdens but are never there to do the same for me. It's always just kind of like "Oh... well that sucks. [insert canned positivity here]"
I'll never amount to what he can give you, but I will always be there for you even if he can provide everything you want. I understand that I'm worthless and that I'll never bring anything to the table that can compare to what he brings, but I will be here waiting for something that I know will never happen, but it's the only thing that I feel is worth living for.
I've been drinking so this might be a bit jumbled what wateves
I hate myself. I want to get mowed down and die but at the same time I'm not actively working towards it like I should. I got a dog well before I fully realized that I hate myself, and he's my best friend. I love him so fucking much. I got him during a point in my life where I didn't have many friends anymore and I had yet again scrwed up my chances with a woman and get what I really wanted in life. At the moment I guess I live for my dog, but if/when something happens that is what i'm really going to go of the deep end.
in life i've wanted two things. i;ve always found fun in action/.danger and shit, not because i get a rush or anthing, but i just find it fun and entertaining. i'm in the military and i'm working towards being a cop because i want that occasionaly dnager. to put on a belt in the morning knowing that i might not get to go home that night/i wnat to die.
at the same time, i've alwaysed wanted a family. i've wanted to be somebody's husband, some'ones dad. just have someone to life my life with and experience everthig with. i never had too much of a family when growing up. i'm essentailly an only child. i mean, my dad has been married three times- his third, longest lasting, current/final marriage being my mom. the other two marriages he had some kids - but theyre not really my siblings only my half-siblings. sort fo the same with my mom, she had a previous marriage and had a daughter. shes only my half sister. none of thise people are really FULLY related to me. they're much older than i am so they've spent their lives having this family, allt hese sbilings and parents. then there's me. the last one off chump that's kind of related to them. i've nver been as close to them as they al are with each other, ad i never will be. this is why i want my own family. why i've always wnated my own family. once my parents are gone that's it. i'm not goign to have anyone anymore.
>>16826665 (cont) my half siblings dont give a shit about me so i'll be lfet witout them. my half sitster from my mom had a husband and kid, and the ydon't like me around, especially probably her husband, because i'm a bad influence and general doucebhag around their kid/my nephew. im an awful role model with an awful sense im humor and i don't evenw wnant to get into it.
and so thats its. when my parents are gone so is the rest of my "family". this is why i want my own.
>BUT >BUT i'll never get to have my own. i'm well out of highschool and never been in a relationship. i have no experience wahatsoever and literally all the people i've met, i know, and eever will meet don't want someomne like that. even if i do I have no idew what i'm doing. there was kind of this girl in fucking MIDDLE SCHOOL way back when, but that wasn't a real, adult relatioship. i ended that because she was complaining that i wasn't pushing things forward and shit, and that's because i had no ide what i was doing, so i ended it. anywas that doesn't count because literally nothing happened.
so i've got no rleationshop exp. and nobody wants a chump like that. so i'm doing this military and cop shit so i can just rush ahead in life and ophefully bite the bullet one day.
I got 1 of 2 things i wanted. and that was being the fucking "badass action hero type" chump that you see in movies. except it aint as great as the moveis and shit make it out to be. i'd much rather have someone to love and care for, and vise versa but you cant' ahve both of these things at once and it's too late for the latter anyways.
bty yeah i have my dog so i'm not really that bad off. if/when he dies that is when i'll truly not care anymore. much less than i already do. i will literally have nohing to lose after that. he's the tiny strand that i'm cligning on to life. but after that nothing.
>>16826683 i only have a couple "friends" now but i'm just a random chump that has come into their lives that they met in the military. they have other friends that they've known for years that i pale in comparison to. all my friends that i've known are gone. the ones i have now think i'm just a fucking psyochopath. that i don't care for anyone or anything. they've called my a psychopath. my old best friend was convinced i was a fucking maniac and him and his exgf practically hid away from me. someone i knew from highschool just tried to hire me a coiple weeks ago to kill their coworker - the legimtally thought that i have killed beofr,e and that i'm cpable of killing some random chump and want to.
i've got a shit reputation, and everything else. i was dealt a shit hand and there's nothing i can do. no poker face could help me bluff my way through the rest of this game called "life"
>>16826687 oh and im unattracitve to. at least i think i am. i know gowing up i;ve had a few people tell me i'm ugly, and even when i was very young i rmemeber looking at myself in the mirro r and being disappinted with how ugly i was.
so people just see me, my ugliness, and assume the wrose. that i'm the bad guy. i don't even know why i'm trying to be one of the fucking good guys, to help people and shit, when people already assume right off the bat that i'm untrustworthy, mean, etc. just because of my looks. i don't know why i try.
so yeah, thats' why i'll never get the latter that i want. i'm not interesting. i'm not good looking enoguh for people to look past the fact that i've never had my first anything. nothing. i have ntohing going for me. my "friends" alwyas try to give me adivce but its shit that doesnt work for someone like me - shit that would work for them.
thats why i'm here in a "get it off your chest" thread, because thats all i can do. vent about this riduclous shit. no adivce can help me. i'm a lost cause. an exception to all the other shit that could help people. i don't even know anymore. yeah i've done bad shit before, but i didn't think that i'd have to pay for it in life this badly.
I want to stop thinking about her. It's driving me crazy. She was the only real thing that could've been, and I missed my chance. I've improved and gotten better since then, but she still hangs in my mind. I either want to see her again and have another opportunity, or just move on with another one. Even then, I just want her to know how special she is.
I need to start an affair right now! It wouldn't be that secret and he wouldn't really mind... But I need to connect intimately with someone. I'm trying to reach out. Everyone here is so stuck up though. I'm so restless and isolated! I don't speak the language that well either. I feel out of control and ready to explode.
I hate that I can't stop thinking about him all the time. He's the most beautiful person I've ever seen. He's probably found someone else though, I'd be mad to think he'd remember me and what we had after all those years
>>16827065 this hits me deep. if its you, then im sorry you feel this way. when i said i loved you i meant it, but things changed and i couldnt do it anymore. i needed to grow beyond the relationship. i wish the best for you and will think about you.
I still have feelings for my friend. She's so special to me. Sadly, she has a boyfriend who hardly notices her. And i fucking hate it. She does all the work. She's the one who spends all her money on her boyfriend and she's not getting something in return.
How long can she still hold on to this. I fucking hate it. I can't say that i'm a better man but, i really am. I hate seeing her disappointed every time i see her.
I promised to myself that i'll follow her wherever she goes. Whether it might be New Zealand or London, i'll still do it. Because i love her so much that i can't even express it to her.
I have no idea what to do with my life and I'm afraid of the future, I'm afraid if I become a writer I won't succeed and will struggle the rest of my life. I don't want to cost my parents money for university but my country is so fucked it's all I can do. I lost all my friends, my love life doesn't exist anymore and I just don't know how to be social anymore. I'm lonely.
I am addicted to jerking off whilst thinking about my ex and her new boyfriend. Its got to the point that I can barely get off to anything other than the thought of it. I have tried abstinence but I can last no more than 7 days before being overwhelmed by massive lust and depression. This life is fucking killing me
I fuckin' roasted the guy who treated me like garbage about an hour ago, he didn't want to own up to the fact that he treated me like shit. "I was never nothing but nice". Bullshit. I called him out on that.
He didn't even have the balls to apologize, he just said "lame" and blocked me. What a fucking child.
I actually feel really proud of myself because I stood up for myself.
>>16827505 Maybe it was just the therapist. Did you give it a decent amount of time? Did you try different people?
Meds are also an option. And there are lifestyle changes you can make. Like going outside more often, finding a hobby, getting a job. Having a job has helped me a ton with my self worth. I feel productive.
I know it's hard to do any of this, because depression can cause motivation issues. But I hope you can find something that works for you.
>>16823020 I quit my job. I actually quit two years ago and I've been drawing porn for a living and it's wonderful. I have more money now than I worked at the place. I had to buy so much booze just so I could relax, sleep. I can't even tell you because you'll put me down and tell me I need a 'real job'. You didn't even care when I went back to college on your suggestion. What the hell do you think I'm paying my rent and bills with? Cartoon money?
The sad thing is that when I got that job, that was the first time you seemed proud of me...that you accepted me. I didn't want to lose that. Also stop pressuring me to have kids. I got an abortion for a reason.
i'm sad that i probably won't see you any more i don't know what's happened- one week ago we spent pretty much the whole weekend together, including valentine's day (and we were sober) you asked me what i was doing at the weekend, and i was happy that you were already thinking about the next time. i'm not sure what made you feel differently- it seems to have happened pretty fast. it's for the best since you have a boyfriend, but i'd be lying if i said didn't feel at all attached to you
Today I woke up crying at 3pm. Everyone around me tells me to get a break and find what makes me happy. I'd say a woman but for everything else... no fucking clue. How do you find out what makes you happy?
>>16827584 Honestly, it still stings a little though. I'm not totally over him and I had high hopes of things working out between us even though he treated me like shit. I had (and still have) some pretty strong feelings for him for stupid reasons.
Whenever I go outside I get severe anxiety and I can't help but literally shit myself unless I find a bathroom immediately. I've ever had a job in my life. I'm 21 years old. I'm thinking of offing myself but I really love my brother and sister and spouse so much that I can ever find the will to do it.
My recent ex blames me for her depression. I'm delusional and keep searching for someone who wants to have sex with me. I don't have a job right now. I have some takents, but I don't do shit with them. Everyday at home I'm sad. Real sad. I'm a fat fuck.
>Trying to be nice to her because she's lonely and depressed >She saw my message and chose not to reply
I don't even care. I'm happy with my life and I'm making improvements and progress with my levels of self-respect and confidence, not to mention the fact that my shoulders and traps are starting to look fucking juicy.
If people don't want to be part of this then they can fuck off and once the inevitable "hey stranger :)" texts and messages come in after my cut I can tell them personally.
I never respected myself. I would flirt with girls because they were in a lower league and I was afraid of rejection. I'm looking at all these girls that I flirted with and the majority of them are either ugly, weird, or both.
I don't even care. I'm watching the crappy remake of RoboCop.
I'm finally seeing my best friend today, who I haven't seen in months and months because we had a falling out over my ex and the way he treated me.
But we made up and all is good again, which makes me happy because he's the person closest to me.
I'm actually so excited to see him because we get along so well and he just gets me. We've even both agreed that we're basically platonic soulmates.
I think it would be good for me to get out of the house, but I'm anxious as fuck because I'm getting the train to go see him but I've never traveled this far on a train by myself before. I'm sure I'll be fine but the anxiety and paranoia is still there.
I'm not going to let anything or anyone ruin my day though.
Maybe I deserve a bit of happiness, for once. Or even a breather from feeling like I'm a piece of shit and like I'm nothing.
I feel like fucking garbage for shit-talking two close friends to my ex months when they're actually there for me when it comes down to it. They might be flakey as people to hang out and shoot the shit with, but at least they know when I really need someone to talk to, and take the time to listen and give me advice. It makes me feel like total shit since part of the reason I didn't care about moving was because they were flakey. But I guess I'm just selfish.
so i notice motherless has disappeared. I don't know where it went. I started doing some digging and supposedly this site is watched by the FBI.
Now I'm freakin out. I only go to porn sites to get my fix. I only started going to this site because of 4chan. It's just one of a dozen. I didn't think much of it. But apparently there's some risky stuff there.
What am I going to do? I just like attractive looking girls. I shouldn't be marked for pedo just for liking girls. I tried to be careful. My mother always said not to watch porn and now I'm going to get in trouble big time for it. I'm a damn virgin, too. Why is this happening to me?
i need to get over you so fucking badly cause for some reason you've become my main source of happiness and you know for a fact a lot of people crave the attention i get and give, but i hate it all, you're one of the few people on this planet that i really enjoy being around feel completely comfortable with and lately i feel like you're really fucking me over, even though I'm sure you dont intend to, i just hate how so much time is flying by and every day is just me waiting for the weekend just so you can cancel on me and say 'next week'. i dont know why I'm so upset, i could go outside and do shit on my own, i probably fucking should, what is wrong with me? you seriously mean a lot to me, and you know that, dont play with my heart, lmfao, I'm fucking fragile when it comes to stuff like this, I've never felt this way before and i never want to again, but i never want this feeling to end, either. fuck it all
I don't like old women, like the granny shit, so I try to narrow it to that and I don't like that fake acting, so amateur makes it seem more honest. Usually that results in cam girl stuff from I assume mfc and the like like.
I actually specifically avoid videos tagged with the word "teen". It's too risky for me getting older like I am. I'm almost 30.
> Motherless has been taken down?
I think so. I wasn't looking hard. I usually google search it and the site is first listed. But this time is was some other site with the same name. I didn't even look when I clicked that site and when I saw it was different, I backed out. I don't even know what's on there.
>>16828766 Motherless is not down. Even if it were you'd have nothing to worry about. The Feds aren't looking for some random guy who may have stumbled on images that he shouldn't have. If you do stumble on something questionable just report it to the site and move on. Don't worry bruh.
>>16829053 >>16829001 >>16828749 >>16828750 >>16828739 i was frustrated at a few things that just happened from bad circumstance and i dated her best friend and wouldn't you know this kills the friendship it didn't even last i knew it wouldn't it was a moment of weakness and i just have to deal with that now knowing it's my fault
I recently got involved with this girl found out she had a personality disorder fucked her 3 times and then she got really hot and cold with me and then told me she was interested in me and someone else and has been ignoring me for the last two days. I know she's not the one for me or any of that shit. just sucks after being diagnosed with PSTD it's really the last thing i needed being fucked round by a girl. Any advice for getting over a girl?
Just realised that this girl cares about what I think about her.
Girl, we talk through Snapchat and we haven't shared numbers. You're not a close friend. I wouldn't consider you to be a friend anyway. You're someone I talk to when I'm bored. You're essentially a random anon that I'll talk to on 4Chan if I'm bored. You're an anon.
Then I've got this other girl who I've probably been pestering since lmao I found someone to talk to when I'm not doing something that requires much effort. She's in the same barrel, to be honest.
She's not a close friend but I would consider her a friend since I've been trying to help her out. Annoyingly, she doesn't make an effort to help herself despite complaining about it. That's something that I fucking hate too as when I thought I was going through depression, I sat down and looked at all the contributing factors and worked towards fixing my situation and I worked so fucking hard to get away from the suicidal thoughts because there's so much more to life. It's part of the reason why I want to be a counsellor or something like that since I want to help others when they can't help themselves.
Anyway, yeah. As much as I like her, I haven't got the energy to deal with it and I'm holding on to the past and that's done nothing but burn me before.
T'ra, Beth. Maybe next time you'll tell me that you've seen someone about how you feel. Maybe you'll have lost weight and be comfortable in your own skin. I don't know, I don't care.
Partner can fall asleep in any foreplay position... Wants to cuddle constantly, repeats same kiss on cheek over and over. Sex is on the menu twice a month. Penetration is too painful for intercourse 2 year relationship-great person I am becoming a shallow selfish puddle of shit
>>16829260 I've had a relationship like this. She was very tight, extremely affectionate (of which I am not very affectionate), always wanted to do dumb cutesy shit. If the sex isn't up to par, have that conversation, it's a completely ordinary couple conversation.
I'm fucked, guys, totally fucked. He said we're dating but doesn't spend any time or energy into seeing me/talking to me. I'm already halfway out the door. I'm sick of being treated like this. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I'm worried about reconciliation, and not getting what I want, and all of the shit that could happen in between. I don't wanna be here anymore. If only I had the one I wanted in the beginning, maybe things would be different. Or maybe I'd be a tear stained mess hiding under my covers.
In the past they didn't bother me, because I was in the same predicament as they are.. Confused, and wanting to change my life for what I felt was THE BETTER. But now-days, you mention something "TRIGGERING" and shit hits the fan. Instead of supporting them like I once did, I call them by their real gender.
>>16828479 From what I know, when people say that they don't care, they probably do and it still kinda hurts inside. That's a hard road I'm still on, but trust me when I say that self improvement and progress is the best thing for ya right now. fuk dem bitches
let go and you'll see from a distance how I am breaking let go and you'll find I've been in love for one year and 7 and a half months let go and you'll find me again someday when we're lonely and too old to love again let go and we'll sleep under the white stained sheets with just our hands barely touching let go and I'll run away disappear into thin air leave you to wonder if I ever was real let go I ask of you but you won't and so I am trapped with you.
>>16829561 here's hoping something changes, for both of us, and we get to say those important words to those important people dunno why but you seem like a very decent person, and we're the ones who get the shaft. it might not be in this life, but maybe in the next we'll be with those we truly love.
I feel like life is just a big spinning wheel. Some people are close to the middle, solid and sure and barely feeling the motion. But I've always been at the outer edges of the circle, hurled around and around helplessly. And now I'm just barely clinging to the edge of it. I want to just let go and fly away but I can't. I'm so scared right now. I'm so scared.
>>16829598 No one is as close to the middle as you think they are, though. No one is as cool or smart or happy as they appear. And you will be okay, anon. Keep hanging on to that edge. It's worth it, and you can do it.
One of my closest female friends recently told me her boyfriend was extremely jealous of me talking with her often (he reads her messages and was cheated on by his ex) and they argued over Valentine’s Day. She told me that he wants her to delete me off of every social media app and never speak to me again. After thinking about it she agreed with him and had the courtesy to tell me about it all before finally doing it. My issue is my feelings of inadequacy… I don’t like her but I feel like garbage now that our relationship of 5 years is gone just like that because he said so, she had even asked that if she broke up with him we could still be friends but not until then. I told her she was making me her plan B and I don’t think I could and I was unadded after she apologized for making it seem like that. If she ever did come back I feel pathetic thinking about accepting her offer because all my friends have told me she did me a favor by leaving (I tutored her often, she was in danger of academic probation). I have trust issues and she’s helped me through a lot of them that I couldn’t tell my other guy friends about without feeling like a pussy. Now that she’s gone I’m not really sure what to do, I’ve realized now that I don’t have that support anymore I don’t really have anyone to talk to anymore that I can trust.
I've been starting to feel hopeless, and less and less human each day.
My home life wasn't normal on account of my parents being significantly older, my mother being extremely sick and my dad having to work all day to support us. Normal childhood wasn't a thing for me.
High school was the funnest time of my life, the school was very small and I got along with everyone.
But now I'm in college and apparently I'm depressed. I feel like I can't make any intimate connections with people these days. I either get really bored, or I can't come up with anything to say. I try to work on myself but I always face some sort of setback, be it money or not having the drive I used to. I've been going to the gym and trying to eat more for about three years now, and I've barely gained a pound (physique is pretty good though so at least weight lifting is working).
I'm about to turn 20 and I have no will to live and further my career, hobbies, life. I lost whatever friends I had after graduating highschool and isolated myself in my room for over 2 years. My gf and I have been together for 3 years, and now she avoids me and hardly texts me. I have self confidence problems and I have depression and anxiety dissorders. I can't tell my parents because I don't want to disappoint them. I built a gaming pc two years ago to game with friends, my steam friend list is still empty. If anyone needs someone to talk to, I'll be here for a few hours.
I'd really like to talk to someone as well. I'm 19 and have awful anxiety, confidence problems, and little friends. My family is supportive, brothers especially so, but I still feel like I can't tell them how I truly feel. I once had a complete mental breakdown in front of them and even in my tattered state, I could see the fear in their eyes and it tore me apart. I never want to put them through that again.
>>16829865 .Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), formerly known as electroshock therapy and often referred to as shock treatment, is a psychiatric treatment in which seizures are electrically induced in patients to provide relief from psychiatric illnesses.
>>16829865 Electroconvulsive therapy is a treatment for depression, bipolar disorder and (more rarely) schizophrenia where they hook an EEG and some electrodes up to your skull, put you under anesthesia and shock you with electricity to induce a 5-10 minute long seizure.
I haven't had any suicidal thoughts in two weeks, which is nice. Hopefully the next two weeks will see my depression disappear.
The trip is there because I'm kind of attention seeking.
>>16829846 It still bothers me that we loved each other once and I mean love love. But I've moved on entirely I wasn't even expecting to get texts from her today which was the first time in weeks, I thought I still had her blocked.
>>16829892 Lol, thanks. I know the drill; it seems like it's kind of a throwback to the dark days of psychiatry, where they fucked up patients and sometimes accidentally killed people and stuff, so I'm not offended. :)
>>16829253 You're an ass and honestly, that girl is better off without you.
Good on you for wanting to be a counselor, we all need more of those. But if you were actually counselor-material, then you'd know that everyone is different.
Some people are built differently to you. Just because you had initiative to take control of your life and fix your mental health, does not mean that other people think they should do the same.
Maybe she's one of those people who views themselves as worthless therefore she thinks she doesn't deserve help. Maybe she thinks she can handle it without help. Maybe she just needs more time or even a catalyst to make her start working towards treatment. Maybe her personality lacks the motivation and drive to try fixing herself. Maybe she's in a low period and just needs to mellow and dwell for a bit before picking herself back up.
It's not your right to judge her, don't be a dick.
If you were a decent person, you'd encourage her and would try to be a good friend. Dealing with poor mental health (and no doubt some sort of mental illness, plus the self esteem issues you wrote in your OP), she'll probably think you've completely abandoned her and this will just be another low blow to her, basically meaning she'll be even worse for a period after you've cut ties.
Then again, she deserves friends who actually give a shit about her and who encourage her to be the best she can be, without them being pretentious and impatient about it, until and after she's more stable.
Tl;dr >cutting ties with her is the worst and best thing you could do to/for her.
Make of that what you will, and try to be a better person.
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