>have crush on guy, turns out he's a real Aspie (confirmed by mutual friends)
>become friends, but he never notices my feelings for him
>friends keep joking about how we gonna get married
>we joke about sharing a bed
>go to fancy symphony concert together, I jokingly ask him whether it's a date, he says and he jokingly ends up paying for my ticket and red wine
>go for drinks afterwards, he jokes how my drink looks like sperm
>jokingly thank him for the best date of my life
>we make plans to do more stuff with just the 2 of us
How the fuck do I proceed? Does he want to give me the D? I usually have no problems knowing whether a guy likes me or not, but his Asperger's is making it really hard to read him.
>I jokingly ask him whether it's a date, he says and he jokingly ends up paying for my ticket and red wine
>he says yes
Sorry, forgot the most important word right there
Should I get physically or verbally aggressive?
Putting my hand on his thigh? Joke about whether he could imagine being my boyfriend? He's planning to visit me in my home city, so that we can go to an even fancier classic concert and we joked about getting dressed up for that "date".
What is throwing me completely off is that he's never tried to get physically closer to me, no putting arm around me or anything. Not sure if he's uninterested or if it's just his Aspergers.
If the guy really is an aspie, chances are he may be feeling uncomfortable about the constant joking and jabs. You're obviously not dealing with a normal guy who will verbalize his feelings and thoughts to you properly, so you'll have to get used to... whatever the fuck he thinks is proper communication. Seriously, if its like this, how do you think it will be in the future? It may be endearing now, but it won't be forever.
How long have you been friends for? Has he made any indication he have any actual romantic interest in you, at all? At the end of the day, you may just have to take the lead. If that's something you enjoy, then you may as well be upfront about your feelings and state them bluntly to him, when just the two of you.
>How long have you been friends for?
A bit over a year ago I joined his circle of friends (just males), we usually hang out in a bigger group, but that was really the first time just the two of us did something together.
>Has he made any indication he have any actual romantic interest in you, at all?
He's stated a few times that he thinks I'm good-looking/cute and I've noticed him staring at my boobs a few times, but that's it, I guess?
He knows I'm virgin and the other day he asked me if I'd just fuck a random stranger to get it over and done with. I said no, I'd only have sex with someone I was serious about and he told me he wants the same.
I'm playing it safe, not sure if he's just joking or actually interested, but also just playing it safe...
>A bit over a year ago I joined his circle of friends (just males), we usually hang out in a bigger group, but that was really the first time just the two of us did something together.
Alright, well, that's certainly long enough for anyone to make a first move. I'm curious, though - whose suggestion was it to attend the concert together? Rather, did he make the arrangements, or you?
> I've noticed him staring at my boobs a few times, but that's it, I guess?
He's a guy, there's no way he wouldn't sneak glances, even if you fail to notice. It's more or less safe to say he's interest in you, sexually. The semen-drink comment only adds to that. The question is whether he sees you in a romantic way, too. How old are you guys anyway?
To reiterate be direct.
Joking about being a couple means 6 million things to him.
Saying I want us to be exclusive to eachother mean exactly that.
I know women tend to like to be coy about this stuff and bait guys into expressing their desire, but that may not work here. You want his dick, grab his dick and say you want his dick tonight. Seems like you are doing a good job leading and he is keeping up, but make your desires and expectations clear as possible with as little baiting as possible.
Asp here in a 6 year relationship.
To people like me, things like relationships must be clear cut as fuck. We're not good at reading subtext or taking hints. There are pros and cons to this of course, but you need to make things very clear.
To put you in his mind, he probably would like to be your boyfriend, but in his mind, there needs to be an obvious indication that you're both in a relationship together. Best way to do that is to sit down with him and just tell him how you feel and what you want.
He might want to approach you, or kiss you, or grab your tits, but to an asp, there are so many variables in the way people functional normally or acceptably, that he doesn't want to put you off, insult you or do anything that might be inappropriate.
TL;DR just be open.
Source: Am asp in long term relationship
>whose suggestion was it to attend the concert together?
It was my suggestion. The group has been to concerts and operas a lot of times and we both were like "yeah, I'll ask the others if they're also free", but in the end neither of us actually did. I didn't for obvious reasons and he didn't because he figured "the others are probably busy with exams anyway".
>How old are you guys anyway?
We're both 23. I don't have much experience and his Asperger's is making it even harder to figure out how much he likes me.
> Seems like you are doing a good job leading and he is keeping up
I'm not sure if he's keeping up because it's the polite thing/we're friends.Thank you for your comment, I guess there's no easy way out for me. I don't want to make our friendship awkward if I end up getting rejected by him.
>he jokes how my drink looks like sperm
GRAB HIS PENOR, SLUT
> I don't want to make our friendship awkward if I end up getting rejected by him.
You know, I always hear people say this. Are you really okay with only being friends, though? It sounds like you're really into him, going from what you've written so far. If you're in love with him, being friends really is not going to cut it, is it? I imagine it would feel pretty shit when you want something more.
I think it is better to be upfront. I know you are uncertain if its the right thing to do, but from what you have written, nothing seems to indicate he would be opposed to notion of a relationship. Hey, that is how life is. Sometimes you gotta take a leap of faith
>Are you really okay with only being friends, though?
He's such a nice person, I'm so thankful for being friends with him and I genuinely like him so much, regardless of romantic prospects. He's extremely intelligent and a lot of people in our year think he's arrogant because of his Asperger's, but that's not true at all. I was really badly prepared for an exam and he told me to sit next to him and he wrote his answers extremely big, so that I could copy them from him. He's such a dear friend, I don't want to lose him.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I want to be closer to him and touch him, but I'm scared he might be grossed out or something.
I hope it's not weird if I tell him something like "I really enjoy spending time with you. If you think you can return my romantic feelings, I'd love to continue being with you" or something. I might not be an Aspie, but I suck at verbalizing my feelings. I can already taste the humiliation.
The biggest problem with aspies is that they have a really hard time catching social cues. He most likely has a history of accidentally hurting people or being inappropriate because he misinterpreted the situation. That's why he acts reserved and distant. He doesn't want to be a creep or discomfort you or hurt you. He probably likes you otherwise he wouldn't go or with you. You just need to be much more direct not just with advances but making it clear to him that he can get close to you and violate your personal space without wierding you out.
Just do what my now-ex did. Take him to some quiet corner and tell him you're into him. Hopefully he should make the next move, if not again follow the wisdom of my now-ex and give him a big ol' snog.