So my new gf told me she wants to model nude for an art class. In lieu of payment, she wants an original drawing from the artist who teaches the class.
To be honest I dislike the idea. It's not that I'm particularly worried about infidelity (the way I would be if she said she was going to some photographer's studio to shoot stills) but overall it makes me question my decision to date this girl seriously.
She said she wouldn't do it if I asked her not to, and I said I'd think about it. I'm wondering if this is a bit of a test to see if I'm insecure, or to see what my boundaries are.
Anyways, I can give more detail if anons request it, just wondering what you'd do in my position.
This, let her try it maybe let your reservations be known but don't stop her. If she starts wanting to be a nude model, then talk to her and tell her you're uncomfortable with it.
I should say that I also have a really hard time "categorizing" her... in some ways she's your basic American woman, but in other ways she's old fashioned, and generally treats me like a king.
She's thin and conventionally attractive, so in all honesty I'm assuming that the guy who teaches the class wants to see her naked, if not actually try to fuck her.
kek. She actually suggested I model nude too.
That's pretty levelheaded advice.
I know acting assmad and jealous about it will probably just make me look like a little bitch.
Also, if it matters--she dropped like 25 pounds before I met her, and looks amazing... but she still has some "fat girl" body image issues. She talks about this kind of thing as part of her "empowering herself" and all that nonsense.
She wants his D, op.
>paint me like one your your French girls Sensei
>Also, if it matters--she dropped like 25 pounds before I met her, and looks amazing... but she still has some "fat girl" body image issues. She talks about this kind of thing as part of her "empowering herself" and all that nonsense.
why the fuck does it have to be "empowering"
why can't it just be "being healthy, fit and sexy"
jesus fucking christ
does she have a tumblr account?
I've heard this a couple times before, not too many times because I purposely avoid toolbags.
It basically translates to the person wanting to be viewed as a sex object for the first time in life. They have been jealous of not being ogled before now.
This is more or less my attitude. Maybe I should just say fuck it and tell her that if she does it, we're not going to be anything more than casual.
Me too, but we usually drew fat old people, or at most a slightly milfy woman in her 30's to draw the muscles and whatnot.
And frankly any male artist who approaches an attractive woman in her 20's and says "I want to draw you naked" has other shit on his mind. I would. Unless the guy is a flaming homosexual, there's more going on.
Are you a femanon?
How would you expect a man to handle it? I'm pretty sure that getting angry or defensive about it will make me look weak and insecure... I'm thinking I should just lay it out plain and say that I'm not interested in seriously dating someone who displays her body that way.
Ouch. That stings. I guess I am making excuses to overlook what appears to me to be a huge red flag. She's been amazing in so many other ways.
Can anyone advocate giving her another chance if she respects my objection and does not pose?
/adv/ is actually the most insecure board.
It's just a fucking art class. What is wrong with you people? You think she's just going to start blowing somebody in the middle of a drawing? They've all seen a naked girl before. Relax you chumps.
Whoa anon the female body is unique and nobody has ever seen one before! It's not like half the humans on the planet are equipped with the same hardware that ops girlfriend is. He must protect his precious girlfriend from exposing her lady parts!
You will just be that guy that told her what she can do from here on. She basically told you she was going to do it and and you can deal with it or move on. You need to find someone else if this sort of thing is not okay with you because there will be other scenarios you will not want in the future.
It's more about boundaries and respect. I have no problem reciprocating. I'm weaning myself off porn for my own health and wellbeing, and I would not expect her to put up with me going to strip clubs or doing risque photo shoots with attractive women.
Obviously I do not think an art class is going to turn into a gang bang. I've taken life drawing courses and I realize they're not sexy in the least, even if the model is somewhat attractive.
I'm totally down to bang a woman for fun, and even be friends with her under these circumstances, but the expectations are a little higher if I'm in an exclusive relationship that could last for years or even decades. So I don't feel I'm acting out of insecurity. She's the one who wanted a committed relationship, and I believe that doesn't simple entail exclusivity wrt intercourse.
I actually don't know anything about the professor. He could be a flaming homo or a woman or 70 years old. It's not really the point.
She gave me the power to veto, and I realize that could be the shit test in itself. I want to believe that I can keep her as a girlfriend if I assert myself here and "keep the frame".
Heh, she did offer to hook me up actually.
Dude, she isn't special. Figure drawing has nude models of all body types. From fat fucks, to chubby, to muscular, to starving. This is normal and I've considered doing it just to do it and I'm a guy. I'd like to get really lean first though. Maybe it's a little voyeuristic, but also just for the experience under my belt.
The art teacher is not going to fuck her and the reason she asked for that payment is because 15 bucks an hour really isn't as much as a figure drawing from a professional artist.
I guess I don't see your point. I have my beliefs about what is respectable behavior, and maybe they are quaint and backwards, but I don't really see what your more permissive worldview offers me, or why it's better in any substantive way.
I'm perfectly fine with nudity and even promiscuity--I've been dating casually since my last relationship ended. But I'm not obliged to commit to anyone, and if I do, it would have to be to someone with compatible values.
Your beliefs are quaint and backwards. Nude modelling for an art class really isn't sexually charged at all. The atmosphere is academic, it can sometimes even be a little stuffy, and none of the students (who won't all be men, and probably won't all be straight) will touch her or likely even speak to her in any way. I mean, this is something people have been doing for decades -- actually centuries. It's not "modern degeneracy."
As for what that kind of worldview offers you, well, it doesn't mandate that you break off an enjoyable relationship over a harmless activity that poses no threat to you and certainly doesn't constitute infidelity.
But your worldview is your business. Don't agree to anything you truly aren't comfortable with. If she handed you "veto power", then you're entitled to actually exercise it, whether or not she meant it as a shit test.
The things is mate, even if you say yes just to don't sound insecure, you can't clearly get over it, it will consume you until the moment you realize that you made a mistake and broke up with her, then go ahead and express clearly that you're against another man seeing her naked because you value intimacy, if she bitches about it, leave and don't look back.
Stand for your principles. Either tell her to not do it or dump her. Why would you want to be with someone who wants to show her tits and vagina to dozens of people?
If it's a test then there's no winning move. You tell her no? She'll call you insecure and blame you for all sorts of stuff, maybe even cheat on you while justifying it in her head as if you wronged her. You say yes? She'll see you as weak, she'll know she can manipulate you and she might even suggest having a threesome with another man. If it's a test then you've lost already.
I actually have an art degree... spent many hours drawing naked people, and I know the atmosphere of a drawing class very well. I also know that male artists are not some elite cadre of enlightened monks who are above earthly desires.
And as such a cultured and progressive person, you should know that famous artists usually sought out prostitutes or dancers as models, or had a girlfriend pose in private.
And it's simply naive to think that a straight man would propose for an attractive woman who isn't already a model to pose nude (in exchange for a personal gift, no less), and have absolutely zero prurient interest in her.
It really doesn't sound like any sort of test to me. It seems pretty genuine. Sometimes putting yourself out there is the best way to get past insecurities. If she has insecurities about her body, this might be a good way for her to get over them. Seeing a good artist draw her might also give her a confidence-boost, plus the drawing would just be a cool thing to have.
She sounds like she's being very respectful of you in this too. She asked if you were ok with it, and said she wouldn't do it if you weren't. She's clearly considering your feelings in the matter and being forthcoming with you. You should be forthcoming with her. Tell her your concerns about this, and talk to it so you can come to a mutual understanding.
And as someone who has drawn nude models in an art class, I'll tell you - it's not a sexy setting. The nude models are just another thing for you to draw.
It's not like she's getting drunk at a party and doing a strip tease. She's going to be in a professional setting where a bunch of people are just sitting and drawing. I don't think that's something that should take away from your ability to respect her, especially since she seems to be putting your desires first in this.
This guy has got it right OP.
If you're uncomfortable enough to post to /adv/, then it's not gonna sit well with you if she actually goes through with it.
Tell her "Hey, I don't wanna control you or whatever, but this make me uncomfortable and I think I'd prefer you didn't. BUT, make your own choice because it's your life."
After that, you just wait, see how it plays out, and make your move from there.
Best of luck man
Didn't you just admit that you'd rarely had attractive younger models? I'm not claiming that male art students literally never register whether a given model is attractive, but the atmosphere doesn't substantially change when they are. You're being disingenuous if you claim it does -- or you took some sketchy-as-fuck classes.
All I know about this situation & professor is what you've told us, which isn't much. If you're comfortable with the situation and this particular professor or transaction is what's bothering you then I don't think anybody would consider it controlling if you said, "It's fine if you want to pose nude, but this guy gives me the heebies. Let's find somewhere else and do this the right way." But that's not the impression I'm getting from you. It's that you'd be uncomfortable with her posing for any art class, taught by any professor.
If you stop raising your hackles over the fact that I called your beliefs quaint and backwards, you'll see I actually gave you pretty much the advice you were hoping to get -- that you can stop this at any time and if you're simply not comfortable with it then you certainly should.
Thanks anon. Going to tell her how it is over dinner tonight. If she gets sassy and calls me a controlling pig or something, I will say good riddance to bad company.
Not all boundaries and inhibitions are automatically bad anon...
Fair enough, and I appreciate your taking the time to answer. And yes, I'm a bit uncomfortable with her posing in general, but this transaction in particular raises additional red flags. I don't think she's gearing up to cheat on me, but I do think she's being willfully naive in accepting a gift from a man in exchange for posing nude.
And I agree that the atmosphere in class itself is totally professional and academic (even though this is not a college class, just a private class offered by a teaching artist). But If my instincts are right, I really wouldn't be surprised if the guy offered her more gifts in exchange for private sessions. Which, in the best case scenario would leave her feeling deceived and used.