I can't handle thinking of you with someone else, the thought that you don't need or care about me anymore is killing me. We used to text each other nearly all day everyday but now you've gone silent because of this new man you just met a while ago, for one I have to thank you for opening my eyes and noticing how little I meant to you apparently, how those months of me thinking I was actually starting to be liked by someone was a complete fucking lie and now I havent been able to sleep for 3 days now. On the other hand you made me notice that everyone in this world is black and white, I thought you were different I thought you were unqiue compared to the other girls but your not, your just like them and only care about yourself dont get me wrong if you can find someone to love in your life I wont be jealous and resent you but I cannot continue being your friend because overtime as much as I dont want to admit it I fell for you. I knew though the whole time that you didn't like me that way and never would of but I still continued to talk with you and have glimmers of hope. I misunderstood our conversations looked alot deeper into them then normal and made a false paradise with us, but now reality has crashed down and I truly understand what I meant to you. Thank you for showing me the truth of this world and how I shouldnt put as much faith in people as I have wasted on you.
------With much regret, your former friend------ T
>>16816322 M You wonder why life is so hard for you, when you treat the people that care about you like shit. I have no sympathy for your worthless cries for help, and I hope the men you date see through your lies as well.
I. You used to tell me how much of a horrible person you are all the time and I used to tell you how much I don't care because I'm horrible too and I would be there for you, any time, any place. You were there for me when I almost offed myself and you somehow managed to pull me from one of the darkest fits anyone can even imagine. You used to tell me things and did things to me I never imagined anyone would ever want to say or do with me. You also have that horrifying disease which has to be monitored all the time and I supported you how I could. I loved you for that. I loved you for your entire person. You were absolutely beautiful in both appearance and personality. But then you proved me you actually were a horrible person. Now, we haven't talked to eachother for 9 months already. Now I wish you weren't there when I wanted to quit. Now I wish you die from that disease. But if you came to me a year from now and forgot what happened between us 9 months ago, I would welcome you back. I still love you. I always will. You were my first. You're probably gonna be my only one. But if you get the opportunity until then, you should kill yourself, as should I.
You lied to me and abused me just to feed your own pathetic ego. I hate your liberal, femenist and atheist world-view. You only hate the bible because you are afraid of the truth. You are a sinner like the rest of us, but your too fucking narcissistic to ever realize it. I suspected that you lacked empathy after you told me that you were an, adrenaline-junky in your youth. I resent the fact that you fed me litterature that supported your view of the world while I was too young and ignorant to reject it. You made me so paranoid that I no longer am able to truth women. I feel that it's your doing that I am now in debt because of therapy sessions. My first panic attack was because of your endless lying. Now, the only time I feel like someone cares about me is when they use me. I hate you.
Its been sometime since you have both been together i thought you were both made for each other.
To you, your vice clamped her down, you claimed to love her and yet you hold her back. You write about your fears that she was having a better life before you and yet you relentlessly hold her back. You know what holds her back, her kindness and her need to mother you, and yet you refuse to learn to be independent, if only for awhile. To you who refused to grow, your empty words and your feign ignorance will bother me no more.
To you, who blinded by love and motherly instincts, for months I warned you of the dangers of your actions. When I advised you to do what was most important. You ignored, indulging in your endless pursuit to feel important and useful. When you thought you were helping, you were smothering. Now you let your spoiled child, more in need of you. The pressures of your work is now coming upon you; the price of your smothering. To you who was warned, your empty words and your cries of fear will bother me no more.
I leave you both in your very temporary love and to endlessly corrupt each other till you both find nothing but addiction to each others vice.
Dear Ralie, It's been a week since I told you I was depressed and suicidal. I told you everything - my body image issues, the suicide letters I had written - the whole deal. You took it like a champ and fought tooth and nail for my happiness. I don't have the heart to tell you that I still feel dead inside. You stopped me from killing myself and I don't know whether to thank you or apologize that your efforts were in vain cause I might attempt again soon. Forever loving you, Alex.
Cease the paranoia, I realize there is an overlap in interests now. This was one I was aware of for months, and so were you. Just because we now have something kind of in common does not mean I shall suddenly show up and approach you to get in your way. You have your circle of friends and a girl you're in love with, you focus on that. You focus on what you want to focus on, rather than getting all fearful over someone popping up and making things less pleasant for you. You'd have to be the one to go out of your way to interact with me. So unless you do, you don't need to worry about stuff getting in your way.
This has always been the rule and something that should have been obvious by now. I have no influence over anything in your life whatsoever and never claim to, we don't interact unless it's on your side. As a result, you have no reason to fear some awkward coexistence. Focus on what will actually give you joy and drop some weird paranoia and whatever reaction tests you keep doing
Next time, go with an attitude to let yourself be influenced by the other persons. You had your defenses up all the time and I don't blame you, but you did made it hard and in that moment I wasn't up for that. Sorry..meh not sorry
I understand that you went through a lot. But you don't have to be an asshole to me. If you don't want me around then just say it but don't fuck with my day and then get made that I stopped talking to you. It feels like you don't care and it hurts but I'd rather hear it and just say goodbye then poke at you to see if you're still alive and feel like you still love me.
You kind of fucked us up a little as a tutor, going to be honest. You've lost 75 percent of your students over the course of a single year, and you gave the rest of us and extremely precarious group project. You also owe me 5 quid. Goddammit man.
You confuse me.
Honestly, you confuse me the same amount on all matters that don't involve personal knowledge of having a penis.
You're cute, but I'm not going to be a homewrecker. At least not for what might be a happy relationship.
Going to punch you in the face. I'm still alive and kicking, and only slightly insane.
Please sort your financial shit out. Please. I don't want to resent you over a mortgage that wasn't needed, for stupid things we don't need, when you're dead and I have to pay it off.
A and P,
No more schemes, games, or plans that never work out. Stop.
I frankly don't know you. After this bullshit, I think I've seen enough of you. And you're not in love with me, no really, you don't know me. Almost no1 does. Have fun digging up information. Hope you find what you're looking for.
The only reason I talked to you here was because I thought you were too shy to talk to me in a normal way. It turns out I was just ignorant. Please tell me how I browse this board all day long. Glad you liked talking to me.
This is the first time I've ever talked to a girl online without meeting them in person. I don't get why I am into you since we never met face to face but god damn I love playing with you on (you damn well know what game) after seeing what you look like I was amazed. I just wish you were in closer proximity to me so we can do regular stuff like fuck and go on dates. There are to many states between us and I don't want to fall for you since I don't believe in online dating. Why does the right girl for me have to live on the other side of the country.
>>16819013 Roughly 2500 + miles (4023.36 km) away is a huge distance. Maybe if I lived in Britain where its 683.5 miles (1100km) north to south and not 3.5 times that distance I'd be on easy street and it would be a feasible option
C. I know how family entanglements go. I do. Both my grandparents were clingy, terrible people who never let either of my parents go to live their lives. Even now my grandmother stalks my mom. She calls constantly and drives by the house trying to look in the windows to see what we're doing. Fuckers are possessive. And that carried over into my childhood, both my parents had some of it. But they tried hard to raise me different, and the result is that I've always fought against being too attached to your family. It's good to have some connection, but you can't let them control your life. It's a maddening experience. Endlessly frustrated and ultimately thankless. You don't want to date because you're trying to be self-sufficient and your family is making that hard to manage. But you'll never be self-sufficient if you're bound to them. Forget dating, until you can stand up to them and make them understand that you are your own person with her own goals and desires you'll never be able to escape them in any area of your life. They will drag you down, C. You can help them without them controlling you, but you have to be willing to stand up for yourself.
Eugh. Look at me talking like I'm any better. I still let my mom bully me into all kinds of shit. Least I still date sometimes. Or try to, really. -J
>>16819136 Just had higher hopes for someone I was involved with. Or I had perceived their character as being more true than it really is. high hopes they would treat me like I treat them. Actionless words. Dishonest words. Flakey. Selfish. I'm sure there's more I've noticed/thought of in the past but they're slipping my mind.
M. How can you be this fucking blind? I expected better of you. You are honestly one of the best people I've met and I have mad respect for you. It's starting to seem like you don't, though. I can't fathom how you don't see just how alone you are now. I feel nothing but the most powerful disdain for the piece of shit boyfriend you decided to take back. Goddamn, I seriously cannot understand why you'd get back together with him. It's incredibly disappointing.
I just hope you fucking see all this before you alienate every last one of your real friends. God knows you're already off to a pretty good fucking start. - R
I wish you could see all the goods things you have. I wish i could go back in time and change everything so no one ever did all the bullshit that happened to you, i can´t heal you or save you, just try to help you and listeAll i want is to show you that you are worth all of this.
you are so on my mind lately and i don't know where it came from.
went running today and thought "man, it'd be cool if we still talked and could like run together" followed shortly by "where the fuck did that come from?" and "she's way far away so clearly not the logical part of my brain"
dunno, its weird. been like the last month that you've been on my mind, vividly so. I think you'd agree we didn't really get all that far, so I can't place what's going on here.
think I tasted rhubarb if i remember right and it like triggered whatever part of my brain I locked that away in. brains are weird.
Its ok I was being a silly kid, I really liked you though but I knew it was unrealistic. You're life is in a way different place than mine and I'm so immature. Sorry if I made you feel awkward, I hope we can be good friends in a brother-sister kind of way. I really admire you and wish I had a role model like you while growing up.
Do you think about me? because I'll bet I think about you 50 times every time you even glance at my name once. I wish we talked more, I really changed a lot while you're away. I like you a lot but I was just oblivious to your "signals" before. I hope you come back, I want to see you again and want some closure too.
I'm getting so tired of waiting for you to love me. I'm getting so tired of waiting for your actions to meet your empty words. I'm getting so tired of feeling and knowing I'm nothing to you. I'm getting so tired of you breaking my heart over and over again.
I've been alone now with my thoughts for a few months. Not leaving the house for that long really makes you realise things. Even though I'm living in another state entirely everything feels the same. People piss me off a lot. I know I'm not perfect by a long shot but I just can't stand people anymore. Talking to them, listening to every bullshit that comes out of their mouth really tires me. Maybe I'm the one who needs control. I don't even think I have any friends left after not seeing anyone for so long but fuck it, I really don't care that much. I'd rather just be alone than live with fake people.
I thought you would be the only one I'd ever miss but even I can't miss you for the way you've become.
My memory has always been my only redeeming quality, but even then it's not a praiseworthy trait. I can't forget you, nor anything related to you. So though we don't talk, I wish you all the best. Happy birthday, I hope you have a great day, make the most of it and truly enjoy yourself. You won't even read this, so you'll think I forgot. In reality, I'm just too much of an awful person to contact you after so long to wish you a happy birthday. Maybe if we run into each other by coincidence then I will tell you in person. Maybe you won't even recognize that it's me telling you if it does happen.
But regardless, I sincerely wish you the best. Have a happy birthday, have a good year and smile.
I was so pleased with myself last night, I managed to shower and make it to bed without masturbating over you at all. Despite extreme provocation. This morning, my desire overcame my resolve once more. You are a tough habit to break.
N It's good to see you smiling from afar. It makes my heart warm. Even though you wiil never notice my affection to you, it's okay by me. I hope I can see you again some other time. From your secret admirer
Let's be honest, we both knew we weren't going to hang out today. Me even asking you out was a bad idea. I knew as soon as I got to my car that this wouldn't work. I guess I got caught up in how you made me feel and other irrelevant emotional bullshit that I ignored the fact you have a boyfriend. Which was stupid of me. I set myself up for failure, and got what I deserved in the end. Sorry if I've ended up making things between us awkward. See you around work sometime.
I'm trying to get over you. I know you don't give a fuck about me and it's awkward when I see you out because I can't look at you. That night was just a joke to you I know. But it was my first time fucking someone in 2 years. I was so lonely.
>>16820580 Hey anon, if she was just a one night stand cheer up, being lonely isn't about just fucking someone its knowing that someone cares about you as much as you care about them, its finally being loved by someone in your life who naturally isn't or doesnt have to love you IE: mom, dad, whatever.
>>16816322 First, and foremost, boy. Child. Toddler? You’re an infant to me. You’re an insect. Yes, it is horrific, it’s your greatest, very worst nightmare…your current ex-girlfriend absolutely loves having sex with me. I know this because she tells me all the time how much she loves having sex with me.
We were in a hotel bathroom, with the lights off, shower already running, ready for us, when our clothes came off. “Holy shit,” when she finally grabbed my cock.
When she arrived, eye contact. Smiles. We almost kissed when she got out of her car. We hugged. Then, we kissed. Fastest first kiss, ever, in the world, period. And we almost kissed before our hug. Seriously. We’ve had that conversation. So, she picked me up, and we traded seats after fifteen minutes or so. And that’s when I became the pilot and her, co-pilot. We drove to Osage Beach, to a grocery store, for alcohol. Then, to a random hotel. We were all over each other. Touching each other even while on the road. In public. With this grin.
>>16820744 I’ll probably never remember the room’s number. It was cold, so the heat came on after a struggle with the lights. Then, wine. No cheers. She sat on the edge of the bed, motioning, suggesting I sit next to her. So I knelt at her feet. Talking for awhile. Smiling. Laughing. Eye contact. Massaging her legs. Then I took off her shoes. “Are my socks matching?” she worried out loud. They were, but I wonder that it would have been cuter if they weren’t. We were drinking white wine. It wasn’t anything fancy. It turned out that we didn’t even really need it. We started kissing. New lips are funny. A challenge. Then we’d talk some more. Always smiling. I took off her socks. I felt something in a zipped pocket. “It’s my E-Cig,” she confessed. I was confused. She laughed when I unzipped, “It’s chapstick.” This girl is ridiculous. It was then that I noticed she was more nervous than me. Because, really, I thought I was the nervous one. I think I’m always going to be. But she had never cheated. So I reached close for kisses. She was being shy. I took her hand to the bathroom. Attached, and confused. I didn’t confess a thing. Lights on, water on. And back to her. Lights off. Lips. Kiss. More. “Why’s the water on?” So I make it shower. Back to her. My shirt’s off. She feels. Her shirt’s off. I struggle with her bra, so I laugh, “Not the bra.” She does, too. It’s slowing us down. She reaches for my belt, but she’s too slow. I do it instead, and pull myself out. Now we’re at the, “Holy shit.”
I'm sorry I was such an asshole to you. I didn't know your mother made you do it. I know how how much stress you were under. It means a lot to me to know now how much you really, really cared. I wish you the best.
>>16820751 In case you’re curious, I am longer than eight inches, over five and a half around, over six at the base. And I’m 5’8” and, I dunno, fit? But I don’t remember the last time I worked out. So I’m saying it looks really nice on me. Obviously. Like, you know how sometimes there are really small, skinny girls with huge tits? Yeah, kind of like that. There you go.
You saw the pictures, I think she was nervous.
So I put a finger in her. We’re still in the bathroom, standing, by the way. And she’s really handsy with my dick. She’s fascinated. “Wait, this is a bad idea,” I laugh after a few minutes. So I turn off the water, lead her to the bed closest to the door, and immediately go down on her. And moans. Sounds you’ve never heard. Sounds no one would believe. I promise. “You’re so good at that,” she gasps after like, five?
“Okay, time for sex,” I’m thinking, so I move. But she resists. Instead, to my great surprise, she starts blowing me.
Side note, I would have never thought she would just, like, give head. Now, she’ll start sucking when I’m driving her around in her Jeep.
But I don’t remember anything I said to her then, she is amazing with her mouth. Only a little bit too much teeth, only sometimes. …but I really wanted to stretch her out. So I move.
It didn’t take long for the head, but she was really struggling with the last third. She’d flinch hard if I pushed in.
These weren’t the sexiest noises you’d have heard. I mean, I was hurting her. Lot’s of, “Ungh.” There was one point she reached her hand down to see how much remained. It was like she was giving me a hand job while we were having sex.
We were going at it for probably thirty minutes before I turned the heat off, and the air conditioner on in the room. It was kinda funny, actually…I was on top, and a bead of sweat hit her almost in the eye.
>>It fell in the corner. She said she liked it. I laughed a little, but got up anyway to make it cooler. She was confused on where I was going, like, “When are you going to return?” was what she was trying to say. I got back on that bed and returned to fucking her. I think she got on top for the first time after a minute or two, but not, of course, without putting me in her mouth for a bit. She probably needed me to be more wet.
She didn’t really know what to do at first. Because, well, I’m huge. So I kind of took control from the bottom. It’s a really good position to fuck fast. Like, the fastest. At the right angle, it’s almost like there’s no resistance. Mind you, it’s because she’s fucking soaked. But I’m not stupid, so I’ll use just the head, slow, then faster, then a few more inches, then the head, then faster, then deep, but slow.
Her fucking moans, man. Jesus Christ. I’ve been thinking about recording them, or even filming ourselves, and sending it to you.
But I dunno how long that went on. Ten minutes? Whatever. She got more comfortable after a bit. She found out she wanted to grind me, but couldn’t yet, then. At one point she rode me backwards. At one point we were spooning. But, obviously fucking. At one point I was fucking her from behind. Then something else for awhile, it’s foggy. I don’t remember when I came. She doesn’t know how many times she did. And no, I didn’t ask. I just know she doesn’t.
Also, I didn’t find out until much later that I was her forth partner. And that all her previous partners, yourself included, lasted, on average, between five and ten minutes.
This girl and I are having marathon sex, Austin. Thirty minutes. Forty-five minutes. Two hours. Four hours with a few naps.
But long story short, she couldn’t take all of me the first few times we had sex. But that’s okay because now she can.
>>16820759 Look, Austin…Madi, and it is Madi, by the way. Not Maddie, you fool.
Anywho, Austin. Madi IS, most definitely, the tightest girl I’ve ever fucked.
When she’s close to cumming, and trust me, we’re getting to that…she gets weirdly tight. Like, I can’t even move inside her. She clamps down hard. Her body stiffens. Every muscle is flexing. It’s like she’s trying to push me out. Squeeze me away. So I readjust and push my entire dick in her.
And that’s when she dies.
I laughed as I typed that.
…her words, not mine.
So I’ve bottomed out in every girl I’ve fucked. There’s this little button at the cervix, the A-Spot? Like the G-Spot, I guess. But like, way back there. And better. It’s always kinda felt like I was going inside another something, but in reality, it’s just rubbing the underside of whatever or another. I dunno. But with Madi, it feels like there are two of these ridges. I wish I could explain it. She probably couldn’t either.
I love looking at her face when I’m that deep. “…ecstasy lol seriously,” in text, she has tried to describe.
When I’m that deep, Austin, I literally don’t have to do anything except flex. My cock, that is. Then she does all the work. She only asks me to push further inside her. And like, two minutes later, she’s cumming.
Speaking of cumming, she is all the fucking time. All. The. Time. Austin. ALL. The. Time. She’s like a premature ejaculator. I’m making her cum faster than you, yourself, came while having sex with her. Meaning, with me, she can’t last as long as you. As you did with her.
>>16820764 Her trip to Texas was the best two nights and days we’ve ever had. We spent a lot of it having sex. I drove us around a lot. She didn’t drive at all. Walked around Ft. Worth. I cooked for her twice and she was like, “I’m okay with you cooking for me all the time.” With a huge smile.
When she first got here, that eye contact. And smiles. Her’s is honestly the most beautiful. And mine’s almost evil. Maniacal, even. A kiss. A few. The biggest hug in the world. We fucking embraced each other, man. Huge smiles. We probably almost felt like crying.
Then we got inside and I took off her pants and, again, immediately went down on her. This time for awhile. I really missed her taste. She went down on me for awhile. It seemed like she missed me, too.
“Oh, my God.”
“You’re so big.”
“You’re so deep.”
Every once in awhile she started something, then trailed off and couldn’t finish it. Breathing hard, gasping for air.
“You’re not real.”
At one point, I was like, “Oh, my God, Madi, you make me feel so thick.” Because, well, she does. Higher pitched, “You are,” but you should have heard the way she said it. Like she needed to tell me. Like there was pain. Like I was hurting her. Like she was about to cry.
>>16820768 I’ve never fucked anyone this hard. I love her sounds, every face she makes. Sometimes we just stare at each other when she’s on top, grinding. This mesmerizing smile. Her eyes aren’t all the way open. It’s almost creepy. It is, though, however, the sexiest feeling in the world.
We don’t blink. We feel it. The it. The it that everyone has been searching for. We feel unstoppable. Invincible. Everyone looks at us when we’re out in public. They notice. They can’t help but notice her. And then I get instant respect. The most respect in the place. Because I don’t come across as a fool. And she is both the greatest and prettiest thing we’ve seen. Although, I sometimes think I come across as a crazy person. Lunatic. Serial killer. Sociopath, probably? But other than that, I’m probably the friendliest stranger you’d ever meet.
This all went on for about two hours. Then, very strangely, we fell asleep at the same time for about a minute, then woke up and had more sex for close to two more hours. Then we fell asleep until about 10:30, had some more sex.
“I’m sore,” she pouted, as I began to put myself in her, this time. I felt bad, as if she was going to push me away. So I pulled back. “What are you doing?” she kind of giggled. So I pushed in.
Maybe thirty minutes?
Then sleep, again.
Around one, we woke, feeling exhausted. And hungry. So I cooked for her. Eggs and pancakes. “These are so good,” at the eggs. She didn’t really like pancakes, but she most definitely loves mine, now. It’s cute. I love cooking for her, already. Seriously.
I hope you the best with that white guy of your. I hope he give you everything you ever wanted. You don't remember me but that okay. No one will remember me when I'm gone. Tonight I'm finally doing it, having a talk with my heart. Telling him it gonna be alright, he doesn't need to be afraid. Where we going, no one can't hurts us anymore. Good-bye K.
>>16820972 I kinda wished that you were the girl I was talking about. It's funny because before I met her she was everything that I disliked about a girl but the same things that I disliked just seemed so endearing when it was coming from her. Now she's the only girl I could ever want. I blame her for making me sad and lonely because no other girl will ever be as amazing and cute as her. Too bad we could never be together.
How about you, anon? Why aren't you with your guy?
>>16821022 But you 2 could always save up money and see each other! It'll make the first meeting feel even more magical than it would already be. How far apart are you guys?
We can't be together because she's engaged. I hate myself for falling for someone who is already taken. I'm not enough of an asshole to do anything about it but I'll wait for her even if it means being sad and lonely for another 50 years.
Pretty lady, You made me smile today even though I never saw you. Your beauty can cross the miles between us just as fast as thought. Tomorrow you will make me smile again, and I will love you more. From your smitten admirer.
>>16821052 >first time I was so nervous and excited that I looked right at him and smiled as he was walking out of the gate thing in the airport, like we made eye contact and everything lol, and panicked because I suddenly wasn't sure if it was him or not. Then I proceeded to walk up and kinda halfway start to kiss him hello before thinking "hey, this might be a little too forward" and awkardly derping my face into his shoulder instead. >second time Got coffee for him while waiting for his bag to come out. Found each other. Greeted each other. Spilled the coffee on him. >next time Can't come soon enough. Now that I know what life is like when we're together, life without him is just...gay. Like everything kinda just sucks. A lot. Nothing but going through the motions.
8 time zones. Takes "fuck this gay earth" to a whole new level, lol.
Aww honey, don't hate yourself. Shit happens. Be good to yourself.
Will, but not the will above me. Although if i wasn't aware that I hadn't posted that, I would've sworn I wrote it. Anyway. I hope you're doing well, and someday get back on the site. I know we're not supposed to talk but I still care and stuff Also, I found another guy who looks like you, as I always do. Makes me laugh whenever I see him. Thanks for the recommendations and stuff you gave me, music wise and other wise. I love it all. I hope we can cross paths again someday, and I am truly sorry for not saying goodbye. I'm not mad at ya, I'll always be here if you ever need me.
I don't chase after people. It's just not the way I live. When you finally texted me last year, my head started spinning because I had decided that either we would be or wouldn't. Especially since we had two years of silence.
I'm sorry I stood you up last June. I was irresponsible and got drunk with old friends. I wanted to invite you, but my parents were in the area and I didn't want them to accidentally run into us.
Then you texted again just before Christmas. I do like you, I suppose you like me too since you have contacted me after two gaps, but I'm just always so nervous about fucking up with you. I know, if we're not right for each other then that's that and I'll get over it, but I've never been with anyone before and I don't want to do wrong by you or me.
I'm sorry for my awkwardness, please don't get scared off. I have serious issues with vulnerability and displaying affection. I haven't said 'I love you' to anyone but my dog in the last fifteen years. And I hate kissing, but I guess that's just a mandatory step before we get to the fun shit. More embarrassingly, I'm not very feminine. I'm comfortable with myself, it's not like I want to become girlier, I just worry that you might be put off and either become insecure or resentful and envious of others. But again, I know, what happens, happens.
I don't want to say not to give up on me, or give me a chance, because you've already given me more chances than I'd hoped for when I met you, so instead I'll just ask you to give me enough time to prove myself.
How is it that once you end up a relationship - friendship in our case - every little contact all of a sudden becomes so fucking awkward? I can't change groups because other ones collide with the rest of my classes or create pointless free periods, but fuck being in the same study group as you, really fuck it. Didn't know you would be there, figured we would share only two classes but life fucked me over once again.
Anyway I suppose I have no choice but to deal with it so w/e. I can't run abroad on exchange program and can't drop off now, so there's no much choice left. But damn, it is painful to see someone who tricked me into a \friendship\ for two years and in the end treated like a doormat almost every day.
Actually I detest your little hipster friend even more, pretentious twat. I can't stand him and I don't even have a solid reason as to why
Dear woman that I work with, Please will you send me a photograph of yourself that I can use as the wallpaper on my laptop. Nothing provocative though, please, as obviously people at work will see it and also my wife will see it when I am at home. I wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea here. If you would rather not have your beautiful face on display then I'd be equally happy with a picture of your feet, with or without shoes. Or, actually, if I am completely honest - any picture of any part of you. So that gives you a huge amount of freedom as to what you choose. Thank you so much, Your dedicated and proud beta-orbiter. Xx
I don't know how to say this to you upfront so I guess I'll just say it here. I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. I've been nothing but sincere with you, and you knew that. We've talked about so many things, yet you still threw a bitch fit over something we've discussed to death a million times. I think you should take some time to cool your head and really think about what you really want, because I don't think I'm it- at least, based on how you treated me.
I'm breaking up with you. It isn't because you work all the time. It's because you can't be bothered to send a few texts now and again. We went nearly three weeks without speaking. I'm worth more than that. It's not because the sex is bad. It's good, actually. It's because you only seem to want me around for sex.
I don't want to be in a relationship anyway. I hardly need any attention and you aren't giving me any whatsoever. Either I break up with you or I end up cheating on you, and I abhor the thought of cheating. I just can't take feeling lonelier than I did before, you know? You're a fucking shit boyfriend, but you'd make a great fuck buddy. That's what's up.
I'm gonna figure this all out. I think about you a lot. Probably more than I should. How can I help it? You're great. I know I don't know you all that well but I can just see that you're a really good person. Is that weird? I just gotta get past this.
>>16816322 Your girlfriend is the only reason I have to deal wit you, I am honestly sorry someone is so insecure they would deal with a shitbasket like you. Your loud, annoying, rude, and treat the only people close to you like shit. I know your comeuppance is around the corner, and eventually you will become a 40 year old virgin and prob off yourself. But i feel bad for everyone who is stuck with you, and everyone you abuse. Why wait till 40, just off yourself now. no one will miss you, and while your family hosts a funeral, ill host a party. Fuck you.
S i think about you more than i should, i've known you for longer than i wish to anymore, it's not that i hate you now, its just that i have been through too much pain being your friend. though i honestly am happy for you and hope you can make something of yourself
M, I'm sure I'm missing something but I'm not exactly sure what it is? I meant every word I said. Even though I wanted to avoid being some guy who sends paragraphs about love. Maybe, you don't wanna talk about love. That's fine with me. Just give me an "ok" or something. Maybe you're just doing things irl. Maybe you don't like me at all. But the more I think about it the more confused I get. I feel like it's just a clusterfuck of miscommunication. You could be pushing me away for a reason. But I need to be next to you. I can only hope to know more of you. I'd rather just hang out in person instead of messaging. It's boring. It's not like I'm trying bed you and wed you.
I will never post here again. This rambling could get addicting.
I'm tired of blaming myself for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I tried my fucking best to keep that shitwreck afloat, yet time and time again you told me I gave up too easily.
Never, EVER did I ever think about cheating on you. I was as loyal as a stupid fucking dog, coming back no matter how much I was berated or punished. I can't believe I overlooked fact that you wanted access to every single one of my social media accounts, my emails, my phone bill to view my records AND my bank accounts to monitor me after having one conversation with an old high school friend who was a girl. I never gave them to you, and you took that as a sign of ME HIDING SOMETHING.
I wanted to take care of you, to give you a home you didn't have growing up. But what did you fucking do to help achieve that together? I held two jobs while being full time at college WHILE putting up with the fucking emotional roller coaster you put me through. But you? You dropped out of college, you refused to take any job that paid less than $20 / hr because it was beneath you, and you became a literal NEET. You finished playing games I never finished in days because you literally woke up and played games until I got home. Then I absolutely had no option to do anything myself. All my attention had to be to be at you. I never had any personal time because that was neglect to you.
I know you wanted me to blow my load inside you so that you could chain me by knocking you up when our relationship was on it's dying breaths. You were wanting sex all the time. So I gave it to you. Your attempts to leg lock me when I was about to blow my load were cute. I could tell your aim, and I knew you couldn't do it. After all, it would have been hard when you NEET so hard you waste away to 92 lbs on a 5'3 frame. Made sex easier though. Just threw you into any position I wanted and enjoyed it.
Dear E, Can you tell that I am hopelessly in love with you? I know this situation can't last forever. And I don't know how things will work out. I treasure the times we laugh together and "accidentally" touch for just a second. The playful teasing and sleepy conversations at 2am are somehow so comforting. You are so smart too. I like to help you out any way I can really. I'm happy I can spend time with you almost every day, even if you're sleeping in the seat next to me during lecture. Your presence just makes me feel complete. I am scared sometimes that I love you too much. I want to be one of those people who can maintain composure no matter what the situation. I'm working on it. It's hard when being with you feels better than any drug. You don't like to talk about your past lovers, but you mentioned the last one got bored of you and left. It breaks my heart to see you sad. Even so, you always seem totally calm and in control. It's inspiring. I think you do know how I feel. Maybe one day we'll cuddle again. I hope so.
Why do you still want to kill yourself? I thought you got over that stuff. Everyone feels depressed. It's a common thing these days. Nothing special is happening to you. If you sincerely want to die, why are you still here? Because you got attached to your stupid fucking project? Who cares. You're dead anyway.
I think about you from time to time. I don't think what I did to cause our friendship to end was out of character, nor uncalled for. But I don't resent you either.
We just grew apart, that's all, and it was about time one of us noticed it. It's not enough to talk about the same things and go in unsatisfying circles. I just didn't want that any more, especially when you weren't honest with me any more.
I hope you're doing well, you deserve happiness, but I don't see a place for me in your life, nor you in mine.
What was I supposed to do? I didn't know what else to do. You needed me to be strong and positive while you were there, and I have been. I force the happiness and cry when you don't know. I can't be strong for you anymore.
You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before bed. You, the thought of you, the image of you, the memory of you has consumed me. It's a weight.
But don't worry....I fucking love you. I've waited my whole life for you. I can wait 8 months.
But I had to do this. It's the only way I can cope. It will be over before you know it. I simply care about you too much, think of you too often, and miss you too hard.
S, You were my best friend. You met me at my lowest after my parents divorce and offered your hand when I needed to be lifted up. My favorite memories I have are of us playing video games, watching movies, and when you came with us to the beach years ago. You called me your brother and you meant it. I called you mine and I meant it. It goes so weird that even kids at school thought we were related or some shit. When you moved away to Arkansas though, I had never felt so sad and lonely in my entire fucking life. Not even after my first girlfriend dumped me. You weren't there to be there for me.. You were the only friend I ever got close to and the only one I relied on. The next year on my spring break, I was so excited to drive up and visit you. I had waited and been trying to keep in touch online and through texts. But when I got there you were a completely different person. It was like everything I knew about you wasnt there anymore. You turned into a fucking drug addict and it broke my heart man. What happened to wanting to be an artist? What happened to playing guitar? You just quit and turned to heavy drugs. I blame that Jeff kid. When you told me that if I wanted to I could go home a day early I realized we grew too much a part. You wouldve never turned me away when we were close. I drove home 10 hours home by myself and was so angry. Who were you?! You weren't my best friend?! You weren't the guy who moved in with me cause you were having home life issues?! I didn't give a shit about you and didn't talk to you again. When I found out on Facebook you had died though I couldn't stop crying. I feel like such an idiot for giving up on you completely. Even when you called me and I ignored your calls and texts... Im so fucking sorry dude.. If I had only knew you were hurting so much I could've helped. I miss you man.. Not who you turned into, but I miss my best friend of 8 years. I miss my brother. I will never forget you. Pat
J- Finally figured out how to describe the look on your face when you saw us together. You know how it feels when you see something you didn't want to see? The adrenaline is racing through your veins but you kinda feel numb at the same time? That's how you looked, and I still feel awful. I hoped I was imagining it, but damn, I wasn't.
M One year is a long time, especially since I was living in hell for most of it. Thanks for wasting my time and only using me to boost your own name. i hope your grandfather knows what happend to him was because of you. but then again you will never tell him will you. When we dated you bitched about everyone that i considered a friend. I wish you would of let me go when i wanted to, but you dragged me back into the shit hole called your life where everyone who knows you gets dragged into your problems where you just step on them to escape your own responsibility. To this day that I made for myself, you shit on just to get more friendly with the "friends" your going to just shit on in the end. You start hanging out with the friends whom i have been friends with since how long and try your best to shit on me every chance you get. Get your own life and stop trying to get back into mine. Besides not even one month you found a person to replace me. i wonder how long before you start to use him. maybe i should start fucking your life over, i wouldn't have anything to lose considering you already told everyone my secrets. Get your own life Ruin your own name. This message is the last fuck ill give about you. ~i wish i could send this. But its just not who i am. The cycle will continue with her using everyone around her. until a person show not a coward will send her one of these messages~ T
I came over to find this thread with 111 replies and 11 images. I just wanna say you are the most beautiful creature that ever crossed my path. You still are what every song is about. I wish you a happy life everyday.
>>16822042 Silly because she was the one person I could be totally honest with without fear of rejection or judgement, because over the years our friendship had grown so close and been through so much that I felt like she was always there for me. Even during the times when she wouldn't speak to me for months because of an overly protective boyfriend and family issues that would get her down all the time.
It's funny, because she was always more open than I was, but now that I'm ready to be close to someone I've already gone and pushed away the person I was closest to.
Dev, I knew that this thing we had was suppose to be a simple hook up. Our relationship was just sexual urgues, and I was okay with that. I knew about your girlfriend, but that didn't stop me. You pursued me, and I let you have me. The next 8 months were the best. Your touch drove me insane, but every damn day I saw you holding hands with her. That didn't matter. I didn't grow attached to you. No emotions involved, remember. Then that day in the car we got carried away. Your bite and scratch marks are still on my back. That was my first time having someone touch me like that. I was drunk off you. Then out of no where you said we should stop. The werid thing is that I wasn't sad about it. I was just bummed out that I won't touch me anymore. That is all. So everyday I have to look at you make those smart ass comments, I have to see your cute face. You was the best damn thing that happen to me. But now you are happy. Your happiness is all that I care for in the end. Love ya hun bun -C
It might seem silly but I tried to meet an online friend, and she thought I wanted sex. I got upset that after years of closeness she thought that was what I wanted out of our meeting face to face, and then got further hurt by her non responsiveness when I told her that's not what I was after.
Then I jumped the gun and blocked all contact when I took her non responsiveness as a sign that she wanted to be friends no longer.
In hind sight it was silly, and I could have handled it better if I were in a better state of mind, but then if I had been, I wouldn't have asked to meet, because all I really needed was someone to talk to, and in my haste to not be hurt I did exactly what I was accusing her of - judged her for what I thought was happening, instead of thinking things through and approaching the situation with calm reason.
It's one of those things I look back on and wonder if I would do things differently now, and I'm not so sure I've changed enough since then to truthfully say that I would have. I just can't lie to myself like that.
I know you've given up on me but I still love you. I'm sorry I hurt you. And to think that just 2 days ago was a year. We sure have come a long way. I never thought I'd picture the day when my lover and best friend would refuse to even text me. I'm not very sure where you are in life but I do hope you're okay. I was going to buy some flowers for you for your birthday next month but I know you wouldn't want them from me. I'm not really sure what to do anymore but I know that you'd still be proud of me for being this strong.
I'm sorry I fucked up those 2 times. I didn't learn my lesson quick enough I guess. It's a shame that it had to end this way. I thought one day I'd get to leave my shitty town and get to live in LA with you and maybe even go to college with you.
>>16822120 And people make it sound so easy when they just tell me to move on from you. But they don't understand, do they? They never spent nights exchanging the darkest of secrets with someone they love. They were never saved by anyone. They were never shown a different path in life other than depression and a crushing loneliness. Dammit they never knew you. They said it'd go away with time but after all of these months I still fucking stare at your picture and nearly go to text you every night. I still wait for that after school text you'd send me every fucking afternoon before we'd skype until your mom came home and then we'd just shoot the shit until 3 AM and maybe even facetime till we slept. They don't understand that though do they? They don't. I want to tell you all of this myself but I just can't. If you're happier now then I won't drag you down here with me. You saved me once and I know you'll save me again. I'll wait for you. I would've waited years before and I'm not afraid to do it all again. I'm sorry I was selfish enough to say all I did now and still have the gall to fucking insult you and make you leave. I didn't know any fucking better but you didn't deserve it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I know I've said it a thousand times but I won't fuck up again. But it's useless now, isn't it?
>>16816322 To me, from "you". >You were my first, and here's what it boiled down to: you could get me horny, you could get me to have sex, but in the end you never made it worth it. I went into it thinking that, for once, I'd just let a boy get the upper hand socially. Because what was the worst that could happen? Looking back, I have to laugh at how low quality our "sexy times" were; I'd thought that, together, we would eventually learn how to really please each other. But by now it's too late. I might have taught you some things, but you missed your chance, buddy. >They say you can make up for size with skill, but you somehow never got around to that.
I want to stop fucking my fuckbuddy. I have to remind him not to kiss me and I only want him to fuck me from behind. It's awful. I just picked a fight with him because he didn't "like" something I posted on facebook.
The person I actually want is as unavailable as they get. But he's all I think about. Fuck my life.
How the fuck do you expect me to work with you if every time I try to set a time to get together and get some work done you fucking flake out? Get your shit together. Either be where the fuck you said you would be when you said you'd fucking be there or be a fucking adult and tell me you can't do it. I won't mind that as much as you wasting my time continually making and agreeing to plans and then backing out.
Congrats bro but damn it you're as bad of a flake as T.
>>16821233 lol that sounds so adorable, you're like the clumsy sweet girl that everyone loves, I'm pretty jealous that you at least have someone. It also sucks because the girl I love is a few states away for college and I haven't seen her for weeks now.
Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll propose to you and you can get a visa so you 2 can stay together forever .
J, Fuck you for flaking out on me. It takes a lot for me to ask people out and it's damn shitty when they decide not to text me back. My ex did shit like that and I dumped her for it. Hell, at least C had the balls to tell me straight up she wasn't interested. It hurt, but I fucking appreciate the honesty.
>>16816322 I took a kitchen knife into the bathroom with me, to end my life, because I'm still too much of a bitch to tell you how I wronged you. Kinda wish I had made the cut back when I had the balls to.
we were young lonely and naive, we were each-others firsts. I don't know why, but I have been thinking about you lately, not all bad memories haunt me, sometimes good ones do too, those hurt the most because they feel tarnished by the bad. It wasn't the laziness, it wasn't from the selfishness, it wasn't even from the things you would say when angry. I was from when I was in such a dark place from things from my fucked up childhood. You couldn't see past your own selfish desires, when you begged me for sex nightly even when I said no because I was depressed,you pressured me for hours until I would finally drink and got high, and took all those pills so I didn't care anymore and let you fuck me every night. its when you pressured me, cornered me, taunted me and teased me until i broke down and let you fuck me with promises you would leave me be. You treated me like a sex toy, you didn't care about me, you didn't care how I was dead inside.
yet why now..do the memories of you haunt me..the good times that were once there..its been so many years since then, sneaking over after school and cuddling for hours under the window in your room.. I don't know why but I forgive you. I just want you to know that.
It sucks that you're a Mormon cuz i'd love to bang u. I love u but Id wanna get married (especially in a religion I don't believe in). Ik u worship that wedding night but its fucking rediculious. And another thing. U have way to much self confidence issues. Just accept ur a sex goddess and move on. C ur awesome and everything it just pisses me off ur so fucked up in the head
>>16822646 Yeah, it can't be you. It's not B, but C. I don't see him as the type to be here, but I look pretty normal myself. I think I realized too late the depth of his potential feelings for me. I just wonder if I still have a chance.
I wish we could have stayed together long enough for you to be coming to visit me in March. I wanted to show you how different my life has been since I moved and show you that there's opportunity for us to be happy together here. I wish you wouldn't have had mixed feelings. I wish I wouldn't have had mixed feelings. I wish that we could have given it another shot and said fuck the bullshit, we made it through worse than this. I understand though, because I had those same mixed feelings. I hope you miss me as much as I miss you, but at the same time I'm afraid that if that happens, you'll do something stupid like hurt yourself before I can stop you or get too drunk and scream that you hate yourself like you did last November. Its crazy that we made it through so much shit. Its crazy that you were the one who told me that she could handle a long-distance relationship while I told you that I didn't know if I could do it. Its crazy that I was the one trying, and you were the one that gave up.
I love you to the supermoon and back you old hag, C
I don't know why you avoid me. We had things in common, so I liked talking to you. I feel like there must've been some kind of misunderstanding (or misunderstandings) within the past 1.5 years we've known each other, but I need to stop caring. I won't ask you if there's anything wrong or if there's anything I could work on improving because I've learned that I will never get an honest answer from you, just white lies and runarounds. When I told you that I appreciate the truth about all else, I meant it.
If I have work-related questions that I need answered, I have other people I can ask. If you want to pretend I don't exist, then fine. I'm no longer considering you image towards corporate when scoring calls. When you're in the hot seat, do what you do best. Talk.
S, Sorry I'm avoiding you. I can't be a good friend to you while I'm still thinking about you obsessively. I want to talk to you, I really do. But at the same time I want to smell your hair, I want to run my hand down to the small of your back, I want to sing you sappy love songs, and I want to kiss you. So I have to hold myself back until the feelings go back into hibernation. It's taking a while.
T, The days are so long without you. I wish you knew how much I love you, but I can never tell you. I walk the streets at all hours, talking to myself - telling myself out loud that I love you. It feels good to hear that. It feels good to wrap my lips around your pretty, pretty name. I am gradually going insane. But after my mind has gone, my love for you will remain. I miss you. D.
Dear K, It's been over a year now. Haha, it's funny. I can still remember your smile and laugh, I can still feel the heart ache of knowing you're using me but loving you too much to care... You've moved on, probably forgot about me too. Oh well, it's for the best. Hope what's his face takes care of you.
I might have to unexpectedly leave. If it comes to that I hope you understand as I don't think I'm cut out for this life anymore. When you found me I was already too far gone and you have proven you aren't ready at all as I can tell you just wanna fuck around still.
I am not writing your full name because I am paranoid our friends will find out and use it as a new thing to make fun of me for. I also should be just writing this in a fucking journal so I can show it to my therapist.
Over the past two years we have grown closer. We are both going throughout college with no idea what the fuck is going on. The odd part is that we joke that you made out with the rest of the guys in our friend group, and that I am the only one you never kissed. It is kinda funny because outsiders would find this odd. I am glad our friends have stayed together regardless of how many guys you kiss.
Now you are having sex and growing close to mutual a friend I consider close, but nowhere near as close as you. Both of you don't want relationships, you never wanted relationships with any of the guys or girls you made out with, you just like sex and that is fine.
Recently, we have spent so many nights talking about life, our problems, and who we are as people. I consider you my best friend now alongside our friend at the other college. I can tell you anything I want to. I was able to tell you about how I visit my therapist, something no one else in the group knows about. You know about my suicide attempts, you know about how much I trust you. You know I have never had sex. You know I am scared that one day I will have sex with a girl and I will fail as a man. I am scared of sex and you know that. You know I am insecure, but yet you listen to me. You listen to everything I say and I love to listen to you. I love your smile. I love being with you. You don't trust many people, but you trust me. I know you never want a relationship with any of the men you are with now, especially me. I haven't felt as close to a girl as I am with you for over three years. If we were to have sex, I believe you are the only girl in the world who I wouldn't feel insecure around. I think I am falling in love with you.
I once admired you, besides loving you. You were so honest, caring, and good towards me I honestly believed I was lucky to have found a person with such good personality and looks, and I felt blessed for every second I got to spend with you. I learned so much from just interacting with you. How to be affectionate. How to truly be passionate about loving someone, not just for the sex but to love with all I've got. How to be in love with the feeling of love. How to man up and declare my feelings for the person I like, and the feeling of absolute bliss when the other person reciprocates these feelings in the same manner.
I want to thank you for all you've taught me. Both the good, and the bad parts. You've taught me how to love, but also not to fall in love with a liar. I've learned not to bare my heart to strangers just because they are attractive and play nice, and that if someone as attractive as you is worse of a loner than I am and needs to own up to five different kind of pets to feel less lonely there's probably a reason why.
I once loved you, and I resent and hate you, but I can't ever bring myself to regret loving you. It was fulfilling in all regards, until the day you bared your fangs and left without saying a word to me, and without good reason.
Who knows. By now, my heart has found a new owner, someone who will hopefully treat it more kindly than you did.
-From one of what seemingly are a long list of exes
>>16823416 Why??? I can't find a reason to stay anymore, everything has been taken from me. I have been living with a dull ache for 20 yrs you walk into my life and in a weeks time turn that ache into a raw open wound and then walk away. You want me to stay and continue to suffer? Give me one good reason.
I feel empty, most days I get up and tell myself "Smile and be charming", and I am. At least outwardly. I was told you can fake it 'till you make it, and I'm faking it alright, maybe making something of myself, but I don't think I am sincerely the outgoing friendly, mostly-happy person I make myself out to be. Right now I just want to curl into a ball and cry, and I don't even know why. I've been on the verge of giving up before, and here I am again. I know tomorrow will bring new joys and fears, but that seems so far away.
I write this here because I'm scared, and tired of being me. I don't feel like I contribute in any meaningful way to anyone, nor do I think I have ever. I feel like I'm a waste of space, and yet I could tell this to any of you, and I know you would hold me, and tell me everything is ok, and everything will be alright, but fuck it definitely doesn't feel that way.
Holy fuck you're an uptight cunt. You won't even say more than 2 words if I'm trying to have a friendly conversation with you. No I'm not trying to hit on you, but Jesus Christ loosen up an smile. You'e making me feel like a menace here.
>>16823977 Dear K (you) You are beautiful, you probably think that no one cares about you but you just haven't looked hard enough. I have been in love with you ever since I first laid eyes on you. Your beauty puts angels to shame. I wish that I could be with you but alas we love too far away from each other. I wish that every person was as amazing as you. Nothing compares to you, K. I love you so much. Please stay by my side and never leave.
Dear anyone who'd take the time to read this piece of shit,
I am fucked. I would like you to have the possibility to offer me reasons not to kill myself. Fun fact: I'm already dead inside (even though I struggle with a complex and confusing nebula of feelings and experiences every day and night). I am scared. Alone. Paranoid. Again alone and scared. Hurt. Misunderstood. Suffer from clinical depression and social anxiety. Heartbroken. Not doing what I love/want (I don't know what I want anymore...), I get no satisfaction whatsoever from what I am doing. My whole being is an endless abyss but paradoxically, the abyss is filled with some of the worst and terrifying feelings and fears. Both a void and a volcano. Always on the verge of exploding, always on the verge of letting everything go. I hate cowards. I am one. I am one because I do not know how to run away from everything that makes me miserable and just start a new fucking life! I want to scream and shout and ask for help! BUT I CAN'T! There is no fucking one who would truly understand what I am going through. When I vomit, I vomit my heart and soul out too. I am fucked...I am tired, no...exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore...I'd ask you people but then again, I am already doomed. This is my last resort. One of these days I will explode...and it will be a mess, but not a beautiful one...
Hey, sorry I was too dense in high school to realize you probably had a crush on me. I was unpopular, you weren't, and it just seemed impossible for someone like you to like me. But thanks for always being so nice to me. You are a real class act, and I hope your life is going awesome.
I fucked up. I wanted to do the right thing but ended up hurting you instead, You made me feel more strongly than I could have ever anticipated, expected or even allowed. I didn't want to hold you back and I didn't want to have to depend on you to be happy. I was also scared that you would leave because they always do. All of this is to say that I handled things really poorly and I've been regretting it ever since.
I want to say that I hope you've forgotten about me and the hurt I caused you, and that you're happy and doing well.
I want to, but I'm not that noble.
The truth is that I miss you and I want you to miss me too. I want you to come back so I can make this up to you. Even if I'm forced to move on so I can be happy without you, I will never forget you.
I cannot believe that I ever called your loyalty into question. It's what I get for being bitter and jaded. But even though I fucked it up, you taught me to have faith in people again and for that, you can always ask anything of me.
And as much as I wish that you would come back, I do hope you're happy either way.
Dear wife, I have never cheated on you. But if She decided to take me I'd go willingly. You've been treating me like crap for ages and I don't think I love you now. I have to wonder whether I ever did, or if it was just circumstance that brought us together. You made lots of promises to try and make things better between us. I tried. You didn't try. You aren't trying now. So. Here we are. I will keep giving you everything that you expect from me, and wait to see whether I can grow to love you once more. But everything is dead for me at the moment. I need love and support from you. Maybe a bit of human interaction now and again. I can't go on living like this, alone together. So. Make good on your promises to start to try, and you will win me round easily. I want you to try. I want to work with you to save Us. I want to love you. But if you carry on as you are, there is nothing keeping me here any more. If She said she wanted me then I would divorce you before my heartbeat slowed down again. We would be a terrible couple, me and Her, but at least things would matter again. Nothing matters between us now. Only you can change that. I've tried all I can and now I've given up. Given. Up. Give me a reason to fight for us, give me even the tiniest glimmer of hope. Faith isn't enough. Show me something real. Anything. Please.
>>16824185 I've been considering it. But I'm an optimist. Maybe she'll suddenly decide to start treating me like a human being (which I would settle for) or like her life long partner (which is what I need, really). Fingers crossed, eh?
In the meantime, my inappropriate crush on Her grows stronger and stronger. Sad, I know. It is only the fact that She is not now, nor will ever be, interested in me that has stopped me from walking out the door.
>>16824227 I'm just so worn down and tired. I'm just waiting for an excuse. I don't want to be the one holding the handle, because I know I would twist the blade. Disconnect. I'm done. I just don't want to see what I already know yet.
Dear me, please stop being such a huge faggot I know you have shit to say, so why don't you just say it. I know you're a smart guy, why are you so afraid to show it??? Go penetrate yourself with a rake I hate your attitude, you're a fucking scaredycat and you know that STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!! I know you wont, you wont ever listen to me, thats why noone ever listenes to you If you keep up like that you'll be a loner forever and you know what??? I dont care, die or dont I dont care You're wasting your time and you're not eager enough to change it You're the weak link in the chain I hate love hate love you
To the love of my life, you know who you are. To the man I tried to give it all. To the most handsome gentle soul I've ever had. It's almost time for me to get out of this depression and make things better for myself. The new job, in a new city will put enough distance between us so that I won't be constantly reminded of you. My heart is heavy, it has been for months, a new start is the only way for me to survive. I promised you so much, I failed. I'm sorry for not trusting you. I wasnt totally aware of how fucked up you are, it took a long time for it to become apparent. I tried to fix you, I was strong enough to make it the distance. We just couldn't find the perfect balance. You never tried to meet me half way. Do you understand the feeling of being slowly bled dry and disregarded as anything but a distraction? In my heart I know you're probably going to come back to me once I have my life fixed. You detest my insecurity, you used it against me. I'm still hurt about that behavior. In the meantime, I'll bid you farewell. I will always love you.
I can't understand how you can do this to me, you day you love me, you passionately kiss and make love, as well as romanticize with me. You make me feel alive and lift me up but you still have another. You go to her and kiss her, you disappear all day with her, and you love her. In five months you're moving on with her and another past fire, and you tell me you're scared because when they happens you don't think you'll be able to face her and still love me, and will inevitably leave me because it's the easiest way to go. You don't want to leave me now because you "need" me, but it that's the case why won't you be sitting enough to just love me? You say she's not enough but in contrast neither am I. This stress is unbearable I only want one love, and to be their one love but instead you constantly subject both of us to only being one of two. In a few months you're going to break me off because it's easy, and I'll be left knowing I gave my love and my heart to someone who never fully did the same, someone who will never be mine. I'm just one guy you lifted up and are going to drop. I feel like giving up but I don't want to lose you, I've lived, loved and lost, and I don't think I'll ever feel the same for anyone the way I do for you. But her, you're her first, she's never lost you even when you broke it off with her, and in the she'll get you, she doesn't love you. She just wants sex and pitiful tumblr romance, you're just hey oneitis, she doesn't know what love is but you can't see that, you think it's genuine, you think it's real but it's not. Just continue to be the disgusting person you said you never wanted to be, you wanted to stop all of this terrible behavior, you said you wanted to only have and be one, but you're not strong enough to do it. You're weak. And in the end all you'll ever do is break and hurt people, and soon enough I'll just be another on the list for you huh? I hope you're happy with the person you've become, the one you hate.
Fucking get over yourself. Bitch. I wish you would just die. I hope the woman I have a crush on calls me tonight in distress, so that I can offer to go to her house and help her, leaving you here alone. I want you to think that I've gone there to fuck her, because you're not good enough. I want you to be hurt. I want you to FUCKING ASK YOURSELF what she's got that you haven't.
I dreamt about you last night. We were at the university, avoiding each other as we do now, but then we had to wait in the same line for a professor's signature and you asked me a question, something irrelevant; anyways we started talking and I told you I miss being friends with you, and you said you are sorry and I said I'm sorry too. I also told you I have to respect myself and if you mistreat me ever again, I won't forgive you.
Then we went to sit on some fancy armchairs and I accidentally unbuttoned first two or three buttons on my shirt and you saw my bra. Then my cat sat on my head and I woke up.
I miss you loads and loads, not even in a creepy way; just miss our conversations mostly. There are so many things I'd like to discuss with you, you have no idea. I've seen you waiting for a tram today and it made me really sad and angry that things go so fucked up that we gotta stand on a two opposite ends of a bus stop and pretend not to know or see each other. That is mostly my fault, I reckon, for many reasons, but still...
I told my A I feel like reaching out and adding you on fb again but she told me to occupy myself otherwise and stop being stupid. Maybe she's right.
There are things going on in my life that I desprately want to tell you about because I feel like you would understand. Alas, that's the sad thing about growing up and moving on. Some friendships are not meant to be, some relationships rot and diminish and you can just stand and watch or even add fuel to the fire. I don't want it to be that way, though.
I wish you would just let me know whether you still give a damn or not. I know it's our last semester and we probably won't see each other ever again but eh, things could be less shitty anyway.
On a sidenote, the weather is fucking obnoxious and I had to wipe my cat with papertowels because he was so wet when he came home from the outside. Is it snowing? Is it raining? Fuck knows. I hate it.
>>16823977 I wrote these to a K: http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15790069/#15790110 http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15811681/#15811739 http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15811681/#15820800 http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15905695/#15907702
>>16825252 Holly shit...you almost gave me a heart attack. I won't say why tho. I hope you'll let go of whatever you're dealing with and find ways to just "escape" from your own head and soul even if it were for only 5 minutes. I hope you'll make it. I didn't...
I hate you. I wish you'd just go and die already. I wish you'd died a long time ago. You're a misogynistic jealous bitch. You're jealous of me and always tried to bring me down. Fuck you I'm not even singing that Rocky horror song at your funeral bitch.
>>16816322 Dear Mum and Dad, I hate how intolerant you are. Because of your intolerance I had to hide my gay best friend from you for two years. He came out as bisexual and we started dating and I still can't tell you because you're christians so I spend hours working out convincing lies for when I visit him. You make me so depressed. I couldn't even tell you I had an eating disorder because I know you wouldn't have cared. You still call me fat even though I'm classed as severely underweight. You have ruined my childhood and teenage years and I still remember how hard you both used to hit me when I was younger. I can't wait to leave home and leave you behind. Your Daughter.
>>16825298 Pray tell why did I almost gave a heart attack, I'm so curious now!
And yes, I cultivate escapism religiously, mostly through books and music but it doesn't help in a grand scheme of things. I've always run away from the reality, cut people off instead of mending things, gave up instead of trying harder, and so on. It's not a question about making it (cause I know I will) but about quality of this life I choose for myself.
Thank you anon for kind words, and remember that it's hardly ever too late to 'make it' or even 'make it good' for as long you are alive, you have a chance to improve. Sending you all the best (:
I’m less sure of what to say to you. I saw a documentary about a famous musician that died, and one of the talking heads told the audience that “she could make you feel so important, and then all of a sudden not important at all, and then later important again.” (words to that effect). I think that would be accurate to say about you, at least in relation to me. I might have mentioned that to you once, although I hope I’m misremembering. With you, I think I was better. In our relationship (if I can call it that), I was far more confident, assertive and straightforward than I’ve been in the past, which for me is really good. I like the version of myself I built up in the past few months. I paid close attention to my own behaviour, and made sure that I wasn’t needy. I think it worked for a little while— like I said, at times, I felt very important to you. It was a nice feeling. If I allow myself to be bitter about one thing, it would be to do with how fast your feelings changed. Last week you asked me what I was doing next weekend, and I was happy about how eager you seemed. Anyway, I’m not so sure about what else I want to say. I like you, and I’m sad that you’re gone. I’ll probably harbour some hope of hearing from you for a few weeks, but that’ll shrivel after a while. I’m not looking forward to being completely solo, but I’ll deal with it like I deal with everything else. I’ll be sad, and it’ll pass. To be morbid for a second, I think I’m “getting used to the cycle” or something.
Do creative stuff soon. You shouldn’t be stuck there. I don’t know if I love you. If I do, I don’t want to admit it.
Hope everything is going well, don't want to take up all your time with a long message so I'll try not to over do it lol.
For a while I have always wanted to say something and longer than that always wanted to tell you this. I wish I could tell you this in person, I wanted to but I didn't know when you would come back and I didn't want to wait too late, well later than I have already thought about. What I'm trying to say is that I have for a while feelings towards you. I hope it's not too out of nowhere or sudden but I felt like this is the only option. Just being able to tell you is making everything better and feel natural. I just wanted to tell you that I like you and that you make me feel like I have no cares in this moment and the world.
I know I wasnt the best bf for you, but I tried, you always told me I could be better and get anything I want because Im smart. I never knew if this was true or just lover crap, but today Im on the other side of the planet with someone that in 2 months treated me better than you treated me in 5 years, and after 1 year she had helped me with my depression, teached me a new language and now Im in university again to help me have a good life with her. Sure you said I could get anything, but was she who maked me get all. I dont hate you, but I know you can be better and get anything in your life too, for a moment in past I didnt wanted to break with you, but this was the best decision for my future and now Im sure about this. I wish the best of luck for you wherever you are.
>>16825671 >>16825681 She convinced herself that I hated her or merely wanted something about her so the love wouldn't feel real. I wish I could move on that easily.
>>16825254 I would, but it hurts too much. She shattered my hear to shit, and I've never felt worse in my life. Today is an especially bad day. A lot of people said a lot of rude shit about me, but I cared nothing about their false claims, merely about her thing she's told herself about me in order to make it stop hurting. It seems to work alright for her, but not for me.
I'll write more in a few months, hopefully; maybe in a few years, who knows. Something like this is unusual for me.
I'm sorry I stare. I'm paranoid that I creep you out. I'm paranoid those looks you return are scowls of derision at an unwanted nuisance.
This hasn't happened to me before. I'm drawn to you like I've never been drawn to another person. Something about you burrows into me like parasite and no matter how hard I try, no matter what other girls I talk to or distractions I delude myself with, you're still there.
I can't talk to you. I don't know why. I can talk to everyone else I come across, but for some reason I can't think of any words good enough for you, and if I could, they'd be too good for my lips. I wish I had the courage to tell you how luminously gorgeous you are. How, on the rare moments when I'm lucky enough to share the bus or the same road home with you, you're the candle shining light on my day.
It scares me that a stranger is making me like this. For all I know, I could absolutely hate you. But you're such a constant in my mind that I swear you're giving legitimacy to the types of things that I just don't believe in.
>>16826416 ow oh poor me, you have SOOOO wounded my ego, I don't think I can take it, some anonymous douche is being mean, SOMEONE help me !!!! Talk about weak ass bitch, you need to step up your game if you want to play in the big league honey!
>>16826512 It's obvious you didn't realise until I called it out. Well no shit, of course it was sarcasm but I'm 100% sure that you were actually pissed off. You sound like a cunt anyway. You should actually kill yourself. This is not reverse psychology btw. Gee I wonder why people don't like you.
PART 1 I think as humans we have a pre conceived idea of what it means to be or too exist... We live in static noise.. It's so hard to just shut off and listen to yourself and let your conciousness breathe.. as beings we exist through our consciousness but people still say to listen to your body.. EVERYTHING is about our bodies...but our bodies are merely vehicles to venture the earth that exists in a vast cosmos filled with infinit energy that is 13.8 billion lightyears wide that is constantly expanding and if you try to dig your claws into the universe and keep it from growing then you're going to be torn apart and the samething applies with preventing yourself and the people around you from growing. Why do we obsess with things that are essentially irrelevant? and this isn't on some stoner shit.. Why the fuck are we so ready to spend our entire lives (Which in the grand scheme of things is incredibly short) trying to impress people? through our bodies and our "possessions" Who can be the skinniest!? who can have the best abs!? who can spend the rest of their lives trying to collect shiney things? (houses,cars,money,gold) We exist due to a million sequences of events and evolutionary miracles that most would say are essentially impossible but we still allow other people to influence our paradigm? what the actual fuck?
PART2 we are so ready to push the people we love/ the people that love us away when its so fucking rare to even find that.. the world doesnt give a fuck about us!? are you serious? as humans do we think this world owes us something? go out into the safari and a lion will bite your fucking head off..nature doesnt care about the singular..it cares about the whole. This entire universe itself predcated upon a violent event..THE BIG FUCKING BANG... it couldn't be "The slow expansion of beautful life giving particulars throughout the universe" no mother fucker its the BIG FUCKING BANG.
Next time im alone at night and staring at the corner of my room wondering why I exist im going to stand up and say "what the fuck am I doing" I am energy, I am nature, I am love, I am art, I am hopelessness, I am darkness.. but most of all.. I am life. and to @#$$#@@#@.. from the moment I met you I loved you and.. I'm not sure what that means. from your smile..to your mind.. You embody the word beautful and whether or not I wake up every morning with you next to me or spend time with you once a year as my friend.. I want you to know that I still love you. Next time you feel like you're not worth it and that you are alone know that im out there and I love you. You are not your body. You are not your looks. You are not your social status but you are life and I love life.
For about 3 or 4 months me and your wife have been having an affair. Everytime you would drop her off at a store or mall I'd either be there already or on my way there and take her somewhere else. You called all your co workers niggers in a work email and got fired and you think that gives you an excuse to cheat on her? Fuck you you balding piece of shit faggot. She's Fucking perfect and loyal as fuck and you do that to her. That's cool tho she's not loyal to you anymore. It feels so good when ever I suck on her tits and eat her out. She let's me suck on her toes and stick my tongue down her ear. Go back to your porn addiction you intimacy problem faggot. You can't even imagine how she reacts whenever I bite her mmm makes my dick hard. It feels so Fucking good knowing a poor as shit college student cucked a multi million dollar app developer. She doesn't even want kids with your shitter ass. Mmm I hope this shit keeps going on and she doesn't tell you you Fucking BALD SHITTER. Fuck you asshole. Thanks for the free oolong teas and movie tickets you fag
>>16827045 >>16827067 I'm too drunk for this shit tbqh J's We should all have a J party and smoke J's while listening to Johnny Cash (or someone else starting with J) while watching Jumanji (first movie that came to mind) and reading anything by JK Rowling
>>16826654 Was I pissed off? Yes, i was, why? because the idiot actually thought I was stupid enough to fall for reverse psychology. Yes, i am sure i sound like a cunt, look where i am right now, and look how people treat each other here. Honestly? you come across as a major cunt too, but knowing where we I expect it and don't assume you are really like that. I actually know why my freiends are not talking to me, and it is in a way my fault but also something that is beyond my control. If I could have changed some of the things that have happened to me I may not be as bitter and depressed as I am now. I trust people too easily and I have taken one hit after another my whole life.People don't like when you have nothing "fun" to talk about, Do i blame them? no, it is not their fault, but understand it certainly does not help with my demeanor.
I hope you didn't and don't tell all the other people you've fucked and are fucking that you "love" them too.
Although, maybe with one particular girl you did, I can definitely see you saying that to her, especially because she "fell in love with you" too.
But that's okay, I could've fallen in love with *him*. He actually did fall in love with me, and I'm sure there's still some love there for me from him, unlike you. And I damn well nearly did fall for him, with the way he treated me compared to the way you treated me.
Just some food for thought, from the girl you're supposedly " in love with ".
I am immensely jealous of your ex girlfriend. I love you so much and want to focus on what we have now, but the past gets to me alot of the time.
She has known you almost as long or longer than me. She has dated you off and on during the entire time of knowing you. You have taken pictures with her. Shared usernames together. You have moved in with her. Tried to begin a life together. Granted, it didn't work but you fought to try.
I hate that you sent her pictures of your naked body. I hate the thought of her nasty ass, fat ass body getting you excited. I hate the idea that you found her body atrractive. I hate that you fondled her breasts.
I hate that you had sex with her. I hate that you fucked her in different positions. I hate the thought of her giving you blowjobs and titfucking you.I hate the thought of you holding her head out if ecstasy. I hate the thought of you releasing all over her face and breasts. I hate the thought of you moaning and calling her tight and telling her you love her.
Neither of you were virgins when you did it, thank God, but it makes me feel lesser because you took my virginity. I'm not experienced and I loathe the idea that you might prefer her experience to my inexperience.
You broke up, but I stalk her online to make sure she doesn't still feel anything for you. You might think she hasn't, and it could be true, but some of the things she writes makes me nervous. You said you were off and on with communication as friends (though you dated online during this so were you really friends or did you always have a thing for each other?) so maybe she is used to that pattern. Perhaps she is content right now because even though you broke up, she subconsciously feels like you will still be there. I have this feeling that a few months is all it will take before she tries to reach out.
I'm glad you've been so patient with me through this. Thank you. I love you.
I know how bad you wanted me, but I was in a really bad spot at the time and was going to leave your city no matter what. I just wasnt used to such an attractive woman giving me all her attention and didnt know how to let you down. I thought playing stupid would be the easiest on you.
It was many years ago but I see your married now and am really happy for you. I hope to meet someone like you again down the road.
I would have given you anything you wanted. If you'd just wanted me to kiss you for hours I would have done that. If you'd just wanted me to hold you and stroke your hair I would have done that. Instead I did nothing but confirm the worst in your mind about me. And nothing can take that back.
>>16818328 People care about you Body image issues are temporary Its a cowardly act to commit suicide, no matter how painful life is for you its not the manly thing to do to inflict that pain on others
I hate you so fucking much for what you did to me, but I still love you with all my heart and that makes me hate you even more. My only wish is for one of us to die so I don't have to suffer. Either way works.
D I wish I could speak to you but I guess its still too weird. You are not that kind of persn who speaks to the ex. I just want to tell you that I still have feelings for you and always will a certain way, eventhough I am now in a different relationship. I wish we could be friends because i didnt just loose our relationship but also us as best friends. You are a great person and I wish you knew that. But you dont
TB I wish I was inside you. Not, like, fucking you - although that would be pretty cool - but inside your head, inside your self, IN you. I want to feel what you feel, and see what you see. I want to submerge myself in you. Hell, I wish that I was you. Then I could love you the way you should be loved. Love you. Love.
>>16825254 >>16825729 So that's what happened to you. I remember reading those letters you exchanged with another girl before. This one never wrote back, it seems. Don't worry, you'll find love again soon enough, and it will be someone who appreciates the beauty of your romantic expression.
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