My wife of 3 years apparently got an abortion back when we were dating. She didnt tell me because she didnt think we were in a place to have kids.
Im fucking devastated. Not only am I against abortion, it was my child. Im so furious Im literally thinking about a divorce.
Am I over reacting? Or is this reasonable rage because I dont think Im in a place to think rationally.
It doesn't matter if you're overreacting. What's done is done. You can either forgive her for hiding this from you, or you can let the resentment eat away at your marriage. The choice is yours
It takes 10 years to get away with a crime. We might be around 4 now. But no its not okay.
Yeah I feel the breach of trust thing. But theres much more to what Im feeling. Indescribable betrayal but I cant tell why. I feel like everything is a lie and Im with a terrible person.
That's an option, yes. It's the outcome if the resentment destroys their relationship. But someone who doesn't believe in abortion probably isn't too comfortable with the idea of divorce either.
>My wife of 3 years apparently got an abortion back when we were dating.
The worst part is she probably took the foetus home and used it to masturbate with on webcam in front of a bunch of japanese businessmen. How do you feel about that OP?
I've thought about what I would do if I was put in a situation similar to this, OP.
In my case I can view abortion as justifiable in no situation, and defensible only in a case where the mother's life is at risk with absolute certainty of death.
I can't say if I would be able to do it if I were put in the actual situation, simply because emotions usually override logical thought in really hard situations, but thinking logically I think it would be best to leave her. Not only is this a massive violation of trust on a scale equal to or comparable with infidelity, it's also the murder of your shared child. Those two things are individually the only two that I think could ever truly justify a divorce, and added together I don't see any other alternative if you're thinking in your right mind and not with your emotions.
Another large issue that brought up by this, that on its own would not justify divorce but certainly aggravates the two above issues is that any woman who would do something like this and keep it from you obviously isn't the person you thought she was.
All in all, I think it would be best to separate yourself from her for at least a week so you can create some kind of disconnect between the issue and your emotions. Then think about it from a rational perspective and decide whether it's worth carrying on the marriage. Personally, I think you are completely justified in this anger and divorce is a completely understandable response. This is a really shitty situation and it sucks you have to go through it, good luck.
Eating away feels like you are implying Im going to stay with her and let this go while being bitter. Im honestly thinking of leaving now.
I do feel like people should give it their all and try to work things out before a divorce. But she already pulled the trigger.
Especially if there are kids involved people she look at whats important. We were talking about having kids and this came up. I dont want kids with her right now. Really ever. If I could choose the mother of my child its not her. Fuck Im so depressed. Im not sure I mean that.
Don't make the decision to leave her right now when you're still emotional about this. If you must, take a week away from her, staying with some friends or family, or even at a motel. Take that time to think about whether this is something you can get over, or whether this is something that you actually can't work out. Talk to friends and family about it and see what they think as well. But don't make a rash decision right now.
Right now my anger for whats shes done is greater than the joy i feel from our marriage. But its probably just me twisting my love for her into hate from being betrayed.
I really do just want to up and divorce her. But I also feel like I should talk to her and I like to give everyone a chance. I dont like going into discussions like this with my mind made up. I might try the week off thing. We were looking at a vacation in april but I might just blow some of that money on a get away just for myself.
IF SHE DONT
Please leave her she had the right to abort and you're just being an asshole because you wanted one
>there are too many human beings on this earth to keep every viable fetus
If there are too many people, then why don't we start fixing the problem by killing anyone you deem unworthy of life, oh great god of justice.
>YOU ARE A FUCKED UP CONSERVATIONALIST
But he did not mention anything about the preservation of wildlife, he is mad that his current wife did not inform him of an important choice that she was going to make.
>either kill those who don't know what life is yet
Why is that any more justified? Because you say so? That's completely illogical.
>or do random cropping of the human population. we are like deer that have become grossly overpopulated and we are ruining earth
Oh, you're a genocidal psychopath. I can understand why you'd say the unintelligent and fucked up things you have then.
How about growing more food, promoting education and hygiene in overpopulated countries, and spreading information and access to contraceptives.
Nah, those things wouldn't work, let's turn to genocide.
growing more food only strips what little fertile land of earth is left, and it only encourages the idea that the planet can sustain even more people. we need a smarter, more educated population that is also smaller, by a few billion
>growing more food only strips what little fertile land of earth is left
No it doesn't. Read up on the basics of agriculture.
>and it only encourages the idea that the planet can sustain even more people
>we need a smarter, more educated population that is also smaller, by a few billion
Or not. There's no reason we need this at all. It's just the ramblings of a genocidal idiot with a fucked up idea of what utopia would be.
OP you are in the ethical minority here; most academics have concluded that abortion is an entirely okay thing to do
with that out of the way, let's look at the situation a bit closer
your wife wasn't ready to have kids, and so she made the decision to not have kids. honestly, i think you both should have the power to not have a kid if one of you isn't ready for it.
>i'm fucking devastated
why? you didn't lose a -
>it was my child
no, no it wasn't; it was a bunch of cells that hadn't progressed to any sort of significant point
>i'm literally thinking about a divorce
if she didn't know that this was such a big personal deal to you, it's probably your fault for not making it clear
if she did, then that's not too great
again, however, i encourage you to read up on current literature surrounding the "morality" of abortion - it might surprise you and change your opinion if your position on abortion isn't grounded in someone else's interpretation of a religious book
if she did know how nuts this would drive you, regardless of how rational your logic is, she should have still mentioned it to you sooner; for that reason this is worth a serious talk
but divorce? fuck off man and learn to weather the storm with your crew, this is fucking petty. it doesn't sound like you were ready for marriage in the first place.
>it was a bunch of cells that hadn't progressed to any sort of significant point
This is bullshit way of thinking. Its just justifying terrible actions done for selfish reasons.
>if she didn't know that this was such a big personal deal to you
Sorry but abortion isnt a minor thing you should assume isnt a big personal deal.
>weather the storm
there are lines that shouldnt be crossed.
I just got back from my run and thought I calmed down but your post is triggering me.
>killing a child is just stopping a seed from growing any further
You can say that about anyone who isnt a fully grown adult.
The fact that its a growing human just like any other child.
It sucks that she didn't tell you but she obviously did it out of the thought of both your wellbeing. A kid will irreversably change your life and you would probably be a lot more unhappy with it than without at this stage in your life.
The reasons women sometimes won't tell their partners is because they just want to pretend it never happened. If this was hard for you, imagine how painful it was for her.
>you can say that about anyone who isn't a full grown adult
No I can say that about things in the first trimester of pregnancy that are essentially just clusters of cells that will at somepoint make a baby. Big difference after second trimester when there's an actual baby with higher brain function.
1 in 3 women have had an abortion. It's not that taboo.
Just another arbitrary way of justifying slaughter.
Coma patients arent human right. People sedated arent human right. Because neither of them have this higher order brain function youre talking about.
growing human, just like any other child, huh?
fun fact buddy: with SCNT, every fucking cell in your body is technically a growing child, and you murder millions of those without remorse every day.
moreover, its growing is entirely dependent on your wife's will to go out of her way and carry it; she isn't allowed to drink, will be subject to cravings, and will experience a pretty shitty life while those cells grow. you're placing more emphasis on a cluster of cells (whose development might not have even been guaranteed, with noticeable percentage) than your wife.
gotta love quotes that don't apply
>just another arbitrary way of justifying slaughter
no stranger to hyperbole i guess
why the fuck are you married, your maturity and reasoning doesn't extend far past that of a highschooler's
do your wife a favor and divorce her
There are a lot more fucked up things in the world that people take for granted, a lot of the stuff is so fucking disgusting that there are times when I hope that sun would just blow up and kill us all.
We are literally breeding and genetically modifying animals to grow bigger faster just for profit. Instead of developing and manufacturing items that are durable, repairable and last for a life-time we are doing the opposite and hauling all the replaced items off to some shore in 3rd world country potentially killing thousands to pollution.
Not to mention how a lot of this stuff is produced in said countries in factories that have unbearable working conditions, child labor and barely fraction of the normal wages.
and people get furious when a woman decides to have an abortion because she feels like she's not fit or ready yet to become a parent?
if you leave the cells alone for nine months they become a human, its not killing a human but its interfering with a process that creates one, eliminating a candidate for the human race. its not a human but i cannot justify interferring with that process, if you literally just dont fuck around with the cells it becomes a person, how can you stop that from happening?
M8 you might want to go look up what it means to be brain dead and how that's different than being in a coma. Higher brain function lowers but it doesn't stop.
Otherwise you'd essentially die and be reborn when you go into a coma or were sedated.
Again, none of this has anything to do that her abortion was probably before there was ever a baby there to begin with. You might as well weep for all the kids who never had a chance to be born since you didn't knock up your wife since.
>every fucking cell in your body is technically a growing child
Oh really. Because Ive never seen any cell in my body grow into a child. Are you telling me that with proper care and nurturing they would become a fully grown human in time.
Every child is dependent. That doesnt justify anything.
Sorry but I dont want a wife who murders my child.
>leave the cells alone for nine months they become a human
this is untrue
but go ahead, knock up your wife, go out, party, ignore her cravings, go on roller coaster rides
let me know how leaving those cells alone for nine months turned out
You need to look up what a coma is. The higher functions stop. But that doesnt mean they cant be started a again and they are tended to with medical care for this reason.
I dont even know why you guys have me arguing about abortion. Its just sickening to think I married someone like this.
You can either just sit there and torture yourself with hyperbole or you can accept why early term abortions aren't the monstrocities of nature that you label them as.
One results in you becoming happier and accepting what happened and the other means you divorce your wife and shit post on /tv/
>fun fact buddy: with SCNT, every fucking cell in your body is technically a growing child, and you murder millions of those without remorse every day.
Yeah, but none of those cells will be able to develop into children themselves, while a fertilized egg will develop into a child by itself.
Once again, a sperm cell can not develop into a fetus by itself.
So If I nurture my sperm cells they become a person? How much time does it take a sperm cell to become a person. What exactly should I do to help them develop. Where do they come out at.
Reproduction takes 2.
Again, they don't cease. Coma patients do not experience brain death.
We're arguing with you because you're tearing yourself apart over hyperbole. If you accept the truth you'll come out of this just fine.
>are you telling me
yes i am, did you even look up SCNT? developing a child is a long process that requires the maintenance of a certain environment (i.e. proper care and nurturing)
>every child is dependent. that doesn't justify anything
what the hell are you even addressing here
no one said it was mere dependence that justified murder
we are saying that you need to reevaluate what it means to be human
it addresses your point
egg + sperm != person
You interfere with that process with a condom too. Many birth control pills used to essentially just force a very, very early term abortion.
But no my identity politics tell me I have to hate this thing and I'll ruin my life to do so. Go ahead
allowing fertilized cells to develop and not allowing them to make contact is different, if you don't understand that, you don't understand anything about why I can't give myself the right. You give me the terrible impression of someone who has never read the arguments of the side opposed to their own
I get it op, your wife murdered your child, so you resent her for that. It's not that she didn't tell you that hurt you deeply, but that he hid from you her true nature. That for her own interest she would do away with your child behind your back . The genie is out of the bottle, you have to deal with it. Don't make a rash decision, calm down and talk to your wife about what you think about this. Don't listen to the slut army here wanting to justify their lack of responsibility and compassion.
What's different about it.
There's nothing magical about a fertilized egg. It's a biological machine that sets up the factory that makes the baby a few months later. Stopping it there versus stopping it on her stomach isn't different at all.
There's a very good reason why abortions are generally illegal after a certain point except in cases of emergencies and that's because there really is a little person there by that point.
Before then you might as well just start humanizing your sperm because it's just arbitrary at that point
the process of not terminating a candidate for the human race and the one of actively preventing that candidate to be conceived are two separate processes, why is this a hard concept to grasp
But they could have if you had just deposited them into a sperm bank and used them later you monster. You interrupted a natural uninterrupted process that leads to new life and you are a murderer for stopping it
somatic cell nuclear transfer
the implantation of a somatic cell nucleus into an embryo which has had its embryo removed
in a way, its similar to the process of allowing a sperm to fuse with an egg
the point here is that every fucking cell in your body, as a result, technically has the potential of becoming a human being
but "potential to be a human" does not equate to "being a human"
even if you tighten the requirements on potential in some arbitrary way (hurr the fertilized egg) you still neglect the fact that the effort to encourage its development and actually make it into a person far outweighs the effort to hinder it
the events leading up to the birth of a baby are not part of some Rube Goldberg machine
again, it's not just "allowing", it's "making it possible every day"
>terrible impression blah blah
trust me buddy, i'm religious and i spent a good deal of my childhood raised in the south. not that i need to say this to justify my reasoning, but i really don't want to give you any sort of opportunity (irrational or not) to feel like you're "right" on this matter
Oh so sperm when nurtured in a sperm bank become a child. I always though your needed an egg and some nonsense about fertilization. I didnt know that sperm cells were developing children. Biology as we know it has always been wrong. Why do women even exist.
>technically has the potential of becoming a human being
Not by itself. A cell can fuse with something else and become a human being. The cell itself will never become a human being. Implantation is not nurturing.
Gonna chat with her for a sec. Really hope she doesnt feed me the same bullshit you guys have been saying.
Heres to hoping it doesnt end in immediate separation not that it really matters at this point.
Look OP, if neither of you had a conversation about such an important matter before getting married, both of you fucked up and neither of you can be mad at the other for operating on terms you magically expected them to know.
You should've talked to her. She should've known how you felt about abortions, rather than you assuming she's "decent" or has "morals" when it comes to having children. If you hadn't brought it up, she should've talked to you. It's astounding that the conversation of having kids never seems to have come up for either of you.
She didn't think it was a good time for you to have kids. She wanted to wait until your lives were in a place where you could better care for your child. Not "my child"--it was both of yours. Assuming she immediately said "kill that fucker" as soon as she realized she was pregnant isn't a great assumption to make about your own wife.
tl;dr you guys should've talked about this so that you could've avoided this situation
Notice that I said candidate, not a human. Cells arent humans, abortion isnt murder, its preventing a potential human. I think any morally competent person would rather have, in the worst of cases, a shitty life and another human, rather then preventing that person.
everything youve said about me, like the politician thing has been off the mark and is demonstrating to me that you dont fully understand what youre talking about
>the cell itself will never become a human being
oh, so it's okay to kill it then? then what's the issue with killing a fertilized egg? it won't become a human without a maintained environment and conscious efforts regarding it
a growing zygote is constantly "fusing" with other cells, by the way; it won't become a human being on its own
>implantation is not nurturing
i agree with you, although implanting the result of the SCNT process into the womb will result in a baby given the right circumstances
Abort this relationship, that is outrageous. Imagine if you killed ber cat three years ago, she'd label you a fucking psychopath, and probably have you jailed. Just because abortion is legal, and socially acceptable doesn't mean it is morally acceptable.
And even if you're a die-hard pro-choicer, the fact that she kept something so big from you for so long is also unacceptable.
This isn't a good thing, but torching you marriage is not going to make it right. Why did she just tell you now? She probably has some guilt over this child as well. I would really suggest you look into couples counseling first.
>didn't want kids then
>doesn't want kids right now
Are you serious? I can understand the anger because she did hide this from you but it seems incredibly irrational that you're angry at her over something you didn't want back then. You weren't prepared for kids 3 years ago and you didn't want that child. She made a choice based on what she knew about you at the time.
His wife hid something from him. That's a lie.
Even if you believe she did have the right, she had something she knew would hurt him and kept it from him.
I wouldn't diviorce her. But I would let her know the foundation of our marriage was rocked by her lie.
P. S. :don't believe people who tell you this is an insignificant problem. My uncle's marriage went to shit from the exact same problem. He wanted a third child, his wife aborted it behind his back.
We were talking about kids. Not just about having them, but about birth control methods as well. Would we be okay if she got pregnant. Is now a good time. Then she said it to contrast how we previously werent ready.
I can get why she would do what she did but the fact that she hid this information from you is pretty bad. If you can't trust her to tell you that she's considering abortion, what can you trust her with? As for a divorce, how bad is the relationship? Is that the only major thing that's happened or was there multiple occurrences of bullshit? Do you feel you would be better off without her? I would bring it up in as calm of a manner as you can. If you can talk about it, the marriage might be saved. If the connection you two once had is really that bad however, divorce might be the best option.
The thing is Im not sure I want to save the marriage. Everything has been pretty good so far but that was just because I was ignorant. If I knew she got an abortion I doubt I would have married her.
No, definitely would have been blindsided. Scared. Shaken. Probably would not have the job I have now.
As I said before, if the connection you guys once had is lost, divorce isn't a bad option. At least give it some thought before you make a decision you'll regret. You mention you're not in a place to think rationally, so give yourself a bit to calm down if at all possible. Divorce might be the right thing to do, yes. Give it some time though so you know you're making the right decision.
Over population is easy to deal with when there are less selfish people in the world. People in rural and poverished conditions have around 10 children. Because its a safety thing. With 10 kids you have 10 more hands to work and you get security knowing that you have 10 kids to take care of you when you cant work.
Im going to give it some time. I might try marriage counseling but I have 0 expectations for it. Ill probably go stay somewhere else and blow a lot of money I had saved on stupid shit to take my mind off it.
Its not like I dont love her. I just hate what she did and Cant look passed it.
You are completely overreacting.
You are bringing a life into the world without its consent. You better be goddamn sure you can give it the best advantage you can or youre risking creating a miserable life that, if it had a choice, would not have existed at all.
One factor that qualifies as good reason to reconsider; either parent unsure of wanting it.
Last thing you need when starting to be alive in this crazy ass confusing world is the further knowledge yo werent entirely wanted to begin with. What a slap in tje face.
All of the above plus the fact its a goddamn group of cells without even a hint of a developed consciousness yet.
Stop being a selfish douche this world is bullshit and youre actually sitting there telling me you WANT to be responsible for another soul enduring this bullshit. Fuck you.
1st trimester is best while in the 2nd/3rd they actually Have to tear your cervix open inside to get at the fetus and remove the body by disembowlment. Your vag has a better chance of healing if you actually give birth.
>to be fair
That is definitely fair but only considering i dont know why third trimester is chosen by law
It could be science based, it could be emotion based. That will decide whether thats true or not and i dont feel like doing research right now.
But i do feel in the first trimester you should have a pretty good idea of whether or not you should be having it. Which still renders third trimester a fair cutoff time.
But I have a serious problem with how many peoples lifes just suck and should have been aborted for their own sake, when the only reason was mom or dad said "omggg thats my babyy i cant kill it it has feelings!"
I should add my lifes awesome so this isnt from personal resentment.
No feelings, no emotions, no experience, no sense of sentiment, no opinion..
Now what could be inhumane at all about killing this future human before being born below the poverty line or to a parent who didnt want you?
Assuming you're young, it would have ruined both of your lives and created a horrible childhood for your potential child. In this case it was the responsible thing to do and you should probably thank her.
Dated a girl that had an abortion from her previous relationship
That was the final straw for me. I was so grossed out I couldn't even have sex with her anymore. Idk how you can still bang a girl after a kid/abortion
My sentiments exactly! This world is shitty and it's so irresponsible to have kids when both parents aren't ready/poor/unstable/etc. If you're gonna bring your spawn into this shitty life you'd better have a welcome wagon and a twelve course banquet waiting for it.
I support abortion and I really think your wife was being incredibly unreasonable for not talking to you. Early in my marriage, I was in a similar situation and I considered going off and getting an abortion myself. But that's a dick move and I talked it out with the husband. There were lots of tears. Anyway, even if it's a one-night stand, the other person is entitled to know. I know it's really hard but you two really need to sit down and have a calm discussion. This definitely calls for some time apart.
I just can't help but wonder what else she's hiding from you, anon.
Chill out, it wasn't your body (so not your decision) and it wasn't your kid - they weren't born yet. The only problem I can see is she never told you - that suggests much bigger problems/issues of trust.
Women can be manipulative and sly, she went behind your back and did this knowing full well she could have talked to you about it and convinced you to let her abort the baby.
If she could achieve this, what else has she achieved to hide from you? She is capable of doing fucked up shit and not telling you then pretending she is happy and everything is normal for years on end. I would not be surprised if there was more.
These girls are fucked up and they will only do what benefits themselves. Leave her before you find out what more she's done.
A person's life is more important than petty trust issues fucktard. Also it was his kid. You know it takes a mommy and daddy to make a child right? Not just a woman.
I agree with this. Maybe she isn't deceiving you but still abortion is something that bears discussion before action.
I don't want to mess up your marriage but I will say that she will do this again if she feels the need.
She will also teach her daughters (if you have them) that an abortion is the right and sensible choice for them too and to keep it from their partners.
This is true, you know it.
Just a bit. She isn't your baby making factory, despite what you may have heard. That said, she should have consulted you. Long story short, you didn't have a leg to stand on then and only half of one now. Leave if you must, but this is going to be ugly no matter what direction you go in, it seems.
What I am getting at is that in arranging to, travelling to, performing, and recovering from this act - in secret.. She violated what she may have suspected (knew) to be one of your most important values. She knew it, and covered up the fact. Heaven knows why she has told you now but it strikes me as a massive red flag and I fully appreciate how sad and disappointed you must feel because I would guess the women you know has gone as much as if she dropped down dead. This could be the pivotal point in your relationship because in order to 'date' a woman like her your values must make a massive shift. First you would have to accept a women with an abortion under her belt and also you have to accept a woman who WILL lie to your face at any time because she feels it is her right to do so. I understand everyone has their own space but on an issue such as this it is a massive betrayal that will very easily occur again. And what's worse is - you would not even know it!
To be with her once more - you literally need to start again, because the woman you thought you knew is dead.
Men are expected to be heartless creatures, and not care about their kids. Even having a reaction to having your wife scramble your kid got someone upset.
It's pretty strange really. If a man found out his gf/wife was pregnant, and then slipped her abortion pills, he'd be a monster. If a woman kills it, it's okay and you are over reacting. Do what you want OP, this topic is more about emotions than logic. However I'd want rid of her.
since you clearly posses the maturity of a four year old I'll put this into small words.
You'd make an awful husband to anyone
She probably felt terrible about it all this time and was hoping that you'd be there for her.
Shame on you OP for being an over reactive and controlling husband, I think a divorce would've happened eventually anyway
And while we're on religion, you must be a terrible Christian to not even grasp the basic concept Christ taught us; forgiveness
>Let he who is without sin throw the first stone
>let no man separate what God hath brought together
You must be pure as silver to throw stones at her like that huh buddy?
>She probably felt terrible about it all this time and was hoping that you'd be there for her.
You cant be there for everyone. There are lines you shouldnt cross.
>needing religion to telling abortion is wrong
My point is made
Actually read the bible before you claim to Christian
On top of that, even you can't be so twisted into believing you can force her to have your children, she probably had no idea if you were going to get married (and I can't blame her for having her reservations seeing how you're not only not there for her but are controlling as fuck)
Shame on you OP, you're not a man but a twisted child
More-so than yours
Is it murder every time you fap?
Is it muder every time she has her period?
Is it murder every time you get blood drawn at the doctors?
If she had the operation done immediately then it's not murder
If she waited until the second trimester deadline, then you have a point, as it would have a heart, a brain and human form.
So really the question that therein lies is WHEN she had it done.
>has no argument showing it's murder because obviously it isn't
I take it she did it immediately then, and you haven't refuted any of my questions
So by your own logic you commit murder on a daily (or soon to be daily, because HURR divorce) basis
You didn't address the point. A fetus, especially at early stages of development, is nothing but a collection of mechanical cells. Nothing more.
Here's a fun dilema for the moral fags. If all babies go to Heaven, and you believe life begins at conception, isn't it more merciful to just kill the babies and send them straight to heaven?
>A person's life etc
It wasn't a person, it was a fetus.
>It was his kid
No it wasn't, his kid was never born.
>It takes a mummy and daddy etc
The problem is the fetus grows inside the body of only one parent - logically, they have final say no matter what.
This is what happens when you put trust on woman.
Let this serve as a lesson.
You are a fool for considering marriage in the first place, just salvage whatever you can and try to live for your own self from now on.
fuck off back to /b/
> She didnt tell me because she didnt think we were in a place to have kids.
She should have told you about it, yes. But it's her decision as to whether she wants to carry and raise a child for at least 18 years.
>. Not only am I against abortion, it was my child. Im so furious Im literally thinking about a divorce.
It COULD HAVE BEEN your child which could have been born (if you waited 9 months of incubation) had both parents decided to raise the child. As >>16813516 said, it's a fetus so far and you can't guilt trip her into thinking she's "killed" your child, since it's no where near the stage of being a child, with rights yet.
>Am I over reacting? Or is this reasonable rage because I dont think Im in a place to think rationally.
You are over-reacting. It's her choice when all comes down to it.
You're angry (justifiably) that she didn't consult (although she has final say) you about your future and that she lied/ommited some part of her life which you deserve to know about. This is why you're reasonably angry with her and only mega-feminists ("she didn't have to tell him anything, it's her decision, he could have influenced her decision") would not agree with you there.
The other reason you're angry is because you're anti-abortion and wrongly equate this situation with murder. You may think she's murdered your son (which we cannot convince you otherwise, evidence alone will) but the flip side is that she's took the best decision for the benefit of your family ("She din't think we were suitable to have kids atm").
Don't divorce her, talk with her.
>the best decision for the benefit of your family
>killing your children is the best decision for your family