Did I just get blown out / shut down?
>work in an office complex
>qt girl works on the floor above
>she's quite businesslike but pleasant
>she asks me two questions about stationary and I help her
>feel attracted to her
>panic recently as I thought her company were relocating
>she hasn't been in work for two weeks
>last Friday we pass each other unexpectedly as she leaves the toilet I'm about to enter
>we both smile as we'd shared a joke and say "hey"
>feel so great
>I walk to fill up my glass of water
>notice she is entering the room as I get up
>panic because she may think I'm like monitoring her or something
>filling up my glass
>notice "someone" standing to my left shoulder
>say "oh sorry" and step to the right to allow "them" space to place their glass in the sink if they need to
>filled up my glass and turn to my left to leave and she is standing there
>no facial expression at all
>I look at her and she looks at me but with no expression
>feels like she's saying "what do you want?" or "what?" as I look at her
>press my lips together and walk back to my desk
I really thought I had a chance here but I feel today she made it clear that I shouldn't expect anything. I realize it seems like I could have / should have said "hey" or "good morning" but man she was so frosty that I am almost certain she would have just raised her eyebrows in a sort of "uhh yeah, hi".
I don't know if I'm some kind of a sociopath or you're just a wimp, but I just can't relate to this shit. I picture you like a quivering small dog. I can't imagine what it'd be like to have my emotions so out of control over the most basic, casual interactions
Do you know her name? Just start by saying "Hi" and smiling at her whenever you see her. If she smiles back, start a conversation and ask her on a date next chance you get. It's really not that crazy or forward. It's just dinner, and a conversation, and a chance to get to know each other outside work. If she says no, you can move on and stop driving yourself crazy. If she says yes, awesome.
Why would I be a sociopath?
I know her name but only because I overheard it. Also I feel the context of this specific workplace makes things awkward, mainly because she is highly educated and from a wealthy background while I'm not. Also I don't want to keep saying "hi" every time I see her or it would be awkward or something. I mean today I was going to say something but I just think people in general view me as this quiet, weird guy and I don't want her to think "Oh geez this loser has a crush on me".
I mean I'm worried she is already bored by my existence because I didnt immediately lunge towards her and ask her out when we first communicated. I guess I have a pretty poor self-image (when imagining the perspective of other people) and don't want to risk proving them right or something.
But surely if you (I) have so few interactions with a person you like a great deal then those interactions are worthy of analysis and so on?
I mean at the moment I'm obviously at a point where she and I are pretty much acquaintances or whatever, but if I do make the move and express my desire to be more than this I want to do so as part of a carefully analysed strategy because I will literally only get one shot.
I don't think you should pursue this because if you get rejected you'll just have a fucking meltdown and hide in your cubicle all day like a >>16809837
>quivering small dog
Then you'll be back here asking advice on that situation.
Either that or you can man the fuck up, hit her up, and get over it regardless of her response.
Jesus fucking Christ, stop trying to predict peoples' feelings and reactions before you even do anything. Does this ever make you happy? Are you ever GLAD that you pussied out and didn't try? Does it comfort you to tell yourself "well, at least I didn't offend anyone today?" Don't make it into a big fucking thing. It really, really isn't.
Next time you have a chance, just say hi, and smile. If she reacts well, then next time you have a chance, just introduce yourself, ask her name, and have a casual chat. If that goes well, next chance you get, ask her out to dinner and get her number. One step at a time, man. The stakes are not that high. The worst-case scenario is that she's not interested and she says "no." If you just handle it casually like I said, she won't think you're creepy even if she turns you down, and it'll still be better than your current situation because it'll start to teach you that rejection really isn't a big deal. You'll feel better about yourself just because you actually tried.
Or she might not say "no," and then you'll feel even better than that
But aren't there things I could do to soften the approach and raise the chances of her being interested in me?
I mean I guess I should ask her name before asking her out. I just have this suspicion that people see me as this weird guy who hasn't yet revealed his power level and by asking her out her female colleague will be like "I told you!" and she will be like "oh man I hope he doesn't like stalk me or something".
The next time we pass what should I say / do?
I feel like smiling when I see her but I don't want her to display her lack of interest in me by either not responding or by patronizing me and saying "oh hey!" and moving quickly away to escape a conversation and thus show that is literally just being a pleasant person by smiling at me.
I have so much love to give, I really do.
I dated a girl briefly in February 2014 and she texted me for months after we split up wanting to meet up so I'm not like 100 percent autistic.
>a person you like a great deal
Stop. Just stop. You don't even know her yet. You don't even know if you like her or not. You haven't even had a conversation. You like the way her face looks. The rest is just fantasy. You're "falling in love" with your own imagination.
ONE STEP AT A TIME. A first date is not like a make-or-break moment. It'd be the first step in actually getting to know this girl, and actually finding out whether you really like her as much as you think you do. You shouldn't pin all your hopes and dreams and self-worth on whether or not this STRANGER wants to go out with you.
>people see me as this weird guy who hasn't yet revealed his power level
top fucking kek
>The next time we pass what should I say / do?
Reveal your power level, record that shit and upload it please.
No I'm not glad, but I did smile at her and break the ice by saying "hey how are you?" last Friday.
What if I smile and say "hi" and she just purses her lips and raises her eyebrows in a half smile / half concerned look?
Thank you for the post, it's reassuring.
I know I don't know her but I googled her name and we like the same obscure music and she is just so pretty. I laid in bed all Saturday morning imagining a lengthy scenario whereby I meet her family and entertain them and at the end of the night we slow-dances to motown music and stuff like that. I'm rarely attracted to specific girls but with her it's overwhelming. Also she and her coworkers (there's like 10 of them) are very close and they probably have an opinion of me, maybe not very positive, so I don't know if that also changes things. I tried saying "hi" to her female colleague / friend the other morning but the coffee machine turned on and she either blanked me or didn't hear me.
Also I realize she's a stranger but I have literally NEVER met a girl so fitting of my feminine ideal as her. I wish I could just hug her and make her giggle.
Why do some people so desperately look for something that clearly is not there?
Some points, OP:
>friendly smiles and 'hey' doesn't always and in 100% indicate that a girl is into you
>learn to stop making a big deal out of nothing; this water situation in 99% had no significance. She wouldn't think you're spying on her. Her no expression could mean that she was bored or thinking about something else; after all she's not obliged to welcome you with smiles every time you meet
That being said, I don't think you have a chance. Sure, the girl doesn't seem to be overly interested but that's not the main problem. The main problem is that you are a GIGANTIC sperg who instead of asking her out or even making a small talk, chooses to overthink everything and act like an autist. You are not a bf material, m8. Even a fuckbuddy would be a stretch.
And what's the deal with pressing your lips together like some upset auntie?
God help you, buddy
>What if I smile and say "hi" and she just purses her lips and raises her eyebrows in a half smile / half concerned look?
What if she does? Would that really shatter your world? All you're doing is saying "hi"
This is what I mean, man. Stop INVENTING excuses to chicken out. Stop INVENTING an imaginary romance that's already at the meeting-the-parents stage when you don't know her and you haven't even really talked.
This shit sounds crazy, and this is the problem with your whole approach. You're just letting your hopes and fears and expectations and FANTASIES build up to the point of madness, because you're never even taking that first step to test it out in reality.
You are going to feel SO MUCH BETTER if you actually just try. Even if she says "no." Even if she makes a face at you. Because then you're gonna realize that the world didn't end when you got rejected, you can let go of all this wacko shit in your head, and it'll be that much easier for you to make a move next time you have a crush.
It's hard for me to even read this stuff, man. Serious cringe material. I'm not even saying this to hurt you, I just think you need to take an honest look at your life and start being more proactive. You're like a baby bird that never got pushed out of the nest. If you don't just fucking jump one of these days, you're NEVER gonna fly
>friendly smiles and 'hey' doesn't always and in 100% indicate that a girl is into you
I wasn't trying to imply this at all. If I thought that was true then today I'd have smiled and started conversation.
>she's not obliged to welcome you with smiles every time you meet
But if she liked me like I like her surely she would have smiled instead of just looked at me without expression? It was so heartbreaking I cussed myself out mentally for an hour and felt so worthless.
>You are not a bf material, m8.
This is hurtful but likely true I feel. I really would like to experience love before I die, I feel I'm very sensitive and loving I just think people are looking for reasons to leave or belittle me.
>And what's the deal with pressing your lips together like some upset auntie?
1. She and her friend / colleague walked up the stairs to the their office as I was trying to go down. I stood back to let them pass and (retardedly) stared at the ground with my brows raised and my lips pressed together
2. Today I couldn't face just staring blankly back at her, and saying hello seemed futile on my part, so instead I offered the most subtle smile I could by pressed my lips together and slightly raising my brows.
>I know I don't know her but I googled her name and we like the same obscure music and she is just so pretty.
Ok, mildly creepy but people do that quite often
>I laid in bed all Saturday morning imagining a lengthy scenario whereby I meet her family and entertain them and at the end of the night we slow-dances to motown music and stuff like that.
...what the fuck? This poor girl should run for her life. You reek of creepy, no wonder she and her coworkers think you're weird/creepy and steer away from you.
Contain your autism dude
>You are going to feel SO MUCH BETTER if you actually just try. Even if she says "no." Even if she makes a face at you. Because then you're gonna realize that the world didn't end when you got rejected, you can let go of all this wacko shit in your head, and it'll be that much easier for you to make a move next time you have a crush.
I'm going to trust you on this and make an effort if / when I see her next.
However, in February 2014 /adv/ told me not to write a handwritten letter to a girl who had effectively cut things off with me, but I went ahead and did it and put it through her letterbox and since then she has repeatedly expressed her desire to "catch up" or come over my place for coffee. I'm just saying I think my autistic energy can be used for good in some degree.
Also I understand the baby bird analogy though I'm by no means naive or anything. I'm not making excuses but the people closest to me in life all left or continuously threatened to leave me when I was a kid (boo hoo) and my perspective of other people is still tainted I feel by this. I just feel so pathetic when I try and meet the standards set by others, and my only recourse is to appreciate my own standards and feel content that I am at least being true to my instincts. I'm not saying this is a good or bad thing I'm just trying to articulate my disposition.
Why is this creepy? Girls imagine their future baby names with guys they're not dating etc. There's a song called "I'll Kill Her" by Soko which has almost 7 million youtube views about a girl imagining cutesy stuff about a guy she isn't dating. I have a very responsive imagination.
Shit, it hurts to read
>pressed my lips together and raised eyebrows
>that's my 'light' smile
I don't know whether you are loving or not, but you make this simple thing so complicated you might get a Nobel prize for that.
About the girl: you are right, she would smile or at least have a tad warmer expression if she liked you. I suppose she perceives you as a some far-away coworker and that's why she treated you like air. I'm guilty of doing that to some people too, especially when I have much on my head. I always pay special attention only to 'chosen' ones; very close friends, family members, people I fancy. She might have the same rule.
Now, if you wanna ask her out, do so. But don't delude yourself into thinking she either likes you or hates you. For not it seems like she's politely indifferent towards you.
Kay, relax, dude. You're bordering full retard.
Next time you see her, make small talk. Like, this "hey, I see you around quite a bit, but we've never been introduced, I'm anon." Shake her hand, and she'll probably introduce herself. Then let the conversation flow from there. Now that you know her name, you're a bit closer to whatever the fuck. Idgaf but you're likely gonna scare her away anyway
>For not it seems like she's politely indifferent towards you.
This makes me so sad. I don't know if it's best to let the possibility of dating her linger and continue enjoying my imagined relationship with her instead of proving to myself it's impossible and therefore being unable to imagine such a relationship without feeling ill.
Lmao dude, my last piece of advice to you: stop living inside your head. Having an imaginary relationship is passable when you are a 13 years old girl. When you are a mature man who would rather stay in a imaginary relationship rather than trying to pursue one in a real world - well, that sounds like sign of some mental issues.
Don't be sad that she's only politely indifferent; she doesn't know you after all and you don't help yourself with sperging like mad.
OP here. Thanks for all the advice and frank observations. This thread has disheartened me somewhat but I guess I have to make a move and risk rejection in order to move on and quit fixating on this.
Would it be autistic if I tell this girl, in a straightforward and confident way, that I think she's beautiful?
Like if we pass say "hello, I think you're really beautiful" and then test her reaction before going on my way and giving her time to register it?
Is this a beta / aspergic move?
Fuck, your autism makes my blood boil
Every sensible girl knows that when a guy drops a 'hey, I think you're beautiful :^)' line - or anything in that taste - he's after her ass. Fuck you being a good actor - she heard that line 100 times from random horny frat boys, drunkards, creepy uncles. If you want to be included, feel free to do so.
Honestly, leave her alone. There is something off with you even by /adv/ standards.