I am 21 and younger brother is 12. I often feel like I am not up to the task, that I am not doing enough. I get along with him pretty well, we play legos together, karting, bring him to movies, help with his homework but still...I feel absent. I want to teach him how to be a man because I often felt weak and emasculated when I was younger.
He often watches TV and because of me, he plays video games (I think it's a bad hobby) and he recently starts playing even more with some of his friends on skype.
He is very good at school, plays in a hockey team but is very childish and teachers hate him with a passion.
How can I be a better role model? What should I do with him (activities, hobbies...)? What should I teach him?
you don't have any obligations as an older brother. that's your dads job.
however, kids are oftentimes immune to getting "advice". being a role model is definitely the way to go. just show him how to have good selfesteem. stand up for yourself but fight fair. be empathic and protective but stand your ground if the times call for it.
My dad tries his best but he is extremely tired. He works 7 days a week, he owns a bakery that runs well but he always has to be there. He is more present with my brother than he was with me, which is a good thing but my brother rarely listens to him.
>brother rarely listens to him
yeah, that's the problem with teens.
i feel like you migt want to loose some of your feeling of obligation. it's nice that you care about your brother so much. but he WILL go trough awkward and "less than ideal" phases whilst being a teenager. he will do stupid shit, and focus on the wrong things. you probably did too in those years. don't worry, he will get back on track again. especially if you give him somebody to look up to.
you fucking blew it op. you fucked up this one up completely. youre no longer twice as old as your brother and that boat has been sailing a while. its only a matter of time before that beautiful sleek sexy piece of vessel comes speeding up on your ass and open fire and sinking your like the sorry fucking shit you are. the only advice i have for you is to dig through your old crusty white jock straps and nut hugger underwears and start making your white surrender flag now. faggot
Little brother here
Your story is very similar to my life story
9 years difference with my older brother
Usually absent father that paid more attention to me (but I barely listened to him either, difference being he was a horrible human being)
Teachers also hated me quite, I was a bit of an asshole, but energetic and loved by certain people for my charm
and I also played vidya quite a lot, but not TOO much, also good with my grades and stuff.
If you're still active OP, I'll give you my own perspective of what I needed back then, and maybe you can use it to your advantage.
First of all, DON'T BE A FATHER FIGURE TO HIM! That will fuck him up in the long run legit (like it did to me somewhat, lol), you're not an authority figure that supposed to be taken seriously, that's the father's job, and even if he gets to see him 1 day every week, that's enough. You should act mostly in the shadows, not be VERY active in his life, but if he asks to play a game or something, you should.
Make him be less and less dependant on you, like for example, if he gets into a fight, ONLY if it gets really serious should you intervene (it's called growing some balls, and you should be letting him grow them). Don't tell him to actively pursue fights, but instead talk his way out, but not be afraid to get dirty if things head that direction
Don't let him be radicalized, but instead enforce the rule "always check both sides of an argument" that way you'll avoid anarcho-liberal bullshit, sjwbullshit, emo bullshit and every other radical thing teens go for these days (I was a shitty and rude atheist when I was 12, because I had been influenced by only one side).
He's 12, it's good that he's childish, that means he still has some happiness in his life, if he grew too fast you'd see him become a gloomy, cynical 12 y/o and you don't want that, let his childishness flourish, for it will be the last breath of childhood he has
Don't be afraid to tease him, or mock him (don't go too far of course), because that way he'll find a way to not be overly sensitive
This is good advice
When he starts growing older, like 14-16, start talking him about girls, and actively asking him sexual questions, like favourite positions and shit, might seem akward at first, but he'll relate to you more than your parents in sexual matters in a "cool uncle" sort of way (he's a 12 y/o in a 1st world country with access to internet, he 100% knows about porn)
Now this may sound unorthodox, but believe me it works, I imagine you have drunk alchohol already (cont.)
Get drunk with him, in either the privacy of your home or somewhere else that's safe, DON'T LET HIM GET SHITFACED AT 21 AT A BAR AND THEN RISKING AN ACCIDENT! You'll teach him how to control his drinking, what to drink, how to drink, how he should drink, how to control HIMSELF while drinking, (I recommend, whisky, vodka and rum, clean drinks that you don't get hungover and shitty the next morning, and avoid mixed drinks and beers, those things fuck you up in a bad way) I first got drunk at 14 and only threw up 3 times, I now enjoy alchohol in my privacy and socially, and I've never had an alchohol-induced problem
Alchohol in moderation is not a bad thing, but if you either catch him smoking weed/cigarettes or some other shit, punish the fuck out of him, you'll be saving his life and personality if you're a little harsh sometimes.
Sometimes you should meet his friends and his group that he goes with, so that you know with what people he goes with.
Always make some time for him, and as I've said, be like the "cool uncle", sometimes side with him against your parents to get your favour, you are not his parent, you're a brother, and since he'll relate to you more, problems that embarass him or other issues, he'll come to you for advice, it's up to you if he should find out for himself or get that advice from you.
Now OP if you think I'm a nutjob, you should say so, so that I can stop typing, but if you need more advice, then I'll continue...
>you don't have any obligations as an older brother.
That's a poor attitude to have. A big brother should be just as much a role model. Hell even a big sister should be. An older sibling who doesn't feel like they should look out for and be a role model for their younger sibling has always blown my mind.
Aside from my wife, my brother and sister are the closest people to me in this world.
>asking him sexual questions, like favourite positions and shit
Yeah, thats fucking normal for a 23 year old to be asking a 14 year old.
He should prob show his bro how to jerk off too.
He's 12 he most likely already knows how to jerk off...
But a teen has many misconception about sex, and it's better to listen to a brother rather than a father about the "birds and the bees".
I do almost everything you said correctly except for the father figure. I almost act like a father around him, scold him and actively stay with him. I am afraid that he strays away and ends up being an asocial loser like I was.
I actively encourage him to always look at both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion. I know it might be wrong but I kinda taught him some "red pill" stuff around women so he doesn't end up a whiny needy wimp like I was. I think I screwed up a little because he simply doesn't give a shit about them.
If you have anything else to add, I'll be glad to hear it, very useful.
Just be there to slap his shit when he does stupid things, and prepare to slap others shit when they wanna slap his shit.
Also set him up for failure at times. All these kids these days are told "ur da bess and there's nothing you can't acomplish!" and then when they actually fail at something for one, they go off the deep end and either go down a path of self destruction, or commit murder.
Even the alchohol? I'm impressed!
While redpilling might be good, keep in mind, sometimes it's better for people to redpill themselves, but you did good OP on teaching him about le strong womyn
You're staying with him so that he can become more social and not end up antisocial like you say you have, well you're not really helping him on that part, for the following reasons
1. Maybe he isn't a social person altogether (some people have 1-3 friends, whereas others have 20+ friends)
2. In his age, being around his brother, he's going to seem weak and completely dependent, hurting his popularity and hurting his pride along the way
3. Everyone needs some alone time to think and evaluate one's life/self/actions/personality, so that he can proceed as a better individual, like Socrates and many others said "Know thyself"
4. Everyone needs a group of people that are alike, especially when you are a generation older than him, he needs to hang out with his friends without you breathing on his neck every time, while it's good to do cool things with him every once in a while, don't be with him all the time
5. You are NOT authority, and he knows, the absolute authority of the house is the father, and while you might scold him, he'll just think of you as an asshole brother that gets in his way, not as a person whose rules need to be followed, while it's good to scold him sometimes, get your father to do the heavy scolding
And something very important OP, don't let him be ignorant, try to make him educated interested in current topics, history, science etc etc, not make him an uncultured and bookstupid individual, because history teaches you lots of things, and through history you redpill the best.
And to add to the previous anon's advice in going to trips with him, I highly suggest it, going to nature, somewhere where there's no internet, phone etc, gets people to try different things and is a breath of fresh air, and especially if it's just you and your brother (cont.)
It can create wonderful memories between you and him and you will get to know him in a more personal way, thus creating an almost unbreakable bond. Be cool, be good, but don't be a pushover, be reasonal, but don't be enabling, and this ---> >>16806373 so much this
One important thing that will be helpful is to revive any sibling rivalry that you might have, you might be saying, what? But I'll explain it with a greentext anecdote.
>Me and bro have a mutual friend that can play electric guitar
>Offers free lessons to me and bro
>Me and bro try to out-do eachother every time
>After a certain level, he stops practicing
>tfw he was practicing guitar and being competitive so that I had a motive to become better
Sibling rivalry and rivalry in general is a good thing, it helps for the betterment of people.
So far, that's all that I have in this brain of mine, I hope I've been of assistance, and I hope that you follow my instructions and have a great relationship with your bro.
- A little brother
These are all great advice, especially about the part of doing trips with him. Currently, it is extremely cold here but once spring comes, I will go with him sailing.
Hey, another huge age gap sibling anon!
I'm 21 and my youngest siblings are six and four. Just keep spending time with him and make sure you're a bit more conscious of what you say and do. You'll never realize how shitty of a person you are until some of your bullshit is parroted back at you by a kid. Other than that, most major values are taught to the kids by good old days so you're okay.
op no lol
don't mention any redpill bullshit, as long as your brother has a healthy mindset and relationships with friends, he doesn't need to be poisoned with sexism and misogyny and fuel his overthinking and hatred for women
you'll be setting him up to be a beta-overlord like that rodger-elliott guy.