So, I'm in love. I've been in love with this girl for awhile now. We dated, had the most beautiful relationship ever. Towards the end, her life started falling apart. Multiple family members started dying, her family was ganging up on her to tell them to leave me, and just everything was falling apart so she left. Her family is really religious downright texan family, and I'm a tattooed guy with no real education so they assumed I would never be good enough for her. They've abused her growing up, really manipulated her and just have always made her do what she wants.
Anyways, we broke up. I was devastated, and I never really understood why it happened. She immediately latched onto someone else, and I thought she hated me. After a few weeks, she came to me crying. Apparently she tried to have sex with him, she couldn't do it. Everything reminded her of me. She was losing sleep, she couldn't eat, she just felt horrible. She begged for me to come back. I had such mixed emotions and I didn't know what to think. But she poured her out to me. She's been so mentally and physically abused that she doesn't know how to handle someone actually loving her. It scared her. Then on top of everyone telling her to get away from me, she just snapped and couldn't take the abuse anymore.
So we are talking now. We always talked about getting married. I just wanted to get her the biggest ring in the world, but I'm currently in the middle of building a business so I just couldn't set aside the money for it. She wants to get married now. tomorrow.
I know I sound crazy, but I kind of am. I lack empathy for almost anyone and anything. But with her, I don't. I always put her first and I actually care about her. I wouldn't care if my dad got shot in the head infront of me, but I wouldnt even hesitate to take a bullet for her.
What should I do? Should I follow my heart and get married tomorrow?
it's not bait.
I just really want some outside opinions. I love this girl so much, and I want to know just how impractical im being or if this makes any sense at all
she told me she was just scared. she's never felt someone actually have genuine love and care for her. she told me she panicked. she always told me that when shit hit the fan, she just never knew how to react so she would run.
Yeah, rushing things right after she came from another guy would be a REALLY good idea ...
I haven't learned much in my life, but there are two things that I have picked up:
1. Women can lie even when you assume they can't.
2. Women rushing you into marriage never has anything to do with love - at least not in our current day and age - but them wanting you to be a safety net. And if necessary, they will apply to your romantic feelings of love.
That's all I am gonna say.
she admitted to lying to me and she's telling me she will prove it to me that she is sorry and that she means it.
her family raised her in a highly traditional sense, so in her mind, marriage is the highest form of commitment. I personally would never have to get married to know where my head and heart is as with a women, we could file it as a domestic partnership or never even be boyfriend and girlfriend, and I would still act the same.
I'm not sure how she would see me as a safety net though, I'm not rich and I don't have crazy possessions.
thanks for the input anon
>she admitted to lying to me and she's telling me she will prove it to me that she is sorry and that she means it.
Then let her prove it while not getting married.
>her family raised her in a highly traditional sense, so in her mind, marriage is the highest form of commitment
If she really had a change of heart, she by now would have realized that her family are religious wackos that cannot be taken seriously by anyone with a working brain. Still adhering to their ridiculous traditions is either retarded or a front for a pretty rational reason - said safety net.
>we could file it as a domestic partnership or never even be boyfriend and girlfriend, and I would still act the same.
Exactly. Yet she does not want to have this as a transition time. I smell bullshit.
>I'm not sure how she would see me as a safety net though
You have a job, you are partially successful in it (I assume?), you seem to be pretty confident in yourself, and you already had a relationship with her - a.k.a. easy money.
I am not saying that you should never marry her, but I am simply not digging her wish for that high an commitment. Especially when you can be that fucked in a marriage as a man nowadays. Anything else would be not a logical decision.
In the end, you decide what's more important. But if she is serious with you, I think she would actually understand your restrains and give you a little time.
I think her wanting to get married is a pretty big proof. Like I said, very religious and with god, so marriage isn't something thats taken lightly with her.
She has realized that they are crazy. She told her mother off and is dealing with that currently.
I'm just weird when it comes to titles. She's a really girly girl, loves being called princess and all that stuff. So for her, the title means a lot.
To me the commitment is nothing more than appealing to her needs. It doesn't matter to me greatly, but if that's what will make her understand that I do in fact love her, I will do it. Does that make any sense?
also how exactly could this backfire?
>I'm just weird when it comes to titles. She's a really girly girl, loves being called princess and all that stuff. So for her, the title means a lot.
Where I am coming from, we have the concept of an "church wedding", where you are not actually married by the law of the state, but by church. If she just wants the title, she might be fine with that - provided that this is a possibility where you are living.
Continue living with her like that. If she means what she told you and you can see it, afterwards you could do a legal wedding. That way, she'd be your wife, but in case it backfires you might be in the clear.
>also how exactly could this backfire?
You paying for her. Laws in the states, from all I have heard, have become pretty ridiculous when it comes for female compensation. That would also be a security net, and in case she was just lying to you, or she ever gets bored of you - not saying that it's going to happen, but the possibility is just there - she'd just get divorced.
>inb4 she's never going to do that.
I have seen the most purest and girliest girls turn into greed itself when it comes to money. My own uncle fell into that trap, and it might have lead to his early death (together with other things, that is).
Even worse if you get kids. In that case I can actually understand the state making sure that your kids receive payments.
That's why I would be careful about it.
We were planning on just going to the court house and doing it there, nothing fancy or anything. Since it was just such a spur of the moment, I told her we could do a big traditional wedding in the future.
I have my finances and everything in a business that is owned by my father. It's basically just to avoid taxes and stuff. technically I really have nothing to my name. I have a 1099 that shows I made roughly 50k, but I made probably double that but it's just in account I have access to.
She has a stick in her arm, and I use protection. Kids are definitely not happening anytime soon.
>I have my finances and everything in a business that is owned by my father.
Let's hope that, if it proves enough protection against the IRS, it might also provide enough against her in case shit goes down the drain.
If you are sure about that - I have nothing more to add. From my side everything is said.
>If you were me, what would you do?
I already told you. Church wedding, and from that point on see what happens. She would be your wife, she has the title, but you are still somewhat protected. From that position, you can see if she means business.
But, that's just me. And I am often told that I am way too logical for my own benefit.