Recently my guy friend (im female) randomly broke off with me after a week of school break where he visited his family. The story goes like this:
When we first met he was very polite and offered me to concerts and was in general just very nice. He helped me in homework whenever i asked him and i helped him with some of his things. Since we go to lunch together, he has meal plan discount at school caf and he said i could use the discount provided i pay him back and i did. I guess i got too comfortable with him and told him some of my troubles (i cried to him once and go to him when i feel lonely).
Suddenly at first he started ignoring me and i was confused so i asked him why he was ignoring me and etc. Ultimately what i got was that he was uncomfortable with me using his discount always and so we stopped eating every day lunch. This was also a period when both him and i little social contact with our peers as we both motivated each other to work harder in our field.
Slowly i asked him to lunch again and every time he would feel the need to let me use his discount. Slowly we got back together and i offered him my notes in class for exam and then after exam we watched a movie. Had a relaxing afternoon.
Then it was the break and towards the end of break i was excited and happy he was coming back and so i msged him on fb but he suddenly doesn't want to hang with me anymore. He also said he doesn't want a gf which i never intended to give off that feeling. I dont know what did i do to make him after the break suddenly lash at me and saying things that were really hurtful ( like breaking up the friendship). He would also apologize so much after he said those things im not sure i really understand him. He was such a gentleman before, what did i do wrong? How can i make it up to him from now?
let him know he's in the friendzone and you just enjoy his company; he's like a (brother, girlfriend, asexual parter, choose your pick) to you
That shit will either clear things up or get him to start sniffing your way again.
You didn't do anything wrong, he just seems like a bit of a cuck. But yeah, maybe don't accept the caf discounts anymore though. The more you come across as aloof/un-needing the more his ass will come sniffin
>offered to go to concerts.
This isn't something you do with friends.
A real friendship has each person providing for their own shit. When it's one person trying to provide for both people, it's not friendship anymore; it's courtship.
Accepting those things when you clearly aren't interested in him is kind of inappropriate.
because he's not sold on you.
Friendzone his ass. Even if you're not into him like that, play them mind games to get him interested in you again. Remember, it's best when the dynamic is in your favor.
It gives off the wrong vibes, it's not about being a bitter virgin or whatever boogeyman you want to go with. I may buy stuff for my friends now and then, but they pay me back in other ways.
There's a degree of reciprocation. Take that away and things can get a bit hazy. As far as I can tell with OP, it was a one sided thing as far as gifts go.
Whenever I pay for things for my friends I expect nothing in return.
I do it because I don't mind doing them a solid when they need.
If they hook me up in return, that's just icing on the cake. Personally, I've never had a girl think I was trying to hook up because I paid for food/outings/stuff. And I've never been bitter if I was trying to hook up and it didn't work; mainly because when I want to start a relationship, I use my big boy words and TALK ;)
"Gives off the wrong vibes"... what kinda middle school autistic shit is this. Since when did Men expect women to read minds?
>Whenever I pay for things for my friends I expect nothing in return.
If the friendship was always you giving them stuff do you really think it wouldnt add up in the back of your head? I don't make a mental tally of who gives what, but if it's one sided for a long time it will leave a sour taste unless you were specifically trying to curry favor with that individual.
And I'm not just talking about buying a couple of coffee dates here, this guy was throwing concert tickets at her over an extended period.
Inviting someone to a concert isn't doing them a solid, that's a date.
I bail my friends all the time too, but I don't go around saying "hey I got two tickets to the gun show, wanna join me? my treat" I'll buy them a beer or cover lunch, but not a outing.
I see what you're saying but I stand by my opinion.
I remember hanging out with these two girls in grad school who apparently only grew up on classical music.
I treated them to a combined 10 concerts or so over the course of that year. They broadened their musical tastes AND I had friends to hang with at those concerts. One bought me drinks a few times. But there wasn't any resentment. It was really just good times had by all.
Maybe I just read this all as weird because when I want someone, I tell them, and subsequently date them; no guesswork, no secret tallies, no resentment.
Ok maybe I'm approaching this wrong. Maybe this is just a cultural/sociological difference.
Where are you guys from? I'm on the east coast USA. Are you abroad? Or from another region where things are done diff?
>Where are you guys from?
>I remember hanging out with these two girls in grad school who apparently only grew up on classical music.
If you're inviting both women, it makes it pretty clear there is no intention of a date barring some weird poly situation. It's more abnormal to think a guy has no romantic feelings if he takes you out somewhere with just the two of you.
im on the east coast
its just how it works with my friends, we all go out together, we all go pay together...its simple, why should one person carry the burden of the group? if someone's poor and literally cant do it because of money, we'll cover it, but we dont really have poor friends