/r9k/ please I need your thoughtful advice, I'm 21 and got no one else to mentor or advice me, things have gone from "I wish I was dead" to "I should start buying my exit bag next week".
You know the drill, shitty childhood, physically abusive mom, distant dad, depression, chronic skin disease, blah blah.
Now, I actually managed to get some friends I can trust, we might not be best closest friends but I can trust them.
Now this shit happened yesterday:
>holiday, no work
>get mad drunk at his house
>I get blackout drunk and I don't remember shit
>I slightly damaged my friend's car door, had to pay $30 to fix it
>he took me home
>get in argument with mom again I don't remember shit
>turns out I grabbed our dogs neck in revenge like if I was going to strangle her
I only drink on weekends and holidays, but literally half the times I drink I blackout, I literally black out on average 1 time a month, there's been months where I've blacked out 2 or 3 times.
Cont on next post.
I don't know what the fuck to do, you don't have to answer everything, just give me your fucking advice or thoughts. Also I already have a fuckton of hobbies (gym, handegg, instruments, producing, reading, vidya), getting more hobbies won't help.
1. I got nothing else besides alcohol to cope with the depression, sudoku realistically looks nice.
2. I push away the few friends I have with my idiocy, this is like the 5th or 6th time that I blackout with them, I know they'll eventually get tired and will start avoiding me.
3. Shitty relation with mom, constantly keeps telling me to move out even though I'm his only son. I'm not even a NEET, I work in audit/accounting in a Big 4 but the pay is shit.
4. I could get twice my salary in other place and have enough money to move out but I genuinely like my work and get along pretty well with my co-workers.
5. Shitty relationship with dad, we barely speak even though we live in the same house, the few times we speak is because my mom told him to scold me.
6. Get constantly distracted at work because I constantly day dream about jumping from a bridge or hanging myself, rely heavily on ritaline to function.
I think the obvious advice here is to quit alcohol.
If you can't control your shit, you don't need it.
I'd rather you be a pacifist pothead than uncontrollable retarded alcohol which literally kills your braincells, (and thus any development or progress in your brain).
1: This isn't /r9k/. Those dudes are toxic, steer clear.
2: You know you need to deal with the drinking problem
3: Get your life on track career wise. Pick a field that's rewarding and has good job prospects, and stick with it. A skilled trade such as carpentry would probably be ideal for you.