girlfriend told me this morning a classmate is comming to see her, and she wants to watch a movie
i call her at 9 twice, no answer, half hour later some guy picks up says hello, passes the phone to her. i ask her what shes doing she says nothing, just out with a classmate. half hour later she tells me she went home, says sorry and goes to sleep
so how should i respond to this situation?
i really feel like if you don't know what to do in this situation, you shouldn't be in a relationship
tell her you think she acted weird and confront her with whatever problem you have.
find out if she cheated which seems likely and do whatever you think is best when you find out whatever answer you're looking for
Don't assume anything. Why would she deliberately tell you that she is going to watch a movie with her classmate if she was cheating?
Why would the guy pick up her phone if she was literally sitting right there? If she was cheating, that's the last thing she would do.
She might have cheated, but if she was going to cheat, why would she even mention any of this to you?
I would confront her about it though. Not aggressively, but mention she has been acting strange ever since the movie and if everything is ok. Don't throw your relationship out because of some people on the internet.
how did the guy get to her phone before she did though? what was she doing?
comming out of the shower? blowing her hair? getting dressed/undressed? in the washroom?
obviously the phone wasnt in her hand or in her pocket
Wow, is it just /adv/ or most men in general that are as insecure/paranoid/jealous as all the repliers in this thread? Jfc your immediate response is she cheated without any further speculation. It's not possible she really just watched a movie with a friend, and she was in the bathroom and left her phone so her friend was nice enough to pick up for her? Because the guy she's cheating with would be stupid enough to take a call from her bf?
I'm single and watch movies with other single friends PLATONICALLY. What more a taken girl who already has someone. Not everything has to be sexual/romantic.
Still doesn't seem like a typical cheating scenario. The girl told him from the start she was gonna go see her classmate. A few missed phone calls don't prove anything-- nobody wants to be bothered or to bother other moviegoers with ringing, so they put it on silent.
Naw this seems like one of those chicks with only guy friends. Then when the slightest problem happens the orbiters come in. Ever notice when the female has female friends its often the female friends of her letting the SO know of the cheating. And often connects to enters a relationship with the male side of the issue.
Be very careful op. This is the part where she emotionally and physically starts to check out of the relationship.
Most women do this. This is not some rare situation. Women are chartered to even in their relationships. If you've ever been the instrument of a failed relationship you know better. I realized men that where like me are out there and women like all my ex's are as well.
the guy was showing ownership. done it myself with a girl I was fucking behind her bf's back. I was surprised how calm she was on the phone with the bf but she was mad as hell after she hung up. I just laughed at her. She was able to manage the fallout and we fucked two more times but she kept the phone close afterwards
OP here. Thanks for the replies guys. And well, shit. I just had a 6 hour conversation with my girlfriend. Good thing is she's honest, bad thing is she did cheat on me.
She says SHE asked this guy to hang out today. Partly because we had an argument yesterday and she wanted to get back at me. They met at night, took a little drive, the guy parked in a quiet area. He says his heart beats quickly whenever he's with her, then grabbed her hand to put it on his chest, that's when he reached in for a kiss. They made out in the backseat and he was on top of her. She says she refused to have sex with him because she doesn't want to have sex with anyone but me. She did pull her shirt up and let him suck her nips though. After 10 min that's when I phoned and the guy picked up. Afterwards he drove her home.
Weirdest thing is she told me all this casually and didn't think much of it. I went quiet because I honestly didn't know whether she was joking or not. She phoned me 3 times and seemed pretty anxious. I started to flip out. I ask her why she did that, she says she dunno, felt bored. She started to cry and apologize. I was basically just confused in a rage the whole time and kept asking her about it. She showed me her nip that the guy bit, was all red. I am basically like WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT I asked her to introduce me to this guy and she refused, seemed kind of protective of him. She's been a loving girlfriend the whole time but Wtf just happened????????
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
She's not so loving when a small argument will cause her to cheat on you.
That story hurts bro. As a bro, the only advice here is to dump and cut your losses. Do not show anymore rage. Do not show any more sympathy. I don't know how long you've been together but this for me would be the first and only straw. Good thing you aren't married or anything like that.
What she did was disrespectul, short-sighted, vengeful, dirty, and outright slutty. Please, dump her but do not give her the emotional satisfaction of anger and jealousy. Go cry now. We're here for you. You got cucked today -- but you're only a cuck if you truly accept her. I don't know the limits of your love, if you can look past this one mistake. But personally, I would cut now and dump her because who knows what she will do now that trust is gone between you two.
Dump her. Do not be mad. Cry now. Call her tomorrow. Cool head, tell her straight up that you do not condone cheating and that you value loyalty.
Carry on my friend. You may have dodged a bullet today.
And remember: do not give her an overly emotional response when you do talk to her again. Preferably keep it cool. Do not feed her any more satisfaction.
im still feeling fucking confused. What the hell just happened?????? Why? Why is she so casual about it? Why is she protective of this guy?
I've been with this girl forever and proposed to her already, now she pulls some bull fucking shit like this
My friend. Is this what you call wifey material?
A small argument would have her running to any dude's car.
Don't blame the dude (although I personally would smack the fuck out of him if possible) because you would be over commited and again, you will displaying jealousy and acting out of anger.
Take the high road. Tell her that you value loyalty and that was clearly out of line.
Just put yourself in her shoes. If you did the same, I would oblige her to dump your ass too.
It's her fault, clearly she wanted some sort of revenge.
Do like all the sensible anons here, and dump the bitch. But please, take the high road and do not steep into emotional distress or anything. Just dump her as stoically as you can.
Loyalty was broken and in the battlefield that warrants death.
Not all girls are shit, but a lot of them are and unfortunately it sometimes takes forever to find out. She's not worth any more of your time. You're not gonna get any satisfying answers to your questions either. The dude doesn't matter, he doesn't know you and it's not his fault she's a skank.
Sorry, I'm starting to become a rude anon from being exposed to so many rude anons.
Okay, well she cried, so I'm sure she feels like shit.
But these dudes above me hit the nail on the head. Tell her that's it and that you value loyalty, and say 'obviously you don't'. This will make her feel even worse. But leave it at that. Just say that and take the high road out like these guys said.
Sometimes, you need a Fedora to realize the truth.
In all honesty, women are emotional creatures. So by not giving her emotional reaction, she will be left to actually think about what she did instead of reacting to the OP's emotions.
>Maybe she is testing you?
"hey buddy, can you bite my nipple hard enough to leave a mark? I need to see if my boyfriend is a spineless cuck who'll take me back if I cheat on him."
Yeah that too. But that's not exclusive to girls.
They were in a relationship. and OP proposed. They were emotionally invested at one point. That hurts worse than if she was just a 3 month fling.
It's not absolutely clear-cut, but holy shit the warning bells are ringing.
Why is she hanging out alone with a guy she refers to as a classmate (not a long time friend)?
Why did she go "out" with him if it was just studying or something? And not tell you that part? Or tell you she was blowing you off (assuming she meant to see the movie with you)?
And why the fucking fuck is he answering her phone, especially if she was in distance to just pass it off? That isn't something people generally do, unless they're, say, staking their territory on a sexual partner.
Not really enough info to go on, but my guess was that HE thought it was a date at the least. I don't think the worst case scenario needs elaborating.
Bottom line, she has some explaining to do and some behavior to correct if she wants to cultivate a trusting or lasting relationship.
It's not even necessarily sexual. This one girl I knew, in most ways she was a great person: beautiful, fun, and sexually chaste. But she had a habit where she would be in a relationship with a guy, meet some new guy, and start hanging out with him a lot, without breaking off her existing relationship. In effect, she would be de facto dating her next boyfriend while still dating but becoming VERY slowly detached from her current guy.
I think she was the only one who didn't realize what she was doing; she wouldn't do anything sexually/romantically physical until she broke up with one guy. Guy I knew ended up breaking up with her, not because he really wanted to, but because he knew she was "becoming friends" with a guy basically the same way he "became friends" with her while she was dating her previous boyfriend.
In the four years, I knew her, she was never single once, but had at least four boyfriends.
She's oblivious to the word commitment and exclusive.
I can forgive her if the bf where all flings (usually less than 6 months and have no explicit exclusivity established--then again, a bf/gf relationship usually implies that) and she was just feeling out people.
People do find love/attraction despite being with another partner. It's sometimes unavoidable but if they were as unaware as the girl you described, I dont think she's mentally capable of understanding the concept of commitment.
It's over. She has no good acceptable reason for doing something like this. An accident, cry for attention, your fault somehow, all her fault and she's so sorry... doesn't matter. It's over.
Sucks, but better you realize now than after you got hitched.
As for her claim not to want to have sex with anyone but you? Tell her to enjoy her life at the convent if she can find one where she doesn't burst into flames when she crosses the threshold.
OP here. Pretty much settled, I'm about to break up with her. What is up with her protecting the guy though? She keeps saying its her fault not the guys fault because she asked him out. He made the first move though and knew she had a boyfriend. Just as guilty in my opinion. What do u think
> knew she had a boyfriend
Disrespect to you and what not.
But the proper advice here is to not overreact and keep it cool.
That said, If you told me this in IRL and we were close bros, I will help you find the guy and beat him up.
It doesn't fucking matter. You don't even need to know his name.
She cheated on you with him: they are both guilty of it, even if the dude didn't know.
They'll never be able to trust because they know they themselves are untrustworthy.
Just dump her and move on. You'll feel better.
Now acting skills are really useful here, just show yourself void of emotions, tell her how you value loyalty in a relationship and how she obviously doesn't, so she doesn't deserve to be with you; you can then go to the enabler of the cucking and make him see how she cheated on you and would probably cheat on him in no time (beating is optional). Once you get home, you can now lay on the floor, try not to cry and cry.
> you can then go to the enabler of the cucking and make him see how she cheated on you and would probably cheat on him in no time (beating is optional)
Pretty sure he knows that first hand.
But OP, cry if you must cry. Don't bottle anyting up.
First off, just wanna say that I'm real sorry to hear your story, man. That's really fucked up. Reading what she did to you made me feel sick inside, honestly. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I don't know you but no one deserves to be with a horrible human being like that; you can definitely do so much better. Even if this does hurt you and stick with you for a while, you'll eventually get over it and find someone who's actually worth your time and treats you the way you treat them.
As for what to think about her defending the boy, honestly, man, it's probably best to just try and not think about it. There's a million possibilities for that. She might have feelings for him. Or maybe she just feels like she should hone up to her mistakes since she is the one who initiated the whole thing. There's not real way to say, but no matter what, knowing probably won't do you any good. Might make you feel worse, actually. So just try and out it out of your head. Let yourself feel the pain for a bit, cry it out and such. Then as time goes on just pick yourself back up, find new hobbies and interests and improve upon yourself so you can feel whole again. All good things will come with time, you just need to allow yourself to heal. Best of luck to you.
Are you serious OP? What the fuck.
>Wanna see where he bit me on the nipple?
Why didn't you just get up and leave right then? Like how could she be human?
Oh well, just dump her and move on.
She obviously tested the waters to see if he was a fucking cuck, a real cuck.
It's time for him to prove he isn't and fucking leave her forever and not look back.
OP. A person going back to a cheater is a dog returning to its vomit. Never forget that.
OP, she said it casually and seems anxious because she admitted just enough to keep from admitting it all. There is no doubt she fucked him and is anxious of you calling her on it. She figured by showing you a little evidence and giving you an excuse to warrant her indiscretion would perhaps keep you around.
At this point your only option as a man is to dump her. I know it's hard and you keep thinking of how things will be different and as a species we tend to hate change. That said, the plight of being a man is to make the hard decision and pay for someone else's fuck ups. If you take her back you will resent her for the rest of your relationship and never be able to trust her. Dump her, find someone new, and eventually she will come crawling back. At that point, crush her hopes of every rekindling anything and you will have some semblance of vindication. Be strong, be a man, leave this cunt.
When I was 21, I was in love with a 10/10 girl. Seriously she was way out of my league and definite model material. After getting engaged, I began working nights to put her and myself through school. To keep from getting lonely she'd go hang out with friends. Well, eventually her social circle started to involve the occasional guy. Long story short, I found out that she went to a party one night and was not home when I came home. She told me she got drunk and passed out. When I wasn't buying that she told me she made out with a guy and asked for forgiveness. I pretended to buy it.
After doing some digging it turns out she was fucking another guy. The kicker is neither of us knew about the other. She'd go over there when I was working nights to put the both of us through school and carry on a whole other life, telling him she was at school in the day (ironically his house was right behind where I worked).
Anyways, I approached the guy and we talked and we agreed to set her up. Remember, I was young and very hurt so I was feeling very vindictive. I met her one day under the pretenses I was ready to forgive her. I preferred to drive when I talked so she got in my car and we drove. Little did she know I was taking her to her other boyfriend's house. He lives in town (which is small) so I know I can get her most of the way there without raising suspicion. I never forget her reaction even 15 years later when the realization dawned on her. Her eyes got huge and she actually tried jumping out of my moving vehicle at 35 mph. Too late.
We both get out of the truck and he's standing in the yard. I tell her never to contact me again and her shit is in boxes in the garage. He says the same. I drive away and he goes inside leaving her alone and in tears. I think she had to have someone pick her up.
In retrospect it wasn't very mature, but damn it felt good.
This. Guarantee his penis was inside her.
So funny all these whiteknights
>omg she's not a cheater
>why would she tell you she's meeting a friend?
>why would the guy answer her phone for her?
Obvious slut is obvious.
It's because he's just a CLASSMATE. If he was already a good friend then whatever - I'm sure they did that shit all the time. If it's just some rando they met in class and all of a sudden they're hanging out at your place and you trust them enough to leave your phone with them and shit...
Btw why are you even answering someone else's phone?
Because she fucking likes him, that's why.
This is what happens whenever any kind of cheating occurs - the person that you're cheating on your SO with will always seem like some kind of magical unicorn from the gods who's absolutely perfect in every way. That's why they end up cheating, because it seems so perfect.
They'll find out later that it's no different.
op it doesnt matter if they fucked or not
she has to understand how it looks like from your perspective
if she doesnt, then she is dumb and you are better off dumping her
if she does and still acts the way she acts, then she doesnt respect you and you are better off dumping her
>OP, she said it casually and seems anxious because she admitted just enough to keep from admitting it all. There is no doubt she fucked him and is anxious of you calling her on it. She figured by showing you a little evidence and giving you an excuse to warrant her indiscretion would perhaps keep you around.
I can almost guarantee it, came here to say this.
No, please don't.
Physical violence is a crime. You get sprung and you get fined or jailed and it goes on your record. Or better yet, get the shit kicked out of you.
Either way, you gain nothing.
Physical violence pretty much only benefits you in a long term relationship with someone- ie. person is consistently an asshole to you so you fuck them up to get them to stop.
This guy is never going to do this to you again, so beating him up won't stop it from happening again.
It won't undo what she did.
It won't make it hurt less, really. For a while you might feel good but if you have any sense you'll feel shame and disgust for far longer.
It gains you nothing and what's worse is it risks you ending up in an even worse situation over some BPD slut.
>She says SHE asked this guy to hang out today.
a drunk mistake could maybe have some chance of repair, but in this situation its very clear you don't mean anything to her.
>Partly because we had an argument yesterday and she wanted to get back at me.
>They met at night, took a little drive, the guy parked in a quiet area. He says his heart beats quickly whenever he's with her, then grabbed her hand to put it on his chest, that's when he reached in for a kiss. They made out in the backseat and he was on top of her.
yep, that's how love often starts
She says she refused to have sex with him because she doesn't want to have sex with anyone but me.
seriously, do you have any dignity? that's like saying " I fucked, impregnated, married her and killed your parents but it's ok cause i had my fingers crossed"
>Weirdest thing is she told me all this casually and didn't think much of it. I went quiet because I honestly didn't know whether she was joking or not. She phoned me 3 times and seemed pretty anxious. I started to flip out. I ask her why she did that, she says she dunno, felt bored. She started to cry and apologize. I was basically just confused in a rage the whole time and kept asking her about it. She showed me her nip that the guy bit, was all red. I am basically like WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT I asked her to introduce me to this guy and she refused, seemed kind of protective of him. She's been a loving girlfriend the whole time but Wtf just happened????????
>Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Ok, I really don't know why you want to meet him? do you think you can beat him up? there's really only four words any man would use in this situation: "get out of here!" nothing more, nothing less. this behaviour is not excusable, not negotiable, not repairable, the only reason why she even bothers making excuses is becausy she recons you'd be beta enough to buy into it and pay her some more dinners or something like a good little cuckyboy!
moreover, unless the guy was your close friend (which he clearly isn't as you don't know him) he didn't do anything wrong! he did what any guy would do. There isn't a single bit of blame on him, it was all her choice.
That's only true if he believed she wasn't in a relationship.
Making a move on a girl you know is taken is just selfish and disrespectful.
People don't make decisions in a vacuum. It's much harder to do the right thing when someone is banging on your door trying to get you to do the wrong thing.
she actively went out to fuck some other guy, who she found is hardly relevant. she even admits it's HER who intitiated contact with the dude.
>Making a move on a girl you know is taken is just selfish and disrespectful.
assuming she just told him upfront that she has a boyfriend and everything happened after that then ok, that's kind of a dick move. but do you seriously believe she would actively go out to a guy and then tell him there's this guy she loves but hits on him anyways?
you know damn well how this goes, "yeah i haven't "officially" broken up with him yet but it's ok" is about as much info as he'd get.
as i said, if he'd be a friend of OP then he'd take part of the blame, but be asured chances are he's almost as betrayed as OP.
If you dont dump the cunt you are 100% cuck. Shame on you
Shame on you
Shame on you
Shame on you
Shame on you
Shame on you
My ethical point of view on the matter
>she's dating a friend
I have enough respect for my friends to politely turn her down and most likely tell him
>she's dating an acquaintance
Probably turn her down, a hook up isn't worth making enemies imo
>she's dating some guy I've hardly ever heard of
Honestly don't give a fuck about the guy, if she's dtf other people their relationship is as good as dead anyway. Only concern would be how likely she is to get cold feet and pretend she got raped.
I don't think my position is unreasonable but whatever. I wouldn't try to get into a girl's pants after learning she has a bf unless she was very obviously begging for the d.
Don't. Getting violent will make you feel better in the moment, but it's just more drama which could entangle you with her more than is absolutely necessary.
Use that emotion and that pain to steady your resolve. The most important thing right now is that you end things with her forever. It might get tough in the next few months, and that is where your focus needs to be right now.
what OP is trying to do by holding him accountable is to divert his anger away from the bitch so he can hold false hope that things will be as they were.
NOT GONNA HAPPEN MATE
no matter how big an asshole you think the guy is, it's kinda stupid to hold strangers to any kind of standard of decency, when letting the bitch continue her bussiness. The only thing left to do is be cold and hard on her, just the four magical words "get out of here" are what she needs.
Why would you ask to meet the guy you beta cuck? Want to punch him? Fucking faggot. Punch your girlfriend instead of going after the guy. She is the one who made the decision to cheat if it wasn't going to be with him it would have been with someone else.
Let me explain this,
While I would tell my boyfriend before hanging out with a male friend, I would never hang out with a male friend without my boyfriend.
No one, not even my female friends can pick up my phone. Especially if it's my fucking boyfriend calling. That's weird. If I called my boyfriend and a girl answered, I'd have some questions.
I'm in a great 5 year relationship. The reason why we last so long is because we respect each other and talk to each other when things get messy.
OP, confront her. Let her know that what she did made you uncomfortable and she needs to stop doing sketchy shit or she can go.
Just completely remove her of your life from now! throw away everything that's could make you remind of her, never, in any possibility talk to her again, start going out with your friends and have a good time, do fun stuff, play vidya, watch comedy movies, the soon you start the process of healing the better for you.
OP you are in the right as of now, so take the high road and dont fuck the guy up. If you do see him calmly give him a peace of your mind (nothing makes someone lose their shot more than an anon staying cool when they expect heat instead).
WRT your girl, tell her how disappointed in her you are and ask her how shed feel if everyone she was with were disloyal to her and treated her that way.
Finally, move one and live a wonderful life...best revenge homie. You seem like you have your head on straight since youre not trying to Cuck yourself.... Good for you anon. Today OP wasnt a faggot
she tries to avoid confrontation
The advice to give here is: dont kick his ass
I know you really want to, been there too. Problem is you dont know what would follow after
worst case scenario: he breaks one of your bones / teeth or files legal complaint
you could easily end up in a wheelchair if you are unlucky. (I know its most likely not to happen but why risk it)
To this day I am really glad that I didnt kick the dudes ass who made out with my ex gf back then. I could have but I thought he had at least melee experience, so I would definetely be in a disadvantage
Tell your girlfriend you need two weeks to think about your decision. During those two weeks you can spy on your girlfriend. The guy will show up.
You can beat his ass. If he is taller than you and in better shape. Have a shotgun ready. Work for me. But I paid the price. 15 years.
Cut the girl off cold. As in, no contact, not a word. Leave her stuff outside your place, change lock, whatever, just treat her like a complete stranger, etc.
that'll do it best.
You can't always assume shit. Some girls are Naive.
I had to teach my gf not to do shit like this because shes asking for jealousy and suspicion.
SHe used to go out with dudes all the time who clearly wanted to fuck her, but she just wanted to hang out and be friends. I was suspicious but oddly trusted her and believed her denials, because just... I dunno I could tell she was telling me the truth.
I confirmed this by trying to catch her and going through her texts one day.
Months of her telling off guys she told off, and then bitched to her gfs like "Wtf guys just wanna fuck I just want some friends! I tell them all I have a boyfriend and they just try anyway!".
Ive known her for years now, and have truly learned, she is this dumb when it comes to reading people, and she does trust people too easily.
There was an age gap, and she grew up and the bulshit has stopped but...
Some girls are like this.
There's no point in going after the guy, really. She willingly cheated on you, and it sounds like she openly accepts responsibility for what she did, which is respectable. Maybe she was feeling you out, to see if she could get away with this sort of thing in the future. Maybe she did fuck him. But honestly, it doesn't matter, so don't dwell on it, and just take the high road and move on.
But I'll say it again, you really can't blame the guy, because it was her choice to cheat, and we really don't know the dialogue between the two of them that led up to him deciding to sleep with her. She could have painted you in a very bad light to him, said that you were abusive, any number of things that could have helped him justify doing what he did. But it sounds like if he turned her down, there'd have been another guy. Who he is doesn't matter. So let that go.
That guy doesn't know the circumstances that led her to cheat, and I don't believe he has any obligation to find out. Unfortunately for him, he's wound to end up in a world of hurt when the same thing happens to him, but that's just a lesson he'll have to learn the hard way.
Op here. Shit on me. She was crying and started to whimper please don't yell at me please don't leave me. I couldn't do it. She's like a kid. I just put her on my lap and hugged her. She promised me to never do that again. I'm officially a cuck now. Fuck it.
I can understand your skepticism. It shouldn't have worked out, but I guess the universe decided that since I couldn't have a 10/10 wife, it'd give me a taste of vindication. A notable moment in an otherwise unremarkable life.
These hoes ain't loyal! They have this weird way of acting all nonchalant while doing shit like that. that is offensive to their partner. Ironically, they wouldn't go for even half of the shit that they try to pull.