>>16793869 i don't get why anyone would say that. what good does it do but to make it awkward. I mean if she tells you that and says she wants you to be gentle with her because she is traumatized by violent sex then that's something but to just put it out there as an open statement?
What do you do when a girl tells you she's allergic to peanut butter? You make a mental note to not feed them peanut butter. And maybe ask if you need to stop eating it or if you need to learn how to use an epipen or something.
You don't really need to do anything, OP, just check in if there's anything specific you need to be aware of.
>>16793850 you tell her you're sorry to hear and don't bring it up again unless she brings it up and wants to talk about it. it's not something you have to handle with her at all. she brought it up because you two want to have sex and you wanted it to be rough and she can't do that. if she waited till you had sex, she would most likely get a panic attack or react weird to what you're doing to her and the sex would be awkward and non pleasant so she is interested in having a positiv experience with you. you can always ask her for her no's and yes'es if you are afraid to step over some of her boundaries
>>16794497 It's not stupid, it's how it is. Traumatised people are mentally unwell. Raped girls are not very different to ptsd soldiers, they are crazy even if they hide it very well. Sure there are guys who willingly put up with it but that's usually because they have no other option. Normally you would rather pick someone without a huge emotional baggage for your partner, no?
>>16793850 "I'm sorry to hear that" is a good start. "I don't know what to say" is also surprisingly good: no one will question it, but it gets the proper sentiment across.
When my wife and I were dating, she attended a women's college, so although she has never been victimized in this way, I've come to know quite a few who have. One thing that gas worked well for me is to offer my hand, like for a handshake. Some take it, some don't, but the gesture is generally appreciated either way.
>>16793874 Thereis a very real epidemic of victims who refuse to come forward, and it's a very real problem. Societal acceptance of this path has likely done far more to enable and embolden rapists than any of the things more commonly called "rape culture". But while I can appreciate the hard-line stance you seem to take on this subject, I don't think this particular implementation of things is useful. Among other things, it targets the wrong underlying issues: not coming forward is a failure of courage, not of honesty. That's no call for never trusting someone again. And it's certainly no call to break out interrogation tactics in an emotionally vulnerable moment.
>>16794491 >>16794503 I have similar experiences as these two anons had. The girl(also raped) I dated, showed the guy's pic who raped her, every now and then and I felt weird all the time when she did that. It's like she will cry over after when she had showed his pic. I told her a number of times to delete his pic and every other things that can make her remind of him but she still did that. I once gathered up all the frankness and asked her whether she likes him or not and she just broke down in front of me. I just didn't know what to do and I frankly told her that this wouldn't workout and I left the place. She still calls me but I don't pick any of her calls any more. Damn, I thought of helping a girl by giving her a life she thought of which had lost but then she was trying my make my life a sorrow.
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