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Confrontation with friend, did I handle this ok?
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This person was someone I used to work with several years ago and although I don't work there anymore, we have kept in touch and occasionally hung out. She was always a bit of a drama queen but she used to be someone I could talk to and have fun with. In the last while when we hung out things haven't been as fun as they used to be. She's become more negative, creates stress and drama from nothing. (or maybe she's always been like that but I have a lower tolerance for drama now) There have been unpleasant conversations where, if I have a different opinion than her, she tells me that I am "just naive" and "don't know about the ways of the world". I was getting fed up with her, but gave her the benefit of the doubt because she's been through a lot lately.

The final straw was yesterday when she said, "let's go out for a meal, I'll take you to this restaurant that I really want to go to because they have healthy options and I'm on a diet." I said, "sure, sounds good." It's a bit far away so she said she would pick me up (she has a car, I don't drive) but then she suggested that I meet her halfway so that she could "save on petrol". I was confused and simply questioned her logic on it - for me to meet her where she wanted to meet it would be a 40 minute walk or a £3 taxi ride in order to save the extra 10p in petrol it would cost her to drive all the way to pick me up.

She then got fuming mad at me, saying I was "ungrateful" and that I "took her for granted," and that I was "so rude," and that I shouldn't just expect rides from people, etc. I just said, "look, going to that restaurant that is far away was your idea, why don't we just meet at this other restaurant that is close to both of us so it's easier and you don't have to give me a lift?" But no... she was already going off on how rude and clueless I was, etc.

I finally stood up for myself. I calmly and politely said that I didn't like the way she was speaking to me and that I didn't feel like going out for a meal with her. I told her that I didn't see how offering me a lift from the next town over to a restaurant she wanted to go to was a favour to me. Also, that it was a small deal about restaurant choices and lifts that we could have worked out calmly without getting into insulting my character or my intelligence. I told her that our friendship wasn't necessarily over, but that I didn't appreciate the drama and how it made me feel and I didn't want it in my life.

Well... I shouldn't have been surprised but she reacted just like my mom did when I asked her to stop bullying and emotionally abusing me.

- She brought up old small things from years ago that I apparently did wrong but I don't even remember.
- She said I am naive and don't know anything about people and their ways.
- She said that she didn't mean anything and that I just took it the wrong way. She minimized her role in things.
- She said that it was me who was being rude.
- She insisted that she was doing me a favour by taking me to the other restaurant because I wanted to go somewhere different (although it was her suggestion and I didn't say I wanted to go somewhere different).
- She brought out the guilt trip of, "but we've been friends for so long and I've always been there for you." (very similar to the parental guilt trip of "I raised you and sacrificed so much for you.")
- She didn't actually apologise but instead made a non-apology, "I'm sorry if I've upset you, I didn't mean to and I'm shocked that you think so!"
- She tried to get me to just forget it all, "just come out for a meal and none of this will be mentioned."
- Then a few hours later she texted me about how angry all this had made her. (I didn't reply to that one.)
Since then, she's gone and told her dad and at least two of her other friends about our conversation and how "rude" I was - and she's unfriended me on Facebook. Heaven forbid I ask her to treat me with a little bit of respect because if I do she can't handle it. I suppose one positive is that because I recognized so many similarities with my mom I was able to grey rock my way through it and not take any of her emotional manipulations to heart.

I feel emotionally drained after all this...
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Okay, so I did try to read all of it but couldn't manage to.

You don't need to justify yourself that much. You stood up for yourself in a situation where you felt that you should. From half of what you wrote it sounded like you handled it as you should have. It might have started off in a petty way that escalated but that doesn't excuse shit.

She doesn't seem to be very intent when it comes to changing her way so what you should do is to stop talking to her and ignore her.
shoulda dropped that hoe years ago breh

So you think it was the right call?
Thread replies: 7
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