I have a big problem and I need your help.
First up, we were both virgins before, this is a 4 year relationship.
So, I have a sensitive vulva, not all of it just a little place in the labia so when im penetrated in the wrong angle it hurts and might get ripped and bleed a bit, hurts one day and then i'm ok.
He knew about this and I told him i'd tell him the best positions and we could work it out some time ago.
The other day he was horny af and we had the chance to fuck all day, so we are going to have sex and I try to tell him how to put it in the best angle so "it doesn't hurt that much"
Turns out after trying some positions he went all soft and there was nothing I could do.
Because I was trying to teach him now he's afraid he will hurt me and he can't get hard thinking about that.
I don't know what to do, he's nervous about other things too, but I know this is an issue with me. I'm getting an appointment to a gyno and some lube, but I don't know what else to do to calm him down.
Do I wait? Do I not start sex unless he asks me to? Do I just try for blowjobs now? (He gets hard with blowjobs but if we are trying sex again he stops getting hard again)
tl;dr: boyfriend with anxiety issues in sex, wat do
Yes I talked with him about it, unfortunately he just said he had so much stress and didn't want to hurt me. Other than that it's for me to find out, I just want to know how to get over this or fix it besides waiting which might not work (and he might feel more pressured now)
Get him worked up with a blow job, when he's hard switch quickly to sex. If it hurts, bite your lip and pretend it doesn't. He will probably ask, just encourage him to come and act like you're loving it. You'll probably have to do this a few times.
He's not anxious, he's conditioned to lose his erection when it's in your pussy now (look up Pavlov). You'll have to reverse the conditioning.
Sucks, but it's the best way to do it, shy of just not having sex again. You should consult a doctor or sex therapist about oversensitivity in your vaginal wall, and how to mitigate it.
Alright i will tell you what you have to do
On bed and on dates, on everyplace you are together you try to be the most gratefull and clingy gf you can be.
On dates you will always have the kiss initiative
You will never be mad with him
You will give him a lot of kisses and tell him you love him a lot.
The whole "oh bby it's alright, it's common" will stress him more and more.
Your objective is to make him cum without really fucking.
After some cums he will be ready and you both will have a lot of sex.
I'm a male and i have been there, you suck his dick and you tell him how much you love him, a lot of kisses in the cheek and a lot of nice words will go a long way.
I took me 4 months to get a proper boner.
Yes, I'll get an appointment for the doc.
I'll just try just to get him hard with blowjobs and if he maintains it show him the lube and pretend it doesn't hurt.
Sucks but I was already over that pain, I just wanted to see if there was a position that would make it way better.
Anyway I have to leave so I'll leave some pointers. I use to be exactly the same, got nervous as shit, lose it all the time and so on.
Until one of my exs came along. She walked me through everything, she gave me time, she talked to me about it and reassured me. Then after the first time we had proper sex it wasn't a problem. Here's what she/we did:
Don't give instructions during sex, lay down all the rules before hand (the position that works for you and so on). Doing it during sex can take you both out of the moment and get you both thinking way to much. During sex encourage him, guide him if he seems lost and always keep him busy. Also another thing that helped is get naked with him all the time. Doesn't have to be for sex specifically (showers) and get used to each other. 69 also helps. Pretty much just keep him in a sexual atmosphere for long enough and stop him over thinking shit and you'll be well on your way. One less thing to be nervous about. Get some lube but don't over do it, friction is your friend for both of you. Good luck.