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Already posted this on /g, they told me I should post it here for better advice.
Part 1:
First off, sorry for my bad english.
Second, I thought about posting this on /b, but all I'd get there was probably an "OP is a faggot", and right now I have no desire for kiddie shit like that.
I am a programmer from Germany, mid-20s. Never seen an university/college from the inside, I taught myself everything I wanted to know. Over the course of the last past years I have learned how to use Linux, Gentoo specifically. I can compile kernels, I can compile custom software, I mainly code in C (more on that later), but I know jackshit about mathematics.
Whenever I look up news about IT-related topics I fall into a depression, because there are so many people who seem to be way more productive and knowledgeable than I am. And then, there are so many people who know nothing about computers at all. It's like I am directly in the middle, too dumb for being "good", too good for being "normal".
C is my language of choice. I first learned C++ at the very beginning of my "career" (when I was 16), but it always was overly complicated, the standard library rarely provided my with what I needed (same thing with C, though), and compiling larger projects takes for-ever. And templates are just a clusterfuck beyond measure.
I took a glance on Java some time ago, but it contradicted everything that I have learned to value in C - like the zero-copy concept. In Java and C++ people just don't seem to care about proper memory management - but that's another story.
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Part 2:
I also don't have a job in IT. I have been trying to get some freelancer jobs here in Germany, but there are rarely companies who want to have something programmed/designed by a C-freelancer guy.
In Germany you can take a so-called "job training" in which you partake for three years. I have done so for "application programming", but my training was more centered on practical education (administration of servers, programming of productive interfaces and so on - never focused on theory). Also, this training was what basically pushed me deep into my current depressive state, which might explain my inferior complexes from which I am suffering.
And whenever I met another programmer, I feel utterly insecure, because I haven't "properly" studied programming, while these guys did. They also have a lot of confidence - which is strange, because the moment they write down some code I usually can find something that they did wrong. Then again, maybe I am just overcompensating for my lack of confidence.
Going back to school is not an option. I hate school. I literally hate it. Even several years after I last visited the regular school I sometimes have nightmares from it. My only choice would be to learn stuff in my free time - school is out of question.
Does anyone of you have to deal with the same situation?
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>>16784306
>falling for a meme OS like gentoo
You goofed
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>>16784319
Really helpful.
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>>16784309
>>16784306
>>16784383
>Already posted this on /g, they told me I should post it here for better advice.
They are fucking with you.
I would give you advice If I knew a thing about programming.
Go back go g and either make a new thread or post your question on the Programming General.
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