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Seeking advice from amateur psychiatrist
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 4
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Hi, /adv/. Here is my situation.

First, I know that probably no one here is a fucking professional psychiatrist, so I'll spare you my life story and tell you what the deal is. So, basically I've been seeing doctors all my life. After all these years I've been diagnosed with several mental health conditions, everything including ADD, severe depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and more recently, PTSD after seeing my father after he died in a household accident from CO poisoning (yes, we've already confirmed it wasn't a suicide).

The accident happened a few years ago, after which I moved to Virginia where I've literally had to deal with break-ins at my apartment, stalking, and identity theft, which authorities are already dealing with.

But even before the break-ins, I started fantasizing all the time about torturing and murdering people. I can't explain it. One thing I've considered is this may have something to do with autism, which my current doctor has entertained as a possibility but not formally diagnosed me with. I'm constantly theorizing what it could be that causes these violent urges, and one thing I came up with is that my lifelong inability to express emotional pain is causing me to want to cause pain to other people because I am incapable of conveying the way I feel in other ways, even with psychologists.

So now I've become increasingly worried that at some point in my life, I'm not going to be able to bottle up this shit anymore and act on it. I can't lie to myself anymore. I hate people. I hate most people. I would love nothing more than to strange some fucker and get it out of system. Yet I know I could never do something like that and just having these thoughts is adding to my guilt. All I know is that I'm likely going to take my life in the future, both to put myself out of my misery and to spare any damage I inflict on others.

This world doesn't feel real to me anymore.
>>
So I guess what I'm asking is, what the fuck could possibly be wrong with me?

inb4 suicide prevention, talk to a doctor about it, etc. I'm just interested in getting anonymous feedback at this point.
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Please help me. I just want another perspective.
>>
Firstly, I hope you get better. It looks like you have quite a few problems. I would recommend trying things such as meditation and mindfulness. It may not solve your problems, but it can make you much more tolerant to suffering. You seem like a very deluded person and I think the first step to overcome your pain is to understand it - so sit and relax, breathe deeply for a few hours and think about what makes you unhappy. Only understanding your emotions can make you progress. I can't give you any more tips than this: so basically try to be as aware as possible of your emotions and try to fix them - so feel sad or angry, but try to see why and work towards it. Depression is something a lot of people have to deal with in their lifes, and the way out seems to not exist when you're at the bottom. I have been battling with depression for a long time: I have had ear surgery three times, soon to be 4, and there have been times where I was near deaf and I couldn't talk to anyone who was further than a foot from me. Eventually I got over it, but it took me a lot of time. Luck to you, OP.
Thread replies: 4
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Thread DB ID: 504664



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