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I live with a girl who masturbates every...
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I live with a girl who masturbates every night really fucking loudly an STOPS ME SLEEPING, her room is right next to time I hear this fucking hambeast going UGH UGH UGH OCH OH OCH AGg. Sometimes she goes for a fucking hour I know you're fucking ugly and will never get any but STOP FUCKING KEEPING ME FROM SLEEPING WITH YOUR DISGUSTING SELF PLEASURING YOU GOD DAMN FAT OBESE UFLY CUNT WHORE BITCH, DIE FROM AIDS WHOOORREE.
Every fucking night. She has no fucking shame.

Confronting her would be embarrassing and create issues and tension. Is there anything else I can do to get across to this dumb bitch before I have to tell her? I hate even looking at her I'd rather not talk to her.

HELP ME.
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>>16782329
Ear plugs?
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>>16782334
Works, I've used them, but they wear out quickly after 8 hour use a day and are expensive when I need so many.
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>>16782329
Record her from your room and play back her sounds 2x slower so you can recreate whale sounds as white noise. Play it loud enough so that she hears it but can't quite figure out what it is
>>
Have sex with her.
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>>16782342
I love it.
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>>16782341
How about some earmuffs then? They might last longer.
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How about you go kill yourself you fucking ugly FAGGOT useless oxygen breathing waste of life you shitty MCCAMELTOE SPICK nigger shittard! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT A MORONIC FUCKBAG YOU ARE!!!!!!!!! Yes, you the one reading this.
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If she's ugly just offer to have sex with her with the lights off.. win/win
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Next time you hear her, yell through the wall at her to stop exercising so loudly at this hour as you are trying to sleep.

That's all I've got.
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>>16782384
Great idea actually. Nuanced and effective. I'll definitely try this.
>>
Play some obnoxious music really loud. Like buy a hi-fi system with subwoofers and go to town.
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>>16782329
move some where else.
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Just say that you can hear her TV or whatever form of media at night and it is keeping you awake and ask her nicely to turn it down in the future, it'll save the embarrassment and she will realize she can be heard.
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>>16782419
This, except that I doubt it will save her all that much embarrassment. Then again, this could be considered a feature, not a bug.
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>>16782377
Rude. Nice dubs.
>>
How do you know she's rubbing one out and not Chad porking?
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As someone who's lived with a sister with similarly annoying habits, confront her, be mature and honest and just tell her to bite the fuck into a pillow like decent people.
It will save you lots of nerves and sleep in the long run.
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>>16782628
How did that go down? Was she embarrassed?
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>>16782629
Somewhat (she was 15 and I was 16 at the time) but we've always been very close and I sort of just sat her down when our parents were out, told her it's alright and perfectly natural (classic "I do it too did you try the showerhead" speech) but she still turned tomato-red and we didn't talk all that much the following week.
Still, better than trying to ignore it nightly, I guess.
>>
>Confronting her would be embarrassing and create issues and tension.

>>16782628
This.

You're both adults. She probably doesn't realize it's an issue.
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>>16782635
Did it solve the issue?
>>
You're a man
Just a fuck her
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>>16782656
It helped, yes. After she became aware that I could hear her, she stopped altogether for a while (which wasn't what I intended, of course, I didn't mean to discourage her or anything) but after a bit started again, much quieter and more privately. Moved a lot of it to the bath/shower, and bought me noise-cancelling headphones for my next birthday.
Overall it went over really smoothly, I think.

To be fair, I think it helped that we were really close beforehand so it wasn't *that* embarrassing, and we're both girls.
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>>16782665
>noise cancelling headphones
Why did she do it in the same room as you were?
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>>16782681
She didn't, but we shared a bathroom and our rooms were next to each other.
Walls weren't all that thick.
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>>16782665
>noise cancelling headphones.
Kek
>>
Rather than asking your friend not to do what annoys you, try rechanneling her energy into something else by advising her to take up a new hobby. Get her some basic woodworking tools as a friendly gift, together with some nice lumber and a book or DVD about basic carpentry skills. Soon the only noises coming from her room will be sawing and drilling, as she makes beautiful new furniture items for your shared living space. It's a win-win!
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>>16782714
To be fair that was more a joke really, she was never *that* loud.
>>
How difficult could it be to keep quiet?
I mean seriously
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>>16782349
That's rape anon, she's obviously gettin something done that he can't.
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>>16782770
Maybe they never tried?
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>>16782329
why are you living with someone that annoying?
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>>16782665
She literally bought you a gift with the purpose for her to be able to masturbate louder?
Lol, what the fuck?
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>>16782908
No, that was more of a joke present, really. Like a "wink-wink" in-joke between us, I guess. I thought it was sorta sweet.
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>>16782913
That's fine and cool hah but still seems weird to me personally that you guys turned an awkward conversation about masturbating into such a inside-joke between the two of you that it became manifested in the form of an actual Christmas gift that was purchased with actual money (and a lot of money, at that, those things arent cheap)
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>>16782917
I suppose it must seem a bit weird from the outside, but honestly neither of us thought all that much about it.
We talked it through, we reached an agreement of sorts, and after that we were able to laugh about it after a while. Easy-going.
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>>16782927
Cool
Just curious again though,
A) Was the headphones primarily a gift because headphones is a good gift?
B) Or was it primarily a gift because of the masturbation conversation joke?

A is fine, B is weird to me lol, but either way it's cool you two have a comfortable relationship!
>>
>>16782934
Well, good headphones are a great gift generally, of course, but the intention was definitely not (primarily) giving me a good smooth jazz experience.
Like I said, she basically laughed it off and had a huge grin on her face when she gave me the headphones, so it was pretty much just fun.
And yeah I would say we're very comfortable with each other. Helps that we're just a year apart, of course.
>>
>>16782917
>>16782934
You're such a fucking autist holy shit
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>>16782947
Am I really?

>>16782943
I seriously find this weird haha, and again I'm not trying to insult at all, but that's weird. Spending money on a Christmas gift, which is an extremely special day that happens once a year, and out of all the things she could have gotten you, she decided to spend over 100 dollars to buy you a masturbation joke that has good audio quality.

Lol. That's odd, no matter how you spin it.
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>>16782954
It was my birthday, not Christmas.
And yeah, maybe it is odd, but it was in good fun and we both got a laugh out of it. It was both a fun present and one I could really use, don't see the problem here.
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>>16782329
Just post a note on the door saying "please stop masturbating so loudly at night. I'm having trouble getting to sleep"

Problem solved.
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>>16782965
Cool, again no problem, just found it weird that you even admitted it was primarily a joke-gift rather than a practical one, but since it's also secondarily practical to you, then it's cool. If you didn't need headphones at all it'd just be plain odd.
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>>16782329
Have sex with her op, she needs a man that can fill her up. I bet if you do she won t masturbate every night.
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>>16783050
No problemo. I never thought of it as all that weird but maybe it is.

>>16783065
To be fair it's none of OP's business, as in, he has no obligation to sleep with someone he's not attracted to just because she can't shut up at night.
>>
The old fashioned way, get a broom and shove it at the ceiling.
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>>16783074
Sorry I kept trying to say its "weird but its cool", its not that weird, dont worry about it.
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>>16783074
>as in, he has no obligation to sleep with someone he's not attracted to

From the perspective of the human race, yes he does.
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>>16783090
Yeah, I mean it's not weird to me but I understand it might come off as rather weird to strangers.

>>16783092
Pretty sure he has no obligation to care about the perspective of the human race, either.
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>>16783096
>>16783096
No he does not but doing son would benefit them both. Its just an opinion op you handle it the way you want.
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I was going to reply with if she's at least a 6.8/10 she's basically trying to lure you in to come fuck her.

But if she's fat stay away at all costs. get some earplugs, or listen to Somnium by Robert Rich while you sleep.
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Just hide her nutella and don't give it back until she learns how to shut the eff up
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>>16783100
>Sleeping with a fatty is good for the human race and benefits the poor sod having to do it
Nice try piggy
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>>16782329
Just sneeze when she is doing that shit.
She will realize how thin the walls are
Thread replies: 55
Thread images: 1
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