I live with a girl who masturbates every night really fucking loudly an STOPS ME SLEEPING, her room is right next to time I hear this fucking hambeast going UGH UGH UGH OCH OH OCH AGg. Sometimes she goes for a fucking hour I know you're fucking ugly and will never get any but STOP FUCKING KEEPING ME FROM SLEEPING WITH YOUR DISGUSTING SELF PLEASURING YOU GOD DAMN FAT OBESE UFLY CUNT WHORE BITCH, DIE FROM AIDS WHOOORREE.
Every fucking night. She has no fucking shame.
Confronting her would be embarrassing and create issues and tension. Is there anything else I can do to get across to this dumb bitch before I have to tell her? I hate even looking at her I'd rather not talk to her.
Record her from your room and play back her sounds 2x slower so you can recreate whale sounds as white noise. Play it loud enough so that she hears it but can't quite figure out what it is
How about you go kill yourself you fucking ugly FAGGOT useless oxygen breathing waste of life you shitty MCCAMELTOE SPICK nigger shittard! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT A MORONIC FUCKBAG YOU ARE!!!!!!!!! Yes, you the one reading this.
Just say that you can hear her TV or whatever form of media at night and it is keeping you awake and ask her nicely to turn it down in the future, it'll save the embarrassment and she will realize she can be heard.
As someone who's lived with a sister with similarly annoying habits, confront her, be mature and honest and just tell her to bite the fuck into a pillow like decent people.
It will save you lots of nerves and sleep in the long run.
Somewhat (she was 15 and I was 16 at the time) but we've always been very close and I sort of just sat her down when our parents were out, told her it's alright and perfectly natural (classic "I do it too did you try the showerhead" speech) but she still turned tomato-red and we didn't talk all that much the following week.
Still, better than trying to ignore it nightly, I guess.
It helped, yes. After she became aware that I could hear her, she stopped altogether for a while (which wasn't what I intended, of course, I didn't mean to discourage her or anything) but after a bit started again, much quieter and more privately. Moved a lot of it to the bath/shower, and bought me noise-cancelling headphones for my next birthday.
Overall it went over really smoothly, I think.
To be fair, I think it helped that we were really close beforehand so it wasn't *that* embarrassing, and we're both girls.
Rather than asking your friend not to do what annoys you, try rechanneling her energy into something else by advising her to take up a new hobby. Get her some basic woodworking tools as a friendly gift, together with some nice lumber and a book or DVD about basic carpentry skills. Soon the only noises coming from her room will be sawing and drilling, as she makes beautiful new furniture items for your shared living space. It's a win-win!
That's fine and cool hah but still seems weird to me personally that you guys turned an awkward conversation about masturbating into such a inside-joke between the two of you that it became manifested in the form of an actual Christmas gift that was purchased with actual money (and a lot of money, at that, those things arent cheap)
I suppose it must seem a bit weird from the outside, but honestly neither of us thought all that much about it.
We talked it through, we reached an agreement of sorts, and after that we were able to laugh about it after a while. Easy-going.
Just curious again though,
A) Was the headphones primarily a gift because headphones is a good gift?
B) Or was it primarily a gift because of the masturbation conversation joke?
A is fine, B is weird to me lol, but either way it's cool you two have a comfortable relationship!
Well, good headphones are a great gift generally, of course, but the intention was definitely not (primarily) giving me a good smooth jazz experience.
Like I said, she basically laughed it off and had a huge grin on her face when she gave me the headphones, so it was pretty much just fun.
And yeah I would say we're very comfortable with each other. Helps that we're just a year apart, of course.
Am I really?
I seriously find this weird haha, and again I'm not trying to insult at all, but that's weird. Spending money on a Christmas gift, which is an extremely special day that happens once a year, and out of all the things she could have gotten you, she decided to spend over 100 dollars to buy you a masturbation joke that has good audio quality.
Lol. That's odd, no matter how you spin it.
It was my birthday, not Christmas.
And yeah, maybe it is odd, but it was in good fun and we both got a laugh out of it. It was both a fun present and one I could really use, don't see the problem here.
Cool, again no problem, just found it weird that you even admitted it was primarily a joke-gift rather than a practical one, but since it's also secondarily practical to you, then it's cool. If you didn't need headphones at all it'd just be plain odd.
No problemo. I never thought of it as all that weird but maybe it is.
To be fair it's none of OP's business, as in, he has no obligation to sleep with someone he's not attracted to just because she can't shut up at night.
Yeah, I mean it's not weird to me but I understand it might come off as rather weird to strangers.
Pretty sure he has no obligation to care about the perspective of the human race, either.
I was going to reply with if she's at least a 6.8/10 she's basically trying to lure you in to come fuck her.
But if she's fat stay away at all costs. get some earplugs, or listen to Somnium by Robert Rich while you sleep.