Okay, so I've been dating this girl for 5 year. Been engaged for a year on V-Day. Toward the end of last year, things got rocky. She was constantly a cunt for literally no reason. Said she hated my friends. She said just my presence made her angry. She was just always angry or upset with no catalyst. Her excuses for this were always bullshit too when I'd ask why. All I would do s try to make her happy or calm her down to no avail. Fast forward a bit later, and I'm a depressed wreck and want out, but I'm a giant pansy, and can't just break up with her so I'm venting to everyone I can all the time and hiding it around her. An old friend of mine goes through a breakup around this time and comes to me for advice and comforting. This ends up turning into a romantic relationship. My fiancé eventually found out. But rather than being angry, she's just wailing for me not to go. She talks about how everything will change. Of course, I folded. I said we'd give it a go. And I cut things off with the other girl. But my fiance runs with this and immediately tries to act like everything's okay, but at the same time, gives me 0 privacy. She checks my phone every 15 minutes when she can, and questions everything I do now. I mean, she's great otherwise now, but I can't live like this. And I'm still depressed and confused about everything. I love my fiance, but I just can't go back after everything that has happened. I want to break up, but I don't have the heart. She's fragile and self conscious. And I worry for her mental health. I don't know how I can get out. I've had so much stress as of late because of this, and my body literally can't take it anymore.
You cheated on your girlfriend. Stop trying to make shitty excuses as to why you were "driven" to cheating by her behaviour. You weren't driven to anything. Step up and take some responsibility. Also, stop saying you won't break up with her for fear of her mental health. You didn't give a shit about her mental health and the consequences if she found out you cheated on her, so don't act like suddenly you're the adoring caring soul. If you don't want to be with her, dont be with her. If you do, then try make amends and understand that right now she'll be extremely paranoid because of your actions.
You would be surprised as to how depression and self loathing can affect decision making. I realize it was fucking wrong and I've dealt with that. It's not something I would normally do or condone. It just happened. I don't know what to tell you. And yes, I still very much care about my fiance. I wouldn't have spent 5 years of my life with someone I didn't have feelings for. That's why this shit is hard. I am consumed with fucking mixed emotions and if I felt like I could actually be the boyfriend I should be, I would probably stay with her. But after all this, I'm just a little too fucked in the head to just carry on with what feels like a facade.
>You would be surprised as to how depression and self loathing can affect decision making
What a surprise. Everyone goes through this. You're no different and this doesn't excuse you.
>I realize it was fucking wrong and I've dealt with that.
But this isn't about you. It's about the person you cheated on.
Look OP, cheating makes you a pussy. You could have just been a man and ended things, but instead you went "hur dur i sad and chestig make better."
Whether you admit it or not, you've lost interest in this woman. Regardless of who's fault it is, you've chosen to show her you don't value her enough to be monogamous. Just end it before you ruin things more.
You didnt communicate with her about how she made you feel and she kept doing what you disliked. You cheated and now youre surprised how clingy and untrusting she is of you?
Like other anons constantly say, there is no relationship without trust. You don't trust her and she doesn't trust you. It's over.
It's obvious that you're afraid of confrontation. If you truly want what's best for the both of you and you love her, then let her go.
>I was looking for advice that would validate the conclusoons I already reached.
Jesus man this is a mess. Screw the manipulative monster you're with and don't focus on romance for a while until you find some worth in yourself. Be a adult and don't be pushed around by women.
Cheating is a traumatic thing to happen to someone, what if the person you trusted the most betrays you? Of course that will leave scars and of course she would feel even more insecure about this.
It's not fair on her for you to stay, because she will just constantly feel paranoid and scared that you might do it again.
Sure she doesn't want you to leave now, but it'll be bad for you both if you stay, unless you both can change and fix what's wrong.
So either put in as much effort as you can to fix it, or just break it off if you're sure it's not gonna work out