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My mom ruined her life for me
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 17
Thread images: 5
My mom, who raised me as a single parent, ruined her life thinking she had to in order to do the right thing for me. She worked only part time jobs in order to "be home for me when I got home from school" and as a result lost her house and ended up in huge debt. She lost all her friends since she isolated herself and for a time was extremely religious due to trying to set an example for me. She got married at one point to a financially secure man (my biological father was a deadbeat who ran off when I was 5) but left him because he was secretly into doing drugs on weekends and she thought it would be a bad influence on me. Finally, when it was time for me to go to college, she moved back to her home city, which has a great public university, so that I could get in-state tuition - only problem is she hates this city as it reminds her of her screwed up childhood.
Today she is basically dependent on me as she still has no friends, no family support, and is very fragile emotionally. The only bright spot in her life is a recent new job. For the first time in ages she has no financial worries, but for whatever reason this prompted her to look to her past and have a change of heart about all those aforementioned decisions. Nearly every day she tells me that her life is over thanks to all of those decisions and that I'm culpable since I supported those decisions at the time they were made. Tonight she told me she hated me, hated everything, and didn't care if she lived anymore, and then went to bed. That's far from the first time I've heard that. I don't know if I can go on like this. I don't know whether to hate myself, hate her, or hate life. I love her deeply, especially the person she used to be before everything got to her too badly.
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>>16781968

Sounds like she's spent most of the last two decades just trying to keep things together, and now that she doesn't have to put in so much effort to do so she's feeling a void.

Give it some time.
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>>16781968

Kind off the same situation for me.

Except never moved or anything, dad left us when I was born and mom stayed alone for us.

While I do feel guilty, I've come slowly with the realization that It's not my responsability to carry this fault because it really isnt. Althought I influenced these decisions, they werent made by me.

And same thing applies to you. Its not up to you to carry this. You cannot lift the sadness of others. Its pointless really and will do nothing to change her situation.

One thing to keep in mind tho.

Look at her and see a possible of reflection of you. Come to terms with the potential solitude, the endless depression, the regret of not doing what you could have done and the horrors of getting old and not wanting to die.

Look at it from first hand and learn.
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Ok now. You are NOT responsible for any of her decisions. I'm a single mom myself and i can tot understand your mom. But dang, blaming you is really off the grid. I mean, it wasn't your decision to be born. That was hers. It wasn't your problem that she had a disfunctional relationship with your dad. It was hers. She then decided to play the victim "oh poor me, that asshole dad left me and now i have to give myself up and only life for my child, bwaaaa". This is bullcrap. My son is 5. Sure, ONE of my goals is to be there for him and spend quality time with him. Guess what, quantity isn't the most importat thing. I work. Not 100%, but enough to lead a simple life. I'm going to go back to school next year. And it's absolutely possible. Even with a kid. And YOU def aren't to blame for her lacking relationships. Hell, you can have a phone call with yiur bff when the kid is asleep. You can still date! I really don't see the problem. Single moms that like to play victim are often just issue ridden idiots (no offense to your mom...). DON'T let this get to you. Yes, she's lonely. Yes, she's miserable. Yes, she feels as if she wasted her life. So what? A lot of people do/are. My dad is suicidal too. This isn't my fucking job. I'm there for him, but he had enough time to sort out his life. To bad he wasn't able to. Nothing i can do there.
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>>16781968
That's odd, she seemed fine last night. I wonder what's causing the change of heart.
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>>16782012
Prob the stank of your cock
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>>16782012
>>16782012

LAD
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It sounds like she needs some professional help. Doesn't that count as a suicide threat? Maybe you should call 911 and report that.
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>>16781968

Not to be an asshole m8 but you need to tell your mom that you're sorry that she didn't know unprotected sex could lead to an 18 year commitment. Tell her that she's done. There's no reason to let it hinder her and she needs to stop feeling that her life is over because of what she missed during those years. She just feels old and is coming to terms with her own mortality.
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>>16782018
You're retarded
>>16781968
Op cut her some slack. Think of all the shit she bottled up while raising you, probably trying her hardest not to let it show. Now that you're older she's losening up and letting some of it out on you. She's a human, she can only be your perfect single mother so long.

Whenever she gets upset just give her a hug and let her know you love her.

You only get one mom.
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I mean.. She says she did all of that for you, but I'm not seeing any of it as a "positive" childhood. Sounds like she just fucked up repeatedly while thinking she was actually right. Now she can't take responsibility and blames you.

Throw it back at her, say she should have had an abortion if she didn't want a kid. Or don't, and take the high road.
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>>16782041
You sure she's not just going through menopause?
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>>16781968
are you pursuing something worthwhile in your life? maybe your mom would feel all the sacrifices where worth it if you made something of yourself. maybe you have, i dont know?
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Your mother is desperate, which makes her selfish. She's also unreasonable for blaming you, who I assume were a child when she did those major life decisions.

All I can say that I hope that you don't take it too personally. It's sad that she uses energy on blaming others instead of moving on and dealing with stuff she can't change. But for your defense, you didn't ruin her life. If she feels that way, the only person ruining it was herself. We should never hand the faith or happiness of ourselves to the hands of other people we can't control.

She should be mature enough to take some responsibility. But anon, it's not your fault. It's really not. Don't blame yourself.
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>>16781968
If your mom didn't want kids, she should have swallowed instead of trusting your dad when he said he pulled out

She made her life's choices, don't get hung up over them
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>>16782085
If she was, would that excuse everything she did before going through menopause?
I don't see how it makes a difference.
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How painful it might be it's still better to live for yourself than for anyone else. Living for anyone that isn't yourself got your mother in this situation as well. But I'm also not doing that my advice might be worthless
Thread replies: 17
Thread images: 5
Thread DB ID: 494184



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