I guess you can use this thread to vent or, just ramble really.
Was gonna ask for help but /adv/ seems to have a low success rate, so I'll just talk to no one particular.
Seems I do that most of the time anyway, carry out whole one-sided conversations in my head.
It's funny, I'm actually looking forward to work tomorrow, I mean, I despise working there and don't really talk to anyone but I have so little contact with other people that I look forward to going to work.
It's kind of unreal seeing time and life just slip past you.
Yeah, /adv/ is a bit too full of people willing to pretend they have degrees or know what theyre talking about when they dont. But half the threads are about love lives and significant others or lack thereof, so what do you expect?
Talking to yourself inside your head is probably pretty common... It's called thinking. You realize that right?
> It's called thinking. You realize that right?
I realise that, but since I don't really have anybody to talk to, most of the day spent like this. I've come to a point where I verbalise it occasionally. I've never that before.
Like I know some people like to verbalise their thoughts, but I'm a timid introvert who keeps things bottled up and to have thoughts just escape from my mouth...I don't know, just rambling I suppose.
Talking to yourself in and of itself is harmless and a sign of nothing, generally speaking. Frowned upon by society, but not particularly indicative of anything.
Thinking all day is hardly something special or worth noting. Everyone thinks all the time.
You're lonely, and the rest is probably a part of that single thing. People are by and large social creatures to at least some degree, so go socialize.
Timidity and introversion arent problems, but being an introvert doesnt mean you wont get lonely, and doesnt mean you can avoid or forgo human contact and not expect to have some downsides to that fact.
What I'm saying here is, basically, that you are overthinking a simple thing.
You spend alot of time alone, its wearing on you, try doing the opposite for awhile and see how you feel afterward. If nothing improves, see someone whom can properly help you.
I already know most of what you said. I'm lonely cos I'm timid and introverted. I'm timid and introverted cos I like to avoid confrontation. I avoid confrontation cos of bad experiences. I know this already, I know I'm lonely and all of this is indicative of that.
This part I didn't understand. What does this mean? You can probably guess I'm a miserable dude whose only "hobbies" include vidya and telly. I've never been to a party, I've been on a "lads holiday", I've never been on a night out, etc you understand that concept of socialising is foreign to me.
Anyway, like I said, I'm just rambling.
Socializing is deceptively simple. You say hello, you talk about something neutral, the weather, the news. Go to the bar and talk about whatever is on the tv if they have a tv on. Generally people are always happy to converse on neutral everyday shit, and thats pretty much it.
Breathe like this is your last breath.
Enjoy the pain you feel until death.
Weave the threads of your life together.
Destroy that voice in your mind forever.
Hold on to those rare moments of pure loneliness.
That you is there without a care filled with hopelessness.
That you that cries in bed some nights and squeezes the pillow and covers tight.
That you that would rather die than put up a fight.
That you that would rather run and hide than open up your mind.
That you who holds your pain inside..
Because it's easier than facing up to your lies.
But... then, you'll never know what it's like to really be alive.
Until it's too late, and then you just lay down and die.
I always work out future scenario's in my head when I'm not 'actively' thinking. It is a real burden, because my brain tends to mix up reality with what I think is going to happen and therefore I derail relations etc.
So be glad you're talking to yourself like that, it could always have been worse.