For almost four years I’ve been in a relationship I’m not happy with. It all started because this girl, let’s call her X, (who is actually a great person, caring, very intelligent and supportive) was left alone and had nobody to help her and I felt I had to lend her a hand. She had told me she liked me before and I had said we could be friends, but I went to her and told her we should get together. We’ve had some fun times but at heart I’ve always felt unhappy and always looking for a way out, which I never found since things got worse and I’ve helped her trough a lot of things, and so, four years flew by. I’ve had a few chances to get with other girls, but I swear I’ve never actually cheated, not even hinted the possibility I might be interested in something beyond friendship with any other woman, I felt I owed loyalty to X and couldn’t do that to her even if I really wanted to be by myself. That was however, before I met this one girl whom I’ll call Y.
Y is an extremely sweet and sensitive girl I “met” through mutual friends last June, I say “met” because we had actually seen each other sometimes over…Jesus, 8 years I think, but never really talked. I always thought she was very pretty but for some reason thought she didn’t like me. We started talking a lot over Facebook and before I knew it we communicated most of the time we were awake and the conversation always flowed, we trusted a lot in each other and generally had a great time. Soon I started to develop real feelings for her and she reciprocated but we never really talked about it even if we were both practically shouting it through our actions.
Then it all came down in the last few days, for the first time we went out together and it was awesome, we clicked in a way I had never done so with anyone else, we did all those little silly things teenagers do, you know, getting touchy with each other’s hair, laughing a lot and being too awkward to even give each other a hug, but plenty of physical contact, I don’t know, I just felt so alive, like I hadn’t in nearly a decade. Since that day things escalated to the point we couldn’t deny we wanted to be together and she told me yesterday how she felt, I could only reply I felt the same way and after a few more awkward lines she asked me to not to talk about it anymore. We haven’t spoken in roughly a day since. I’m afraid I hurt her, I can’t know for sure since I think I should give her some breathing room but I fucking hate to think I made her cry.
She doesn’t know the reason I’ve been with X for so long, but I really want to be with her, but I don’t think she would just accept me switching girlfriends, moreover, I’m pretty sure she couldn’t stand to think she destroyed a relationship, I can’t see a way out of this, I really want to be with Y, she’s literally the only thing that’s been on my mind for days, but I don’t know how to break-up with X without destroying her. I know there's no way I can come off as the good guy here, but I don't want to lose my friendship with Y or drift apart from her and I really don't want her to suffer over this, so what should I do? Should I just forget it all and continue with X? Break up and pray Y somehow accepts me? Sorry for the rant but I really had to get it out and thanks a lot in advance, anons.
I’ve been 4 years with a girl out of a perceived moral obligation and now there’s a new girl I really like but I fear it’s all going to shit.
Its going to shit because youre cheating on someone. When you two started showing interest in each other you needed to break it of with the first girl. Now you fucked yourself out of two relationships.
If you want to try to salvage one of them I suggest using logic. You have a faithful girl for four years that adores you. You can keep that and forget about the savior role you put yourself into or risk what you have on an unknown.
Gotta be honest with both parties. Even if it doesn't turn out exactly how you want, it'll be better in the long run. Worst case, you don't get with Y, and you're no longer tied to X. Best case, you do get with Y and both of them are understanding. Either way, you get away from X. The longer you wait, the more shit you're in.
Just because someone is faithful, doesn't mean you have to be together. Shit, you need to be happy in your own life. I'm not saying you should break up with X because she's faithful and into you. Those are great qualities. I'm saying you should break up with X because you're not into her. Both people in a relationship should be happy to be with the other. If that's not the case, end it. If she's totally destroyed by the break up, that's unfortunate, but not your problem. On the other hand, given the limited details, make sure you really aren't happy with X. She sounds nice and it would be a shame to throw that away on a whim.