I hate it. I can't fucking stand it. I hate the way it smells, I hate the way it looks, I hate the way it functions. I hate my stupid fucking egotistical roommate and his goddamn clichéd faggot frat bros.
I ache all over, every inch of me hurts constantly and I don't know why, but more than anything it's my head. I take pain killers by the handful just to cope with it, but they barely fucking help. Every sound I hear is too loud and too sharp, everything I look at is too bright, too jagged, and too confusing. I have to spend the vast majority of my time doing things I despise just to survive. I hate going to sleep because I wake up in the morning and I'm scared and lost, so I stay up for days until I can't do it anymore and I pass out.
I'm thinking about putting a stop to it, after all, enough is enough. But before I do, I might as well do some shit I've been fantasying about for my whole life. Maybe I'll make a list and see how many I can take out before they get me.
I have no idea wtf is happening to you, but it doesn't sound great to me.
Have you been to a doctor or two?
Try to fix whatever it is that's broken.
On another note, if you, at some point, want to quit, which I wouldn't recommend at all, make sure to do absolutely everything you have ever dreamt of, no matter how bad or unaccepted by society it is; as long as you don't hurt anyone.
Go explore the world.
Buy/Eat expensive food.
Do some extreme shit. Risky shit.
If, after all of that, you still want to quit, buy cheap hookers in Taiwan. Don't use condoms. Cum multiple times.
Enjoy everything. Pretend bad things don't exist on earth.
I'm going through the exact same thing.
All I know is that we only have one life and I'd rather fight until the end rather than give it up. Who knows, something good might happen one day in the future.
I've been to a doctor, but think it was a waste of time. She took a blood test, said I was fine, gave me pain meds that don't do shit. Basically told me to brighten up and get some sleep and I'll be better.
See I keep thinking that same thing, that maybe this life is the only thing I'll ever get to experience and good or bad I should live it out, if my life's really all I've got I can't just throw it away can I? but then again, I think anyone with any balls would have done themselves in a long time ago, letting yourself go through this kind of shit is pathetic. Man up, there's only one permanent solution.
I've thought about it a lot actually, and I've tried a lot of things over the past year and half. I started working out regularly and eating right, and I lost a bunch of weight. I thought that would make me feel better but it just took a lot of time and effort and didn't really help. I actively looked for a relationship for a while, met a nice girl who I had a lot in common with. We started hanging out and playing video games and such, and eventually started dating. Three months later I broke up with her, I guess I didn't really break up but I just stopped talking to her and stopped responding to her. She kept messaging me for weeks but then finally gave up. She just got boring, she didn't interest me anymore and I didn't want to waste my time talking to her. It's funny, she was basically the perfect gf too, she was totally down to do whatever I wanted, like play video games or just chill or whatever, and she was pretty attractive. She was 22 and an accountant who made like 80k annually. I tried spending more time with guy friends as well, but they all just ended up annoying me and I eventually stopped.
Fella.. I've been through an almost similar situation. If doctors or therapists can't or won't or you don't want to visit for help, I suggest going somewhere quiet. You need some ALONE time, bruv. You need to get your shit together before you do something else, I'll give you that.
I've been thinking about that too, I just want to have like a year to sort this shit out, without any obligations to attend to or anything, just some thinking time, but I can't realistically do that, I don't have the money and I don't have anywhere to go.
Geezus go to psychiatrist instead of some fucking "doctor" who tells u to take a nap like WTF, ull not only get to know whats wrong with u but also how to deal with it in ur daily life AND possible drugs that try to fix ur brian chemistry