My girlfriend of 4 years has been having an online affair for the past 4 months. It started out in an online game as an innocent friendship, but it eventually turned into something more intimate. They exchanged nudes and talked on the phone plenty of times and that's about the extent of their relationship. She claims that it was because we would fight a lot, but the only times we would fight would be when I would talk about how we can do better things for ourselves and make our relationship stronger. She hasn't been doing much for the past year or so, and I've been trying to motivate her, but it hasn't really done anything.
I found her messages because she left for work in a hurry and forgot to log out of her chat program. After I confronted her about it she cut all connection to this guy and any ties to him. She claims to be 100% willing to try again with me if I give her the chance.
I know there was no physical contact, but goddamn it just hurts. Building 4 years of trust only to lose it to something so stupid makes me angry. The thought of her undressing for some other man to get off to also just won't leave my head. I just feel broken, confused, and pissed off.
How do I move on from this? I told her I wanna work with her to better our relationship but I don't know how I'll ever see her the same way.
Look, don't pressure yourself to forgive her. That shit takes time. You feel shamed and betrayed, and fuckin' A, you should!
What, exactly, is your GF doing to make you feel better and secure? That's HER job now, not yours. No contact with the guy, accountability, of course. Ask her for her passwords for now. When you both agree on it, later, she can change it. If she says no, her ass is not interested in salvaging things, and it's time to boot her ass out.
OP, why do you want to try and make it work? She was having an emotional affair with someone else. She obviously doesn't care about your feelings. GTFO.
If you invested four years into a company and for the past few months it has been going downhill, do you stay with that company? Hell no, you grab your money and run. Your relationship is over. Face the facts. It happens to all of us. You tried it, it didn't work, move on.
It's happened to me, dude. It's a tough call. On one hand you've put 4 years of work into this relationship, on the other she had an online affair. Maybe she was feeling inadequate and just liked the idea of someone making her feel special again. Not justifying it, but that's how some women think. They would rather hang around the guy that makes them feel good and wants to get in their pants than someone who's been there for a while and wants to tackle actual problems.
If you think she's being 100% honest with you, then I say go for it. An emotional attachment that's been going on for months sucks, but I don't think she loves you any less.
It made my relationship stronger in the end, so who's knows, it could go that way for you too. Just see what happens and how she treats you.
Honestly, unless you're planning on having kids with that, its time for a new relationship. I get that its more than just notches on the bedpost, but after 4 years there isn't much more personal growth you can squeeze out of this sinking ship. Try something new before you wake up 55, overweight, immature and angry.
Been in the exact same position, except it was no game but an online chat platform. Eventually found out she never cut ties, she lied to me over two years with that dude and with possibly other guys as well. Don't trust her. That's cheating, and from the experience you make right now, I learned that cheating must not be forgiven. You can do better, anon.
OP here, thanks for all the replies.
I'm still pretty mixed on all of this and unsure how to feel. I feel like it might be a bit drastic to just toss her out of my life immediately without seeing what she does about it. Again, I just feel lost at this point.
We've talked about marriage and a future a few times and I haven't looked at any other women the same way.
seems like either she expected the relationship to be something other than what it is now,
or expects it to be in a different stage than it is now.
before this, was she talking up the marriage deal much?
I did what your gf did.
why? i wanted and constantly craved attention didn't get any even if i asked bluntly from my bf also he hated talking about emotions and stuff so it was hard to associate with him at times.
Honestly i didnt want to fall for any online guy and when i did i felt horrible . i was always sad depressed because i didnt know what to do.I loved my bf very much. I told him what i was doing he got mad. like mad as fuck. but i told him exactly why i fell for that guy. because honestly i didnt love the online guy. it took me a while to realize that. I was only there because he had something to offer that i wanted. emotional connect and attention.whether itd be sexual attention or emotional i wanted it all. I know I'm a greedy. anyways he left me i left to live on my own i felt miserable as fuck i cut ties off with the Online guy and everyone kinda went hermit then out of nowhere my bf shows up he realized his flaws and in change told me mine. I think thats one thing you should ask your gf what is it that made her have an online affair what things did she desire that you couldnt give to her maybe its something that you could and maybe its something that you never will be able to give if so leave her if not try to work things out but remember my bf left me for 3months before he could feel alright and he does have all my passwords now he said he didnt need them but that was my offer. damn i wrote too much.