I have pretty bad anxiety. It's been this way for years. Generally I'm just anxious about everything but specific things trigger it and make it worse. It's what I hate the most about myself.
I'm 19, currently dating this girl that's super amazing. Like a 10/10 to me. She's super smart and beautiful and I'm deeply in love with her. She loves me too. We have had a pretty solid relationship so far. No real big issues. Only a few little fights here and there. But I am struggling lately with my anxiety and I'm scared it's going to fuck up my relationship someday.
I'm constantly anxious and paranoid about other dudes and her getting with them. She gets asked out/approached by dudes a lot. I know she's loyal to me but the idea of that just makes me anxious. I get nervous when she takes a long time to reply to my texts. I just get anxious and paranoid over stupid shit that I know is irrational but I don't know how to control my thoughts. I try not to let it show outwards because I think that would be bad but I think it's also bad to keep it in.
How do I manage this?
It's an anxiety that every single guy in the world has to deal with, and it's around that age at the end of your teens when you're worrying about that shit the most.
When you get a bit older you will realise you just have to come to terms with that worry. And use your judgement to decide one way or the other whether to trust a person. Your judgement is all you have at the end of the day - all you can do is make the best decisions you can.
If you really want to eliminate those worries then become more alpha. Play sport, or work out. And get more buddies. Actually just improve yourself in ways that are impressive to other people. Get a good job. Perform music, or theatre, or whatever. Do something that makes you feel confident in who you are.
But as I say every guy on the planet will always have that worry of their girl leaving. But it's just like worrying that you're going to get hit by a bus, isn't it. Just do your best to make sure it doesn't happen, then stop worrying about it because worrying is pointless.
Become more alpha" is literally the most retarded advice anyone could possibly give, ever.
There are actual ways to deal with, cope with and treat anxiety. Perhaps use one of those. Or see a psychiatrist who can see if you have an anxiety disorder (and, if you do, find ways to manage it.).
Seriously, impressing other people isn't going to help you because that isn't how the brain goddamn works.
I doubt he meant impressing people. He probably just means that it will build self confidence? At least that's what I took away from it.
And I have already tried therapy. I don't want to seek out any medication or anything like that. I didn't like therapy that much.
OP I'm in the same boat. My anxiety did get in the way of my current relationship. She ended up talking to other guys cause of it while we're on and off. However in the end we both realized we wanted to be together and we still are. I'm now seeking for my anxiety and a lot more with communicating with her about my issues and how to handle them. My anxiety is still there and it doesn't get in the way sometimes, but we talk it through and we support each other.
I should also note she's very anxious too, but in a much different way.
Anxiety is very real. I've dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Persistent irrational thoughts plague my head constantly. It causes self-loathing and depression. It fucking sucks and it's very real, anon.
It's a difficult thing. I'm glad that you two are working through it.
I feel like my partner is kind of anxious as well but doesn't often express it. I don't express it either, because the few times it has I've hurt her. I once asked her if she would tell me if she ever did cheat on me, and it turned into this thing about how she thinks I don't trust her and it made her very sad. She is extremely loyal and I now know this. But it's just hard to rationalize sometimes. I think this stems from my past relationships and how my trust has been damaged from being cheated on in the past.
Trust is a really tough thing man. I have tons of trust issues now since shes betrayed me when things were bad. But we moved past it. Yea I still have the trust issues, but she makes me happy and I love her. Im slowly getting better and she says she sees a lot of improvement in me and that things are a lot better than how they were. And I have to agree. Communication really helps and it gets us through a lot.
Just try being open and honest with your girl. Sit her down and express your problems without it becoming and argument. And well, if she's a cheater she's a cheater. You can't change someone like that and you can't blame yourself for it either. That's just love and sometimes it's gonna fucking hurt.