i got this female friend (not usually the type i would be friends with but she's my sister's bf's sister... yeah, complicated) who's very slutty.
she would actually be a really nice girl. she's beautiful and has a big hearth. but she got HUGE selfesteem issues which make her drive any guy away that shows even the slightest bit of interest beyond fucking her. she is obsessed with (cringe incoming) the chippendales. she is a hardcore "groupie" and has slept with a few of them. it's really embarassing. she only slept with them becase they are "famous".
what do? i can tell she's very unhappy with her life. do i just let her do her thing or do i have to say something? she's texting with what seems a decent guy atm and she REFUSES to meet him because she thingks she looks better in pics than irl and that he will be dissapointed... she ruins every opportunity, seriously. i just tried to convince her to atleast give him the opportunity to get to know her but she blocks completely.
You can't just go and make other people into what you'd want them to be. While you can try to encourage someone to do something or support them, the basic ideas need to come from them. If you deeply disagree with someone's life choices, you'll have no other recourse but to deal with it or just not confront yourself with that person anymore.
i mean, i like her just the same. i just can see how she's slowly killing all her emotions and it makes me sad cause i know that's not what she wants. she just has no idea what's going on. but i guess it's really none of my business.
Why can't she just have sex with as many guys as she wants? Honestly it's none of your business, and if you want angelic and virgin like woman look somewhere else (church or something). Sluts will be sluts regardless of gender, it's not like you will catch their sexually transmitted deceases. Why do you care what she does? Why does it bother you that she is promiscuous? I am sure she had way more fun in bed than any of us lol
no. don't get me wrong, it's not that she sleeps around that bothers me. if it was to have fun, sure! but she "hates sex". she thinks it's "disgusting" and "embarassing". she only does it to get validation. by guys that fuck another girl every evening. i can see her damaging herself even more every time and i don't like what it does to her. she's increasingly more miserable.
>i can tell she's very unhappy with her life
Just leave her to the life she chose.
Ooooh like that, that's not good. That's very destructive, not a great way to seek validation. I thought she was owning her sexuality, now it seems like the sex isn't even a conscious choice, but just "happens?".
Is she able to set boundaries for herself? Has she ever been in therapy?
It's a very unhealthy approach. She can't set any boundaries. She once missed a concert she had a very expensive ticket to because she couldn't get herselfe to tell people who where at her house that they have to leave now.
I'm all for owning ones sexuallity, but what's happening here is just a big mess.
She never went to therapy. But she had a rather bumpy childhood. It would really be her best bet, but she's not even nearly ready for that step. And she's turning 30 in a few weeks...
Perhaps she was sexually abused when she was a little girl. She does not see sex as something personal as most people do. She does not see anything wrong with the way she is. I think you can not help her, if you confront her she will become very upset. Woman can fuck a lot, their bodies can take it. Just hope she does not get an STD.